Losing the Shades
by portico
Summary: Anastasia and Mr. Grey have been in a contracted relationship for the past year. How does Mr. Grey react when Ana ends their contract to pursue the job of her dreams in another city? It is clearly spelled out in the contract, no further contact will be permitted. How does their last weekend together eventually bring them back together when Mr. Grey suffers the ultimate betrayal?
1. Chapter 1

**All characters belong to E.L. James, I am just playing around in the world she created.**

 **Chapter One**

The cool air whips through my hair as I speed through the mountain pass on my way back to Seattle. I quickly glanced at the clock and sighed a breath of relief. I am making good time. He isn't expecting me until six tonight and it is only 1:20. Plenty of time, Ana, plenty of time, I repeat to myself. That is a very good thing. This will be our last weekend together before my big move on Monday and I clench my thighs in anticipation of what is hopefully to come later. I figure it can go one of two ways since he wasn't happy at all when I informed him that I would not be agreeing to an extension of our contract. He might be in the mood to punish me again. Then again, he might want things to end on a better note and it will just be a weekend of fantastic sex and to be honest, I am not sure which one I would prefer. Fantastic sex is great, of course, but it will be that much harder to leave him and not look back. Not that I have a choice. The contract I signed is iron clad as far as what is to happen once we go our separate ways. Once this arrangement is over, it is over. We will have no more contact, in any form, ever again. It is just so final and that makes me sad. I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to work in publishing, even if the job is in New Orleans.

I reach over and pat the box on the passenger seat beside me. It contains almost all the things he has given me over the past year. While I was in Montesano saying goodbye to my dad, Ray, this weekend, I did some serious soul searching. While this publishing job is a dream come true, the actual moving part has been a nightmare. I am a creature of habit and New Orleans will be such a change that I am not so sure I am ready for anymore. To be truthful, I am terrified. And sad. Sad about leaving my dad. Sad about ending my contract with Mr. Grey. Sad about moving out of the apartment I share with Kate. Just sad about everything. The one thing that has been easy however, was the decision to give Mr. Grey back the "gifts" he has showered me with. While I know he can afford it, financially speaking, I am not so sure he can afford it emotionally speaking. To be as rich as he is, it has to be so hard for him to trust anyone outside of his family with the exception of maybe Taylor and Gail, though even they depend on him to provide for them through their employment. One day I hope he meets the girl of his dreams, one who he doesn't feel the need to hide behind a contract spelling out what exactly he will give her. I am not sure he will ever be able to open himself up like that if someone doesn't do the unexpected and show him that not everyone wants him just for his money. I did keep one of the gifts though. I just couldn't bear to part with the first gift, a necklace. Being that we were newly contracted at the time, only a few weeks, it was small. Just a simple gold chain with a small rose pendant. The longer we were contracted, the more he seemed to spend on each gift but at the same time, the less thought he seemed to put into it. I am really nervous of his reaction to receiving all of this back. He might refuse to take it, or punish me. I suppose he could give it to the next girl, or sell it maybe.

The idea of the next girl really bothers me. Per the contract, I am not allowed to get attached to him. And in many ways I am not. One of the reasons our contract was able to go on as long as it has, has been the fact that I have been able to keep my emotions out of it. However, now that it is ending, I have to admit to myself that I am pretty fond of Mr. Grey and am really off kilter about the idea of being so easily replaced. Not to mention, the finality of it just seems so cold and uncaring. Like the past year has been an illusion and nothing else.

I can see Seattle in the distance and I think back to when Kate and I were just moving to Seattle and how this crazy contract came about in the first place. I laugh as I remember how demanding Kate had been about having a spa day after two months came and went and I still didn't have a job offer in the publishing field. I was pretty down about having to take the one offer I did have. A coffee house down the street from our apartment offered me an entry level position and that was far from a job at a publishing house I was hoping for. "Come on Ana," she begged, "we will get you all spruced up and the offers will fly in like crazy." That is Kate for you. As if me having a facial, wax, and hair cut was going to get me a job offer at a publishing house. Spa days, however, are Kate's answer to everything. That is where I met Elena who happened to own the spa we went to, a high end place called Esclava. She did all my services personally and seemed to take a special interest in me. She convinced me to try a Brazilian wax which was something so far out of my comfort zone at that time in my life. She also wasn't shy about her interest in kink or about the fact that she thought I was perfect for someone in particular. Even though I was still a virgin, her stories about domination and submission that day both excited me and made me very curious in ways I hadn't been before. I found myself wanting to know more. She told me about a particular picky, high end client of hers and suggested that I allow her to set up a meeting since he was looking to train a brand new submissive. At first I was scared and told her no but she convinced me to at least consider her offer. After a week, I agreed to meet him and as they say, the rest is history. We signed a contract that very night which I now know is not the usual practice but we just hit it off so well from the start.

I don't want to be a submissive anymore, but I can say that I don't regret the last year one bit. I have learned more about myself that I ever thought possible. I was lucky in that Mr. Grey has always taken great care of me and I have always felt safe, even when he was punishing me but I know not every Dom is as careful about safety and for that reason, I don't want to risk another dominant. I roll down the window and enter my security code into the Escala garage. After a few moments, the arm lifts and I drive in finding my usual space empty and waiting for me. I toss the car keys into the box and tape it up while at the same time, I try to control the usual butterflies about what awaits me this weekend. The anticipation is my favorite part if I am being completely honest with myself. Pulling my suitcase out of the trunk and lugging the big box I make my way over to the elevator and enter yet another code before I find myself being whisked up to his palace in the sky in the cool white marble elevator. The ding announces my presence and I am surprised to see Mr. Grey standing in front of the wall of windows looking out over the city.

"You are early Ms. Steele." He says without turning around.

Mr. Grey loosens his tie but continues staring out the window at the city. I admire his backside. The way his muscles ripple under his white dress shirt and his black slacks fit to show off his rear. I can tell he is tense. He didn't tell me I could approach him or even come any closer so I don't. He is correct. I am an hour early. He doesn't appreciate being early or late. He wants on time. I know this, but this being the last time, I hoped to make the most of the time we have left. I gulp as I wonder how big of a mistake I made this time. For all I know, he might leave me standing here until precisely 6:00. If that is the case, I should have worn different shoes because these heels are killing me already.

A few more minutes pass when finally he turns around and I can see the expression on his gorgeous face. My heart drops into my aching feet. While he doesn't look angry like I was expecting, he looks awful. His eyes are red rimmed and his cheeks are pink. Oh no, is he sick? Stay here, I remind myself, ignoring the instinct I have to run to him and take care of him. I try to keep my expression neutral but I know I am failing miserably. He motions me to the couch and with relief, I quickly obey and sit down leaving my suitcase and the box next to the elevator. He sits next to me and slides me so that I am sitting with my feet in his lap. He takes his finger and glides it up my insole removing the shoe and causing me to become very wet at the same time.

"I don't think I can do this weekend Anastasia." He states without looking at me while mindlessly continue to massage my feet.

"Sir?" I question. What does he mean, he doesn't think he can do this? What the hell! I feel the anger bubbling up inside of me and my face becoming flush.

"Anastasia, you are the first woman who has ever refused to extend a contract with me. You are the first woman I have not ended the contract with!" His hands fly up into his mess of copper curls, his frustration evident. "I have no experience with this and I don't like it one bit. I don't know that I can perform up to either of our standards and I don't know that I want to find out."

"Sir?" I start again. Other than the steady rhythm of his hands gliding over my feet there is no reaction from him and it pisses me off. "Christian, this is bull shit." His head snaps up like I smacked him and he glares at me. Uh oh. I might have pushed him a bit too far but shit, if I am in this deep, I might as well go all in. "You know it is. You know my dream is to be an editor and you know I tried to find a position here in Seattle but it just didn't happen. New Orleans happened though and while it is not where I want to be, I would be selling myself short if I don't go and at least try." I am starting to feel a little better because the yelling is relieving some of the stress I have been feeling. "Besides, let's be honest, it is YOUR contract, YOUR terms, if you don't like something, YOU have the power to change it." He is still staring at me like I've grown another head or something.

In a flash, his lips are on mine and our teeth are clashing as his tongue begs for entrance and I give it to him. It registers with me that we are still on the couch in his living room and not in the red room. In all our time together, all of our physical encounters have happened only in the red room. His hand reaches between my thighs and he starts rubbing me where I need it most and I start to build towards a climax. "Say it again." He demands. I try to wrack my brain and figure out what he wants me to repeat.

"You have the power." I tell him. He bites my shoulder and shakes his head no. What did I say? I can't think of anything that would cause him to have such a primal reaction. It wouldn't be about my move I wouldn't think. "Christian?" I said tentatively. It was all I could think of. I have never called him by his first name, at least not in his presence

"Yes!" He grunts. "Say it again." I register my panties being pulled off and being replaced with his tongue.

It feels so good and I scream "Christian." as the first bit wave of my orgasm overtakes me. This is so raw, so sexy, and so unexpected. He continues to rub me through my orgasm and slowly brings me down. When he looks up at me, his chin covered with the remnant of my pleasure, it only turns me on again. He slides me down onto his thick shaft and I carefully place my hands on the couch so that he can see that I won't touch him and hopefully he will be able to relax and succumb to his own pleasure.

As Christian chases his own orgasm, I keep the pace but am transfixed on watching him. I never had the opportunity before being that he usually blindfolded me if I was going to be facing him. I watched and noticed how his lips formed a tight "o" the closer he got to his release. How his breathing turns erratic, how he closes his eyes. What I am seeing and the sexy sounds he is making is bringing me close to the edge but I am determined to stave off my own release. Harder and faster he is pushing his way into me and I am matching him stroke for stroke until he yells and groans out his orgasm finally burying his head into my neck. I reach up and wrap my arm around his head and massage his scalp and tug on his hair the way I know he likes.

I don't know how long we sit tangled together but my body is still when he finally looks at up at me. His eyes, the windows to his soul, look confused and scared before being quickly replaced with his typical, steely expression. I hold my breath and wait because this is uncharted waters. We have never had sex outside of the playroom before and while it was exciting in the moment, I am no longer sure it was the right thing to do. Sex in the playroom is scripted. We both know our parts well and that provides a whole lot more comfort than what I am feeling now. I take a deep breath and will my body into submission. If it works in the playroom, then it should work here in the living room.

After a beat, I feel him shift. "Ana...," he starts nervously. "Please start dinner. I have some work to do in my study. I will be there if you need me." I stretch out and begin to stand, grateful to have instructions. His instructions renew my purpose and I gleefully start going down my mental rolodex of recipes trying to decide what I am going to cook. Gail always leaves the kitchen fully stocked so the sky is the limit. I turn towards the kitchen when I feel a force turning me back around. Before I know what is happening, I feel the soft lips of one Mr. Grey on my forehead and a playful smack on my bottom and then hear his footsteps on the wood floor heading to his office. A playful Mr. Grey just made a rare appearance. With a smile on my face and shaking my head I start listing out the ingredients I need for tonight's meal.

 **A/N: I have had this story swirling around for a few years now and I am determined to see this through to fruition. Please review if you want to let me know what you think but please understand that it is largely planned out already. I hope will join me on this ride.**


	2. Chapter 2

**The characters belong to E.L. James. I am just playing in the world she created. Thank you to everyone who favorited, followed, or reviewed the first chapter. I truly appreciate it.**

Chapter 2

As far as the penthouse goes, I will definitely put the kitchen as my favorite room outside of the playroom. I am really going to miss cooking in this beauty. It is the room that probably has the most personality of all the public rooms in the penthouse. It is sleek and modern but at the same time, the dark woods among all the stainless steel along with a few well-placed functional art pieces by Gail makes it so relaxing to work in. I turned on the local smooth jazz station as I begin to coat the chicken breast with garlic and parmesan. I already mixed some brownies and got them baking. The asparagus and seasoned mashed potatoes won't take nearly as long to make. I decide to leave the wine pairing to Mr. Grey. He is so much better at it than I am. I turn to the iPod docking station and turn up the music and lose myself in making dinner. Before I know it, dinner is ready and the table is set. I begin to wonder if I should go tell Mr. Grey that dinner is ready, surely he can smell it. The entire downstairs of the penthouse is engulfed in the delicious smells that is tonights dinner.

"I will try that, Flynn. Can we set a time for tomorrow now?" I hear him before I see him. When he finally comes into view I take the second to admire his handsome features and the casual way his pants show off his muscular backside. Walking into the kitchen with his phone against his ear, Mr. Grey heads straight to the wine cabinet and comes to the table with a Pouilly Fume. He makes light work of uncorking it and pouring us both a glass while giving his caller his attention and the occasional affirmative. He glances at me and signals for me to sit down so I do. Sitting is welcome relief for my feet which I didn't realize had started to hurt until I was no longer standing. Deciding to slip off my shoes, I stare at my reflection in the high gloss tabletop determined to wait patiently until he finishes his call and joins me.

This table is like a mirror, and I don't particularly like looking at myself. Especially at this unflattering angle. Do I really have that many wrinkles? Surely not, I am only 22! My insecurities come rushing in. I've been told I have pretty eyes, but to me, they look too large for my face. I feel myself deflate as I continue critiquing my appearance. All and all, I am pretty darn plain and am probably the least attractive girl of all the submissives Mr. Grey has contracted. I hunch over, drawing my shoulders in and trying to hide as my internal battle continues. Mr. Grey is still speaking on the phone but I no longer hear what he is saying as I lose the battle and fall deep into the black hole of self-deprecation.

I startle when I feel his hands around my shoulders. "Sit up straight, Anastasia." he orders. I comply. "You are beautiful you know." How did he know what I was feeling? "I could see you deflate in front of my very eyes." He matter-of-factly answers my unspoken question.

He can tell me I am beautiful until the cows come home, it doesn't do anything to make me believe it. Still, I know better than to blow off a compliment. "Thank you Sir." I answer. He awards me with a small grin and directs me to begin eating.

"I don't know what you are expecting out of this weekend Anastasia. I do know that I want to try something a little different for our last weekend together." He begins cautiously. Alarm bells start sounding in my head. Why? I can't help but wonder what was wrong with every other weekend we spent together. "It is more as an experiment, for me." he tries to futher clarify. "Tomorrow, I need you to pack a day bag. Please pack sunscreen, a hat, something to keep you entertained, and a bathing suit." I nod my understanding but I don't dare question where we are going even though my curiosity is piqued.

We continue to eat in a relatively comfortable silence until I decide to break it. "Sir?" Mr. Grey looks at me and nods for me to continue. "Will we be going into the playroom tonight?" I question knowing I am topping from the bottom but also knowing I need to mentally prepare myself if he wants to dominate me sexually tonight. I am still trying to wrap my head around the couch sex from earlier.

He clears his throat and looks annoyed at first but then I see him thinking as he ponders his answer. I bet he is having a hard time wrapping his head around what happened also.

"No. I don't think so." He announces finally. "Would you be okay if we don't go back into the playroom at all?" He questions back. "Speak freely Ana."

Hearing him call me Ana is code that he doesn't want me to be submissive. He is looking for me to be myself and say whatever is on my mind. Thank fuck for that! "I am not prepared to finish this weekend without sex. I am fine, relieved actually, to not go in the playroom tonight. I am not sure I could perform to standards right now. But I was really hoping to have a good last session before we part on Sunday."

"Are you looking forward to being tied up and flogged? Nipples clamped? Chained to the ceiling for hours? Paddled?" He rattles off questions at me. "Or are you looking for the release? Don't you just want the pleasure Ana?"

Confusion must register on my face. What does he mean? What is he trying to say?

"Ana. Close your eyes" I close them and listen closely. I hear him get up and the clink of dishes as he clears the table. "Keep them closed." He demands. Next I hear the sound of a chair being moved across the floor closer to me. I feel his presence. I catch a wisp of his masculine scent as he moves to sit down behind me. Then I feel his breath on my ear as he begins to talk softly to me.

"Ana," He begins, again reminding me that I am not his submissive. "I want you to fantasize right now. We are no longer together because you have been in New Orleans for a few months now." I am surprised by how much that sentence just hurt my heart. "You are ready to open yourself up to a new relationship with someone. Tell me about it." He kisses my neck and rubs my shoulders relaxing me and I moan my approval.

"He will be someone who appreciates me and what I have to offer." I gush. "We can talk for hours and hours and still find each other interesting. He will have to work on getting me into bed but when we get there it will be passionate and loving. We will be equals in bed and in life. We may or may not get married, but if we do, we will plan to start a family and follow our dreams together." I finish quickly.

"So you don't plan on staying in the lifestyle?" He questions. I can't hear the hurt in his voice. I want to turn around. I want to see how he is reacting. But being the good girl I can be when I am here, my eyes are still closed as he asked, even though he wants me to speak freely.

I shrug my shoulders. "I want to be loved one day." I lay it out simply. "May I turn around and open my eyes?" I request.

"As you wish."

I am almost shocked by his appearance. My strong, handsome, confident dominant has been replaced by a scared, unsure, lost but still good looking man. There is clearly an internal battle he waging inside triggered by the end of our contract. I feel my heart breaking in empathy for him. I steel my mind against falling in love with him in that moment because it would be so easy to do. While I do care for him in the same way I care for any of my other friends, I am not head over heels, romantically in love with him and it really needs to stay that way

"What is going on Grey?" My turn to ask questions.

He reaches up and tugs on his unruly cooper locks. "I don't exactly know. I know that I want to try something different with you because you are safe. And even if you aren't safe, you will be gone after Sunday and I won't have to deal with you again. But what if I like it and I want to deal with you again?" He continues to ramble and I am trying to keep up at the same time keep my outrage at bay. Won't have to deal with me again? What the hell! "And things were going so well, and then you have to ruin it right when I started to like you and I am trying to get the bitch out of my life because Flynn is right and she has been manipulating me just as much now as she was then." He gets up suddenly and begins pacing the room while ranting and making little sense.

Who is the bitch? Has he been cheating on her with me? Who is Flynn? Just starting to like me? Just like his mother? The questions are mounting and I find myself not sure if I should be upset, scared, angry, or all three.

Finally after a few more minutes, he calms down and sits back down beside me looking exhausted and sheepish, embarrassed by his own lack of control. And if I am honest, after seeing him lose control, my trust in him has been shaken. I won't go into the playroom tonight.

"Sorry Ana." He begins.

I quickly cut him off. "No apology necessary."

"Tell me, did I ruin this lifestyle for you? Did I drive you away?" He asked. The look in his eyes is so sad.

"No. You didn't. You were a perfect dominant."

"I am your only dominant." He reminds me with a smirk. I feel relieved. The Christian Grey I know is slowly returning.

"True story." I readily admit. "The truth is simply this. You were exactly what I needed. I needed someone to dominate me. You made me feel safe while I was transitioning from a college student to a full-fledged adult with adult responsibilities in a new city. I feel confident that I can make this transition to yet another new city because of you. But I always envisioned myself settled down with a family someday and I just can't see that happening as a submissive. I won't rule out kinky sex in the bedroom, or even some form of dominance in the bedroom but there won't be any rules of how I am to conduct myself or fear of punishment. I understood when I signed our contract that there would be rules and punishments. I signed up for that knowing what I was getting into and I don't regret it. I just don't want to live that way forever." I try to reassure him. "Who is Flynn?"

"My shrink." he answers. I wait for him to go on. "I have gone to him for years. He suggested that I try something new this weekend and I am not sure whether I should follow his advice or not."

"Do you want to let me in on what it is? I mean, if it involves me, shouldn't I get a say?" I shrug and pick at my grey skirt.

"He wants me to try to have sex without the confines of the playroom. You know. Try vanilla?" I look at him like he has grown another head. He has got to know that is dangerous.

"My two cents? I am not opposed to trying vanilla but I think it is dangerous territory." I begin.

"I know" he laments. "I am afraid I will lash out if you touch me."

"No! Not that. I know how you feel about touch. If you don't trust me by now?!" I am exasperated. "What I mean is that our contract clearly says that we will have no contact with each other after I leave here. I am already going to miss your companionship and your sexpertise. What if vanilla adds extra feelings making it all that much harder?" I ask.

"Well, if you haven't noticed Anastasia, we kind of already went down that road earlier today. On the couch." He reminds me. Both of the sex and of my place. I bow my head in response. Clearly we are both feeling off kilter. Perhaps it is time to just go to bed and try this again tomorrow.

"Come." He orders and reaches his hand out to me. I grasp his and he stands me up and leads me upstairs to my room where he enters my bathroom and within a minute I hear the water running. "I want to bathe you tonight." He announces. I begin to undress in front of him. He smiles his approval and stares unabashed at my naked body. He takes off his clothes in response and for the first time allows me to fully appreciate the male specimen that is the sexy Mr. Grey. It isn't the first time I have seen him naked. Just usually it is a glimpse here or there before a blindfold or a stolen glance while he is busy doing something else. Never has he let me just gawk and he is beautiful. I wouldn't mind a picture for my wall.

He leads me into the bathroom and climbs into the tub along with me, choosing to sit behind me. "Easier to wash you this way" he teases as he runs the washcloth gently over my most sensitive areas. It isn't the first time he has bathed me but all the other times he has sat on the edge of the tub and it felt mechanical. He had a job to do and he did it. This time, however, the sole purpose of this bath is to pleasure me. Each caress of my breast, pinch of my nipples, rub of my pleasure point between my legs building me closer and closer to orgasm. My moans getting louder and louder, egging him on. Giving away just how close I am. And for a change, he is not reminding me to be silent. His hands continuing to pleasure me until I explode bucking into his hand while calling out his name over and over. As I come back down, he grabs my hands as he turns me to face him and peppers my face with light kisses. I can feel his hardness below me and I rock my hips over him. He bucks his hips to me mine and moans. "Not here." He groans. "Let's dry off first." Having had my needs met, I am agreeable but his hooded eyes tell me that he isn't done with me just yet.

I scoot back and let him stand first. My legs feel like they are made of jello after that orgasm so I need a minute. Understanding, he gets up and offers me support and a towel. After we dry off we enter my bedroom and he sits on my bed waiting on me to finish with my evening routine. I wash my face and brush my teeth before going to resume where we left off. When he sees me, he stands and stalks his way over to me. Looking at me as if it was the first time he is really seeing me. I suppose it is the first time he has seen me without any makeup on. "God, you are gorgeous." he tells me before crashing his lips to mine and taking possession of my mouth. I am waiting on him to tell me what to do next but he doesn't. He keeps kissing me and walking be backwards until I am backed up against the bed. Without a word he gently lays me down as he works my body with his hands and tongue. I freely arch my back and moan loudly as he begins lapping up my juices. I look him in the eyes as he pleasures me and groan loudly when he stops. "What is the matter Anastasia?" He teasingly asks me as he moves up my body, replacing his tongue with his cock. Rubbing me relentlessly, but not filling me like I so desperately need. "You need to come again?" He asks, I mewl in response. Aching for another release. It doesn't take him long before he has me coming again and falling into a blissful, sex hazed state.

I stretch and turn away from the sunlight streaming through the window directly into my face. I smile and take a few minutes to fully appreciate the luxurious feel of the bedding wrapped around my still naked body. I don't know the next time I will wake up in surrounded by such comfort. Then the memories of the previous night come racing to the forefront. The bath, sex on this very bed. Vanilla! What the hell. Yes it was good to experience sex not tied up, gagged, or blindfolded. Yes, it was fantastic sex. So good it knocked me out. I don't remember anything after that orgasm. I have no idea when Mr. Grey finally left the room for the night. Thank goodness he isn't still here. That would be an uncomfortable conversation. I have always enjoyed having my own space after one of our sessions. This time is no different

Realizing that it isn't getting any earlier, I decide to get up and start my day. I smile when I spot a complete outfit laid out waiting for me. "Yes!" I whisper yell with a fist pump. It is funny how a gesture so small can right the world again, just like that. Proof that my Dom is still here. The lilac romper he picked gives nothing away as far as where we are going but his taste are impeccable as always.

I spot the box full of all the gifts he has given me placed in the closet, out of the way. I haven't decided when I am going to present it to him. Taylor must have brought it upstairs for me along with my bag because I know I didn't. I cringe hoping he didn't grab it while we were exposed on the couch yesterday. How embarrassing would that be? I shake the thought away. Surely he has discretion.

After I am dressed and showered, I pack a bag as I was instructed. To keep myself entertained, I think I will write him a letter. I express myself so much better when I write and I don't want him to think I didn't appreciate everything he has done for me, or given to me for that matter. I am not sure how he is going to handle everything he has given me being given back and the closer it gets to that time, the more apprehensive I am feeling about it. If he can't hear my reasoning at the time, perhaps once he calms down he will read the letter and understand the sentiment behind it.

Deciding on a bathing suit was a trickier situation. One piece or two piece? They are all beautiful but it is just one day. I can't wear them all. I feel like stomping my foot in frustration. It would be much easier if I knew where we were going. Will there be other people around? If there are, will he want to show off my body or have it covered? He has mentioned that he doesn't share, but that was in the context of monogamy, not swimming. I grab a couple different styles and put them in my bag along with a cover-up and a wrap. Be prepared, I smirk, just like a perfect boy scout.

The smells are heavenly coming from the kitchen so I follow my nose and find Gail working hard in the kitchen. I have only met her a few times because she is usually off on the weekends visiting her sister. She seems to have a bunch of different meals going on at once and is so involved in filling her picnic basket she doesn't see me.

Not wanting to scare her, I call to her. "Good Morning Gail!" Didn't matter. She still jumps a mile high and holds her heart.

"Ms. Steele, good morning to you. You are up early this morning. What can I get you?" She rambles as she gets ahold of herself.

I wave her off. "Nothing I can't get myself. Today is supposed to be your day off, isn't it?" I question back. Maybe I can get her to tell me where Mr. Grey is taking me. Mr. Grey doesn't really like that I call her Gail, but it just feels wrong to call her Ms. Jones. I mean we both serve him, albeit in completely different ways, so to me, it feels like we are on the same level.

"Normally I am off on Saturdays but this weekend my sister and brother in law are having a long weekend at some haunted bed and breakfast to celebrate their anniversary. I didn't think they would appreciate me crashing their party." she quips back with a laugh. I have never seen Gail with a sense of humor before. "So, I asked Mr. Grey if he wouldn't mind if I use today to catch up with some of my freeze ahead meals." She explains.

The apples are looking particularly delicious this morning so I take my time selecting one from the fruit basket as Gail pushes a cup of hot water towards me, tea bag on the side. It is amazing her memory for everyones preferences. "Do you need any help?" I offer. I have no idea where Mr. Grey is or what time we are leaving.

"No dear. I've got it from here. It is my understanding that you will be leaving any minute now." and as if on cue, Mr. Grey appears. He stops when he sees me and takes a moment to admire what I assume is the outfit he picked out. Stalking towards me he gives me a small kiss on the top of my head.

"Good morning Anastasia, Ms. Jones" he smiles. "Are we ready?" He asks, his question directed towards Gail.

Gail finishes packing the basket and presents it to Mr. Grey. "I hope you have a nice day Mr. Grey, Ms. Steele." she smiles at us and turns back to tend the pots simmering on the stove.

"You too!" I gush.

Mr. Grey thanks Gail formally and then guides me to the elevator. He is smiling and obviously very excited. It is contagious on one hand, annoying on the other. I hate being left in the dark and his excitement is a reminder that I don't have a clue where we are headed.

 **A/N I will try to have one more chapter up before I leave town on Saturday, even if it is short. I will be away from internet for a week but I will bring my laptop so that I can continue writing. As soon as I return, I will post regularly until the story is complete.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Sorry I was MIA for so long. I was travelling and was without internet connection. From here on out, I will be posting regular updates.**

Chapter 3

"Can you tell me where we are going?" I ask even though I know perfectly well that it is pointless.

He laughs and shakes his head. "Nope." he tells me popping the p. I am shocked at his juvenile behavior. I mean really We step into the elevator and he pushes the button to the parking garage in the basement. He stares at me the whole way down. It is as if there is something he wants to say, but he isn't willing to share it just yet. As the elevator opens we are met by Taylor who has the door to Mr. Grey's Audi SUV open. As I climb across the back I spot Taylor placing the picnic basket Gail packed in the back. I must admit. I was hoping for more clues to where we are headed. I am assuming a picnic lunch somewhere. Maybe a park. I know Mr. Grey loves to hike. We aren't exactly dressed for hiking though.

Taylor expertly drives the SUV out of the garage and onto the streets in Seattle navigating his way around the city towards the Sound. I watch as building and scenery zooms by. I am hit once again by insecurities. How am I supposed to behave? I know from conversations that Mr. Grey prefers to have his lifestyle remain a secret. If I act like the good little submissive girl in public, well, that would just look strange to folks not accustomed to it. But I am a contracted submissive. I haven't received instructions otherwise. I don't want to embarrass him and if I play this wrong, that is exactly what is going to happen. My anxiety starts to increase. I don't want to let him down. As my breathing picks up I feel him reach for my hand, trying to reassure me. I close my eyes and let the feeling of comfort he is trying to give me slowly ease my anxiousness. Surely he won't lead me into a situation to fail. His thumb rubs my palm slowly and I slow my breathing to match the sensation.

It isn't long before Taylor opens the door of the SUV in front of a long dock at a Marina. Mr. Grey is looking like a little boy at Christmas. He helps me out and then practically pulls me down the dock until we are standing in front of a beautiful yacht named The Grace.

"We are going sailing?" I am so excited. And relieved. The near panic attack in the car was completely unessessary. We aren't going in public. I shake my head at how silly I can be. "Permission to climb aboard, please Sir?" I ask. Trying to be as formal as I can be despite my obvious delight. Taylor brushes past with the basket containing our that was packed this morning.

"Of course, Lady Anastasia," he banters back with me, offering his support as I climb aboard the most magnificient sailing machine I could have ever imagined. I am stunned as I admire the sleek lines and pure beauty of the vessel. I love the idea of sailing and I have seen pictures of this very yacht back at the penthouse but I never dreamed I would actually get to see her in person. I run my hands along the wood grain on the railing taking in as many of the small details as I can. As usual, Mr. Grey has excellent taste.

"I am going to help Mac get her going and once we are out on the open water I will come back and give you a tour. In the meantime, you can either sit out here on the deck or go down below and make yourself comfortable." He instructs me and goes off in search of Mac. I look around and decide to sit on deck. The cushioned chairs are inviting and I want to enjoy the water. Something about the water calms me like nothing else can.

About an hour passes before Mr. Grey returns looking hot and sweaty. I had gotten lost in the book I had brought and the comfy oversized chair. The sound of the yacht cutting through the water was giving me absolute peace. I had forgotten the dark cloud of change that had been hovering over my head.

Mr. Grey reaches for my hand and helps me stand up. "Ready for that tour?" he asks.

Truthfully, I want to stay right where I was. In my own little bubble of comfort for a little while longer, but I know better than to say that. I take a deep breath and smile at him. "Ready as I will ever be."

He shows me all around the vessel. I can tell it really is his pride and joy. The last room he leads me to is a bedroom. It is decorated in dark woods, whites, and navy blues. It is very masculine, like him. "Let's play." he announces. I feel him before I can see him. His lips are teasing my neck, causing me to get goosebumps all over my body. He ghosts his hands along my sides, causing me to become even more needy. Kneeling in front of my body, he rubs his nose between my legs, inhaling my scent. I feel a wetness seep onto my panties. Looking up at me with mischief in his eyes, he lightly bites me on my clit before standing up again. He walks over to his daypack and pulls out two restraints. Masterfully he works the fabric and before long, I am naked and tied up on the bed. He gives me a bit of a floor show, stripping down to his boxers before he blindfolds me. "Be a good girl." He whispers in my ear and then I hear his feet padding across the room before a door opens and closes.

Listening closely, I hear the sound of a shower and smile to myself knowing it won't be long before he returns. I relax and enjoy the feelings that wash over me everytime I am tied up like this. I appreciate that when he leaves me tied up like this, I could wiggle myself free if I truly need to but I have never wanted to. None the less, it gives me peace of mind and that lets me fully get into the scene.

Minutes later, my senses are awakened by the delicious smell of my freshly cleaned Dom. I feel him hovering over me before I feel the sweet bite of a crop against my nipples. Excitement courses through my veins as he walks the fine line between pleasure and pain across all my most sensitive areas. I sink my teeth into my bottom lip in an effort to keep myself from screaming out. I feel myself become more and more needy for a release and wait for permission knowing he can read my body and knows how close I am. I can't help but let my mind start to wander to other things in an effort to keep control. Before I know it, I feel him enter me and begin to race to his own release. I move my hips to meet him at each thrust. "Let me hear you." He orders at last. A few more strokes and my orgasm overpowers me and I yell out my climax and sink into him as exhaustion sets in. Deftly, his strong fing+ers release the restraints and he removes the blindfold. I look up and see him smiling down at me.

"Let's put on our bathing suits and eat lunch on deck." Mr. Grey suggests after we had spent a while relaxing and enjoying each others company.

"Good idea." I readily agree. I get up to retrieve my bag and pull out my bathing suits, laying them out on the bed so that Mr. Grey can decide which one is appropriate for today. I don't have a preference so no matter what, I will be happy with what he chooses.

Mr. Grey sees what I am doing and comes back over to the bed to make his decision. "Smart girl." he praises. "I didn't tell you where we were going so you must have packed every bathing suit you have." He lifts his finger to his lip as he looks over the options I presented him with. Before long, he picks up the floral one piece and hands it to me and I put the others back into my bag. "You are going to look so sweet in this one." He comments. "I would have rather you wear that tiny yellow two piece number, but Mac is onboard and I don't want him ogling you."

"Yes sir." I agree. I don't know Mac but I don't want him ogling me either. I make quick work of slipping on the bathing suit he picked out for me and applying sun block to the areas I can reach before handing him the bottle. The last thing I need is a sunburn consider how much I have to do in the week ahead.

Grabbing the basket as we pass through the gally, we hurry upstairs to the deck. I know I am hungry and I am sure he is too. He opens it and pulls out the french bread, chicken salad, tomato and cucumber salad, and chocolate covered strawberries. Everything looked delicious as usual. As we ate, we talked about whatever came to mind. When we weren't talking, I took in my beautiful surroundings. After lunch, we both settled into lounge chairs at the front of the yacht.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, we are pulling back into the slip at the marina. I immediately start to panic. I am still in my bathing suit. I rush downstairs to slip back into my clothes. Why wouldn't he wake me up? Not that there are a lot of people around the marina, and not like I care that they see me in a bathing suit. It isn't me that I am worried about. It is the reaction of my Dom that I am worried about should he see someone taking too long a look at me.

Reappearing on the deck, I see Mr. Grey shaking hands with an older blond gentleman and then watch him saunter down the dock. The elusive Mac, I laugh to myself. He never did introduce us. I entertain myself imagining Mac trying to hide from sight the entire day.

It isn't long before Mr. Grey is ready to go home and he comes to retrieve me from my usual spot. He holds his hand at the small of my back as he guides me down the dock toward Taylor and the waiting SUV.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

We were back at Escala in a flash. I can't help but marvel at how Mr. Grey's security team works like a well oiled machine. They put the team in teamwork. Taylor pulls the SUV up to the elevator bank and lets us out where a man named Ryan is waiting to take the SUV to the parking bay and another man named Sawyer waits on the elevator. Mr. Grey doesn't have to wait for, or on anyone. I giggle thinking about what would ever happen if he actually had to live like a regular middle class citizen for once. He rewards my giggle with a bright smile but somehow I doubt he would smile at me if he really knew what I was thinking.

Stepping into the penthouse I immediately notice how quiet it is. Mrs. Jones must be finished with her cook-a-thon.

I feel him come up behind me and I shiver a little as he pulls me back into him. "I hate that I have to get some work done today, but I do. Would you rather me work before or after dinner?" He questions me.

I wrinkle my brow in confusion. He is seriously asking me my opinion on when he should work. This is new. "I think you should work now, while I am fixing dinner. Then we can have the rest of the evening to do whatever pleases you, sir." I answer carefully.

He kisses me on the back of my head. "You are brilliant, you know that?"

I am grateful he can't see me because I almost lost my eyeballs in the back of my head. Brilliant seems a bit over the top for something that just makes logical sense. But I catch myself quickly and give him the response I know he is looking for. "Thank you, sir."

"I will be in my office if you need me."

I nod at him and head into the kitchen. I barely had a chance to pull out all the ingredients I needed for dinner when I hear him bellow "Anastasia!" I shiver, that doesn't sound good at all. I am used to hearing him bellow all the time while he is in his office but it has never been directed towards me. I can't imagine what has happened in the last few minutes that warrants my name being yelled like that. I really don't want to find out either but I know I have to. My head naturally tilts down and I try to control my butterflies as I head to his office.

The door is cracked open when I get there and I freeze. Should I knock or just walk on in? I decide to walk on in, he called me after all. I see him pacing behind his desk, pulling on his hair. Taylor is sitting down looking grim. I have no idea what is going on and I want answers but I know I am going to have to wait until he is ready. Taylor points to the seat next to him and I slide into it.

"Anastasia, I am so sorry." He begins. What? Why is he apologizing? I didn't know what I was walking myself into but an apology is the last thing I expected to hear. "Taylor, please show Ana what you just showed me."

I turn my head towards Taylor and he produces an iPad and a picture of me. "Ms. Steele, The Seattle Nooze just broke a story about Mr. Grey and his mystery woman. It seems that someone took pictures at the marina earlier today and sold them and a story. They don't know you name, yet. It will just be a matter of time." Taylor warns me.

I am stunned. All the sudden a million questions rush into my mind but yet I can't think of a single thing to say. There are two strong, confident men staring at me, obviously afraid of my reaction to this news but yet I can't bring myself to pick my jaw off the floor. I don't know what reaction they were expecting and I honestly don't know what reaction is warranted when you are put in a situation like this.

"Ana, I know this is my fault. If we hadn't gone out on the water today, this wouldn't have happened. What we need to do now is decide how we are going to handle it." Mr. Grey begins to take charge.

I find my voice. "We or you? Why does it need to be handled at all?" I mean really, it is just a picture and a generic story about a rich man who took out a boat with a girl that no one knows. So what?

Taylor clears his throat and makes eye contact with Mr. Grey. It becomes clear to me that they are having a disagreement over what to do about the "situation" because they are having a silent conversation. Finally, Taylor turns to leave. "Ms. Steele, Mr. Grey. I will be in the security office if you need me." I feel a little sorry for Taylor, he looks a little glum so he must not have won the silent battle. I give him a small smile and a nod before turning back to the problem at hand.

"We need to be on the same page. I am going to have my PR release a statement telling them your name as well as your status as a long time friend of mine and we were simply spending the day together before you move out of town. The pictures aren't too bad. It just looks like we are talking and sunbathing. Are you okay with this plan of action?" Mr. Grey questions me and suddenly I am overcome with annoyance. I feel violated that someone would photograph me and then have the nerve to sell them. Not only that, but I feel vulnerable given my inexperience with the media attention.

"I don't know. What other options are there?" I challenge and notice the brief stunned expression on Mr. Grey's face before he composes himself as if he is negotiating a major business deal. I caught him off guard. He was obviously expecting me to accept whatever solution he comes up with and not question him.

"Ana," he begins but is interrupted by the telephone ringing. When he looks down to see who is calling he looks defeated as he answers it.

"Mother." He leans back in his chair and pinches the bridge of his nose. I can hear chattering coming from the earpiece but I can't make out what she is saying. I study Mr. Grey as the call continues. He clearly loves his mother. He hasn't told her off, hung up on her, or even cut her off. I can tell he is trying to let her down softly as he tries to temper her expectations and he informs her I am moving in less than 48 hours. I feel like a voyeur. He rarely speaks of his family and I feel like this is just an invasion of his personal space. I laugh to myself at the absurdity of the realization that we spend time together naked doing naughty things to each other all the time but simply being in the same room as him while he speaks to his mother feels like an invasion of personal space. How backwards is that? As he ends the call, I give him my full attention again.

He groans at me. "She wants to meet you. I've convinced her that you are simply a friend right now and it isn't appropriate. I certainly don't meet every friend or hanger on of hers. That coupled with the fact you are leaving for another job convinced her to turn her car around and head home after her shift. She saw the article. Evidently my mother set a google alert for all her children so she doesn't miss anything." He smirks.

"Close call." I agree with him. "Back to the problem at hand. What options do we have? Can't I just stay Christian Grey's mystery woman?"

"I guess you could," he acquiesces. "However, the media is relentless. They smell blood in the water and remaining a mystery will keep this story alive much longer than if we just give them your identity and minimize our relationship."

"But surely they will give up eventually. If I am tied to you won't that cause safety issues for me?" Mentally I picture myself digging my feet in the sand. The last thing I want is my own Taylor all because some asshole took my picture with The Christian Grey, Prince of Seattle.

"So, lets assume they don't figure out who you are and nobpdy else that remotely knows you and that can identify you from those picture sell you out. Because trust me. It will be tempting for them. A neighbor, some old high school classmate, a former coworker won't be looking out for you when the Nooz comes flashing cash at the first one who gives them a name." He begins and my stomach sinks as the realization that I am going to be outed one way or another. "Six months from now when there are no more pictures and it is a slow news week all the sudden it will reemerge." He stands up and comes to sit in the chair next to me. "The headline will read something like "Where is Christian Grey's mystery woman?" or "Law Enforcement is on the case for Grey's Missing Woman, What did he do with her body."

I roll my eyes at the insanity of it all. When I look at Mr. Grey he has an eyebrow cocked at me. "Ms. Steele, despite the current issue at hand, eye rolling is a rude habit and I will not overlook it." he threatens.

I nod my acceptance but refuse to return to submission. The problem at hand involves me and I want to be an equal in the discussion over how to handle it. If I go all yes sir, that will do more damage than good in the long run. "So we give them my name. Then what? Will they hound me relentlessly and if they do, how long will I have to deal with it?" I ask.

"Good question. You are the first woman not related to me or a particular event that I supporting that has ever been photographed with me publicly." He informs me. I do my best to keep my eyes from bugging out. How can that be? "My PR department advised giving them your name and the generic title of friend. I pay them a lot of money and recruit the best. I trust them Ana and I would like you to trust them too." He comes clean.

I have to admit he has a point. I twirl my ponytail as I consider what other options I have and come to the conclusion that Mr. Grey is right. I have to allow my identity to be released. It won't be all smooth sailing because there will be all kinds of questions from my family and friends about how I know Mr. Grey in the first place.

"Earth to Ana." I hear bringing me back to the hear and now.

"Fine." I tell him. "We will do it your way." I confirm. "Will I be safe?" I start to question and then I remember something that stops me in my tracks. The NDA. Panicked I look at him wide eyed.

Cautiously he reaches for me. I can tell he knows I am distressed because it throws him off kilter. He stands me up and pulls me onto his lap. "Look at me." He encourages me and I do. "I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. Always. No matter what." He says with conviction imploring me to believe him.

I do believe him. "Okay." I give him a small smile and a nod trying to reassure him as well as myself. "But what about the NDA?"

Without a thought he answers. "It still stands."

He obviously isn't thinking ahead like I am. "So, I have been photographed on a yacht with you. Not just any yacht, YOUR yacht. With ONLY you. When my friends and family see those picture and you know they will, the official statement isn't going to satisfy them and they are going to be full of questions." I argue. "I am telling you now that I have to tell them something."

"You can't!" Now Mr. Grey is panicking. "You signed an NDA. That is legally binding." He reminds me.

"So you say! But yet your mother can call and you can satisfy her curiosity down to the fact that I am moving to New Orleans and confirm that I am your friend but when my mother calls all I can do is read whatever official press statement GEH releases? That is bullshit! Go ahead and call your lawyers and prepare your fucking lawsuit Mr. Grey because my mother is getting a better story than that."

My blood is boiling, I am so angry. I can't spend another minute in this room with this man. I understand the purpose of the NDA. It isn't like I am going to tell anyone that we mostly hang out in a BDSM dungeon where I let him restrain me, spank me and gag me. I don't want anyone to know that about me either. But if he can't trust me to talk about him in a way that won't compromise him or his safety in any way, I really can't see the point in staying in this penthouse another minute.

I open the door to his office. "Ms. Steele!" he warns in a menacing tone.

"I am going to my room to pack. I don't want to finish this conversation with you right now and I don't want to stay here. We are both angry and I don't feel safe." I tell him and I see his face morph into regret but I don't care. Fuck him.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Stomping up the stairs to my room I know that I am acting like a petulant child but right now I just don't care. I drag my suitcase out of the closet and lay it on the bed and start going through the dresser drawers in search of my personal belongings. I shouldn't have much because most of it was purchased by Mr. Grey and despite my anger, I do not intend on taking anything that wasn't bought and paid for by me.

I can't help but to keep replaying the conversation in my mind and that just restarts the cycle of anger once again. The nerve of him, I can't believe it. I resist the urge to stomp my foot and scream in frustration but it is taking every ounce of self restraint I have.

Twenty minutes later I am sure I have packed everything that belongs to me and I take a minute to look around and commit the room to memory. The floor to ceiling window wall with the most amazing view of Elliot Bay at the foot of the bed. Under my feet is the softest gray carpet and I rub my bare toes through it as I close my eyes and try to commit it to memory. There is a black and white picture of a storm coming ashore over the bed that compliments the black, white, and silver duvet cover. The air in the room has the light scent of lavender and I take a deep breath as memories overtake me.

 _"Ms. Steele, I do hope you find these accommodations to your pleasure." Mr. Grey leads me into the bedroom for the first time. "If there is anything you want to change, please let me know and I will have it taken care of."_

 _"Thank you, the room is perfect." I assure him._

 _We had arranged to have dinner that evening. My intent was just to meet him. I had spent the day in my head, coming up with all kinds of scenarios and practicing letting him down gently, but firmly. Then I opened the door and something about him just felt right and I was immediately comfortable._

 _Over dinner we talked and laughed. Most embarrassingly he asked about my current intact virginity. I don't think he was happy when I told him that I did have some experience with heavy petting, making out, and vibrators. I explained how I was only a virgin because I placed my GPA as my priority and didn't have a life. I wasn't opposed to losing my virginity to someone I was attracted to. The problem was I was attracted to people who didn't give me the time of day and the people that gave me the time of day weren't who I was attracted to. We started negotiating the contract right there. We agreed that any punishments would be limited to light spanking or things like orgasm denial. I was nervous about the severe pain aspect of the lifestyle. Mr. Grey admitted that he had been into the harsher stuff but he wasn't finding it at satisfying as he once did. He was somewhat embarrassed as he admitted that he asked Elena Lincoln for a virgin but he didn't expect her to actually find one. He confessed he was starting to feel conflicted about the lifestyle and told her he wanted a virgin so he would be forced to be more considerate in scenes. After that confession, I was confident that he was someone I could try with. The rest is history._

The box of gifts catch my attention in the corner of the room. I know it isn't going to go over well, but I really don't care. I am still too angry to care about how he reacts. Briefly, destroying the contents crosses my mind but I know that two wrongs won't make a right. The question is how best to do this. I weigh my options. I could bring him the box myself and explain why I am not going to take all the gifts he so generously lavished on me over the course of our contract. I could also leave the box in here for him to find, perhaps with a letter making my case for not keeping all that he bought for me. Peeking inside I see the familiar jewelry boxes, first editions of several of my favorite books, electronic gadgets, car keys, and a couple of designer handbags. I would be lying if I said there weren't a few things that were hard to part with. The first edition of The Secret Garden, one of my favorite childhood books being a good example. But I am willing to make the sacrifice if that means that one day Mr. Grey is able to have a more normal life.

A soft knock on the door distracts me. It slowly opens and Mr. Grey peeks in, looking warily at me like I am a dangerous caged animal. "Can I come in?"

I notice that his copper locks are more unruly than usual and he changed into a t-shirt and gym shorts. I try my best not to notice just how hot he looks and to remember that I am still angry with him. I motion for him to come in and stand akwardly in front of the bed waiting for him to make the first move.

We stare at each other for what feels like forever. I am willing him to say something, anything, but he stubbornly just stands there looking back and forth between me and my packed bags behind me. He looks haggard and worn out but I am losing patience fast.

"We need to talk." Finally! He speaks. I release the breath I didn't even know I was holding.

"We do." I agree with him. I turn around and grab the box off the bed, deciding that if we are going to have a fight, I might as well go all in. I am already prepared to leave the penthouse tonight so at least this way, if he persuades me to stay, everything that could potentially be trouble is out of the way. "Here." I thrust the box at him.

He takes it from me and puts it on the dresser to look inside. I watch his expression morph several times over as he realizes what he is looking at. When he finally looks at me, his expression is cold. "Anastasia, what is this?" he spits out.

"I am returning most of the gifts you bought me throughout our contract." I tell him matter of factly. I close my eyes and count silently backwards from ten, preparing myself for the explosion I am about to witness.

Mr. Grey doesn't disappoint. I tune him out as he starts to rant and rave about how he bought each gift with special thought and specifically for me and how ungrateful and thoughtless I am being. I would be upset but he is having exactly the reaction I expected. Instead of upsetting I am finding his whole tantrum entertaining which is only fueling his fire. I hate that he feels like I am disrespecting him right now. I hope one day he will be able to accept this gesture for what I believe it to be which is that he is more valuable than what his money can buy.

"If you are ready to listen, I will explain." I snap at him once his ranting starts ramping down. I take a seat on the bed and face him.

He sits down on the chair across from the bed. "I am listening Ms. Steele." he says like a petulant child.

"Mr. Grey, I appreciate all that you have given me throughout our contract." Nervously I bite my lip and ponder the right words. "I don't think you realize what you have given me has nothing to do with what is in that box, or the clothes I am leaving in the closet."

"But they are yours." He interupts me.

"I don't want them." I answer quickly. "What you have given me means so much to me. You can't see it and you certainly can't buy it. The biggest thing you gave me is confidence in myself. You have made me feel sexy, beautiful, and worthy of your time. I also have grown up so much over the last year. I now have direction and a purpose. All of those things I am taking with me."

We make eye contact and I can see the hurt radiating from him. I keep talking. "I am also taking this." I pull the necklace I am wearing showing him the gold chain and rose pendent. "This necklace means so much to me. You put real thought into selecting it for one, and two, it will remind me that all this actually happened once I leave here this weekend."

"But it is probably the least valuable thing I gave you." Mr. Grey interjects.

"To me, it is the most valuable!" I counter back at him. "You are worth more than your dollar and cents Mr. Grey! You have more to offer than your dollar and cents."

He stands up quickly, pulling at his hair. "Stop it. You don't know what you are talking about." His frustration with me is evident.

"But I do know what I am talking about and I hope one day you understand that not everyone is in your life just because you have the means to give them everything they want and more." I put my face in my hands and decide to move on. "About the NDA." I throw him the bone. It is time to find out if I am leaving tonight or tomorrow.

"It stands." he starts. My stomach sinks. I was hoping that he would reconsider. I stand up and pull my suitcase off the bed.

"Okay. Well, it was nice knowing you." I tell him and put my hand out to shake his one last time.

He raises his eyebrow at me. "Nice knowing me?"

"Yes, it was nice knowing you." I confirm. "I will honor my NDA to the best of my ability. Obviously, there are pictures of us together so I can't say I don't know you. I am not sure how I am going to dance around that and honor your NDA to the letter but I can promise that I am not going to tell anyone of our sexual relationship."

"You are leaving? Right now?" I can sense his growing panic.

"I am. I am mad at you because you don't trust me and you are mad at me because I gave you back your gifts. We shouldn't go into the playroom when we are angry like this. At this point, it is just delaying the inevitable. Time keeps moving on and moving day keeps inching closer. We are both on edge. It is time." and it makes me so sad because I can't even update you and let you know how I am doing. I want to add but I don't. I grab the handle to my suitcase and begin walking out of the sub room towards the stairs.

He is behind me in a flash and carries my suitcase down the stairs like the gentleman he is. We walk into the foyer in silence. When we reach the elevator, he doesn't push the call button. Instead he pulls me into an embrace and puts his face into my neck. I keep my arms out to the side to keep from touching his back and it is a little uncomfortable so I am glad when he finally frees me.

"As we agreed, I won't contact you again." I tell him, to reassure him that I remember the contract that we signed.

He nods his acceptance and clears his throat as he reaches for the call button. "Thank you Ms. Steele." He looks so lost and upset.

The elevator doors open and I can't get in it fast enough. I knew leaving was going to be difficult but I didn't expect it to be this hard. I turn around to face him one last time as the elevator doors close.

"Anastasia." He nods in my direction.

"Christian." I answer back.

Tears roll down my face as the elevator makes it long descent down to the lobby.

Change is hard, I remind myself. but change is necessary.

 **A/N: Thank you to everyone who has followed and/or reviewed. I really appreciate it and I enjoy reading your theories. Ahead, Ana in New Orleans.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 **Three Years Later…**

I groan as my alarm clock blares, waking me out of yet another sexy dream where Mr. Grey is starring front and center. I focus on my breathing as I attempt to come down from the high that is beginning to feel very familiar to me. These dreams have been increasing in frequency over the last few months and are almost a nightly occurrence. I find myself in a strange situation where I both dread and look forward to sleep each night.

It doesn't take long before the guilt takes over. I have been in a committed relationship with Sam Breaux for a year now and it makes me feel like the world's worst girlfriend to be having sex dreams about another man. Sam is handsome, kind, hardworking, and boring. On the surface, we probably look like the perfect couple but the truth is that in public, we are lovey dovey but in private we barely communicate. But I still love him and I want to try to overcome this bump in the road before throwing in the towel.

I have been living in New Orleans for almost three years now. In a strange twist of fate, Kate is again my roommate, but this time she is living at my place. That in itself makes me feel more on an even playing field with her. Her father wanted her to make it on her own so she would have some legitimacy later on in her career so after her internship he gave her a list of companies and told her good luck.

We live in a two bedroom apartment in the Warehouse District. Kate and I both work blocks from each other in the Central Business District so we have been able to share a car to save on parking expenses. Our apartment faces the Crescent City Connection towards the river and my favorite morning routine is having tea on our fourth floor balcony during the cooler months.

Deciding that I have procrastinated enough this morning, I get out of bed and start stretching to knock out the remaining sleepiness before I hit the shower. I jump at the intrusion of Kate as he walks right into my room without knocking. "Ana, you need to see the news!" She tells me with a sense of urgency in her voice that I immediately pick up on. I try to push the panic down but I know that something is wrong so I follow Kate into our living room and throw myself onto our plush brown sofa.

The television is playing a commercial so I look at Kate, "What is so important that you had to come barging into my room so early?" I ask.

Kate looks shaken. A rarity for her. She is still her impeccably put together self, even at the ungodly hour of seven in the morning. "I think it is better you see it for yourself, Steele. Then you can explain it to me."

Explain what? I wonder what she is talking about. It must have something to do with my job. Word on the street is that the company is up for sale and there are some bigger publishing houses looking to take us over. I feel the blood drain from face as the news comes back on with its usual Breaking News and pictures of me flash across the screen with the name Christian Grey and BDSM scrolling across the screen. I can't make sense of anything. I feel as if the world is falling away from me and everything is moving in slow motion. My phone starts ringing and I hear Kate answer it. It sounds as if she is miles away as she hangs up and curses.

"Breathe with me Steele." Kate encourages me as she kneels in front of me, breathing in an exaggerated fashion trying to get me to follow her. Slowly I do and everything starts to come into focus again. Kate grabs the remote control from the coffee table and turns off the TV. I just want to go back to bed. Surely this is a bad dream. One where I will wake up and continue on with my mundane life.

"You back with me Steele?" Kate asks cautiously.

I nod at her, my eyes are wide and she doesn't look convinced. I muster up the energy to answer her. "Yes."

"Good, now tell me, what in the hell is that about. I thought you and Christian Grey were just casual friends. Don't tell me you were one of his sex slaves." She spits in disgust at the thought.

Remembering the NDA... my God, there is a NDA. That was supposed to prevent something like this from happening. What the hell happened that he is all over the news and now so am I? It isn't like I can call him and ask, now can I? My mind is spinning so fast, trying to put together this puzzle as well as appease Kate without giving up the true nature of our relationship. I remind myself that just because someone doesn't know how to honor a contract, it doesn't give me license to stray away from my promise. I mean, if you don't have your word, you don't have anything.

"Kate, you know that I am the only woman, aside from his mother or sister that he has been photographed with. I don't know the details of the man's sex life but it is only natural that the media would assume we had that kind of relationship." I lie praying she doesn't catch on. I am not known for my exceptional lying prowess.

I pad across the wood floors to make myself a cup of tea. I need something and while I wouldn't mind a stiff drink right about now, it wouldn't be appropriate seeing as I need to be at work in a little while. I fix Kate a coffee and make us both a fruit yogurt parfait and we sit at the table and trade theories about what we think happened.

A loud knock at the door stops us in our tracks and we look at each other wide eyed. We are both still in our pajamas and no one should be banging down our door this early. Kate pops up. "I will go see about it. You shouldn't get the door. You already had a reporter call on your phone earlier."

Staring out the window, I watch the river traffic mindlessly while holding my tea with both hands. Footsteps getting closer brings me back to the here and now. I look up to see Sam walking behind Kate and he is not happy. I close my eyes and will him to go away. I really don't want to see him right now if he is just going to be another problem for me to deal with.

"Ana, what in the hell? I barely could get into the building for all the reporters and photographers out there." Sam barks as soon as he lays eyes on me.

"Wait! What? There are people out there?" I shriek. Why would there be reporters outside my building? This is just not making sense. I know I need to watch or read the news to see what exactly they are saying. I need answers and I need answers now.

Kate picks up my phone and confirms my worst fears. "I turned off the ringer after the first call but so far you have 54 missed calls." She looks at me and sighs, "This is big Steele." I am so thankful for Kate right now. I appreciate her empathy and I know she would walk to the end of the Earth to protect me. Looking at Sam on the other hand, I can feel the waves of anger rolling off of him.

"So, Christian Grey, huh?" Sam asks as he leans against the stained concrete countertop with his arms closed.

"Well, he is a friend of mine." I confirm. Kate nods confirming my story for him.

"According to the news he is a friend alright. One you liked to play with in sex dungeons." I freeze. He isn't wrong but I can't tell him he is right. Being in a relationship together, he deserves to know the truth. The whole truth. I am conflicted between honoring my contract and being a good girlfriend. I want to do both, but I can't. I decide to honor my contract for now. Once I tell him, I can't take it back. I decide to lie by omission. Just like I did to Kate. This sucks.

"Is that what the news is saying?" I ask.

Kate nods and Sam just glares at me.

"Okay, if the news is saying it, it must be true then. If you both would excuse me, I need to get ready for work." I tell them while I get up. I leave them both and head off in search of the shower. That should buy me some time to think and figure out what I need to do. Hopefully while I am busy, Kate will send Sam away. Once I get ahead of this problem I will call him and we can talk. It also gives me time to decide exactly how much to tell him.

Closing the door to my room, I power on my laptop so I can read what is being said myself. Somehow that seems easier than watching it on the television along with hearing other people's commentary. It doesn't take me long for me to realize that this is a huge story. Every news website appears to be leading with the Christian Grey is into BDSM story as if nothing else important has happened in the world. There are grainy pictures of him standing over gagged and bound woman with a whip. Next to those are two pictures of us walking together at the marina. We both looked happy and carefree. His hand is on the small of my back guiding me towards the waiting car. The media is clearly making the jump that I am the person in both sets of images. I squint my eyes to make double sure the girl in the grainy pictures isn't me and I am positive it isn't. Her breasts are clearly larger and her hair must fall past her rear end judging by the length of her braid. Rapunzel pops into my mind and I roll my eyes at my own corny joke. Satisfied that I brought myself up to speed I head into the master bath for my shower.

I set the water on as hot as I can stand. As I go through my morning ritual I start to formulate a plan. Worst case scenario is where the press gets hold of something I can't deny like a copy of the contract or a photograph of me. I don't know how likely that scenario is because I don't know how this story got leaked in the first place. But I don't want to confirm it either. It is clear that the media is naming me because I am the only name they have linked to him personally. Everyone else he has been photographed with is either family or business associates. I decide it is best to just state the obvious as an explanation and refuse to discuss it further. As I dry off, I start reviewing my agenda for the day.

Once I am dressed for work, I emerge back out into the living room. Kate must be getting ready. We spent the past few months redecorating the common areas and I have to say we did a pretty good job. Kate and I both have very different styles. Kate is into mid-century modern while I love art deco and they merged together beautifully in this apartment. It makes me smile every time I come into this room and today that makes me especially grateful.

"There you are Ana." Kate comes rushing out of her room, dressed to the nines as usual. My workplace is much more laid back and it is casual Friday every day. I love getting to wear my jeans and chucks while getting an adult paycheck but sometimes I still feel like the college kid when standing next to professional Kate. "I told Sam you would give him a call later. I explained that this morning's surprise new story was a shock and you need some time." She tells me.

I shoot her a grateful smile in return. "I will call him later this morning. I was just not up to the third degree." I explain to her as she nods in sympathy and understanding.

I look outside and see that the clouds are building up already so I grab my umbrella on the way out the door and head to the elevator bank. Kate follows me and locks our door. I press the up button and we head up to the rooftop parking in silence. I am hoping that Sam was dealing in hyperbole when he was talking about the amount of reporters and photographers that were waiting at the bottom. Kate is dropping me off at work today so she can take the car to a community action meeting in Algiers this afternoon so she climbs in the driver's seat and I jump in the passenger seat. She looks over at me and then she remembers something. Kate reaches back into her bag in the backseat and pulls out a pillowcase and hand it to me.

"You might need this Steele. I am hoping you won't but in case you do." she says nervously. Then she mumbles under her breath. "I just hope I don't hurt anyone." With that Kate begins navigating through the garage.

It doesn't take long to realize that Sam wasn't exaggerating this morning. When they spot our car people come from all different directions and start pounding on the hood and the windows. "Cover up Steele" Kate reminds me and I wrap my face using the pillow case she gave me. I can't believe all of this for me. How did they find me anyhow? I will have to ask Kate later tonight how the media works. Right now I can feel the car slowly lurching forward from time to time as she tries not to actually hurt anyone but at the same time, get us both where we need to be. I can hear people yelling questions into the car, the sound of the flashbulbs going off and I get lost in my head wondering how little old me became front page news. Finally I feel the car speeding up to normal speeds. We must be on Tchoupitoulas. I pull the pillowcase off my head to find Kate looking pretty proud of herself.

 **A/N: Thank you for reading, following, and reviewing. I do very much appreciate it.**

 **I went back and forth and back and forth and ultimately decided to do a time jump. I could get lost in describing Ana settling into life in New Orleans and her relationships and at that rate, it was going to be quite a few chapters before we get to the actually meat of the story. I may go back after this story is completed and write them for those who are interested. Until next time…**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews. I do appreciate them. I am sorry this chapter took so long to get out to you. To the reviewer who was concerned that I would abandon this story, you have nothing to worry about. I will see this story to completion and I will do everything in my power to make sure that at least one chapter gets posted a week even though I aim for more.**

Chapter 7

Kate pulls up to the curb next to my office. There aren't any reporters here, thank goodness. I glance at Kate and she is looking at me as if she will never see me again and it is putting me on edge. I think we both know that it is just a matter of time before the reporters and photographers track me down here at work also and I am dreading it. I give Kate a quick wave, take a deep breath, and quickly get inside before anyone sees me.

"Ana!" Claire, our receptionist calls a little too cheerfully to me. Claire is efficient at her job, that is why they keep her around but no one would accuse her of being overly friendly. She isn't a morning person so I am usually lucky if I get more than a grunt in the morning.

"Good Morning Claire." I hurry past her trying to get to the sanctuary of my office. I will also be damned if I give Claire an ounce of information. It is no secret that she can't hold water much less a juicy tidbit of office gossip.

I am relieved when there is no one milling about in the hallways. It is highly unusual but far be it from me to look a gift horse in the mouth. I start counting the doorways as I pass them. Just two more doors to go. Damn Christian Grey to hell. It is one thing to dominate my dreams but I draw the line at dominating my life.

I finally reach my office and shut the door with my foot. The manuscripts piled on my desk make me smile. Yes, my desk might look like an unorganized mess to anyone looking at it from the outside, but in actuality it is quite organized. Reading is my escape and today is a day that I want to escape reality and it is still early. I check my schedule and see that I have a meeting scheduled for this afternoon and one deadline looming on a manuscript I have been putting off. I guess now is better than never, I give myself a peptalk and get started. As I begin reading I quickly get lost in the story and now I can barely remember why I was putting it off to begin with. It is really good even if it is horror, my least favorite genre.

A while later there is a knock at my door and it swings open. My boss, Ms. Stewart comes breezing in takes a seat in the chair across from my desk. "Anastasia, I am not quite sure how to start this conversation." she starts, looking as uncomfortable as I am. "There is no bosses manuel on what to do for this situation." I watch her as she starts pulling imaginary lint out of her shirt sleeves.

Slowly, the realization hits me that everyone I know is probably wondering about my sex life right now and I inwardly cringe. Ms. Stewart is probably picturing me wearing nothing more than a leash and ball gag with my legs splayed open. I feel the heat reach my face as my embarrassment grows. I suddenly no longer want to be here, but I know I can't leave. I feel trapped. I grip on to my seat and try to remember to breath as the waves of anxiousness grow. The shrill of the office phone rings breaking the silence. I pick it up.

"Borgne Publishing, Anastasia Steele speaking."

"Ms. Steele. This is Alan Grigsby from WDSU. I was wondering if you would like to comment on your role in the BDSM scandal involving Christian Grey?"

And now they intrude on me at work. "No. I will not comment." I slam the phone down harder than I meant to. I look up and try to read the expression on Ms. Stewart's face. It is somewhere between pity and awe.

"Sorry Ms. Stewart, you were saying?"

"Anastasia, there is a throng of reporters standing outside of our office building right now trying to get to you." Ms. Stewart sits up straight. "I am not sure why the sudden fascination..." and the phone rings again interrupting her.

I roll my eyes as I pick up the phone again. "Borgne Publishing, Anastasia Steele."

"What can you tell us about your relationship..." Ugh. Another reporter. I hang up on them. Damn, they must have just gotten my work number. Now I am not going to have any peace. I open my desk drawer and pull out my cell phone. Over 200 missed calls. I groan and rub my temples.

"What I mean Ana, is I am not sure why there is all this interest in you when all they have is pictures of you walking alongside Mr. Grey and a press release saying you are friends." I have always admired Ms. Stewart's ability to cut the bull shit. The phone rings again and this time she leans over and unplugs the phone from the wall. "I'm going to request that you move into the vacant office down the hall. Bring your phone and laptop with you because other than a desk and chair, there isn't much in there. The extention is 130 and we aren't going to tell Claire you moved."

I look towards the sky and say a silent prayer of gratitude. "Yes ma'am." I salute and start gathering everything I am going to need. She drops a key on my desk for the other office and stands up to leave.

"Ana, one last thing. If you need to take a leave of absence, or even if you wish to work from home for a little while, I understand and I will approve it. I don't want you to risk your safety or your sanity. You are a hard worker and we want to keep you around." And with a wave she is gone.

The new office isn't comfortable like my office is. There are no windows, the chairs are still and it is a little too cold in here. But my office phone is plugged in and it isn't ringing off the hook. I have gotten through two manuscripts today and I think I am going to pack a few to take home just in case I decide to stay home tomorrow. I worked through lunch today and I am starving. I was going to go out and get something but the thought of having to deal with the media kept me from going.

I pull out my phone and start going through my missed messages. My mom called 20 times. My dad called just as many. Sam called me once around lunchtime. Kate called twice. The rest are all unknown and restricted numbers. Kate shouldn't be here for another twenty minutes so I decide to bite the bullet and call my mom.

She picks up on the first ring. "Anastasia Rose Steele, I have been trying to call you all day! What is this about you and that handsome rich guy being into BDSM? The news said that he likes to beat women until they are black and blue and bleeding." She tells me. Knowing my mother, she has been glued to her television set all day. "I thought I raised you to respect yourself."

"Mom!" I can't believe she went there. "I do respect myself. No man has ever beat me until I was black and blue and bleeding." I assure her. Even better, I am not lying to her either.

"I didn't think you would. I told the reporter that I raised my daughter better than that." Stop a minute. She told a reporter? She talked to the press about me? "I am going to go out there right now and tell them that I was right. You said that man never beat you like that."

I need to stop her but stopping Carla Steele-Adams is no easy task. "Mom, please don't talk to the press. What is the press doing at your house anyhow? And what is this about beating girls until they are bleeding. I haven't looked at the news since this morning and they weren't saying any of this."

"Well, dear. They are here talking to me about what you were like as a little girl. They want to do an expose about how to keep your child from falling into the pitfalls of a relationship like that. Don't you know, someone sent the news graphic pictures of Christian Grey wielding a whip behind a couple of girls with this awfully angry look on his face and then pictures of their backs after he was finished. They are trying to figure out who the girls are but I know that the pictures aren't of you because none of these girls have a beauty mark on their shoulder like you do." I put my head down on my desk as she continues to talk. My thoughts are swimming and I am going back and forth between trying to protect myself legally and protecting my reputation. My own mother knows I am into kinky sex, but she thinks I like being beaten to the points of bleeding. My boss is probably wondering the same things. This is a huge cluster fuck.

"Mom, I have got to go. Kate will be here any minute. Just do me a favor and please stop talking to the press. Of course those girls weren't me. That never happened. Ever. I love you." I end the call quickly and debate calling my dad. Ray Steele is very protective of me and I am truly a daddy's girl. The day he adopted me I became the luckiest girl because he is such a rock to lean on in hard times and my biggest cheerleader. I miss him so much.

Take it off like a band-aid, I tell myself and pick up the phone once again to call Ray and get it over with. Like mom, he picks up quickly. "Annie." he sobs.

The emotions of the day finally catch up with me and I start sobbing myself. "Daddy."

"Annie, I love you. You know that, right?"

"I love you too Daddy." I reassure him. "Mom told me what the news is reporting. I want to tell you that it isn't true. I have not allowed anyone to hit me like that. I promise."

I hear him sniffling. "That is good to hear Baby Girl. Sweetheart, I know you are a grown up woman and people like to have sex all different kinds of ways. Hell, your mother and I..."

Oh no. "Daddy, please no. You and mom never had sex. Not ever. Not once. Got it? Okay." I know I am acting childish but I can't help it. There are just some things I don't ever want to hear about and my parents having sex is one of them. On that same token, I totally understand why they are horrified about hearing about me and sex on the news, whether or not it is true or accurate. It is true, just not accurate but I don't want to admit to either, especially not to my parents.

Dad chuckles. "Okay Annie. I just want you to know that I am here for you in anyway you might need me. And later, once you have a chance to figure things out you can tell me what you are comfortable telling me."

And that is why I love my Daddy so much. No running back out to tell reporters what I say like mom, just love and protection. I am so glad I waited to call him second.

My phone lights up with an incoming call and I am relieved to see Kate's face light up the home screen. "Hello, are you here."

"Oh, am I. You ready Steele. There are about twenty-five people camped out waiting for you to make an appearance. They know our car so they have spotted me. I think you can make a run for it."

"Well, not like I can stay here forever. I am going to work from home for the rest of the week. I have a big bag of manuscripts I can use to knock people out of the way if I need to." I joke. "I will be out in a minute or two. Be ready."

I take a deep breath. I adjust my clothes and run a comb through my hair and grab my bags. It's now or never. I ignore the few people I pass in the hall and focus on walking out the double doors and getting into the car.

I am blinded by flashes as soon as they spot me coming into the reception area. I pull my bag closer to my body and straighten up as tall as I can, squaring out my shoulders. I put on my "don't fuck with me" face and push the doors open. Lights and yelling overwhelm my senses. I focus on my destination. Just a few more steps and I will be there. I hear Kate unlock the door and I reach for the handle. I am relieved when the door opens and I climb in quickly. Kate takes off before I have a chance to reach for my seatbelt.

"Wow Steele. You were amazing. I bow down to the master." She praises.

"What a day. All I want to do is eat dinner, take a long bubble bath, maybe with some wine, and go to bed." I tell her my evening plans.

"I don't blame you a bit but tonight we are going to watch the news. Maybe with a bottle of wine. Maybe not. But you can't just bury your head in the sand. You have to know what they are saying, what they know. I will help you in anyway I can. Full disclosure. Daddy already called me and asked me what I thought he should do. His company is running the story and he is offering you a big payout and full control of your own message if you will give him an exclusive. You don't have to do or say anything of course and I told Daddy that we don't even know what the full story is yet because we only saw a snippet this morning." Kate starts. I know her father is a media mogul. Kate majored in journalism in college even though she is working in advertising right now, I trust her gut instincts usually. But I am wary to say anything to the media for fear my words get twisted in ways I never imagined.

"Please tell your father thank you for the offer. If I am going to speak, I will be sure to call him first but please tell him that I don't plan on speaking at all. That I didn't do anything wrong and I would appreciate if his stations would remove me from the focus of their stories." I instruct her bluntly.

"You got it. I figured that is what you would say and I went back and forth with myself all afternoon about whether to tell you he called at all but I have to be honest with you so I had no other choice." she shrugs and slows as we are about to turn into our parking garage. Unlike this morning, there is only a couple people milling around with cameras so it was pretty easy to get in and parked.

As I unlock the door to our condo Kate asks, "So, have you spoken to Sam after this morning?"

"No, I haven't. I really need to do that once I get dinner going. Is jambalaya good with you?" I really need something fast and easy and comforting and jambalaya checks off all those things.

Kate nods her approval and takes off towards her room to change while I start cutting up smoked sausage. I don't know why I ask her, she rarely disapproves of what I cook and furthermore, she never cooks herself. I used to give her a few nights a week to be in charge of dinner and everytime she ordered take-out. Once in a while is okay but everytime is a little much. I tried to teach her how to cook a few times but she just does not want to learn and there isn't much you can do with that.

Kate comes back out, showered and in yoga pants and a big t-shirt holding out her phone. "It's Sam."

I take it. "Hey Sam. I was just about to call you. I was trying to get dinner on first." I offer in a way of explanation.

"Anastasia. I have been waiting for you to call me all day. I finally decided to try Kate. It isn't like you to not answer your phone sweetheart." I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at it like it is possessed. Sweetheart? Sickenly sweet is not Sam and neither is pet names like that.

"Sorry. I was busy at work. I have my ringer off on my cell because it would be ringing nonstop if I didn't. I wasn't ignoring you on purpose. Dear." I end with an emphasis on sarcasm.

There is a long pause. It is uncomfortable but I decide to let him gather his thoughts first. "You know Anastasia. I didn't take you for someone who would be into kinky sex to the point that you would enjoy being hurt like that. I mean, we don't do any of that and you seem okay. Sometimes I would look at you and think I am not doing something right, she looks bored out of her mind. But I would tell myself that you would tell me if you didn't like what I was doing. Now I know you were bored out of your mind. I don't know who you are anymore Ana. I don't think this is going to work out between us. I was talking to Dawn at work earlier."

He is breaking up with me? Dawn? The intern that started a few months back? Puzzle peices start flying into place. He has been seeing this Dawn chick for a few weeks at least. He was too busy to go check out a new restauraunt downtown that we had been looking forward to going to for months. The lipstick I found in his car the last time we went to the movies. Holy crap. But he is breaking up with me?

"Sam, I wish you and Dawn luck in your new relationship. Don't call me again." I yell and put the phone on counter as slide to the floor in a ball of tears.

Kate is at my side in a heartbeat. She puts her arm around my shoulders and I lean into her neck and just cry and cry. I hear the timer go off on the jambalaya and feel Kate lean foward to turn the stovetop off but I can't stop crying. I don't know how long we are on the floor before my tears turn into hiccups and Kate stands and reaches to pull me up.

"I have just the thing. I will be right back, okay." she assures me and runs off in the direction of her room. I grab two bowls and two wine glasses and start dishing out dinner. I don't know why, but Sam breaking up with me is kind of a relief. I know it has been an emotional day but we should have ended things a while back. I think we were staying together because it was comfortable. To be honest, I am mostly disappointed that he beat me to the punch.

I start laughing when I see what Kate has in her hand. Pink flannel pajamas with cute little rabbits all over them. Also known as her break up pajamas but I take them and go change. It doesn't take long to figure out why Kate wears them when she needs a bit of comfort. They are warm and cozy and comfortable. They might look hideous but that doesn't matter.

We must have drunk a bottle of wine each and watched every major news station and read almost every article on our i pads all speculating about my kinky sex life and claiming that the picture of the bloodied back must be mine. I showed Kate my flawless back to prove it wasn't me. She didn't ask me to but the more I heard the more outraged I have become.

Christian Grey is a dominant. That is true. We had a kinky sex life. Again true. The rest of it is all made up lies. I would love to go public and say that the man they are painting in the media is nothing like the man he is but I can't. I promised I wouldn't. I can't ask him what he needs of me because I can't contact him. But what does the NDA and contract say about when your name is being dragged through the mud because of some jackass? Something to sleep my wine drunk ass on.

I get up to clean up a bit of our mess because it is getting late and I am tired. Kate is nearly passed out on the couch. I send an email to my boss to let her know I am going to work from home the rest of the week and turn off all the lights and head to bed.

The sound of the doorbell startles me. I look around and find a tennis racket. I slowly crawl against the wall down the hall with the tennis racket in hand ready to strike. I peek out the peep hole and am shocked when I see who is on the other side of the door. I fight with the locks and swing the door open.

"Taylor!"

A/N: Christian Grey will make his reappearance in the next chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

He came! I can't believe it. I look behind Taylor and I can't hide my confusion or the look of surprise when I see Ms. Jones standing behind him.

"Ms. Jones? Hello." I say warmly.

Ms. Jones smiles at me warmly and holds up her left hand showing off her wedding band. "Mrs. Taylor now Ms. Steele." she tells me proudly. "Please call me Gail, dear. Less confusion that way."

I open my eyes widely and nearly forget my manners. "Only if you call me Ana. Please come in." I step aside and usher them inside trying to tap down my disappointment that Mr. Grey isn't with them.

I show the Taylors into the living room and once we are sitting down I start the inquisition. "You two are married? How long have you been together? What are you doing here? Does Mr. Grey know you are here?" I am firing the questions off as fast as I can think of them. There is so much to catch up on.

Taylor holds his hands up and gives me a rare smile. "Whoa, slow down. I can't answer you if you don't give me a chance to speak." He starts. I sigh, he is right but there is so much I want to know.

Gail clears her throat and offers to begin. I nod for her to continue. "We have been together for five years now and got married last week. We are here in New Orleans celebrating our honeymoon." she tells me.

"New Orleans is a pretty great city to honeymoon in." I tell her. "How much longer are you here?"

"Well, we are leaving first thing in the morning. After the news broke overnight we thought we better head back and help out. We were going to leave this morning but we had to wait until the plane could get here." Gail answered. "I asked Jason if he thought you were okay, considering, well... you know. Then when I saw you on the news tonight trying to escape the cameras I told him we weren't leaving until we saw you. Pardon for the late night visit. It took some time to convince my dear husband." She mumbled the last part giving Taylor some serious side eye.

Taylor shifted uncomfortably. "I confess, my first thought was to come here and remind you of your NDA. Gail here kept insisting that you weren't that kind of lady and she was concerned about your well being. After seeing you handle the press, I will admit Gail is right. You didn't need me to storm in and remind you that you signed a NDA but protecting Mr. Grey is always my first priority."

I am speechless. I can't decide if I should be flattered or insulted. Mr. Grey absolutely should be Taylors top priority however did I not show him that I have good moral character despite being a little kinky?

Taylor continues, "I also didn't feel right coming to see you without first reporting to Mr. Grey. He gave his blessing so I feel a little better about making this social call."

"Social call as opposed to what?" I ask. It comes out a little sassier than I intended but this doesn't feel much like a social call. It feels more like a warning to me.

"Business." he tells me plainly. "If it were business, I would have come by myself, reminded you that you signed a NDA and the consequences that would come if you violated it and then leave." He explains further.

All the wine I drank earlier is working against me. I need a clear head and right now, all my emotions are swimming around and making it hard for me to latch on anything I am hearing and feeling. "I am getting some water, would you like anything?" I offer.

"No dear." Gail tells me and I escape to the kitchen. As I pour my water I take a moment to compose myself. Clearly they aren't here to attack me. Taylor does have a job to do and he did come around in the end. I do still have a lot of unanswered questions. Don't let your emotions get the best of you Steele. I tell myself in my best Kate voice and I let out a small giggle. Sometime I crack myself up.

Sitting back down on the couch and tucking my feet under me I take a deep breath. "How is Mr. Grey?"

"He is having a rough day. I am sure you can relate." Taylor states in his usual taciturn manner.

Gail shakes her head at her husband and turns back to me. "He is devastated. I am sure you can imagine. He goes to great lengths to protect that aspect of his life, as you know." she shares. "He is also very concerned about you. You were dragged into this through no fault of your own and he realizes it. In fact, he told Taylor he would fire him if he came storming up here just to remind you of your NDA."

Taylor laughs at that. I look at him shocked. I never thought I would ever hear such a joyful noise come out of such a stoic man. "Mr. Grey fires me at least once a day. It was an empty threat."

Oh my God! Kate! "I need to tell you that I don't live here alone. My best friend, Kate Kavanaugh is here. She is sound asleep and she sleeps like the dead so she can't hear us out here but we need to be careful what we say." I tell them. Full disclosure and everything.

Taylor and Gail have a private conversation with just their eyes before Taylor speaks. "Well then Ana, let me cut to the chase. Mr. Grey would like you to come to Seattle. Just until this blows over. He wants you to be safe. It is his highest priority."

Mr. Grey wants me in Seattle? To do what, exactly. Our contract said we can't have contact so where am I going to stay. Sit in a hotel room with his security until he feels like it is safe enough to send me back. No thank you. I can hide out here. I think indignantly. Politely I start to decline the offer. "No thank you. I really don't want to be at some hotel until he decides the monsters are no longer under the bed and it is safe to come out."

Gail looks at me sadly. "No dear, he wants you to come and stay at Escala with us. Where it is safe and you can decide how you want to handle this together."

I am surprised by the butterflies that jump into my stomach at hearing he wants to see me. I was so resigned that we wouldn't see each other again that the possiblity never even entered my mind. Just knowing that he is willing to see me has me giddy. What is wrong with me?

"How long do I have to make a decision?" I ask.

"The plane is scheduled to leave in an hour and a half." Taylor tells me matter of factly.

Gail tries to soften it up. "I know it is a lot to process all at once. You have had quite the day. Please let us help you Ana. You don't need to go through this all alone and unable to talk to anyone." she tells me.

I nod at her.

"Is that a yes, you will come with us?" She asks hopefully.

"Yes. I will come to Seattle with you. If you will excuse me, I need to pack and tell Kate." I tell them and head off in the direction of my room.

This is so surreal. Just yesterday I was hoping to see Mr. Grey in a sexy dream and right now I am packing to go see him. I feel a rush of excitement that I haven't felt since I got settled here. I need to think about this but there is too much to do right now so it is going to have to wait until later. I walk over to my underwear drawer and instinctively I pick out my favorite ones leaving the plain white cotton panties behind. It doesn't take me long to pack. I just take a few outfits and my manuscripts so I can work while I am there. Anything else I need I can get in Seattle.

I knock on Kate's door before I open it. Kate's long strawberry hair is splayed all over her pillow and she is sprawled out on top of her comforter. I am always amazed by the fact that no matter what condition she is in, she always manages to look beautiful and drunk sleeping is no different. What a lucky bitch, I think as a twinge of jealousy shoots through me. I tap her on her shoulder and she slaps my hand away as she mumbles something incoherently.

"Kate, wake up." I urge.

Coming to a little and trying to wipe the sleep out of her eyes she lifts her head a bit and looks at me. "What? What's up?"

"I am going to Seattle. Mr. Taylor is here and Christian Grey asked for me to come so we can face the press together." I tell her.

She giggles. "I bet he wants you to come." She wiggles her eyes at me suggestively.

"Kate!" I can't believe she just said that.

"What? I know you two had lots of kinky sex and what they are saying isn't completely untrue. I was born at night but not tonight. You didn't think I bought the 'he is just a friend' crap when you were missing every weekend," she tells me seriously. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. I still love you like the sister I always wanted but never had. Go to him. Just make sure you come back. Have a safe trip." Kate puts her head down and yawns. "Good night."

I am stunned. Holy crap. Kate knew all this time? But this morning she seemed so horrified. She is a better actress than I thought. I close the door to her room and wheel my suitcase back out to the living room where Taylor and Gail have been waiting for me. Remembering that Kate had a lot to drink I decide to leave her a note on the breakfast bar just in case she forgets having our conversation. Last thing I need is her panicking thinking something horrific has happened to me.

Once I am done writing I announce that I am ready. Taylor and Gail stand up and we walk to the foyer together. Once we get to the front door, Taylor's training takes over and he exits first making sure no one is waiting on me.

"There was still a considerable amount of papparazzi when we arrived Ms. Steele." He fully reverts back into bodyguard mode. "If you lay down with a blanket over you in the backseat we should get out of here fine. They aren't waiting for my car so I doubt they will think much of it." he instructs me, handing me a blanket and a pillow.

When we get to the car I climb in, laying down as if I am any child going on a long trip. Taylor looks through the window and goes into the trunk. He comes back with a big stuffed polar bear. "Here, use this to shield your face and try to keep your hair covered. I will let you know when the coast is clear. Do you understand Ms. Steele."

"Yes, I understand." I confirm as I pull the blanket up and cuddle my face into the soft plush bear. I feel the car start to move and I count the number of turns we make as we head towards the parking garage exit. It isn't long before I feel the car slow down and hear the steady rhythem of the turn signal. Then the car goes and we are back up to speed. Taylor was right, that worked! I concentrate on letting the stress leave my body as we get further and further away. My eyes get heavy and I curl into the seat a little more. Maybe I can shut my eyes for a few seconds.

I wake with a start when I feel myself being jostled. When I look around and see that I am being carried into a plane I momentarily panic until I remember where I am and what has happened. I don't remember falling asleep but I must have done seeing as Taylor is carrying me up the steps to a huge plane with the GEH logo on it.

"I can walk." I tell him. I am feeling a bit guilty.

"We are almost there Ms. Steele." he tells me. "You needed rest. Mr. Grey will be pleased if you are able to rest on the flight."

I can't explain the warm, fuzzy feeling that I get by hearing that Mr. Grey will be pleased by my actions. I can't help that I want to please him. I look around and the plane is unlike anything I have every seen before. Of course, it is my first time on a private company plane. Maybe they are all like this. Unlike commercial planes with endless rows of too closely put together seats, this one has a few well placed recliners and it almost looks like it could be someones living room. Taylor sets me down in front of a door.

"Ms. Steele, you can rest inside the bedroom after we take off. Until then, you can sit here." he points to the chair next to the door. I strap in and a hostess named Natalia offers me a drink. This is amazing. How the other half flies, I roll my eyes.

Twenty minutes later, the Captains takes down the seatbelt light and I climb into the king sized bed and take a nap. All too soon, Taylor is back waking me up to come back and belt up for landing. It is in the early hours of the morning and I am having a hard time shaking off the grogginess of sleep. Once we land we are whisked away in the familiar black Audi SUV.

I am feeling strangely comforted being back in Seattle. I just sit back and enjoy seeing all the familiar landmarks. Now that I am here, I feel at oddly at home. I have been avoiding coming back here since I left. I didn't want to worry about running into Mr. Grey. At least this time he is expecting me. At least I hope he is expecting me.

"Taylor," I call out. When I catch his attention I ask him. "Is Mr. Grey expecting me or are we blindsiding him?"

"Ms. Steele, Mr. Grey is expecting you. Blindsiding him with you would be grounds for him to actually fire me and I have no intention of that happening.

I nod, satisfied and relax for the duration of the journey. When we finally get to Escala, I am on the edge of my seat. I can barely wait for Taylor to manuveur the car into the parking bay and let me out. When he finally opens the door, he grabs me by the wrist to stop me from running to the elevator. "Ms. Steele. I must warn you. Mr. Grey is in bad shape. He is expecting you. He does want you here but he has just had his biggest secret outed to the world and I don't know what condition he is in up there. Please don't expect much today, okay."

"Okay." I promise him and walk, more tempered this time, towards the elevator.

The doors open quickly and I walk in and lean on the bar in the back with Taylor on one side and Gail on the other for the ride up. The air is thick with anticipation and anxiety. Not knowing what we will encounter on the other side has us all on edge.

The sing-song chime announces our arrival and the doors open and I am greeted with silence. I slowly enter the place that I was sure I would never see again, not sure where to look for Mr. Grey. I hear quiet talking in the direction of the living room and there I see him. He is surrounded by people talking to him. I feel as if I am intruding on a private moment so I start to quietly step back when an older woman looks up and sees me.

"Anastasia Steele?" She knows my name. Of course, who in Christians life doesn't after watching the news for 20 minutes these days.

"Yes." I nod. "I'm Anastasia." I am watching Mr. Grey and he doesn't move or acknowledge me. His head is still in his hands. It isn't until I hear a loud sob that I register that he is crying. The older woman gives me a small smile and comes walking towards me with her arms out.

Pulling me into an embrace she tells me, "I'm Grace, Christian's mother. It is so nice to finally meet you."

"It is nice to meet you also." Grace grabs my hand and brings me into the living room with everyone and does introductions. I hope she doesn't expect me to remember all these names later. I am barely focused on what she is telling me. Instead my focus is on Christian. I kneel down in front of him so he can see me and place my hands on his knees.

He lifts his head and looks at me with his tear stained face and red rimmed eyes. "Ana!" he croaks and pulls me up into his lap. I can't help but feel self conscience knowing that everyone in the room has there eyes on our reunion. When I left, I was so sure that I was done with this part of my life but now I have been thrown back in it and all these feeling have started to surface.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to review, favorite, and/or follow. Thank you. See you at the bottom.**

Chapter 9

With Mr. Grey's head buried into my chest I hazard a look around the room. What was once filled with quiet chatter has now grown silent and every pair of eyes in the room are now glued to us. Mr. Grey's body is shuddering with silent tears. I know that everyone is waiting for some sort of introduction and explanation which is only fueling my anxiety. I reach around and start rubbing my hands through Mr. Grey's hair, massaging his scalp in an effort to sooth him but his body only starts to shake more. I wish everyone would leave us alone for a few minutes but I know I don't have the authority to send them away.

"I'm so sorry Ana. So so sorry." Mr. Grey rasps, still not looking up but taking comfort in the softness of my breasts.

"Shhhh. We will get through this." I try to reassure him.

Grace finally decides to intervene. "It has been a long day. Is there anything that must be done right now that can't wait until later in the morning?" She asked the packed room.

"As a matter of fact there is." A gray haired older gentleman speaks up. "We need to get ahead of this. Now that this young lady is here, maybe we can finally get some answers." He spits outs.

His attitude gets my ire up and I with all the events of the last hours still fresh, I finally snap. "This young lady has no intention of providing you with anything right now." I stare pointedly at him daring him to respond. I just want them to leave us alone for a little while. I suddenly have an overwhelming need to protect Mr. Grey and I want a chance to speak with him privately before talking to anyone else.

Another older gentleman stands up and reaches for my hand. "Anastasia, I have heard so much about you. My name is John Flynn." he says expectantly and I reach into my memory bank for a time when Mr. Grey would have mentioned a John Flynn. Then I remember him speaking to him on the phone our last weekend and saying he is his psychologist.

"Ah, yes. Dr. Flynn." I acknowledge.

Dr. Flynn beams at me and looks at Mr. Grey proudly. "Anastasia, would you mind coming to speak to me privately in Christian's office. There are some things... you need to know. Please." he asks.

+I look at Dr. Flynn and then back at Mr. Grey. I am conflicted. If I leave him, that means he has to fend everyone else off by himself. Clearly he is in no state to do that. "Could he come too?" I ask referring to Mr. Grey. Surely he shouldn't have anything to tell me that Mr. Grey wouldn't already know and I certainly don't have anything to hide.

"If he chooses to come, he can." Dr. Flynn acquiesces.

I nod my agreement and try to stand up but I can't because Mr. Grey just holds me tighter. I lean down to whisper in his ear. "Come with me, please. I would like it if you were with me."

He rubs his face into my shirt to dry his face and stands, still holding on to me. I lose my balance and institutionally grab on to him for support touching both his chest and his back. Mr. Grey's head snaps up to look at me as I remove my hands as quickly as I can once I feel steady. I hold my breath. I just broke rule numero uno. The big one. Damn, Ana, of all places you could have grabbed I chastise myself.

To everyones surprise, mine especially, he grabs my hands in his and kisses them. Dr. Flynn has the biggest grin on his face. I see Grace put her hand to her heart and sit down out of the corner of my eye. I understand just how big a step that was. Mr. Grey often recounted numerous stories about him fighting when he was younger just because people would just pretend to touch him.

"We will be back." He announces to the still stunned room and we walk to his office hand in hand followed by Dr. Flynn.

Once we get inside the office, Dr. Flynn makes a show of shutting the door while we get situated. I take the first seat and Mr. Grey pulls a second seat from the wall over to sit next to me leaving Dr. Flynn no choice but to sit in Mr. Grey's power chair on the other side of the desk. Mr. Grey isn't letting go of my hand and is rubbing circles on it with his thumb. I am not sure whether it is meant to comfort me or him, but it feels really nice.

Dr. Flynn begins, "Anastasia, Christian. This is how this is going to go. I am going to use the facilities. I will be gone for exactly five minutes. Please use this time to tell each other hello properly and in private. When I get back, Anastasia, I will update you on what has been going on and the events that led up today. Then I am going to ask for your help to convince Christian to tell his parents. I can only update you because Christian here has given me permission to tell you, and only you. I think you will agree that once everyone has the full picture the next course of action will become clear to everyone however it will be difficult for him. I am glad you are here. Remember, five minutes." He stands up and walks out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

I look over at Mr. Grey shyly through my eyelashes. All the sudden I am nervous. "Hello Sir." Old habits die hard, what can I say.

"Do. Not. Call. Me. That. Ever. Again." Mr. Grey says through gritted teeth. I am taken aback by his reaction. I don't know him as anything other than my Dom. I cock my head at him as I study him, willing him to speak to me.

When he doesn't I ask the question. "What should I call you then?"

"Christian. I think you've earned that right." He says angrily. I know his anger isn't directed at me but it still catches me off guard.

"Alright, Christian. Let me try again then. Hello Christian."

"Hello Anastasia." I roll my eyes at him.

"It's Ana. Please!" I tell him exasperated that we are wasting so much of our precious five minutes on names that we already know.

"Ana, I am so sorry you were dragged into this. I am too drained to recount this right now which is why I enlisted John's help, but I need you to know that I am sorry. You will understand what happened once he gets back but in the meantime, can I hold you?" He asks.

I nod and climb back onto his lap and enjoy the feeling of his strong arms around me once again. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside and it is kind of exciting. If only we weren't in the middle of this shit storm. I have never ever felt feelings this intense towards someone before. Not even Sam, even at the beginning when things were new and somewhat exciting. Suddenly, something occurs to me and it is like I was just thrown into cold water.

"Christian, are you currently contracted to anyone?" I ask quickly, almost afraid of the answer.

"No Ana, I am not currently contracted to anyone. I was recently but terminated it a couple weeks ago." He tells me honestly. "How about you. Are you in a relationship right now?" he asks.

"Not as of a couple of hours ago, No." I confirm for him. He makes a face that shows his distaste for the answer but he doesn't say anything more about it. Instead he reaches up and rubs my face, pulling me in for a kiss.

Our tongues fight for control as we pour out all of our emotions into each other. Needing to breathe we pull apart and just stare at each other before I settle back against him. I am not sure that we should be jumping into anything physical with one another again, but I can't help myself. Kissing just felt right for the moment.

"Ana, if you want to leave after you learn what you are going to learn, I understand. I will get you a room at the Fairmont." He warns me. "But if you decide to stay, would you please sleep in my room tonight?" I look at him alarmed. What is Dr. Flynn going to tell me that is going to make me want to leave?

"Don't you think having sex again at this point is premature?" I question him. Although dreaming about him sexing me is always on the table, I think to myself.

He looks at me with his sad eyes. "I wasn't necessarily talking about sex. If we get there naturally I wouldn't stop it but I was asking being I really don't want to be alone."

"Oh. Well let's wait and see what Dr. Flynn has to say first. Okay?" I tell him and pat his cheek softly. "I don't want to make any promises I am not sure I can keep." I explain when I see his reaction. His eyes again fill with tears and he refuses to look at me. It makes me feel so helpless to see such a strong man so broken.

There is a brief knock on the door and Dr. Flynn comes waltzing back in like he owns the place. This time he takes the seat I vacated and leaves me sitting on Christians lap.

"Ana, I am going to tell you what I know. Christian, please feel free to interject with any additional details or corrections if I am wrong. Ana, please hear me out fully before asking questions. Some of your questions will be answered as I recount but you may have more. Okay?" He sits up straight and reaches for his notebook. "Oh, and Christian. I sent everyone away. I told them that we can reconvene late this afternoon or early evening but that both of you are in some serious need for rest first."

"Go on Dr. Flynn." Christian says impatiently. I know that he wants to get this over with as fast as possible so that he can see the outcome. The unknown is killing him but not like it is killing me. He at least knows what Dr. Flynn is going to tell me. I have no idea just how bad it is.

"Christian. You don't need to be here. I told you this. It might be easier for you to go do something else, like rest or workout and let me handle this part alone. I took care of your house guest for you so you have the apartment to yourself again. Aside from your staff, of course." Dr. Flynn tell him sharply. I like him. He is a straight shooter.

Christian pats me on my bottom telling me to get up so he can leave. Before he leaves the room, he pulls me in for one last embrace and kisses me on the top of my head. I take a deep breath to take in his scent for the last bit of comfort. I keep being amazed by just how fast I am falling into my old habits.

Once Christian closes the door Dr. Flynn gets down to business. "Has Christian told you about his birth mother at all?" I shake my head. Dr. Flynn proceeds to tell me about how Christian was abused for years, nearly to death, only to be left with his dead mother, cold and hungry, for days before anyone made the discovery. Tears are flowing down my face as I picture what he went through. All the sudden, puzzle pieces are coming together at record speeds. The reaction to my leaving, being scared of being touched, the obsession with food and safety. Dr. Flynn continues, "All of that would have left a lifetime of scars but the abuse didn't stop there. He was again put in the path of another abuser during his teenage years. This time he was abused mentally, physically, and sexually. Are you familiar with Elena Lincoln?" He asks me.

"Of course, that is how I was introduced to Christian." I tell him. "She was the one who set up our meeting. We took it from there."

"Elena is Christian's abuser, Anastasia." Flynn states matter-of-factly.

Elena? The kinky spa owner? An abuser? She abused Christian during his teenage years? "How?" is the only word that I manage to spit out of the chaos going on in my mind. It is going to take me years to unpack all the baggage of just the 28 hours.

"I can't give you all the details as I can only tell you as much as Christian allows, however she is a pedophile who preyed on a 15 year old boy and brought him into the BDSM lifestyle. She convinced him that he is incapable of love and worse, unlovable. She controlled him up until recently, providing him with a line of submissive woman, including you, weekly dinner dates where she could feel the temperature of the relationship and convince him to terminate them when she felt he was getting too close, and with blackmail when he didn't do what she wanted. She threatened to out him to his family on a regular basis. It took him a long time to see her as what she is, an abuser and to accept that he is one of her victims. He finally started coming around to this when you were together three years ago but then you left and that sent him into a downward spiral." Flynn tells me grimly, watching me closely for my reaction. I decide to stay quiet and let him continue. "He was on the precipice of a major breakthrough. He finally acknowledge that Elena was using the weekly dinners to manipulate him when she tried to convince him that he needed to break things off with you. Please understand, you have no fault in this Anastasia, you had no idea what was being played out or how Christian was feeling. He couldn't tell you how he was feeling because he thinks he doesn't believe in love, however his actions towards you, the way he lit up when he spoke of you, the fact that he brought you up frequently and asked for advice on ways to make you happy spoke loud and clear. When you left, it reinforced in his mind that he was a monster and unlovable."

My blood is boiling now. "What in the hell? We had a contract that said I couldn't love him. Do you know how hard it is to steel your heart against that man?" I shout. "I had to work hard at NOT falling in love with him. But my leaving for a job opportunity is what he used to justify that he is unlovable? What kind of craziness is this?!" I ask Flynn.

"I didn't say it was rational." Flynn reassures me. "Elena is a very harsh Mistress. A few months after you left, she was frustrated that Christian hadn't required a new submissive. She was experiencing a financial difficulty and Christian paid her a significant finders fee every time he contracts with a new submissive."

I feel the bile creeping up from my stomach as I come to the realization that Elena used me and Christian, in essence bought me.

"She convinced Christian that he was weak and brought two girls here to Escala under the guise that she would retrain him to bring back out the strong dominant so he could again be in control. She handed him the whip and he said that he wielded it a couple of times on each of the girls but he just wasn't getting the rush he usually got from dominating women so he told Elena that he was going to work in his office and they could see themselves out. Only they didn't. Elena beat the crap out of them in retaliation for losing control of Christian. Later that night, Sawyer reported to Christian that there were people still in the playroom and that no parties had left the premises. When Christian came through the door, he picked up the whip that was on the floor and Elena snapped a picture at that time. Because pictures are common practice as insurance that the other party won't betray confidences in Christian's world, he didn't think anything more of it but those are the pictures that have been released to the media. Christian came to me the day after this incident as an emergency session. I have no reason to believe that he was lying and that was over two years ago. You can see the sticky situation Christian is in. In my professional opinion, Christian needs to tell his family what happened to him as a teenager, and by extension, as an adult. Right now all his parents know is what they see in those few pictures that were released. I think he is content to let them believe what they want to believe to avoid hurting them with his abuser is a close family friend. I need you to help me support him so that he is strong enough to tell them the truth. Can you do that Ana?" Flynn asks me.

Can I? I question myself. If he tells his parents about Elena, then by extension he has a sex dungeon? "Does that mean I have to tell them the nature of our relationship?" I ask. I don't think I am ready for that. I don't think I will ever be ready for that.

"No Anastasia. You don't have to tell them anything. They are bright people though and will likely connect the dots so you might want to because the imagination will paint a picture for them that will very likely be inaccurate." He does have a point there.

"Who released the photographs? Elena?" I ask.

Flynn sits back with his fingers clasped. "That, I don't know. I am not even going to pretend to know. That isn't my area of expertise. Now that I have told you the parts of Christian's story that he asked me to share with you, how are you holding up?"

"Honestly Dr. Flynn." I laugh sardonically, "By the seat of my pants at the moment. I feel like I have been ambushed. I can't even think straight. What I want to do is go to Christian now and get some sleep." I tell him truthfully. "Maybe we can talk later?" I ask hopefully.

"That would be good Anastasia. I will get my assistant to put you on the schedule later this week. I will see myself out. Rest up." He tells me as he puts his notepad back into his case.

I stand up and every muscle in my body hurts. How long were we in here? I go off in search of Christian and it doesn't take me long to find him. He is sitting on the floor next to his office door waiting. I don't know what he thought I would hear that would send me running but he was obviously afraid I would. I give him my hand to help him up. He looks like he wants to ask me about the session but is too afraid to hear my answer. To put him out of his misery I throw him a bone.

"Lets go to bed." I tell him and he lights up like a Christmas tree. I smile back at him just as big.

"Yes, let's go to bed." he agrees as he pulls me in the direction of his bedroom and opens the door revealing the very masculine master bedroom.

 **A/N: I found some spare time to write tonight. I hope you enjoy it. I will have another chapter up by Friday and I think that will be the one most of you are looking forward to. This one took a left turn and wrote itself.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I am so sorry for leaving you high and dry! I had internet connectivity problems after a strong storm knocked out the power and an out-of-town husband who couldn't fix anything until he got home last night.**

Chapter 10

I walk into Christian's bedroom for the first time and the beauty of the room takes my breath away. Where most of the penthouse is quite clinical in it's use of the color white, this room is awash in shades of the ocean. The furniture looks to be made of driftwood, over the bed hangs a painting of an angry sea during a storm. I look back at Christian and smile at him as I stand at the foot of the bed. I have no idea which side he prefers.

He stalks towards me with a shy smile. "Let me give you the tour. I wouldn't want you to get lost." He teases me. He wraps me in his arms and points to the various doors around the room. "My closets are those doors over there, that is the door to the rest of the penthouse. This door here will lead you to the security office and the penthouse. It is locked from their end but they have a key so they can enter in case of an emergency, and that one over there is the bathroom." He tells me and spins me around to face him. Some tour, I laugh to myself. "Ana, I promised you that I would always look after you and keep you safe. I am so sorry you got brought into this." he starts.

I put my hand up to stop him. "Did you release those pictures?" I ask point blank.

He looks at me like he just sucked on a lemon. "No, I didn't. Why would you ask that?"

"Because you don't need to be sorry if you didn't release the pictures. Do you know who did?"

"I have a pretty good idea. I have it narrowed down to a few people. Taylor's team is working on the leads as we speak." He tells me with authority and I breathe a small sigh of relief that I see a glimpse of the strong CEO I know shine through.

"Good. Once we know who did it I want to go give them a piece of my mind." I tell him, letting my frustration out a little bit. Whoever did do this can go rot in hell for all I care.

Christian leans down to kiss me on the forehead. "I am sure you will." He says proudly and gives me a light tap on my rear end. I watch him dig through his drawers searching for something. He stands back up with a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt and hands it to me. "You can sleep in this."

"Thank you." I tell him as I take my shirt and bra off to change. It isn't like he hasn't seen everything already. I can't help but to notice that he has stopped what he is doing to watch me with a hungry look in his eyes. I slip the white t-shirt on and slip off my jeans and step quickly into the sweats. Perhaps I should have gone to the bathroom to change and not given him that floor show. He looks like he could eat me alive. While sex should be the last thing on his mind right now, considering the situation, I long ago concluded that Christian uses sex as a coping mechanism. If he was having a bad week at the office, we would have a lot more sex than when things were smooth sailing.

I close my eyes and think of the best way to bring up the topic of telling his family about the abuse he suffered at the hands of Elena. I can't believe she would do something so awful to someone so young. I can't believe that I interacted with a pedophile and I didn't have a clue. I try to think back of something that would have alerted me, a sign, something she said, but I keep coming up blank. Other than being on the kinky side, nothing struck me as odd about her. I am kinda disappointed in myself. I always assumed that I would be able to recognize someone who was truly bad to their core. I guess she had me fooled also.

Christian comes out of his closet wearing sleep pants and t-shirt and immediately climbs into the bed, tapping the other side. "Come, join me Anastasia."

I climb in and I think I just found heaven. I didn't know a bed could be this comfortable. As I place my head on the pillow and turn to him, I take a deep breath. "So Elena, huh?"

He turns his face away from me and grasps tight to his blanket. "Ana. Please, not now."

I knew this wasn't going to be easy. "If not now, when? It is never going to get any easier. Let's just pull this band-aid right off so we can both get a little sleep" I tell him firmly. I will back down if I need to, but I prefer to get this over and done with. "Besides, she had me fooled too." I admit.

Seeming to acknowledge my stubbornness, he rolls over and faces me. He grabs my hands in his and kisses them. "What do you want to know?" He asks sadly.

"Lots." I tell him, and let out a laugh. "But for now, there are a couple of things I want to know." I look him in his gorgeous stormy gray eyes. He gives me a slight nod to go on so I continue. "What has been going on between you and Elena recently?"

He squeezes my hands and starts to speak, "Well, a couple of months ago I asked my accounting department to perform an audit on her salons. you remember, Esclava?" I nod. Of course I do. " Well, when the report came back, there were a lot of red flags. A lot of unexplained expenses. When we followed the leads we found that she was funneling money out of GEH to the tune of a couple hundred thousand a quarter for the last several years. We turned that information over to the proper authorities and they are investigating." he tells me.

"Does she know?" I ask thinking that if she does, there is the motive right there.

He shrugs. "I would think she would know that she is under investigation. Does she know that I turned her in? I don't know the answer to that. I haven't told her anything."

Softly I ask him, "You know you are going to have to tell your parents what happened, don't you?"

He closes his eyes and I watch him for a long minute. He lets go of my hands and I feel his body begin to tremble. When he opens his eyes, they are heavy with unshed tears. I can feel his pain physically and right now I would do anything just to take it away from him. I know he needs to do this, as hard as it is. I reach up and rub his cheek, drying the odd tear that escaped.

"I will help you. I will be there if you want me to be." I do my best to reassure him.

"I don't want to cause them any more pain than I already have." he admits sadly. "You should have seen their faces today, Ana. When they saw the pictures on the television. The disgust, the disappointment. They finally saw me for the monster that I am."

Suddenly he grabs my hand and places it on his chest under his t-shirt. He hisses in pain and do my best to try to pull it off of him but he won't let me. He is too strong for me. I watch in horror as he writhes in pain. "I need this Ana" he grits out between his teeth.

"You need cause yourself pain like this?" I cry out at him. He is starting to calm down. He is only breathing heavily now and I try to remove my hand, but again he stops me.

"Ana, let me do it my way." He pants. Resigned, I leave my hand in his control. Once upon a time I longed to do this very thing.

It takes him a while but eventually he brings himself back to a calm state. He opens his eyes and looks at me. Tears are flowing down my face. Watching him has been excruciating. I have just one question. "Why?"

"Two reasons." He ls me softly, placing a stray hair back behind my ear. "First, to be able to find it in me to tell my parents what she did to me I had to remember what it felt like. What it was like for her to control every aspect of my life and the pain of her punishments. The second reason is because like Elena, my haphephobia has had way too much control over me and I just want to be normal." Well, that makes some sense. Then he adds, "I want to be able to give you everybit of myself next time."

I look at him wide eyed and then I notice that my hand is still splayed across his chest but he had already let me go. I slowly move my fingers across his chest. His stiffens at first but then relaxes into my touch. He lets out a small moan when I lightly squeeze his nipple and then rake my fingernails across him. I am so enamored in exploring the forbidden zone that I get lost in time. When I come back to my senses, I look up at Christian through my eyelashes and I give him a shy smile. He puts a finger under my chin and brings his lips to mine.

The kiss starts of lightly, innocently and builds slowly. I open my mouth to allow him entrance and our tongues duel for control. He brings his hand slowly up my shirt until he reaches my breast. I arch my chest into his hand as he tweaks and twist my nipples. He is making my body feel so good. I moan loudly as he plays my body like a fiddle. I hear him chuckle.

Slowly, he moves light kisses down my body, removing my pants along the way. When he reaches my most delicate spot he gives me a mischievous grin before he begin licking and nipping at my lips. I hold on to the sheets as I writhe in pleasure, moaning my approval loudly.

"Look at me Ana. Watch me." he tells me and I do my best to open my eyes and focus on watching him give me pleasure but as he bites down softly on my flesh my eyes shoot back and my body arches up as I loudly come.

Christian rubs me through my climax and as I come back down he begins to knead and rub my body as he slowly works his way back up to the top of the bed. While he did have me touch him earlier, I am not sure what he would think about being spontaneously touched now so I am being extra careful not to come close to touching him now. He notices how I move my hands away from anywhere that I think he is going to move to and grabs them. "Can I make love to you Anastasia?" he whispers into my ear.

I am vaguely aware of the fact that I didn't want to fall straight away into a physical relationship with this man again but all sense seems to have left my body. All I can think about is how my body is screaming to be touched by him again. I give him a slight nod yes.

He smiles at me. "Is that a yes, Anastasia? I can make love to your beautiful body? Let me hear you say the word sweetheart." he rasps in a deep, husky voice filled with want and need. He is rubbing his fingers in a circular pattern across my belly and breasts.

I close my eyes and try to find the will power to stop this but I can't. I don't want to stop this. It feels too good. We can deal with the fall out later. "Yes, please." The words come falling out of my mouth. "I am on birth control." I tell him.

Satisfied, he rolls on top of me and slowly enters me while kissing and nipping at every bit of my body he can reach. When he gets to the sensitive area on my neck, I scream out in pleasure. I put my hands in his hair and lightly pull and he releases a deep groan. "Please hold me." he begs.

Carefully and lightly, I move my hands from his hair and slowly bring my arms around his back and resting my hands on his lower back. I feel his muscles tense as he thrusts into me. I cradle him in to me as I rest my face onto his chest. I meet him thrust for thrust as he increases his tempo and I am building with him. I look up and see that he isn't far from coming. His gorgeous face is filled with concentration as he chases his orgasm. Watching him is the sexiest thing I have seen in a long time. Before long he stills and calls out my name as he empties himself into me and then collapses on my body.

As the euphoria dissipates, my mind begins to rush. I can't believe we just did that. I was afraid that it would be too easy to start being physical with this man again but that just crossed an emotional plane I wasn't expecting. I can't help the rush of feelings I am having towards this man. Feelings that in the past I was forbidden to have but I suspect they were always lurking close to the surface. As I continue to hold Christian in my arms, I hear his breathing even out and I know he has fallen asleep. I yawn a little, kiss the top of his head and let sleep find me too. We can deal with the fall out of this later.

I wake to Christian gently nudging me. "Ana, wake up." he calls to me. "My parents and Ros are here. Come on, Ana." My body feels unbelievably heavy and I was just so warm and cozy that I resent the intrusion.

"Just five more minutes." I tell him, holding up one hand over my head as I cuddle back into the pillows, making myself comfortable.

He chuckles loudly. "Nope, sleepyhead. My parents are here and I need you to come with me. Now come on." he tells me as pulls the covers off of me.

I don't want to get up but I know he isn't going to leave me alone until I do. I grumpily sit up, vaguely aware of how wild I must look while half awake and with crazy bed head going on. I watching him cross the room and open the door leading to the security office. He pulls a rolling rack full of womens clothing into the room before shutting the door again and turns to me with a big smile. I roll my eyes. Leave it to Christian to arrange an entire wardrobe for me when I haven't been here for 24 hours yet.

As I look at the rack, I notice there are some items that look very familiar. I look at Christian for confirmation. "I had Mrs. Taylor pull this out of storage." he tells me.

"You didn't get rid of them? What about everything else?" I ask, genuinely curious. I can't believe that he didn't get rid of my clothes when I left. I figured he would donate them or something, not keep them.

"I just had them sent to storage downstairs, I don't know why. I guess it seemed wrong to give away anything that wasn't mine." He shrugs and looks at me intensely and adds, "and maybe I was hoping that one day you would come back."

I look back at him and give him little grin while flipping through the many articles of clothing, I pick out a baby blue sundress in a classic cut and a pair of white pumps. Comfortable, but elegant enough to feel confident is the look I am going for. I pick out some underclothes and head for the ensuite to freshen up a little.

The bathroom smells like Christian. He must have recently showered himself because there is still the strong scent of his manly bodywash in the air. I notice how excited just smelling him makes me. I turn on the water jets to prepare for a quick shower and I notice that he has left me my favorite toiletries. His thoughtfulness makes me feel so cared for. I have missed this.

As I step into the shower, I resolve to at least start to examine my feelings. So much has happened over the past two days that it is no wonder I feel as if I am walking in a fog. I don't know where to begin. A quote from Lewis Carroll jumps into my head, "Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop." Alice in Wonderland was my favorite book when I was a young girl. I was even the Queen of Hearts one year for Halloween.

If I am going to start at the beginning, that would be seeing the pictures on the news. How do you really feel about that Ana? I continue to talk to myself. I close my eyes and think hard. How do I feel about the pictures being released? Initially, I was angry and embarrassed. The pictures weren't even of me, but what an intrusion. I am angry that reporters and photographers invaded my life. I am embarrassed that everyone knows that I like kinky sex. I am disgusted that reporters even made the connection having just one picture of us in a public setting.

That brings me back to Sam. I feel a little guilty at how fast I was to break up with him. In hindsight, I think I might have jumped to conclusions that he was cheating on me with Dawn but the reality is that I was just looking for a reason to leave. If I am being honest with myself, I don't think either of us was particularly happy being together anymore but too scare to be alone. Hopefully he finds someone who will make him happy.

My head starts to spin when I think about Christian. All that I learned, all that we have done, all that I am feeling towards him. We need to sit down and seriously talk. Sooner rather than later. I really didn't want to jump right back into the sack with him, but the reality is he weaves some kind of magic that I can't resist. Holding him, something I never imagined getting to do brought strong feelings to the surface and now I am afraid I will no longer be able to control them. Also, my life is in New Orleans, not Seattle. So right now I am just playing with fire. I know this.

After drying off from the shower, I set to work trying to untangle my hair. I hear a soft knock on the door as I am pulling the comb through some of the worst spots. I tighten the towel around me and make sure I am covered up. "Come in."

Christian opens the door and peers in. "I am going to be in the living room. When you are finished, please join me." he says. The expression on his face is begging me to hurry.

"I will see you in there." I confirm. Deciding I don't have time to deal with my hair right now, I quickly put it up into a messy bun and get dressed. I know Christian needs as much support as he can get right now.

After slipping into my shoes and giving myself one last once over, I leave the safety of his bedroom and head out into the main room. It looks to be late afternoon judging by the placement of t+he sun in the sky. I retrieve my phone from the wall charger and join Christian on the couch, oblivious to the reactions of anyone in the room.

I check my phone and notice that Kate has texted me at least 20 times to make sure I arrived in one piece so I shoot off a text to her confirming that I had and apologizing for not texting her sooner. As soon as I finish, I look up and see that I have an audience.

Christian makes room for me next to him on the couch and I squeeze in between him and the arm of the couch. I give everyone a little smile and a nod. I notice Dr. Flynn is there and he is beaming at me. When I look at him he gives me a little wink.

Christian continues from where he left off. "Taylor and Welch have figured out that the pictures originated from Elena's computer. That makes sense as she took the images to begin with."

"Why would Elena take images of you in such a position, Christian?" His mother, Grace, asks him in her no nonsense voice. I can tell that he isn't going to be able to evade her questioning for long. He must have come to the same conclusion because he reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze.

"That is a story for a later, mom." He tells her and I can tell she wants to argue but Carrick puts his hand on her knee to stop her and speaks up himself.

"Son, right now we have pictures that were released to the media of you in a damaging light, Elena Lincoln, and now Anastasia is here. The story is causing more and more damage to your business. Nothing is adding up here. I am trying son, but I don't know how to protect you if I don't know what is going on." I can tell how much Carrick loves his son by how hard he is trying to understand so that he can protect him.

I feel the need to speak up and offer some kind of explanation as to why I am here but I don't. I don't want to make the situation any worse than it already is and I don't know what he has already said about me. I feel his thumb start to massage my palm in an attempt to sooth me.

A fiesty ginger haired woman stands up and hands Christian a thick file. "Christian, PR wants to make a statement as soon as possible. It would be best if we could drop a statement in time for the 9:00 news cycle. Current fallout has been light so far, but I expect they are just waiting to see what the response will be." she reports while staring at me. No doubt full of curiosity about who I am and why I am here. She is dressed smartly in a green power suit and you can tell she is a no nonsense go-getter. She walks up to me and puts her hand out. "Ros Bailey. Chief Operations Officer of Grey Enterprise Holdings" she offers in way of an introduction.

I shake her hand. "Anastasia Steele." I introduce myself but I don't offer her any further explanation.

"Well, I promised that I would take Gwen out to celebrate our anniversary tonight so I am out of here. Grey, get on the statement. Got it?" Ros tells Christian as she heads to the elevator. "Please wait until the morning before you call me." she warns through the closing doors.

I look around the room and see that it is just his parents and Dr. Flynn. I feel Christian tense beside me before he begins to speak. "Mom and Dad, there is something I need to tell you."


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review, follow, or favorite this story. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

Chapter 11

By the time Christian finishes telling his parents about the abuse he suffered through at the hands of Elena Lincoln, his parents are pacing the room. His mother is distraught and his father is downright furious. I will give them both credit, they listened to their son and they didn't interrupt him once.

Now that Christian is finished telling his story, he is becoming more and more anxious as he waits for the onslaught of questions once his parents get over the shock of what they just learned. I am beyond relieved that he managed to keep our relationship out of it for the time being. I don't know if I will ever be ready to discuss our sex life with his mother.

Christian is going between trying to pull his hair out of his head and wringing his hands. He is barely able to remain sitting down on the love seat we are sharing. His parents are speechless and it is killing him. I can't stand watching this. It is heart-wrenching. I know he is afraid that they aren't going to love him anymore but I know nothing could be futher from the truth. Yes, they are upset because what parent wouldn't be? I need to comfort him. I scoot closer so that our bodies are touching and grab his hand. He holds onto it like it is a lifeline.

His father recovers first. "Son, I am so sorry. So so sorry." he tells him and I watch, stunned, as his father kneels down in front of his son, tears streaming from his eyes and begs for forgiveness. "I knew something wasn't right, I should have trusted my instincts." he laments. "Please forgive me." I am uncomfortable watching this very raw exchange between a father and his son. It should be such a private moment and I don't belong here. I hazard a look towards Christian and he looks just as uncomfortable as I feel. Tears are rolling down his father's face onto his lap and I watch as Christian careful pats his dad on the back in an attempt to calm the inconsolable man.

Grace is still quietly crying in her seat. She hasn't made any attempt to move or say anything yet. I can see that she is wrapped in guilt. Elena was her best friend and she brought her son right into her clutches. She is not offering herself an ounce of forgiveness for not protecting him. I need to go comfort her. She didn't know that her friend would prey on her son, it isn't her fault but I can see her breaking. Christian can too as he is keeping one eye on her as he deals with comforting his dad.

Standing up, I make eye contact with Christian, praying that he understands that I am just going to console his mother and not leaving him. I sigh in relief when he gives me a little nod telling me to go on. I slowly approach Grace and put my hand on her shoulder. I don't say anything. I just stand there trying to offer her a small bit of comfort. I can hear that Christian is speaking with his dad but their voices are so soft I can't make out what they are saying.

"I am going to kill her." Grace sniffles. Her first words were so soft I nearly didn't hear her but when I look down at her, she is looking up at me. I pull the ottoman closer to her so I can sit down and talk to her rather than just tower over her.

"I will let you cut the line." I joke back with her and she gives me a little smile and a laugh in response.

She stares at me for a long second and I know without her speaking that her next question is going to be uncomfortable for me. "Were you featured in any of the pictures leaked to the media?" she asks and then adds, "not the one that is clearly you coming back from a day of sailing."

I shake my head at her. "No." I answer simply.

"Did my son," Grace starts, clearly having a hard time asking me her next question. I think she is afraid of the answer. What mother wants to know the details about their son's sex life and let's be frank, she knows way more than any mother should. I watch her take a deep breath. "Did he treat you like that? Like those girls in the pictures?"

I know what she is getting at but I am not anymore comfortable discussing my sex life than she is hearing about it. I decide to play coy and just answer her question in the literal sense. "No. He didn't." I tell her sincerely. It is true, despite the contract and being in a BDSM relationship, he never treated me in a way that I felt demeaned.

She looks up towards the sky and mutters, "Thank God for that."

I reach out and hold her hand. "Grace. I can imagine that the last few days have been extremely difficult for you. How can I help?" I ask sincerely.

She dabs her eyes with her kerchief. "Help me understand. Why do women subject themselves to being treated so badly? Why did my son subject himself to being beaten and tied up and hurt? Why didn't he come to me for help? Why didn't I see any of this? She sits up and lets out a dry laugh. "I really thought my son was gay."

A heavy hand rests on my shoulder as she finishes her questions. I don't have to look up to know that the hand belongs to Christian and he just heard everything his mother just said. I scoot over to the point that I am almost falling off the ottoman to make room for Christian to join us. I see his dad at the wet bar pouring himself a stiff whiskey so they must be finished.

"Mom, I didn't come to you because I felt at the time like I deserved to be hurt like that." Christian explained. "After talking to Dr. Flynn, I have come to terms with the fact that it isn't my fault, what happened to my birth mother, but at the time I felt like I was such a shitty son that I deserved to feel nothing but pain because that is all I caused. I mean, I was putting you and Dad through absolute hell. I could hear you two argue about the best way to deal with me and what my consequences should be."

Grace starts to cry again. "Oh sweetheart, we knew you would have a difficult time after all you had been through before we adopted you. We still wanted you. We still want you now." she reassures him through her own heartbreak.

I reach over and hug Christian. I know he has to be feeling some relief hearing that. He pulls me onto his lap. I am thankful because sharing the ottoman was becoming very uncomfortable. I wrap my arm around his back as I turn my body towards Grace.

"So Mom, I am not gay. This is my girl, Anastasia Steele." He tells her proudly.

I smile at him. We haven't exactly discussed how this new relationship is going to work yet. I would normally think it is way to early to meet the parents but evidently we are doing things backwards this time.

His mother smiles at me. "So, how long have you been together?" She questions. "It has been a long time since that picture of Anastasia at the pier, don't tell me you have been hiding her all this time Christian." She directs a pointed look Christian's way.

"The picture of us by The Grace was taken a few days before I moved to New Orleans. We mutually agreed that a long distance relationship wouldn't work so we ended things. Yesterday was the first time I have seen Christian since." I tell Grace honestly.

This time it is my turn to be the focus of the Dr. Grace Grey stare. "You two seem awfully close if yesterday was the first time you have seen each other in three years." She observes.

She isn't wrong. I can't explain it. I am trying to figure it out myself. All I know for sure is that going home is going to be more painful this time. I've let my guard down and it won't be without consequences. I just shrug my shoulders in response.

"We have a lot to talk about still, Mom." Christian interjects as he wraps his arm around my waist, bringing me closer to him. I look up and give him a shy smile.

Carrick clears his throat from across the room and we all turn to look at him. We watch him down the rest of the amber colored liquid out of the tumbler he was holding. He puts the glass down on the side table with a satisfying bang. "There is so much new information here, Christian. I first want to thank you for enlightening your mother and I. I really think it is important to start getting out ahead of this son and I think I just figured out a way to do it. Why don't we go into your office and call in your guys for the most up to date information?" He suggests as he stands up.

Christian is out of sorts for a second. I don't think he expected his Dad to still stand on his side after his confession but he quickly recovers. "Yeah Dad, I will call Taylor now and we can see where we are." He tells him and then he looks at me. "I trust I can leave you two lovely ladies to get acquainted?"

Grace and I both answer him in the affirmative. He kisses me on the forehead and then follows his father to his office.

I turn back around to face Grace. She grabs my hand and turns it over and I can see her eyes examining my wrists. She is a doctor and she is very quick, but I catch on very quick to what she is doing. My heart drops as I realize that I am going to have to talk about my sex life with my lover's mother.

"Any bruise you find will be because of my own clumsiness." I tell her truthfully. I also want her to know that I am onto her examination.

Grace looks up and blushes. I am sure she has had more than her fair share of conversations regarding a person's sensitive private matters but I am sure she never thought she would be examining her sons lover for signs of abuse, or having a conversation about it either.

"Look, Grace..." I say, picking at invisible lint on the arm of the chair that I am sitting on. "I know this is uncomfortable for the both of us, but let me assure you, Christian never left a mark on my body." The words rush out of my mouth. If I could disappear right now, I would.

Grace face is mixed with equal parts embarrassment and relief. She doesn't say anything for a long minute. I can tell she is weighing what she really wants to know versus what she thinks she wants to know. Curiosity can be a dangerous thing. I give her as much time as she needs to think anything she is about to ask me through.

"Why didn't I know about you before the press snapped that picture?" she asks thoughtfully.

I let out a small sigh of relief that it was a pretty softball question. It is at least one I can answer without too much embarrassment. "Well, it is simple really. Christian didn't want you to know about his preferences and the only way he felt he could do that would be to separate that part of his life from his family."

She crinkles her nose, deep in thought. "But if he didn't turn you black and blue, why did he think we would know what was going on when you were being intimate with each other?" she asks.

"What we both learned today, about his abuse," I start slowly, hoping that I am making some sense. "Well, I think that is what he was most desperate to hide from you. My guess is that his guilt or shame of being victimized was so thick, he just assumed that if you looked at him too long you would see everything and not love him anymore."

"Not love him anymore! How could he possibly think that we would just up and not love him anymore. Did he drive us crazy sometimes, yes! Were there many times that I felt like I was just talking to a wall? Absolutely. But never, not once was not loving him an option!" Grace shouts.

I know she isn't shouting at me and I know she isn't angry with me. It is still difficult to sit here and take her anger without reacting. "You are right, it isn't rational. But I don't think he was being rational. It is clear that man loves you more than life. He speaks about you with such reverence. He named his yacht after you." I joke with her. "You know you are in when they name their toys after you."

"I am sorry Ana. This is just so much to absorb. Everything I thought I knew about my son turns out to be wrong. Don't get me started on my so-called best friend. I can't wait to get my hands on that bitch. I fed my son to a child molester." She barely gets out as her quivers turn to full out sobs.

I reach out and take her hand in mine and just hold it.

I don't know how long we are sitting in silence, hand in hand, when Christian enters the room. He stops abruptly as he notices his mom, tears falling silently down her face as her loud sobbing has since subsided. I smile my best smile in my attempt to assure him that she is going to be okay.

"My team determined that Elena, or at very least Elena's home computer, is the source of the leaked photographs. The press grasped on to you Anastasia because the email that accompanied the photos said that you were one of the girls who were in the photograph." Christian tells me.

"What is the next step?" I can think of several plans of action myself, but I don't know that a single one of them would work. This is why Taylor and his team gets paid the big bucks. I am counting on them to know what the next step should be.

Christian looks at me and his mother thoughtfully before answering. "I left everyone in my office debating that as we speak. I don't like any of the directions they want to go. I am not going to like anything they come up with, I know this. So it is better that I got out of there and let them do their job." He tells us.

Grace chuckles. "That is probably for the best." she agrees. "I am going to go, I think that you and Ana have a lot to talk about and I have a few patients I want to check on before going home." She tells us.

"Do you have to go?" Christian asks, surprising both me and her.

Grace looks at her son like she doesn't know who he is anymore. In some regards, that is true. She was even more shocked when he pulled her in for a hug and rested his head on her shoulder for a good while. At first she stood with her arms straight out, careful not to touch him. I had to take each of her arms and wrap them around his back for her. When he didn't react badly, Grace started bawling like a baby. Christian had tears flowing from his eyes too. I stood back and took a quick picture of their tender moment so they could have it documented for eternity.

"I love you Christian. No matter what. I promise I will call you tomorrow and find out when a convienient time would be to have another visit, okay." She assured her youngest son.

Christian nodded, "Okay Mom."

Grace gathered her purse and umbrella and started for the elevator. "Christian, I like her. Treat her well." She tells him, refering to me.

"I will." He assures her with a serious expression as he presses the elevator call button.

We say our quick good byes as the elevator is on it's way up. Suddenly two men rush into the foyer, one pushing me into a hallway and the other grabbing Christian and his mother and pulling them the other way. I let out a scream. My heart is beating out of my chest, I am so wracked with fear. I have no idea what is happening. Everything is moving in slow motion.

A third man comes running into the foyer and stands to the side of the elevator with his gun pointed at whoever is about to come out. I hear the ding that says the elevator has arrived. I am suddenly pushed behind the man who pushed me into this hallway and I watch him draw his weapon. A hundred different scenarios of what is happening are going through my mind, each one worse than the next.

The elevator doors open and out steps Elena Lincoln, oblivious to the chaos that just ensued in this very foyer moments before.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I am stunned as I watch Elena Lincoln strut into Christian's penthouse like she owns the place. It is very obvious to me just how much power she has become accustomed to weilding in Christian's life.

I shake my head and try to get my bearings back. I look across and see Christian and Grace in an identical hallway across the way. Grace is on the ground, stunned and Christian and Taylor are having a disagreement silently. I presume "Mr. Security" wants to disregard his Chief of Security suggestions on how to handle Elena.

Curious as to where this hallway will lead, I scoot backwards along the marble floor until I notice a stainless steel, no frills elevator at the end of the hall, near the window. Well, that answers my question of how Taylor always manages to beat me upstairs when my elevator leaves first. I have always wondered how he does that.

The sound of heavty footsteps catch my attention. Quickly, I get up and move back to the opening of the hallway. The security guard who was responsible for pushing me has holstered his gun. I try to push past him but he stops me.

"Mr. Grey wants you to remain here with me until he is sure it is safe," he whispers to me.

I make a face to show him I am not happy but nod to assure him that I will comply. And I will, at least for now. Christian's voice carries into the foyer and I strain to listen.

"What are you doing here, Elena?" He asks her coldly.

"Now dear, is that anyway to talk to me?" Elena chastises. "I came to see how you are doing. I just got back into town and I saw the news. I came as soon as I could, I can imagine you need a shoulder to cry on and someone strong to lean on." Elena answers him and I struggle to keep my emotions in check.

Movement catches the corner of my eye and I watch Taylor stealthily move from his position by Grace into the main room where Christian and Elena are.

"That wasn't nessessary. I'm fine." he tells her annoyed.

"Are you? I mean, what must Grace and Carrick think now that they know what kind of monster you are. That girl you have been fretting over, what was her name? Anastasia? Think of all the harrassment she must be going through right now. The intimate details of her life exposed all over the country, good luck ever getting her to speak to you again." God, Elena sounds like a predator. How did I not notice this before? Am I that bad at judging character? I feel guilt crawl over me as I slowly become consumed with self-doubt. "Like I said Elena, I am just fine. My parents and Anastasia aren't any of your concern. Now if you wouldn't mind, you need to leave." Christian tells her, his voice still has a chilly tone as it echos around the penthouse.

I hear the taps of Elena's heels walking deeper into the penthouse. "I am not leaving until I am good and damn well ready." she tells him as her voice fades the further away she gets.

I look back towards Grace and see that the security guard has her restrained. She looks absolutely livid. We can no longer hear Christian or Elena. The man guarding me turns around and looks towards me.

"What is your name?" I ask him.

"Sullivan." he tells me, waving across Grace and her bodyguard. I watch him easily pick up Grace and carry her across the foyer to us. The two men have a brief discussion and I am only able to pick up bits and pieces. They are speaking in a code that I don't understand. Grace either by the look of confusion on her face. As soon as they finish their exchange, Grace and I are both lead to the service elevator and brought down to a waiting SUV in the garage.

Once we exit from the underground parking garage, I stare up towards the penthouse. My anxiety rising as I fear for Christians safety. Then I remember that Carrick and a bunch of other suits were meeting in Christian's home office and I snap my head towards Grace in a panic.

"Dear, Taylor is the best. He won't let anything happen to him." Grace tells me, patting me hand. "But I really wish Gregor would have let me go. I wanted to give that bitch a peice of my mind." she tells me. Mama bear is coming out. I wouldn't ever want to cross Grace, she is livid. I giggle at how her fierce protective side goes against everything she seems to be otherwise. Grace is a woman who loves her son, that much is evident.

"Where are we going?" I ask no one in particular. I am not really expecting an answer because security doesn't often answer any of my questions. I am not considered to be someone who should be "in the know" so I am surprised when Sullivan actually speaks to tells m we are going to Bellevue.

"I am asking Gretchen to put on dinner. Is lasagna okay with you?" Grace tells me, taking charge.

I nod. Lasagna is one of my favorites. "Yes ma'am." My thoughts immediately rush back to Christian, stuck in that penthouse with that monster. I want to go back to him. Now.

"Sullivan, can you take me back to Escala?" I ask him. What is the worst he is going to tell me, no? I know it is a long shot but everything in me needs to know the Christian is okay. I want to protect him. Images of all the possible awful things that could happen to him are flying through my mind.

"No ma'am. We determined that it is too much of a risk for Elena to know you are in town. You will remain at Belleview, out of sight for now. Mr. Grey will meet you there later tonight and he will fill you in himself. If it makes you feel any better, Elena is no longer at Escala and Mr. Grey is currently meeting with the security team leaders, his father and his public relations team." Sullivan answers back, his eyes never leaving the highway.

I immediately feel relief at the news that Elena has left. "Yes, thank you Sullivan." I spend the rest of the trip to Belleview wondering if Sullivan's thorough anwer was because of his nature or because Mr. Grey told him to inform me so I would be put at ease. In either case, I am relieved and I take several large, cleansing breaths to try to relax

The car pulls into an beautiful large estate with a perfectly manacured yard and foliage. I feel my jaw drop as I gaze up to admire the Grey's home. Through conversations we did have back when I was Christian's submisive I knew that he grew up at his parents house in Bellevue and that they still lived there but I never pictured such a beautiful, large place

"Welcome to our home." Grace tells me, beaming with obvious pride. "I never thought I would see the day that a girlfriend of Christian's would darken our doorstep but I am so pleased that you are here Ana." She chatters while we climb out of the SUV.

We walk along the side of the house and enter though a side door leading right into the kitchen. I thought Christian had a dream kitchen but Grace's kitchen is everything that Christian's is not. Where Christian's is cold and industrial, Grace's is warm and inviting. The terra cotta tiled floor, the blue and white tiles, and the light wood tones come together to create a room that I could positively live in for the rest of my life happily. I can smell the lasagna cooking and my mouth waters.

Grace pulls down two glasses and fills them with iced water and sets them on the island before she sits on one of the barstools and motioned for me to take the other one.

Pulling out the second seat, I comply with the unspoken command. We just look at one another for a minute. I am not sure what, if anything, I should say. I feel awkward all the sudden. Kind of like when you play picture puzzles hunting for the thing that doesn't belong. I don't feel worthy of sitting in this beautiful house with this perfectly put together woman.

Gretchen dances around the kitchen, dressed formally in a white blouse and black pencil skirt with her blond hair pulled back into a perfect, sleek bun. I watch and admire her technique as she multi-tasks putting together a meal expertly. I want to reach out and grab the vegatables that she is slicing because that is a role that I am comfortable in. I don't though. Instead I sit as Grace studies me.

"Ana, relax" She finally breaks the silence, "I promise I won't bite. I would like to get to know you better, dear. Would you mind telling me a bit about yourself?" she asks me.

"Well, I am from Montesano." I begin. I tell Grace about growing up in a small town, about my parents and their divorce and my mothers subsequent marriages. I tell her about meeting Kate and the fun we have despite our differences. I tell her about my job and living in New Orleans. I am much more guarded when I finally speak about her son and our newly budding relationship. She already knows much more than I would ever want her to. "Please tell me what Christian was like as a little boy." I ask as I become aware that I have been dominating the conversation. Not that Grace seemed to mind, she appeared to be hanging on my every word.

On her queue, Grace becomes animated and her love for her son shows fully in her pride for him. "Let's go sit in the family room, I keep the photo albulms in there." She tells me, and I follow her lead as she stands up and heads for another part of the house.

We must have spent the better part of the afternoon looking at pictures of the Grey family through the years. Christian was an absolutely gorgeous little boy even though he is scowling in every single picure. My favorite was one where he is standing in wonder in front of what Grace said was his first Christmas tree trying to touch an ornament shaped like a helicopter. I wonder if that is what started his fascination with flying. The reason it is my favorite is that he still has that same sparkle in his eye when he speaks about flying or Charlie Tango.

"Thank you Grace." I tell her as I rub my fingers softly over the last picture album cover.

"It was my pleasure dear and a delightful trip down memory road if I say so myself. I would imagine that our men should be here shortly so if you will excuse me, I am going to freshen up."

I smile at her and look for something to keep myself occupied while she is away. It is always a little strange when I am left to my own devices in a home that isn't my own.

Grace tilts her head at me and she must sense my unease. "Come along dear, let me show you to the room that you are going to be staying in. That will help you get a little more comfortable, I am sure." She tells me, throwing me a lifeline.

I follow her across the house and up a spiral staircase and down a long hallway. Finally, she stops at a door and pulls out a key. She opens the door to reveal a bedroom, tastefully decorated with a nautical theme. The navy blue bedding contrasting against the honey toned wood furniture. "This is the room that Christian grew up in." she tells me. "There is a bathroom over there if you would like to freshen up also. I will let Christian know where to find you if he gets here before dinner is ready."

"Thank you Grace." I say, finally remembering my manners. Grace walks away as I take a step into the room in awe. Slowly, I look around trying to commit the room to memory. It is like a museum in here. It's like Christian never left and still lives in here. There are posters on the wall showing Christians favorite fighters, a bulletin board with notes, articles, and reminders, and on his desk is an open book. I pick it up and see that it is a copy of Tom Sawyer. I look through the books on his bookshelf. I am impressed by Christian's adolecent collection. There are of course books you would expect to see in a boys room like Guiness Book of World Records but amongst those are true classics. I select The Secret Garden off the shelf, slip of my shoes and get lost in the English countryside.

I glance up as I feel the bed dip and see a very tired Christian Grey looking at me with a small smile on his lips. "If only the teenage me could have had a crystal ball to see that one day I would find this bed occupied by the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on." He rasps.

I sit up so that I can give him a soft kiss on the cheek. I am so relieved to see him here, in front of me, unharmed. My lips tingle from brushing against his stubble. He pulls me into an embrace and I melt into him, carefully wrapping my arms around his so that I can hold him. This feels good. He plants several kisses on my forehead.

"You scared me a little." I tell him honestly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to scare you." He answers me sincerely. "I needed to figure out where Elena's head is. The only way for me to do that was to talk to her. I didn't think she was a danger to me because at this point she thinks she has the upper hand and doesn't have a clue that we suspect her. Now if she saw you, that might have lead to bigger problems. For now, I am thankful that she didn't."

"Why would seeing me lead to bigger problems?" I think I understand, but I want him to explain further.

"Well, if she saw you it might send her into a jealouse rage." he says simply and then adds, "Also, she might suspect that we are on to her if she were to know you were here. The two of us have the pieces to puzzle between us. Apart, we would have a much more difficult time figuring this thing out."

I nod. "Ah." I can't help but be slightly disappointed. I was hoping he would bring up his feelings towards me but he didn't.

He kisses my nose. "Don't be like that. Let's go eat dinner. I will fill you in on everything after we eat. Okay?"

I place my hand in his and stretch before he leads me to the dining room and his waiting family.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I am so very sorry that this update took so long. I promised that I will not abandon this story and I will keep that promise. Real life has been getting in the way lately which makes finding time to write difficult but I am carving out minutes every chance I get. Thank you for reading.**

Chapter 13

Dinner was delicious and conversation came easily. Carrick was warm and Grace was delightful as usual. Christian was exceptionally easygoing tonight and smiles came easily and often. I imagine that he is feeling so much better now that the weight of his dark secrets aren't hanging over him anymore. His parents know everything there is to know and they are still here, loving him.

After a scrumptious desert of peanut butter pie and coffee, Grace and Carrick head off in one direction and Christian and I head off the opposite way. Christian takes my hand and leads me outside and into the gardens. We silently admire the beauty surrounding us as we slowly walk listening to sounds of the gently lapping waters of the Sound. When we come upon a gazebo with a bench swing, Christian sits and then guides me onto his lap. I lay my head on his shoulder and admire the moonlight reflecting on the water. Despite the awful circumstances that brought me here, I feel happy and content in this moment.

"The truth is Ana." Christian starts softly. I sit up straighter so I can look at him. Christian looks down nervously, almost like he has second thought about what he wants to say. "The truth is that..." he trails off.

"Yes Christian?" I question still feeling the calm of contentment. While he might be scared to tell me whatever it is that he has found, I have a feeling of peace about it. We will deal with whatever comes as it comes.

He crashes his mouth onto mine and his tongue enters, slowly rubbing against mine, dominating me. I feel his hands running over my body, paying special attention to the places that give me the most pleasure. I moan softly as his lips nip at my neck. I reach up and rub his face with one hand and pull at his hair with the other. He responds with a growl of his own.

Pulling apart, reality suddenly intrudes on our romantic haze. I remember that I am sitting in his parents garden and if that isn't like ice water on my labido, I don't know what would be. "So what happened at your place with Elena. I could hear the first part of your conversation but then your voices faded away. I was so scared." I tell Christian truthfully.

Christian leans back and closes his eyes. "Well, if you remember, my dad and lawyers were still in my office." He tells me. "So, I brought her in there. I wanted to throttle her. I wanted to squeeze the life out of her but I can't so I instead I lead her to a room full of lawyers." He lets out a wry laugh. "She didn't catch on to the fact that everyone was listening to her every word and taking notes for later. Stupid cow. But anyhow, I can't let her know that I am on to her yet so I pretended to be between a rock and a hard place and accepted whatever help she could offer like I needed her. It made me feel physically sick but I am not ready to reveal my hand yet. I sent her on a wildgoose chase hoping that she will drop enough information for my guys to go into her systems and get some definitive evidence. She is going to regret the day that she met me when I am through with her."

"Ah. I had no idea what was happening. What did she think when she saw your father helping you?"

He lets out a loud belly laugh. "My father played the part of begrudgingly helping his wayward son very well. He had Elena eating out of his hand while calling me just about every name in the book. Thankfully he texted me what he was going to do first so I knew he was acting. He should audition for roles, he was that good." he says proudly.

I look around the moonlit garden. I am trying to get up the courage to ask the question I most want the answer to. I feel Christian's hand on my chin, pulling it down to release my lip that I must have been biting. I don't even realize when I bite my lip but it drives him wild for some reason I just don't understand.

"I was going to ask you to stay here because I don't want Elena to know that you are in town but upon further reflection, that isn't a good idea. As far as Elena is concerned, her best friend is my mother and I am surprised she hasn't already shown her face here. I imagine she will come by tomorrow. My dad is explaining to her what our plan is so hopefully her acting skills are as good as his. My access codes have been changed and we are going to lock the foyer doors. I have asked that she be put on a list that requires an escort to get to me rather than the full access she has previously enjoyed. When she questions the changes, it is going to be a natural upgrade in security in light of the present events." Christian grabs my hand and interlocks his large, strong fingers through mine. "I need you to promise me that if she comes over, you will stay quiet and out of sight." he asks me, his expression stern.

I hate that I can't give that woman a peice of my mind but if promising to stay away from her gives him some peace of mind, I will give him that. I take a deep breath before looking at him. "I promise." I tell him softly, but sincerely.

Christians beams down a breathtaking smile at me. "I promise that when all this is over, I won't stand in your way and you can take her down." He banters as he stands up and offers me his hand. "Shall we go home?"

Home. And my smile fades. Home is in New Orleans, not here in Seattle. While I am here for a week or two at most, after that, I have to go back home. Kate, my job, friends are all in New Orleans and while I followed Taylor and Gail willingly and excitedly, I was in no way expecting to come here to stay for longer than that.

"Ana?" Christian questions sensing the sharp downturn in my mood. I look up at him and his face is mirroring mine. We both look unsure and uneasy. "What's the matter?"

I bite the inside of my cheek. I want to ask him how this ride is going to end. I want to ask him how he feels about me. But I am afraid that I might not like the answer. I think carefully before answering him. "You called the penthouse home." I explain immediately wanting to kick myself. Of course the penthouse is his home. "I mean, you said let's go home implying that it is also my home which at present, isn't." I clarify for him.

"Oh, is that all?" He blows off my concern and starts walking towards his parents house. "In that case, let's go to my home."

I never realized how long his strides are until I am chasing him, trying to catch up. Abuptly he stops and turns around. "Ana, seriously, what is mine is also yours." he tells me as if I should know this.

I wrinkle my brow. "Christian, seriously, we are not married. It doesn't work like that. And you know that I don't want all of your stuff. Money doesn't do it for me." I tell him, growing increasingly aggitated.

"Oh, and what does do it for you Ana? Just fucked up old me? Likely story." He spits out coldly and resumes his trek back to the house.

I can't believe what a child he is being right now. I have half a mind to spank him with this childish behavior. I stop midstride, my eyes open wide in shock over my own thought. I have never wanted to spank anyone before. He is so far ahead of me that I would have to yell for him to hear me so I decide not to answer him. The last thing I need is for Grace and Carrick to hear this. I remind myself that he has been put on a rollercoaster over the past couple of days and it is only natural for him to snap at me during a time like this. In fact, just getting snapped at is nothing compared to some other times he has feels out of control like this.

Finally reaching the main house I enter through the french doors leading into the family room and I follow the sounds of the voices. "No, I think that I am going to take her back to the penthouse. I imagine that she is tired." I overhear him telling his parents.

"She is absolutely lovely Christian. I am so glad I finally got to meet her this time." I hear Grace gush.

I step into the foyer and show myself. Christian reaches for me and pulls me to his side. Grace beams at me. "I hope to see you again soon, Anastasia." she tells me as she pulls me in for a warm embrace. "You are good for each other." she whispers in my ear.

I smile back at her as I step back. "Thank you Grace, for everything." I tell her sincerely.

Christian leans in and gives his mother a kiss on the cheek. "Good night mom. I'll talk to you tomorrow." he promises as he lets us out of the house and towards Taylor and the awaiting SUV.

The drive back to the penthouse seems to be going much quicker than the drive out to Bellevue. Probably because the frustratingly beautiful man sitting next to me silently brooding is very clearly safe and sound. As he stares out the window, I study him. It is clear that the stress is getting to him. I wish I could make all of this go away, for both of us. Reaching out, I place my hand on my knee. I just need to feel some sort of connection with him. He places his hand over mine which gives me a small amount of comfort since he still won't look at me. At least he hasn't completely shut me out.

Before long, we are back on the elevator heading up to Christian's penthouse. I carefully watched him enter the new code and I would swear on a bible that he entered my birthday, year and all. I am not sure that is the most secure number but I assume that it was run through security.

When the doors open, Christian is the first one out. He takes off in the direction of his office without looking back. I stop and watch him leave and I feel the disappointment all the way down to my toes. My shoulders sag in defeat as I take a seat on the chair in the front entry to think. I do my best to remember our previous conversation. I had thought everything was going so well until he brought up this penthouse being home and then we fought over money, or what I want or don't want with his . Hell I don't even know. How am I supposed to make things right when I don't know what the fight was really about in the first place?

Yawning, it dawns on me just how tired I am. I stand up and resolve to wait this out while getting some much needed sleep. I decide to have a quick cup of tea before bed and head into the kitchen to fix it. Christian saying "just fucked up old me" is playing on repeat in my head. It really bothers me that he believes that. I smile remembering the time how he dealt with me saying that I am just a plain Jane. Being tied to the spanking bench all afternoon where he would alternate spanking me with different instruments and rubbing himself while examining my pink behind. Every single time I sat down during the following week I was reminded that he didn't want me to think that I wasn't beautiful. I don't think that Dom Christian would ever allow me to tie him up and spank him. I really don't think I actually want to spank him either but for some reason I am really enjoying this fantasy.

The whistle of the kettle catches my attention and I pour the hot water into the oversized black mug I had waiting. I take my time unwrapping the tea bag before dipping into the steaming liquid a few times before setting it aside and moving to the more comfortable breakfast nook. I grab the newspaper that was sitting in its usual spot and start reading. Anything to distract me from the current situation with Christian.

Thirty minutes later I am all caught up on the news and out of tea. I am feeling every bit of the exhaustion I should after a day like today. I get my tired body up, wash my mug, and head off in the direction of the bedroom. I stop dead cold when I realize I am not sure which bedroom I should go to. I don't know that he would welcome me into his bed if he is already there. Looking in the direction of his office, I can see the glow of the light coming from underneath. I am sure he isn't in his room already. I could go to the guest bedroom which is in the room next to his, I mean some of my belongings are still in there. For some reason, it just doesn't feel like the right thing to do. I think it would be better if I went to sleep in his bed. If he doesn't like it, he could choose to sleep somewhere else. God knows this place isn't lacking for comfortable beds. I don't want him to think I completely abandoned him and I am afraid that if he finds the bed empty it will send him further into the downward spiral than he is already on. I quickly slide out of my clothes and into his bed wearing only a pair of panties. His bed is so comfortable. I pull the blankets up around me and turn on my side letting sleep catch me.

The movement of the bed startles me awake. I freeze and wait to see what Christian is going to do. I can feel him moving around the room as he gets ready for bed. Before long, I feel the movement of the blankets as he slides in beside me, wrapping his arm around me. I smile to myself as I relish in the comfort of his small gesture of affection. Rolling over to face him, I wrap my arm around him and we lie together, holding each other for a long while not saying anything.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N It has been too long since I last posted. My real life has gone topsy turvy on me and I have spent the last few months in complete shock that is finally wearing off. Turns out that sometimes really good things can be just as shocking as the really bad things. Anyhow, I lost my muse for a little bit but she is back. Thank goodness! I tried to write but it was complete rubbish, just trust me on that. I pray I won't leave you hanging this long again.**

Chapter 14

I awake to the light streaming into the room and the bed empty. Disappointment flows through me. I thought we had made a breakthrough when Christian came to bed last night. Evidently not. The spot he had occupied has long gone cold.

Sighing loudly I throw off the blankets and untangle myself from the sheets. My stomach growls loudly reminding me that I need to eat something. I grab a robe and wrap it tightly around me and head to the kitchen to take care of breakfast before I shower.

As I pass Christian's office my heart sinks further. The door is open, the lights are off and Christian is nowhere to be found.

I find Gail toiling around the kitchen as she usually does at this time in the morning. She places a cup of hot water in front of me. I look down to see a small plate with a spoon and a teabag already waiting for me. She is good, I have to give her that.

"Thank you." I tell her softly. I want to ask her if she knows Christians whereabouts but I know it wouldn't be appropriate. She will only tell me if he has given her permission to tell me and if he has, she will tell me without my having to ask for the information. It is frustrating.

"Of course Ms. Steele. Can I fix you anything to eat?" She asks professionally.

I raise my eyebrow at her. Is that a clue of some sort? I know I have asked her to call me Ana. "Ms. Steele? Is that a hint Mrs. Taylor?" I snap, immediately regretting my harsh tone.

Gail crinkles her brow. "Sorry Ana, old habits die hard." She explains and then offers, "I can make you a veggie omlet and toast if you would like."

"If it isn't too much trouble, that would be wonderful." I admit, sheepishly.

In her usual efficiant manner, Gail fires up the stove top and whips up a perfect omlet filled with spinich, onions, peppers, and tomato and before I know it, a place is being passed in front of me. "Here you go dear. Let me know if I can get you anything else."

"Do you know where Christian is?" I ask quickly, momentarily forgetting my filter. My eyes open wide in my embarrassment. "Never mind, I shouldn't have asked." I drop my eyes back down to my plate and focus on eating

In my field of vision I see Gail throw down her towel and come around the breakfast bar. Standing behind the stool next to me she asks permission. "Do you mind?"

With my mouth too full to answer her I wave my hand at her hoping it gives her the answer she is seeking. It must because she pull out the seat and climbs up, now sitting next to me with a cup of coffee.

"Ana, I really hope that I am not too out of line in saying this. It really isn't any of our business but I would be lying if I pretended like I don't know what goes on around here. I will always be discreet, of course. Without violating the confidence that my boss has in me, I am going to ask you to be patient with him. Woman to woman, he is crazy about you. He does things for you that he hasn't ever thought to do for anyone else. But he is also raw. His entire world has just shattered and he is trying to pick up the peices and nothing is fitting back into where they once belonged. In some ways, this will be the best thing that could have happened to him but he won't see it that way for some time yet. He is scared. Right now, he is at GEH headquarters meeting with several department heads to try to contain the damage. This is the first time he has gone to the office since the news broke the other day. Taylor said that if you are up to it he will arrange someone to bring you up to GEH so you can have lunch with Mr. Grey." Gail finishes and takes a long, slow sip of her coffee.

I try to wrap my head around her words. That is more than I would have ever hoped for and I grateful for her wisdom. If I ever questioned her affection for Christian it was just placed on full display. Yet, she hardly gave anything away. I need to bounce off my feelings off someone and I go back and forth over whether to worry Gail with it. Picking up my half drunk mug of tea I swirl as I play a game of should I or shouldn't I.

"Earth to Ana." she teases me. "Let me know what to tell Taylor. He will need a little bit of time to get everything in order for you."

I sigh. "Of course Gail. Yes, I would like to eat lunch with Christian." I confirm. "But I need some advice. I really don't know who to talk to and I am just so confused." Tears spring to my eyes and I can feel my face become hot and red as I tell her how I did my best to forget he existed for as long as I could. How surprised I was at just how happy I was to get the opportunity to see him again. How all these feelings that I have been suppressing have suddenly rushed up to the surface and I don't know how to handle it. I explained how before there were rules that I had to follow and that made things so much easier for me. I knew I wasn't allowed to fall in love with him so I didn't. Well, in hindsight I certainly developed a deep affection for him but it was easy to tell myself that I didn't love him. Now everything is murky and one wrong move and now everything has gone to shit.

Gail nods at the right times, and places her hand on my knee as I bawl my heart out to her. She is really good at the listener. But there is a limit to what she can do or say. We both know that. She gives me a motherly pat on the back and then scoots down from her chair and takes my cold cup of tea with her. I watch her competence in the kitchen as she glides from one spot to the next. Before I know it she is back with two cups of hot liquid; coffee for her, tea for me.

"Ana. One day, when you are my boss as well, you will appreciate my discretion." She tells me bluntly.

Stunned, I stare at her while my mouth bobs up and down trying to make a coherent response. Her boss one day? She really has some high expectations.

"But," she continues, "I do have some advice from my own personal experience I can share." she tells me with a gleam in her eye. "When Taylor first was hired, I couldn't stand him. He couldn't stand me much either. I thought he was just another stuffy man in a suit." she laughs as she tells me the story of how they ended up together. How they went from being advosaries to confidants to best friends. She explained how on one night their regular movie night became something hot and steamy and they haven't looked back since. "We were so worried about what Mr. Grey was going to say about it that we did hide it for a while. But he is nothing if not astute. I think he was well aware of our relationship for a while before he let us know he was on to us." She confides. "But astute or not, what is developing between you is new to him. And often new is scary, especially when you so want things to move in a certain way and when they don't..." she trails off trying to think of the perfect word. "overreactions are bound to occur."

I take a moment to ponder that. I hadn't given that perspective any thought before but it does make sense. I resolve to use lunch time to my advantage. If Christian needs to feel more secure in whatever this is, I want to help give that to him.

After thanking Gail for the breakfast and the chat and confirming the time I need to be ready to leave, I head back to the bedroom to get ready for the rest of the day. Entering the bathroom, I start the shower and get lost as the warm water flows over me. I replay the conversation I just had with Gail over in my mind. I become giddy, I can't help myself. It would make sense that he is simply scared right now. It is in that revelation that I know exactly what I need to do.

I get dressed with purpose. I start with speading a warm vanilla scented lotion that I know Christian likes. Slowly, I brush the tangles out of my long hair as I blow dry it and pull it up into a bun, leaving my neck exposed. I walk over to a drawer he dedicated to me and picked out a sexy but demure matching panty set. One that is slightly sexy, but enough coverage that it isn't slutty. I walk back into the closet and search for an outfit that will help me feel confident. I pull out a vintage floral shift dress in different shades of blues and try it on. I don't remember seeing this dress before but it does the trick. I am not at all surprised that it fits me perfectly and makes me feel beautiful and feminine and strong. Christian isn't going to know what hit him.

Glancing at the clock I see that I have just over an hour before Taylor will be here to collect me so I lug out my work computer and set up a work station in the living room. After checking in with my boss, Ms. Stewart, I quickly get lost in work. Some assignments can be downright brutal but this story has a lot of potential and I am enjoying myself as I edit.

Before I know it Taylor arrives back at the apartment. He first goes into the kitchen to collect our lunch and say hello to his girl. I am grateful for the extra time so that I can organize my work before I leave. It makes it so much easier to jump back into when I get back to it later.

The elevator ride down was a bit more comfortable this time and the ride to GEH was quick. I have seen GEH from the outside many times but I have never been welcome into the actual building before. Taylor parks the car and comes around to the backdoor to let me out.

As I climb out, Taylor grabs my arm and looks me in the eye. "Ana, today has been especially rough. I want you to stay close and if you want to leave at any time, just say the word. Got it?"

His seriousness tempers my excitement. "Got it." I affirm as I step down out of the car and wait as he grabs the lunches that Gail sent along with us. "You know I could help you carry those." I inform him knowing very well that hell will freeze over before he would think to let me help him.

"I've got it, Ana. Come on." He tells me, annoyed that I had the gumption to even offer. I had to stiffle a little laugh when he passes the burden of carrying the lunches off to the first security officer that he passes.

"Excuse me! Ma'am. Excuse me! Stop." The receptionist at the visitor desk starts yelling as I pass her. I don't slow down because Taylor didn't slow down and he told me to stay close. I turn back to look at the receptionist but see that another member of security is taking care of the situation. Taylor inserts his key into an elevator and we are again being whisked up to the top floor.

"Fear of elevators would be a deal-breaker for this job, huh?" I ask with mirth in an effort to lighten the mood a little.

It works. Taylor cracks a small smile. "I suppose it would be. Luckily for Mr. Grey, little elevators have nothing on me." As the doors open, I see Taylor straighten up and put on his serious face again. He leads me through the executive office and straight into Christian's office.

"Sir, Ms. Steele is here." Taylor tells the back of an oversized, plush, leather office chair.

I notice the chair moves slightly, but doesn't turn around. The sounds of clinking metal catch my attention and I see the same blond receptionist I noticed from getting off the elevator quickly setting up the table with our lunch. Taylor puts his hand on my shoulder. "I will be in my office next door. I will take you whenever you are ready." he reminds me and then leaves, shutting the door behind him.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

I stared at the back of Christian's chair for what seems like hours but in reality it has only been a few minutes. My mind races as it tries to formulate a plan on how to deal with this side of the man that has absolutely been driving me crazy. He knows I am here but he isn't showing any sign of acknowledging it. Slowly, I take a seat in one of the plush chairs sitting opposite his desk and wait him out. Surely, he can't stay there forever. I chastise myself for not bringing any of my work with me because clearly, there would have been plenty of time to get something done. Desperate for something to do, I pick up a file off of his desk and start trying to make sense of what I am reading.

After studying the report for a long while, I finally feel I am getting somewhere in understanding what it means. Numbers have never been my favorite thing to work with, I chose a degree in English Literature for reason but I have to admit that comprehending this has been rewarding, fun even. Glancing up I expect to see the back of Christian's chair but instead I am met by his gray eyes studying me.

"Why don't you save me some time and tell me what you discovered." he asks, a small grin growing on his very tired and worn out face.

"I dabble in words, not numbers. This is your world." I tell him matter of factly. Heavens forbid he makes a poor business decision based upon my ability to decipher his reports. I don't want that on my conscience.

He winces a little at my bluntness. "I would like it very much if this could be our world. I love you Ana." The words rush out of his mouth and he looks shocked that they came out at all.

In that moment I become breathless. I am stunned by his candid admission and I don't doubt his sincerety for a second. Being keenly aware of his easily wounded ego I quickly wrack my brain for the right words. Of course I want to see where a relationship would go with this beautifully complicated man but there are so many obstacles and unanswered questions. Living in his world is very different from having his world and I am nowhere near ready to take that plunge. My stomach is in knots as I try to successfully navigate this newest landmine.

Deciding on proximity, I slowly get up and move around to his side of the desk. He swivels his chair to face me and I see him swallow hard, anticipating my reaction. I reach for his hand and takes mine pulling me down onto his lap. Now face to face, I plant a small kiss on his cheek. "I love you too even though I am still mad at you." I reassure him as I mold my body onto his. "I'm scared though," I admit quietly, "and hungry."

Just as I suspected, telling Christian that I am hungry immediately called him to action. He whisked us both to his conference table and began dishing out the tortilla soup Gail sent. As soon as he added a dollop of sour cream and a sprinkle of cheddar cheese he placed it in front of me before starting on his own. Trying to be polite, I wait while I watch him prepare his own bowl but as soon as he notices that I am waiting on him he tells me to eat so I pick up my spoon. I am not in the least bit surprised to find the soup is absolutely delicious and my eyes roll into the back of my head in appreciation.

We stick to small talk in an effort to escape from the heaviness of our earlier conversation. There is so much more that needs to be said and discussed but there will be time for that later.

"If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?" I ask him.

His eyes sparkle in amusement at my question. "I can go anywhere I want in the world," he reminds me. "Now if you are asking where I would love to go on a vacation, that would be somewhere quiet on the water. I am drawn to the water." he admits. "What about you? Where would you like to go?"

Hummm, where would I like to go? "Near the water?" I ask him to clarify.

"In the world." he says simply.

"There are so many places! Cancun, Florida, London for sure, Japan, Egypt, Australia, Fiji," I begin listing places I've dreamt of travelling in the past but then remember I am talking to Mr. Big Spender and clam right back up. If I am not careful, he will have a plane ready to go before the day is done and I don't want to take advantage of him. "Of course, not anytime soon. The best part of a trip is planning it and counting down the days until departure." I tell him hoping he didn't get any ideas.

With the soup now gone, we slowly get into dicier territory. "Today isn't going as bad as I thought it would?" he announces out the blue.

I cock my head to the side and wrinkle my brow at him. "Taylor said you were having a rough day."

He laughs easily. "He would say that. He isn't wrong. It has been a rough day. It just hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. Most of the business has remained stable. My main team has stated their support to stick by me. There were a few exceptions but no one I couldn't stand to lose. One manager I was actually happy to see go so that is a small win for me. PR still wants me to do an interview. Scratch that, they want us to do an interview. I don't see where that would be beneficial so it was a bit tense but they backed off." Christian shrugs and gets up from the table. "I would say the worst part of my day has been knowing that I overreacted last night and acted like an asshole and then left you in bed this morning."

Getting up I walk into his embrace. "That you did." I tell him simply.

He stares into my eyes before bringing his mouth to mine. "I'm sorry," he whispers against my lips. Slowly we increase the pressure and passion of our kiss. I can feel his love in my bones and goosebumps form on my arms as he pours all of his emotions into this one intimate kiss. I return it with equal fervor hoping he feels what I am trying to convey to him that same way I feel what he is giving.

My panties are slowly become wet with need for more. I try to grind myself against him but he stops me. "Not here sweetheart. I am going to make love to you when I get home tonight but I am not going to take you here in my office." I hear his raw desire in his raspy voice but I know enough about his self-control to know not to try anything further. I try to contain my disappointment and I stare at the floor so he can't see how hard I am taking his rejection.

I feel his hand on my chin, trying to pull my face up so he can look at me but I fight to keep my head down. It is all I can do to keep my tears at bay. Damnit Ana! I chastise myself for being so emotional. I don't understand why I am crying myself, the last thing I want to do is have to try to explain it to him.

"Ana!" he kisses the top of my forehead. "I love you so much. So much baby! Please don't cry." he implores me to understand him. I bring my eyes heavy with unshed tears up to meet his. I want him to see how he has made me feel. "Ana, my girl, quick office sex isn't good enough for you. Besides the fact that I have a meeting in here in twenty minutes with Ros this office isn't soundproof enough."

The thought of those outside of this office hearing us having sex is enough to tame my labido and my emotions. He wasn't rejecting me; he was looking out for me. I nod my head, not yet trusting my voice. I reach for his hand and squeeze it.

"Let me call Taylor to let him know you are ready to go back." He tells me and presses the intercom button on his desk.

"Yes Mr. Grey." A crisp voice calls from the speaker on the wall.

"Andrea, please tell Taylor that Ms. Steele will be ready to leave in five minutes." Christian speaks towards the speaker but not letting go of me.

"Yes sir."

I am in awe of how when he snaps his fingers, people jump for him. I can't imagine what that must be like. It explains the power trips he can be prone to. Power is addicting. I raise an eyebrow at him, "five minutes?"

"I wasn't quite ready to let you go yet." he admits as he brings me back in for another one of his mind blowing kisses. I don't know how he became such a fantastic kisser. I don't think I want to know, but right now I am enjoying his expertise.

We are interupted by Taylor clearing his throat. He slipped in so quietly, neither one of us heard him enter. Christian gestures for Taylor to wait a minute longer.

He caresses my face and I am vaguely aware that the blond woman has entered the room to pack up our lunch from earlier. Christian also notices but ignores her. "I don't plan on staying late today. I only have two more meetings on the schedule, once they are finished I am coming home and I will be all yours." he promises me.

"I love you." I whisper quietly so only he can hear me.

He beams his megawatt smile and kisses me on the nose. "I love you too," he tells me loudly enough for the two other people in the room to hear. The blond lady startles and stops what she is doing and shoots Taylor a look. Taylor just smiles at us. I bet he can't wait to get home to tell Gail. I can only imagine they must have a grand time gossipping at our expense but at least they keep it amongst themselves.

Christian motions the blond woman over and she walks towards us cautiously. "Ana, this is Andrea Parker. She is the best personal assistant at Grey House and one of my most indispensable employees. Andrea, Anastasia Steele. I would like to make sure she is allowed access to me at all times. If she needs me, please make sure she gets through to me."

The woman I now know as Andrea puts her hand out to shake mine and we politely greet one another. She is doing her best not to gawk at me and if I were being honest, I wouldn't deny that it was making me feel uncomfortable. I can just imagine the questions she must have. I just know she is too professional to ever voice any of them to either one of us from the stories I have heard about the ever capable, always efficient Andrea.

Whoa! I need to reign in my jealousy. Andrea has been Christians PA for years and while it is quite evident that Christian admires her work ethic and is fond of her, they have a professional relationship. It has never bothered me in the past. Of course, I didn't picture such a beautiful, put together woman before. In my mind, she was twenty years older and fifty pounds heavier.

Christian gives my hand a last squeeze as I go to leave with Taylor but he doesn't let it go right away. "Christian!" I giggle, "I can't leave if you don't let go of me."

"I just wanted to tell you that I am scared too." he tells me as he lets me go and turns to go back to his desk to get ready for his meeting.

I catch up to Taylor who is waiting by the elevator smirking at me. I am kind of embarrassed now that it is just me. No Christian to hide behind and no room to run off to.

Once we are safely tucked back into the SUV for the ride home Taylor confides in me. "That went much better than I could have hoped."

"What did, lunch?" I ask him. I seriously have no idea what he was expecting to happen but I am glad it didn't go like he was expecting. He seems seriously relieved.

Taylor confirms my suspision. "You should know that the private investigators are close to securing the final bit of evidence linking Ms. Lincoln to the leaked pictures and story. We are all a little on edge but it shouldn't be much longer."

"That's good news, right?" I mean, how could it not be good news? The quicker we can get this story into old news the better.

Taylor hesitates. "Mostly good news. For you it is good news. For Mr. Grey on the other hand, it just might open another can of worms for him. He is going to need you Ana." he warns me ominously.

I want to know what he means by another can of worms but asking would be futile. It could be anything from a black book of names to full videos and more pictures to business problems due to their shared business venture. I close my eyes and try to escape to my happy place for a the rest of the ride home. The ball has been set into motion. Nothing left to do but ride the waves as they come.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I have been working on this chapter for over a week now and while I am not completely happy with it, I am going to post it anyway. A little bit of relationship bliss before the investigation begins to heat back up.**

Chapter 16

The light in the room changed suddenly as the sun dropped behind the horizon and that is what got my attention. After Taylor dropped me back off at Escala, I jumped back into work. I am actually pretty please with myself at the amount of work I managed to finish today but I am surprised that Christian hasn't made his way back yet.

I get up from my makeshift workstation and stretch. I let out a small hum of appreciation as the kinks in my muscles work themselves out. I can hear Gail working in the kitchen as usual. Sometimes I wonder if there isn't a built in murphy bed somewhere in that kitchen with as much time as she spends in there.

The elevator dings announcing Christians arrival to the penthouse. I see him before he sees me and I take a moment to greedily soak up his presence without him noticing that I am gawking. Even tired, he looks devine.

As he steps out, I rush to greet him. Before he knows what hit him I crash my lips to his. He hungrily grabs my rear as his tongue enters my mouth to reclaim his dominance. The light stubble on his chin creating friction on my chin spurs me on. Needing to breath, we step back and I immediately crave the closeness.

"Hi." I tell him shyly, looking up through my eyelashes at him.

He smiles at me, warming up my insides. "Hello yourself." He brings two fingers up to rub my cheek before looking around. "Gail, how much longer until dinner is ready?" he inquires.

Gail comes out of the kitchen rubbing her hands on a dish towel. "It is ready now if you are ready. If you want to eat later, it will keep on the warmer." She responds.

Christian studies me for a second before asking if I would mind eating now. "Once we get into bed tonight, I don't want to have to get out." he tells me.

I can feel my ears turning red as a blush crawls up my face. I can't believe he said that to me in front of her even though I completely agree with his sentiments. Before I wouldn't have thought anything of it but I have started to see Gail as more like a friend and not just a member of Christian's staff, I find I am embarrassed.

"We can eat now." I agree softly, finding it difficult to look in Gail's direction. I twist my body nervously until I hear her start to place dinner on the plates. More confident that she can't see me anymore I start to relax again.

Christian pulls me back into a warm embrace. "Do you know how much I fucking missed you?" he whispers into my ear causing goosebumps to run down my arms. He plants soft kisses on my ear and down my chin working his way to my neck. "I love you so much." he tells me before biting me softly on my neck causing me to moan as wetness starts to leak onto my panties.

"Oh Christian, I love you too." I pant. I suddenly realize that my arms are still by my side. Very slowly I reach my arms around him so I can hold him to me. I feel him stiffen before relaxing again. Inside my head I humf as I realize that old habits are going to be hard to break for both of us. I am so used to not being able to touch him and he is still wary of being touched.

"Your dinner is ready in the dining room Mr. Grey, Ana." Gail tells us softly. "If it is alright with you I am going to go to my apartment. I will come back later to clean up."

"No need to come back, we will clean up." I answer her even though she didn't ask me. Christian squares his jaw and shoots me a look signaling his disapproval, but he doesn't say anything. I ignore it.

Gail looks uneasy, "It really isn't any trouble for me to come back."

"As Ana said, we will clean up after ourselves tonight. You can take the rest of the night off, relax." Christian pipes up.

"Yes sir." Gail smiles and heads for the doors leading to her private space. I am sure Taylor is going to appreciate spending some quality time with his lady tonight.

Christian takes my hand and leads me to the dining room and we both stop in our tracks when we see what she has done. The dining room has been transformed into a little romantic haven. Fresh flowers and candles adorn the table and a bottle of wine is chilling in an ice bucket. I look up at Christian and smile.

"Is this your doing?" he asks me, trying hard but not succeeding to smile.

I shake my head. "No, I had no idea." I tell him honestly as he pulls out my chair. He is such a gentleman. These little gestures, while ingrained in him, make me swoon.

Christian takes the seat next to me and I realize he has sat me at the head of the table. The gravity of that hits me with full force. He gave me his chair. No one and I mean no one sits in his chair. He is always at the head of the table. The lone exception being his parents table. I look him in the eyes and all I can see is the love he has for me. My eyes start to fill with tears, I am so overwhelmed.

"Shush baby, don't cry." he tells me taking a finger to wipe away my tears. "What is mine is yours too." He leans over and kisses my nose. "I love you. It is so strange. I spent my life running away from feeling this way. I never thought I would say these three little words to anyone but I can't stop wanting to say them to you."

"I love you too Christian. We have so much to figure out but I don't want to worry about any of that right now. I just want to stay in this bubble with you." I tell him.

"We are going to have to figure things out soon. We can start tomorrow." He tells me as he uncovers the plates revealing the scrumptious dinner Gail left.

We don't talk much as we dine. Mostly I just study him. I don't know how I have gotten so lucky to get this second chance with this gorgeous man sitting next to me. From time to time we reach over and hold hands or plant soft kisses on each other. The flickering candle glow heightening the mood. I can't wait to retire to the bedroom.

As soon as we finish the last bites of our meal, I reach out for the plates and start for the kitchen so I can hurry up and get everything cleaned up. Christian blows out the candles and brings the wine glasses. As I run the water in the sink Christian comes up behind me wraps his arms around my waist. "You know, we employ a very fantastic housekeeper for these things." he tells me.

"You know, I wanted you all to myself tonight." I respond quickly finishing the dishes. "Besides, I didn't want her walking in on us if we started somewhere other than the bedroom."

He grabs my nipples and pinches them tightly as I dry my hands. I gasp. "You mean something like this?" he asks as slides his hands down my body until finally cupping me, putting pressure on my sweet spot. "Or like this?" he asks over my moan.

Panting I answer him. "Exactly like that." Reaching my arms back I find the bulge in his pants and start rubbing him like he is rubbing me and it is only causing me to become more needy.

He chuckles and turns me around. "You are so beautiful. I am one lucky man." He brings his lips to mine and once again we are locked in a passionate kiss. This time he snakes his hand under my clothes so he can directly rub my little pleasure nub. The sensations are driving me wild. I need to feel him, I want to taste him. I buck against him as he drives me closer and closer to climax. My eyes roll back as I let out a roar as the pleasure overwhelmes me. I hear him as he talks me through it. "That's my girl. My beautiful girl. Give me all of it." he rasps, his want evident.

As I start to come back down, my legs are like jelly. I kneel on the kitchen floor in front of him and start to pull down his pants so I can get to him. Figuring out what I want, he helps me by unbuttoning his pants so I can get to his swollen member. Finally free I take him deep into my mouth. Christian moans his appreciation and places his hands softly on my head, his long fingers caressing my face but makes no attempt to change my rhythym. As I take him deeper, faster his long moans turn into shorter pants and I know that he is close to his release. I reach around and and squeeze that fine ass of his as I take him in as deep as I can, swallowing his head. Christian lets out long, loud moans as I feel warm liquid being spurted into my mouth. Using my fingernails I lightly scrape my hands down the back of his legs and he begins to shake. Finally I release his now spent member and slowly stand up.

"Wow. Just wow." Christian whispers as I finally face him. He is looking at me with wonder in his eyes. "That was amazing."

I smile at him. "It was," I agree.

"Why don't we retire to the bedroom? I am nowhere near through with you yet." he rasps.

I look around the kitchen and see that we've pretty much cleaned up after ourselves. Gail does a good job of cleaning as she goes. I could take a few lessons on that.

Christian phone goes off and I inwardly groan. I've been down this road many times before. He always drops whatever he is doing to take care of whatever is going on at the office. I watch him as he reads the text message and he looks up with a silly grin. "That was Gail," he tells me. "She said she forgot to tell us that there is a banana cream pie in the refrigerator for dessert. That is my favorite." Christian wiggles his eyebrows as he pulls his pants up right so he can pull it out of the refrigerator.

I pull two dessert plates out of the cabinet and find two forks while he makes quick work of cutting two pieces. "That looks delicious." I observe. I love a good banana cream pie.

"Oh it is going to be delicious, I have no doubt." he chuckles. "I can really do some things with this." he says suggestively. "Shall we take this with us?"

Understanding that this was more an order than a suggestion I pick up my plate and head to the bedroom. Just last night I went to bed hurt and more confused than ever. What a difference a day can make, I marvel. Christian follows me and shuts the lights off in each room as we pass through.

Once we get into his room and he shuts the door I stand akwardly. Fully dressed still, and holding a plate of pie I am not quite sure what to do. It seems strange to climb into bed dressed and he didn't hide his intentions. Christian places his pie on his nightstand and then walks over to me and places my plate on his dresser. He puts some on a fork and feeds it to me.

"God, I love feeding you. You look so sexy." he tells me as he caresses my body and feeds me some more until my pie is gone. Christian doesn't only tell my that I am sexy, he makes me feel sexy. He reaches around and unzips my dress and helps it slide onto the floor revealing my matching bra and panty set. He whistles his approval. "If I knew you looked like this under that dress I would have had a much harder time telling you no back at the office."

"Oh you would've?" I ask. "Perhaps I should have shown you?" I tease him. Truth is I as disappointed as I was, I am glad things turned out this way. He is so much more passionate than I have ever seen him tonight and I doubt he would have been able to relax like this back in his office.

"Oh baby." he growns as he massages my breast and nips at my nipples through my bra. Reaching in, he uncups one and runs his tongue around my areola before take my nipple into his mouth. His hands fumble in the back trying to unhook it. I arch my back to give him full access to my chest and I mew my appreciation for his minstrations. "Your breasts are perfect, I can't get enough." Christian rasps as he moves to pleasure the other one. To make his point he pokes me with his erection. Finally he manages to unstrap my bra and he tosses it to the ground. I sigh with relief of finally being free as I stand in front of him with my chest fully exposed.

He reaches his hands down into my panties and kisses his way down my stomach as he slowly kneels in front of me. "I believe I have a favor to repay." He pulls my panties down and starts kissing me in my most intimate area. I let out a long moan of appreciation as he begins kissing and licking me. He works me up higher and higher as he nips at my lower lips. Suddenly he stands up and I want to yell "no" but I don't. He has a look of mischief in his eyes as he leads me to the bed and carefully positions me in the middle. He reaches over for his pie and with his fingers, smears my delicate flower with banana cream before diving back in. I can't contain myself and reach down and grab him by his hair. Seeing him looking back up at me from in between my legs sets me off as I nearly scream as I buck through an intense orgasm.

I fight to control my breathing as I come back down. Christian moves up to the head of the bed next to me and finishes what is left of his pie. He is still fully dressed but he is clearly aroused. While I know I am not ready to have another orgasm, I desperately want to feel him naked beside me. I tug at his clothes, still not able to put two words together.

Christians puts his empty plate back onto his nightstand and gets up out of bed. "I'll be right back, baby." Baby? This is the second time tonight he has called me that. I kinda like it. I watch him head into the ensuite and wait patiently, still in a post orgasmic bliss until he comes out sans clothes and holding a damp wash cloth. Lovingly, he carefully cleans my lady parts of all traces of banana pie.

"I love you," I sigh. I feel like I am about to explode with emotion for this man. How I managed to supress these emotions before, I just don't know.

He lays down beside me and takes me into his arms. "I love you too. Is it alright if I show you how much I love you? Are you too worn out?" he asks, concerned.

"Please show me. Please make love to me." I coo as I snuggle into him.

Smiling, he moves on top of me carefully spreading me legs around me. I help guide him into my opening and slowly we move our bodies in time with each other while looking each other in the eye. Neither one of us in a hurry, we build up together. I reach up and glide my fingers up and down his chest occasionally circling his nipples. "Please pinch them." he groans his request and it surprises me but I do and he lets out a loan moan and increases his speed. "Again." he is more demanding this time so I do but a little bit harder this time and I twist them just a little in the same way I like. "Oh yes, like that." he encourages me. Watching him get worked up is working me up and now I am on edge with him. On a whim, I take one of his nipples into my mouth and give him a gentle nip with my teeth and I immediately feel him releasing deep inside me causing me to lose all control as I start to orgasm with him. Finally he collapses on top of me and I wrap my arms around him and massage his scalp with my fingers. He doesn't say anything or move for that matter for a long time.

Spent, he finally rolls off of me and takes me into his arms. I feel more content than I have felt in a long time.

"If you would have told me a month ago that I would have a woman touch me like that and I would like it, I wouldn't have believed it." he confesses honestly.

I believe him. "If you would have told me a month ago that I would be lying here with you. I wouldn't have believed it either." I tell him earnestly. "We need to figure some things out. Namely, my job, my apartment, Kate." Now is as good a time as ever to start, mainly because I am not sure it will ever be a good time.

He eyes me cautiously. He knows we are in dangerous territory because the first two were the reason I left before. "I know I could tell you that you don't have to work but that will just piss you off. I know you are an independent woman Anastasia. Is there anyway they would let you work remotely like they are now. You could fly back and forth a few times a month? I could easily pay off your lease for your apartment if you would let me. I would like to do that. As far as Kate, she could stay at the apartment there, or if she is ready to move back here, I could have an apartment ready in this building for her."

I think about what he is saying. He is right, I do like to independent. I probably should call my boss and see if working remotely is a long-term option. But what if this doesn't work out. Where would that leave me?

"You look lost in thought," Christian observes. "Where is your head?"

I am not sure he really wants to know but it is probably better that I tell him. "I am worried about what will happen if this doesn't work out. I know you can just cut me out of your life if you want and I don't know if I am strong enough to handle that again."

He sits up and pulls at his hair. He looks pained. "Ana, I..." he starts. "Ana, you left me last time. It hurt a lot. I don't want to lose you again." he confesses. "I will do whatever it takes not to feel that way again."

His confession hurt. I did leave him last time for a job, that is true but he didn't release me from the NDA and he could have if he wanted to. "We were in a relationship built on a contract. I didn't want my entire life to be dictated by a contract." I cry in frustration. "If I didn't leave we would probably still be hiding behind a damn contract. If you wanted me back, you could have called me you know." I tell him.

He lays back down and takes my hand. "I thought the contract would protect me from feeling the hurt I felt when you left. It worked with every other woman I had contracted with in the past. Even though we had a contract, I looked forward to spending time with you and I regret not releasing you from the NDA but NDA's were the way I thought I was protecting myself from being outed." he laughs sardonically. "How stupid I was."

I yawn as my body becomes heavy. "We can talk more tomorrow. Right now, rest easy knowing that I love you. We will figure this all out."

I feel him lay a kiss on my forehead as I fall asleep snuggled up against him.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I recently read a comment on a Facebook group asking if I am on Facebook. The answer to that is yes, obviously if I belong to a Facebook group however I do not have a profile as a writer. In my line of work, writing this could get me fired so I must stay anonymous. I do hope you understand however I did sneak a little something in this chapter to the person who asked. I will be curious to see if they notice.**

Chapter 17

I awake to a loud knock on the door and Taylor swinging open the door. "Sir! We need you now." he barks as he storms in while shielding his his eyes with his hand. "We have new information that we need to act on now."

"Shit!" Christian exclaims as he struggles to find the sheets to cover me up with. I feel completely exposed and am relieved when he finally finds them and throws them on me. I watch him stand up completely naked and saunter over to his dresser to find something to throw on.

Before he leaves the room he comes back to me and gives me a kiss on the cheek. "I'm so sorry baby. I will be back as soon as I can. Keep the bed warm for me." We both eye the clock which reads 3:20am. What can possibly be this important at this ungodly hour?

He follows Taylor out, closing the door behind him. I don't spend too much time thinking about all the possiblilities before my eyes feel heavy and once again, sleep overtakes me.

When I open my eyes again, the sun is shining and the clock is showing 9:30. Christian still hasn't come back but I don't think he will be too upset if I go in search of him. Stretching my limbs, I climb out of bed and dress quickly. Nothing special, but nothing that will bother me if people are about. I run a quick comb through my hair after brushing my teeth and open the door to find Sullivan stationed there.

"I'm sorry ma'am, I have received strict instructions that you are to stay in here for now. I do have these for you." Sullivan tells me handing me a bag containing everything I will need to work from the room and then he reaches behind him and carefully picks up a tray with some fruit, yogurt, and a bran muffin. I drop my bag to take the tray. What in the world is going on?

"For how much longer?" I challenge him. I refuse to be held prisoner in Christian's bedroom for no good reason. But truth is, it probably is a good reason. I don't think Christian would post security outside his bedroom for just anything.

"It shouldn't be much longer. It is for your safety, I promise." Sullivan tries to reassure me. "As soon as I get word, I will let you know."

Deciding not to shoot the messenger, I acquiese and allow him to shut the door. I am not hungry so I put the breakfast tray aside and pull out my computer so I can get some work done. As I do, my phone falls out which reminds me that I need to call Kate.

I dial her number and listen to it ring several times before she picks up. "Damnit Ana, I thought you fell off the planet. What is going on over there?" she asks in one breath.

"Oh Kate, I miss you too!" I answer while picking at invisible lint. The is my nervous habit. "Well, that depends on what you are asking about specifically. If you are asking about the pictures, Christian and his team are working on it as we speak." At least, I hope so.

Kate sighs, "And the kinky mogul? When do you think you will be home?"

I laugh, kinky mogul. She has no idea. Well, I guess she does have a pretty good idea. It would probably shock her to find out that he has been all about the vanilla over the past few days. "He is good. Really good actually. About coming home..." I pause thinking about the best way to drop the news.

"You aren't coming home, are you?" she snaps.

I take a deep breath to prepare myself to tell her the truth. She deserve at least that. "I don't know anything for sure, but I don't think so."

Silence. I hear nothing but silence.

I don't know what to say either but the silence is killing me so I start to blabber. "We decided to try a relationship again. It is all so new, and different, and I love him Kate."

"Is he beating you? Cause if he is I swear, I will come storm that penthouse of his and kick his ass." Kate threatens.

"No Kate, and Christian has never beaten me. And those pictures, I don't know who that is but I promise you, that isn't me. I know I wasn't truthful about who I was spending weekends with when we were living in Seattle but that is because it was complicated." I try to explain even though I know I am probably making things worse. "I miss you Kate."

"I miss you too, Ana. I just want what is best for you. If you aren't coming home, maybe I should call my Dad and see if he thinks I have enough worldly experience yet to let me work at his station. I just got a new boss and he is a real loon." Kates cogs are turning, I can hear it in her voice. "What are you going to do about work?"

"I was thinking that I should call and see if they will allow me stay on if I work remotely."

Kate whistles, "You know that is a long shot. What if they say no?"

I actually hadn't considered that possibility. What will I do? "I don't know. Christian and I are going to start figuring out logistics out later today. I am hoping they will say yes, but if not I suppose I need to see how serious he is. The last thing I want to be is dependant on him."

"Speaking of dependant, you know when I tried to pay the rent this morning it shows that it had already been paid. Do you know anything about that?"

I throw myself backwards onto the bed in exasperation. "I would bet money that was Christian's doing. I will have to ask him. I did mention last night that we still had several months left on the lease. He might have offered to secure you an apartment here if you wanted, but I have to ask him if he was serious now that he is no longer in a haze." I giggle.

"A haze, huh? Kate giggles. "I don't think I have to put many dots together to figure out what that means.

We spend another ten minutes talking and catching up before we hang up. Not before she makes me promise to call her tomorrow with more details.

Making myself comfortable I turn on my laptop and bury myself in a manuscript for a couple of hours only getting up to use the bathroom and finally eat my breakfast. Before I know it, it is noon and Sullivan comes in delivering a chicken salad sandwich and chips.

"Mr. Grey asked me to tell you that Elena is here. So are the police. You are probably going to be asked to make a statement after you finish eating." That news drops like a lead balloon. Elena doesn't shock me, but the police?

"A public statement?" I question Sullivan to get some clarification. I realize that at some point, the public is going to get wind of me but I am not ready yet. I really need to get my parents on board before we go public and that is going to be a whole lot easier said than done. They already think he is a monster.

Sullivan shakes his head. "No ma'am, just a statement to the police. Mr. Grey is filing a formal complaint against Elena Lincoln." He tries to supress a smile, but his excitement is barely contained. "The senior Mr. Grey has offered to be present while you make your statement if that will make you more comfortable."

Would Carrick make me more comfortable? I wonder. I guess it would depend on exactly what information the police want from me. I certainly don't want to discuss my sex life with his son in front of him.

"Thank you Sullivan. Please tell him thank you for the offer. I will seriously consider it."

Sullivan leaves me work once again but this time it isn't long before there is a knock on the door.

"Come in." I call out.

Carrick comes through the door and sits on the edge of the bed. He looks rough. I know none of this has been easy on him but he always has his sons best interest at heart. It takes him a minute before he starts speaking. I can tell he his trying to choose his words carefully. "Christian is currently with Dr. Flynn. Last night, the Private Investigator we had keeping tabs on Elena's activities acquired some damning evidence that she is still abusing children, which we turned over to the police. She showed up here this morning and the police just took her into custody and she is on the way to be booked. She has admitted to releasing the photographs to the media. We also have obtained the name of the woman who the media believes to be you and she is en route and should be here in about an hour to confirm and to give her the opportunity to lodge a formal complaint. It has been a busy day, that is for sure." he informs me.

My mind is spinning. Another sub, here? What on earth is going on? My insecurities come full force. What if Christian decides he made a mistake and starts to love her? Am I good enough for him? She is probably prettier than me, she will probably turn his head.

Carrick watches me battle the internal turmoil. "He loves you. He told me this morning. All day he has been concerned about you, wondering if you were comfortable. Making sure that you are safe." He tries to calm my fears but it really isn't helping. I feel like I have fallen into a rabbit hole.

"When do I need to talk to the police?" It is the only thing I can to ask.

"As soon as you are ready. They are ready now."

The sooner you get this over with, the sooner I can see Christian I tell myself as I force myself to stand up. "Now is a good of time as it is going to get." I sigh. "Lets get this over with."

Carrick gets up and escorts me to Christian's office where there are two men dressed in Seattle's finest uniforms hunched over the computer screen and another man in the corner on his telephone.

"This is Miss Anastasia Steele. She is ready to give you a statement." Carrick introduces me to them and then turns to me. "I am going to stay with you but if their question become to intrusive and you want me to step out, I will." he promises and I am thankful not to have to do this alone.

"Miss Steele, please have a seat. I am Officer Williams and this here is Officer Shuff. We would like to get a statement regarding your knowledge of Ms. Elena Lincoln." The older of the two men greet me. The man in the corner nods a greeting in my direction but he doesn't get off of his phone.

I sit down and try to make myself calm down. My whole body is shaking and I do my best to breathe to still myself. The adrenaline is just too much for my system. Carrick sits down next to me and pats my hand, trying to reassure me. I really just want Christian but I know I have to do this without him.

The inquisition begins. Officer Shuff throws out the first question. "How do you know Elena Lincoln?"

For an hour and a half I answer question after question. I only ask Carrick to step out once when I had to open up about the nature of my relationship with Christian before I left for New Orleans. Mostly they wanted to know what I knew about Christian and Elena's relationship which I told them. It seems they wanted to me to corroborate Christian's story and they seem satisfied so I hope I did, as uncomfortable it was to talk about Christian's private life and the sexual abuse he suffered under the hands of Elena Lincoln.

My relief is palpable when the Officer Williams and Officer Shuff stand and shake my hand indicating it is all over. Carrick stands up and thanks the officers and then guides me out of the room by placing his hand on the small of my back, much the same way Christian does.

I need to get to Christian. I haven't spoken to all day and I miss him something fierce. I look into every room hoping to see him but he isn't in any of them. "Where is Christian?" I finally ask Carrick, frustrated.

"Probably still in session with Dr. Flynn. Why don't you go back to his room and wait for him in there?" Carrick suggests which grates on my nerves. I have been holed up in that room all day. I need some air.

"I really rather not. The walls were starting to close in on me. I need to spend some time out of there." I mean really. I don't want to be a prisoner in the penthouse in the sky. I feel like there is something they are hiding from me and I really don't like it.

I hear Gail fussing in the kitchen with the pots and pans in the kitchen. She must be gearing up to start dinner so I decide to head that way, maybe she could use some help. Dicing some vegetables would be theraputic after meeting with the police officers, as gentle as they tried to be. Carrick lets me go without a fight so maybe I am just being paranoid after a crazy day.

As soon as I enter the kitchen, Gail sees me and she gets all flustered. Gail flustered is something I have never seen before. She drops what she was doing and rushes over to meet me and block my entrance. "Ana, are you hungry? I will fix you something and have Taylor or Sullivan bring it to you in the bedroom." Her wide eyes tell me that something is definately up. I am not paranoid after all.

"Actually, I am not that hungry. I came to help you with dinner." I tell her as I squeeze by her. I put a smile on my face to mask the sense of dread I am trying to squash down. "What can I do?"

As soon as I turn the corner I finally understand what all the fuss was about. There at the breakfast bar, sipping coffee, is a woman who looks just like me. What the hell, she is my doppleganger. Okay, her eyes are more gray than mine but she has the same brunette hair, oval shaped face, hell, even her nose is like mine. I stop in my tracks. I have no doubt that this is one of Christian's previous subs and it infurates me. Suddenly, going to hide out in the bedroom seems like a good idea but I don't want her to think she has intimidated me. I didn't fail to notice how she sat up taller, more confidently when she saw me. How did I forget that Carrick told me they sent for one, I just didn't expect to see my reflection when she showed up.

I turn to Gail, "Where is Christian?" I demand.

"He is with Dr. Flynn in the library." She tells me. I quickly turn around and take off to the library. I need answers. Everything I thought I knew, I now question. Will I be that easy to replace. Will he fall in love with her too now that she is in his presence again? Through my haze, I hear her call out to me. "Ana, he is in session." Like I care, that isn't going to stop me. And to think I was prepared to give up my entire life for this man just this morning.

Reaching the library, the doors are closed. I don't bother knocking, I am too mad. I swing the door open and barge in. "Christian, what the hell is this?"

 **Feel free to review. One step forward, two steps backwards... It is so frustrating, even for me and I know where this is going.**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Dr. Flynn and Christian jump up in surprise. Christian looks worn out, his clothes are disheveled and he is sporting a 5 o'clock shadow. I lock eyes with Christian, willing him to talk to me but he just stands there speechless.

I soften my tone. I remind myself that I knew he had a long sordid past, that I not only knew about but I am also part of that past. I just wasn't expecting to actually meet any of his previous submissives and I certainly didn't expect any to look just like me. I need to understand and he is going to clam up if he thinks I am just going to go running out the door at the first sign of trouble. I can't hide that I am pissed off though. "I need answers Christian. Please." I am practically begging him to open up to me.

Christian remains silent. He is just standing there, his face white as a ghost and he looks like a little lost boy. I know when he finally explains himself, I am not going to like the answer just from his reaction. He better explain fast because I am getting more angry each second that passes by. That woman was able to just hang out in the common areas of the penthouse while I was basically locked away in his bedroom and just thinking about it has my blood boil.

Dr. Flynn speaks up on Christian's behalf but I don't want Flynn to explain things to me. "Ana, Christian has been with a fair amount of women in his past. You already know this and you've seen the pictures in the news media."

"You know as well as I do that those pictures didn't show her face. Not all brunettes look this much alike you know. The only reason my name came up in the media at all is because they inferred it was me because I am the only other woman he has been photographed with, aside from his family." I snap at him. "But I would appreciate if you would give us a few minutes because I need him to explain this to me, not you."

Dr. Flynn is taken aback by my tone at first but then he starts to chuckle. He turns to Christian and asks him what he wants him to do. "Christian, she is as fiesty as you said she was. Do you want me to stay or leave. The choice is yours."

Christian blinks several times as he ponders his options but I am irritated. I realize that Christian is his charge but damnit, I asked him to leave. I decide that if the doctor is staying then I am leaving. If Christian can't tell me himself then what future do we have? I turn away and start to walk to the door. "It's him or me Christian. Now that you have everything else wrapping up, I can go back to New Orleans. Your choice." I give him the ultimate ultimation as I feel my heart start to break. I don't want it to be this way but what kind of relationship can build if he can't open up to me.

Finally speaking up, "You can leave," he tells Dr. Flynn. "I need to do this. Gail will get you some refreshments while you wait," Christian directs in his cool CEO voice. "Or you can go and we can finish the session via video conference.

"Let's video conference later tonight. I can make my son's football game if I go now." Dr. Flynn offers.

We both watch Dr. Flynn leave and Christian motioned for me to sit down next to him. I love Christian's furniture, it is always so comfortable and this leather couch is no exception. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and my first instinct is to move away but I fight it. If touching me is going to help him tell me whatever it is then far be it from me to stop him.

"Her name is Leila Williams, she was my sub for a little over a year and I ended our contract a little before we contracted with each other," he begins.

I interrupt him. I really don't care what her name is or the details of their relationship. I know women out there exist, that isn't my problem. "The fact that there are many woman before me and some after me is something I have always known. What I didn't know is that some of us look alike. Is that was attracted me to you, that she is the one who got away so I am a decent replacement?" I demand.

He looks shocked. "No!" he practically yells. "I ended that contract because she was too clingy and she claimed she was in love with me. I have a type, Anastasia." he growls.

He says Anastasia and it is meant to be a warning. Well he can take that warning and shove it up his ass, I am not caving. "Brunette is a type! blue eyes are a type! So close in appearance we could say we were identical twins and people would believe us isn't a type, Christian. It's creepy. And worse, you are letting her roam free in your penthouse while you had me locked up in your bedroom. How do you think that makes me feel?"

He hangs his head as he realizes he hurt me. "I wanted you to stay in the bedroom because Elena showed up as we were presenting the evidence of her abusing a fourteen year old boy in the same way she abused me. I need you safe because I need you."

"So what? The police had her, I would have been safe. After I spoke with the police, she was gone and your father and Gail both tried to put me back into that damn room. As big as your bedroom might be, being forced to stay in there and not really knowing what was going on makes that room feel tiny!" I throw my hands up in the air in frustration. I am trying to make him see things from my point of view because we need to face these things together if we have any chance for a future.

"Well, after Elena got here I took her into my office where I could record her and she tried to blackmail me with pictures of you Ana. All kinds of pictures with your face clearly visable and she threatened to send them to the media. She had some sort of sick fascination with you. I didn't know what else to do. I love you."

I believe him when he says he was trying to keep me safe. I need to find a way to convince him that locking me away when he fears trouble isn't the answer. "I need you to explain why Leila and I look so much alike. Do all your subs look similar to me?"

Christian closes his eyes and takes deep breaths before he nods his head, confirming my suspicion.

"Why?"

"I told you I have a type." he counters at me.

I counter back, "and I told you that isn't an acceptable answer. I need to know Christian."

He runs his hands through his hair obviously frustrated by my insistence that he give me a deeper answer than just "I have a type."

"I know the answer is going to make you run away and I just can't handle that." he looks frightened. "But I suppose now is the moment of reckoning." he surmises.

I nod and brace myself for the answer. Surely it can't be that bad, he must be well versed in hyperbole. "Locking me away when you feel like it will make me leave faster than you answering the question, I promise you that." I try to warn him and assure him.

"I like brunettes with blu eyes because they remind me of my birth mother. Having brunettes as subs gave me an outlet to punish her for leaving me, at least that was Flynn believes. Blonds remind me of Elena so it is a turn off."

This is the first time I have heard him talk about his birth mother. I know what happened because Dr. Flynn told me about it the night I arrived but Christian has never mentioned it. And to be honest I am a little freaked out to learn I remind him of his birth mother and it turns him on.

I am lost in thought trying to make heads or tails of my emotions when Christian begs, "Ana, please say something." When I adjust my body so that I can look at him I am taken aback by his demeanor. He has tears in his eyes but he is trying to put his business mask on but failing miserably.

"I am thinking, give me a minute." I tell him holding up my pointer finger at him. Should I leave him? I ponder over that but it makes my heart hurt so I know that isn't the right direction, but how can we make love again if it is his dead mother he is thinking of? That is just plain weird. "You know I love you, right?" I say to put him at ease. "I just don't understand what you love about me. Why am I different from the others."

He looks incredulous. "You really don't know?" He reaches over and scoops me up and places me on his lap. "You and Leila do look a lot a like but thats where it ends. I fell head over heals for you for your kind heart." He kisses my forehead. "Your fiestiness," He kisses my nose. "Your sense of humor," He kisses my chin. "Your loyalty." He kisses my cheek. "Your adventurous spirit. I love you so much Ana, one of my biggest regrets is not coming after you." He tells me sincerely before placing his lips on mine and begs permission with his eyes to deepen the kiss. I am mesmerized. It is like he is saying he is sorry, he loves me, he will take care of me.

When we finally come apart he whispers, "please forgive me."

"I forgive you," I tell him earnestly. And I do forgive him. "But don't ever lock me in a room again. We are a team and we tackle problems together, got it Buster." I scold him trying to get through his thick skull. "Don't you feel better, unloading that baggage?" I clarify.

"I can't believe you aren't running." Christian looks at me with an expression somewhere between confusion and wonder.

"I need one more answer though." I warn him and he nods but he seems no longer terrified of my question this time.

"Why was that woman allowed to just hang out in your apartment? Elena was gone and you had me stuck in your bedroom? Why didn't you have her brought to the police station? Why isn't she staying in a hotel?" I demand. I mean that sounds logical enough.

Christian ponders his response for a few seconds before answering. "I had her brought here because my PR team thinks I should try to convince her to do an interview with the media and I think that would be easier to do here. The police were still here so it seemed to make sense to just bring her here. I didn't realize you were still being held up in our room to be totally honest. I had only asked security to keep you in there while Elena was here and once she was gone to give you the all clear. I don't know when Leila arrived because I was in here with Dr. Flynn but the best I can figure it hasn't been long. Security was supposed to have her in the security office with them. I don't know why she wasn't in there other than perhaps Gail offering something to eat or drink after her long flight."

All of that makes sense if you are Christian Grey I suppose. It does mostly seem reasonable. I decide to make the decision over whether or not I am still angry about it once I see where that woman is when we leave the library. But he still didn't tell me where she is staying tonight so I ask him again, a bit more impatiently. "Where is she sleeping Christian?"

"It depends." He answers slowly.

"On what Christian? On whether or not she gets on her knees and calls you "Sir"? I sneer at him. Seriously, it depends is his answer and just like that, my anger is back.

Christian jumps up and glares at me. "Don't interrupt me Anastasia. If you had let me finish you would have already know that it depends on whether or not she agrees to be interviewed. If she does, she will stay at the Fairmont. If she doesn't she will be on a flight back tonight. Whether or not she sleeps isn't my concern!"

I can't help the tears that come flooding my eyes. My emotional swings are getting the best of me. I stop and try to take an inventory on what exactly I am feeling but I just feel anxious. They are going to be in a room together, hopefully talking but will they just be talking? I know I can't trust her, but can I trust him? I came back into his life into open arms? Will she? I start shaking and I put my elbows on my knees and try to deep breath to calm myself. Will I feel this way every time he is in the presence of a brunette girl?

Christian softens and kneels down and wraps his arms around around me. "It's okay baby, I got you. I know it has been a rough day, it is almost over. I love you." he coos rubbing my back. I close my eyes and try to focus on how good that feels.

I don't know he will react if I tell him that I am not sure if I fully trust him or us yet. I know how I would react if he told me that and it wouldn't be a pretty picture. I shake my head at him. Instead I decide to admit that I am jealous. "She challenged me Christian. Not verbally, physically. I think she thinks this is her second chance and it bothers me a lot. Now you are going to go in a room with her and I bet she is going to try to come on to you and it makes me furious."

He chuckles. "I am not putting myself in that position Ana. I am not meeting with her without two members of my security team for just that reason." Then he chuckles, "Is my baby jealous?"

I nod my affirmation. Hell yeah, I am jealous that she is going to get to spend time with him at all. Is she going to be thinking about how good a lover he is? Is she going to be imagining his sexy body? Is he going to be imagining hers?

He crinkles his eyebrows as he thinks of a way to assure me. "You can't come with me to meet with her. I kind of need her to think if she does this, she has a chance. But you could sit in the security office and watch. I can turn the sound on from my desk in my office. Would that help?" he asks.

Would that help I ponder. I suppose it would, at least then I can see how they react to each other. Maybe it would help me learn to trust him. "Yes, I would like that." I admit timidly. I am hungry, I think it is dinner time. Are you ready to eat?" I ask. This whole day has been a little too much for me, I am exhaused.

Still on his knees, he takes one more kiss from me before getting up. "Yes, I am a bit hungry myself." He puts his hand out to help me up from the couch and embraces me. "I am so happy you didn't leave. I love you Ana. You are holding my heart in your hands."

"I love you too Christian. We still have a ways to go in figuring out this relationship we have but I am not giving up."


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: I have been out of town for the last week and just got back today. This chapter wrote itself, it is not at all where I intended it to go but in the end, it is probably where it needed to go. You won't have too long to wait for Chapter 20. Thankfully it will get back on the track by then. Happy reading!

Chapter 19

Dinner was delicious as usual. It almost distracted me from thinking about our conversation. And the more I think about it, the more frustrated and uneasy I feel. I toss my napkin on the table and stretch, I can't eat another bite.

Christian picks up my hand and kisses it. "You know I have to do this, right baby?"

I am resigned to the fact that I can't stop him but I can't help the feeling of foreboding that is building up. Come on Ana, speak up, I tell myself. I shake my head no. "I don't think you HAVE to, I think you WANT to. Quite honestly, I know it doesn't matter to you what I think or want in this case. All I know is that I want her gone." I demand and stand up from the table. I can't tamp down the anger that is surfacing. Getting air is becoming increasingly difficult as I am overcome with the realization that at the end of the day, there is no way that he will ever see me as an equal. My feelings will always come second to what he wants. I start rasping for each breath as I stumble my way around the dining room. I am aware of the pain each time I crash my body into something but I don't care a bit about it. I am in a full panic as I try to take in a full breath of air but I just can't do it. In the distance I hear yelling and commotion and as I fall to my knees I feel arms around me and a paper lunch sack being thrust upon me. I close my eyes and consentrate on trying to follow the instructions being told to me. Breath in slowly, breath out slowly. It isn't easy but after a while I finally manage it and everything comes into focus. Gail is on her hands and knees and beside me and Christian is behind me rubbing my back.

"Ana, are you okay darling?" Gail asks, concerned.

I stare at her. Obviously I am not alright. I am better than a few minutes ago, but I am not alright, I scream in my head. I don't trust myself to talk right now. I am scared. Am I losing my mind? I have never had anything like this before. What was that?

When I don't say anything, Gail gets up. "I am going to get you some water and some cool towels." she tells me as she makes herself busy. "Christian, I don't know what just happened but I think you better figure it out and make it right." she snaps at him.

Whoa, Gail has teeth. And she used them on her boss. I am gobsmacked.

Christian pulls a chair from the table and helps me up off the floor and places me gently onto his lap, placing a soft kiss on my tear-stained, sweaty face. I don't know what to say. I am partly embarrassed and partly indignant. I shyly look away, not really ready to confront any of this just yet.

Christian looks just as lost as I am. "Ana," he starts gently. Too gently if you ask me. He is treating me like a fragile doll that he is afraid to break. I am stronger than that, damnit. "I thought you were okay with it. I told you that you can watch the entire thing from the security office. I thought that is what you were going to do." He is perplexed.

"I thought I could handle it." I admit shakely. "But honestly I can't. I can't deal with you leading another woman on. I can't deal with watching her seduce you. As I was eating it was all I could think about and I was getting more and more angry. It is disrespectful of you to ask that of me. It is disrespectful to us." I tell him forcefully.

Gail comes in and quickly places a glass of water on the table and wraps my neck in a cool towel and it feels heavenly. Just as fast she slides out of the room to give us privacy. She is a master at that.

"You know I would never do anything to put us in jeopardy." he tells me sincerely.

I shrug at him. "Yet here you are. Look, I believe you believe you wouldn't on purpose right now but you don't have the experience to promise that."

I know I just insulted him. Mr.-good-at-everything. He sits up straight and puts on his business face, just as I knew he would. I stand up and pull out another chair and sit straight across from him. I mirror his posture and gather all I can muster to put a passive expression on my face. I realize this is what I have needed all along. Sitting like this I feel like I am an equal. It gives me a boost of confidence.

"I am not going to watch you and your past love interest interact as if there is some promise of a little hanky panky in it later. Period. If you meet with her, my mind is going to play the what if game from now until forever. When your people tried to limit my movements today it showed me the light. They will always be YOUR people and will do everything to look after YOU. If I am a thought, it is an afterthought. They deal with me because of YOU and it will always be in your best interest, not mine." I start to spell it out for him.

He tries to interupt me. "Ana, I..."

I place my hand up and give him a scowl stopping him in his tracks. Just like he used to do to me back when I was his submissive and I was talking out of turn.

"I need someone in my corner too. I think Kate is working on coming back to Seattle. I think I should move in with her and we should try dating. We jumped into the fast lane a little too fast. Right now I feel like you are viewing me as a possession and not as a partner. You feel you can put me away when you want and take me out to play with when you feel like dealing with me." I see the tears rolling down his face and relax my bravado. If only he knew that this is breaking my heart too. "I love you Christian Grey. I am not leaving you. I just think we need to learn how to do the relationship thing. You know, be partners in addition to lovers. It is for our future." I try to reassure him. Maybe I should ask Gail to call Flynn. Now he might actually need him.

Christian surprises me when he buries his face into my breast and starts crying. Not just sobbing but wailing. I try to sooth him but he just gets louder. Today has been an emotional day for both of us, I know he needs to let out all the stress he has been carrying. It makes me feel good that he trusts me enough to let me see his sorrow. I stop trying to calm him down and instead let the tears fall down my face also. I love this man so much it hurts but right now, he isn't good for me. He will be, I know he will. He just has so much to learn.

Gail and Jason both come into the dining room to check on us. I pretend not to notice them and they disappear after a few moments of watching us wrapped up in each other, crying together.

Once Christian starts shuttering I know that he is calming down, albeit slowly. I rub his face and gently tug on his hair the way he likes. When he pulls away, I am soaked down to my bra. He looks up with his red rimmed eyes, helpless and I feel resolve. I need my strong man back and right now, he is looking at me like a security blanket. The thing about security blankets is that you one day outgrow them and that would be my breaking point. If he wants us, he will make it happen. I can't just give myself away like this to be used and abused at his whims. He is the most and least selfish man I know. He is so generous on one hand but yet he doesn't think of the feelings of those closest to him.

I kneel down in front of him in the old sub position. He practically hisses and turns away from me. "Ana, stop." he begs. I don't listen to him. I stay there, quiet and looking down at the beautiful rug that graces his dining room floor. "Get up!" he demands, getting angrier. I still don't move frustrating him further. I keep my gaze downturned when I notice him kneeling in front of me, his hands placed on his thighs just like mine are. Through gritted teeth he growls, "Look at me! Damnit Ana, Look at me!" I slowly sweep my eyes up and there he is, completely submissive and vunerable in front of me. We are both completely dressed but that probably heightens my arousal seeing him like this.

"You are sexy as hell." I admire.

"So are you." he answers back.

I lay my hand gently on his cheek and he moves his cheek into my touch and lets out a slight moan. "I love you." I reassure him again. "I am not going anywhere. Not yet anyway. I just want this to be built on a solid footing, not one full of cracks and pitfalls. Okay."

I am shocked we he nods. "GEH has several apartments. Would you please take one of those. I need to know you are safe and I know they have the top of the line security system."

"Cameras?" I ask quickly, skeptical that he has come around so quickly.

He chuckles. "No. But that isn't a bad idea. The only camera is the door bell. None in the actually apartment."

I consider his offer. It would be convienient and I am sure Kate would not mind being able to get here and focus on a job and not house hunting. "Okay." I tell him. "I would like it if you visit often." I smile and raise my eyebrows up and down suggestively.

"Deal. As long as you agree to the occasional sleep over up here." he grins.

"Deal." I agree. "What made you come around?" I ask.

"I love you. I want you around always and I keep fucking things up." He tells me. "Would you mind coming to interview Ms. Williams with me?"

I freeze. With him. He wants me with him? "I don't need a front row seat to the seduction show Christian." I warn him.

He shakes his head. "You were right. I am so desperate to put this all behind us that I didn't think that through. I wouldn't want to watch you play coy with another man either. We need to find out how she got that picture and why she released it to Elena. Or if she released it and let Elena take the credit for it. I did take pictures for insurance purposes but I would have never taken a picture with myself in it and Barney said it wasn't photoshopped."

I can feel my heart growing as he finishes telling me about the investigation and what information he is looking to gather. He is making me feel like a true partner and not just a play toy. Rome wasn't built in a day but at least he listened and is trying.

"Yeah, I would like to go with you." I agree.

As we both pull ourselves up off the floor, and stretch he reaches out and pulls me into a massive bear hug. "Thank you." he mumbles into my hair.

Arm in arm we walk to his office door. When we get there we pause before Christian swings open the door.

"What the hell." Leila Williams shrieks when she sees me.

I am not the least surprise that we just walked into the office with a completely naked girl sitting on her hands.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Enjoy. I will see you on the downside.**

Chapter 20

I glance over at Christian, curious to see his reaction and he looks horrified. He should be very happy that I am here in person and not watching this play out on a small screen from the security room.

Despite seeing me, Leila makes no move to get up or even cover herself so I decide to help her get a clue and pick up her clothes from the chair where she left them and throw them at her. "Get dressed!" I practically growl as I grab Christian by the arm and practically push us both out of the room, slamming the door.

"What in the hell was that?" Christian asks me, as he leans back against the wall. "I certainly wasn't expecting anything like that to happen." he tries to assure me.

I chuckle. "For such a smart man you really can be really naive. I knew she thought you called her here for more than information. I knew she was going to pull something. I admit, I didn't think she would play it like that though." I glance around and notice that security is nowhere to be found. "I thought you said security was going to be with you?"

He shakes his head. "They are watching from the security room. I didn't think I needed them after we decided you would be in there with me." he admits.

Boy, I bet they are having an absolute field day in there. I can't just picture Sullivan doubled over about to fall out of his seat after what just happened. If not, it must be like watching a soap opera for them. I raise my eyebrow at him. "You are losing it, old man. This has really got you off your game, the Christian I know would have never accepted me as a stand in for security. This is a time where we actually need them so could you ask at least one of them to come out from behind the screens and join us." I demand.

Less than a minute later, Sullivan rounds the corner, his face still red from laughing so hard but he is doing his best to keep his composure. Satisfied, I place my hand on the doorknob and look back at the men. "Are you ready boys?"

They both nod and Christian mutters "as I'll ever be." under his breath. I open the door to find a fully dress Leila Williams sitting on the couch waiting, but looking confident and not sheepish at all.

Christian finally snaps back into control as he takes long strides on his way to his desk. I notice him square his shoulders a bit but it is nothing like when he is in Dom mode. More how I imagine he is sitting at the head of the table at a department heads meeting or dealing with a business advisary. He doesn't bother trying to shake or hand or offer any type of physical greeting.

As I scan the room, I decide to remain standing rather than join her on the couch or have my back to her by sitting in the chairs facing his desk. Christian sees my predictament and reaches his hand to me. When I take it, he pulls me onto his lap and gives me a kiss on my hairline. I don't believe this show of affection was spur of the moment or even meant to be sweet. It was meant to send her a message and take her off her game. I shoot him a huge grin and make sweet eyes at him before turning my attention back her way. Bitch, game on.

"Ms. Williams, the reason I called for you this morning is two-fold." Christian finally begins. I don't want to be in here any longer than I have to be. "First, tell me what you know about the picture that was released to the media."

I watch closely as Leila skirms a little in her seat. "Sir, that picture was one of mine." she says meekly. "I don't know how it got released to the media. I still have it hanging in my bedroom."

With that bombshell of information, I feel Christian tense up and his grip tightens on my thigh. "What do you mean, YOUR picture?" he roars.

"Elena gave it to me as a present to remember our time together after you ended our contract, sir." I have to give it to Leila, she is doing her best not to let him intimidate her but her subtle flirting is really starting to get to me. A little nose crinkle here, batting her eyelashes there. "She gave one to all of us once our contracts ended."

Christian head whips in my direction but this is news to me too. "Did you get one too?" Before I can answer him, he looks back at Leila. "All of us. Who is all of us?" His mind must be working at a million miles per hour trying to peice this puzzle together. I have to admit, I am a little curious to hear this answer myself.

"All of your former submissives. Susanna, Valerie, Karen, Laura..." I watch in disbelief as Leila starts counting off girls on her fingers. "Everyone except her." she saids pointing at me.

Christian is absolutely furious now and I go to make a move to get off of his lap but he holds me tightly so I can't go anywhere. He probably thinks I want to run away but really, I am trying to protect myself from getting thrown off and hurt when he eventually stands up and forgets I am there.

"The NDA's you all signed said you are not to have any further contact with me or any of the other submissives. You violated that Ms. Williams." Christian states through his teeth.

Tears spring to Leila's eyes. "But Sir..."

Bringing his fist down loudly on his desk Christian roars, "Don't call me Sir! I am NOT your master."

"Elena said you approved of the Sub Club. She said you thought it was a good idea for us to all have a support system that we can go to where we can talk to each other about our time with you and actually have people who understand. I didn't violate my NDA on purpose."

Christian rolls his chair back in disbelief and I am seeing red. A sub club? And not only that, I wasn't invited! Previous submissive out there had a whole support system and I was left out there to wallow on my own? "Why wasn't I invited to join this so-called sub club? If there is indeed such a thing."

For the first time, Leila addresses me. "I assure you, there is indeed such a club. You weren't invited because Elena said that you weren't worthy and that introducing you to our Master was the biggest mistake she ever made." she tells me with her holier than thou attitude fully back in place.

Christian laughs a full belly laugh and it perplexes both of us. "It was only her biggest mistake because she knew my love for Ana was taking me away from her." he explains before getting serious again. "Show me this damn sub club." he demands.

Leila shakes her head no and folds her arms in defiance. "You really don't want to see it. I promise you that."

Christian nods at her. "You are correct, Ms. Williams, I don't. But since you can't or won't show it to me, I don't believe it exists. And from what I heard, you have been violating your NDA, you released personal photos of me to the media..." he reaches for the phone as he rants.

"Wait!" Leila yells. "May I use your computer?"

Christian taps me on my bottom indicating that he wants me to get up so I stand and stretch. I am still in disbelief over what I am hearing. Christian reaches up into his cabinet and pulls down a laptop and hands it to her rather than letting her onto his computer. Leila taps for a few minutes and then places the laptop in front of us.

There really is a Christian Grey Sub Club. It has a short video clip of him having sex with several different women on the opening page. Along the side, there is a tab with the name of each of his sub. I am surprised to see my name listed with all the others. Christian is also apparently because my tab is the first one he clicks on and we both freeze in shock and horror.

Not only are there tons of pictures of me and Christian throughout of entire contract, there are also pictures of me as recently as last month. Pictures of me living my ordinary everyday life in New Orleans. There are messages about how abusive and awful I treated Christian and some even suggested I deserve to die. I can feel the blood run out of my face as I fully digest what I am seeing and the full understanding of what it means. Christian wraps his arms around me protectively and Sullivan moves in between us and Leila sensing something changed in the room. He calls for more security quietly.

Christian looks at me and back at Leila. "You really thought I would approve something like this?" he asks increduously.

"I did."

"That is going to be all for now." Christian ends the meeting abruptly. "Security is going to bring you to the hotel for the night. If I need to ask you more questions, will you be available? How long are you able to stay here in Seattle?"

"Absolutely Christian," she purrs. "I will be here for you whenever you need me. I can stay as long as you need me but really, a hotel? What is wrong with my old room?"

I am doing everything I can to keep myself from lunging at her. I see what she is doing here and I am not going to stand for it. "It's occupied."

Security enters and escorts Leila Williams out of the room just in time. I vow to remember this moment the next time I feel stiffled by the lack of privacy having security provides. They were truly a godsend.

Christian hands off the vile laptop over to Sullivan and pulls me close. "I am so sorry baby. I had no idea this would be what would come out of meeting with her." he apologizes. I don't need his apology but I don't try to stop him either.

Suddenly he freezes. "Red Room!"

 **A/N: So many places I could go from here... I am seriously undecided. Chapter 19 was written because of two reviews that asked questions that really made me think. Feel free to chime in at this point. No promises because I do know where this story is ultimately going... just deciding whether to add a fork to the story or not.**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

I am chasing Christian as he runs frantically up the staircase to the Red Room. I can feel the anger vibrating from him and wonder if my following him in is such a state is a good idea. What if he wants to play? I would have to refuse but can he handle that? I know he used this room to regain his sense of control and I really really hope that isn't what is about to try to do right now.

His hands are shaking as he tries to fit the key into the lock. After a couple of attempts he is successful and swings open the heavy door before storming inside. The familiar scent of citrus and cedar was over me and I feel my panties getting instantly wet. It is like a reflex. Kate once bought a scented candle for our apartment that smelled just like this and the same thing happened. I ended up having a long session with my Bob everytime she burned that damned thing. But at this moment, I don't care about what my body wants. I will worry about taking care of my needs later. Right now I need to understand what this wild goose chase is about though I have a suspicion.

I take a few uneasy steps inside and look around. I haven't been in this room in ages but it looks exactly like I left it. Christian is sitting on the bed trying to calm himself down. His eyes are closed and his lips are mouthing numbers as he takes deep breaths. As I move through the room I can't help myself and I finger the floggers and whips as I walk by them.

"I am sure Elena planted a camera in here. If she didn't, someone did." Christian tells me what I had already pretty much figured out. "I don't film myself. It is too much of a security risk." he confesses.

I look around for a camera. "I don't see a camera anywhere, Christian."

"It will likely be tiny. Hid into something innocuous. If it were obvious I would have found it long before this happened." he explains to me as he whips out his phone.

I look over and see he is calling Taylor. I only hear Christian's side of the conversation. Taylor is a master of calming Christian down. I guess he would have to be since he practically lives attached to Christian's hip. After hanging up he gives me an update, "Barney is on his way."

"Don't you debug your offices and conference rooms regularly?" I ask. I mean it would seem silly if he didn't with all the proprietary information that gets passed around.

He lets out a grimace. "Of course I do Ana. Often as a matter of fact. And what is really perplexing is I have had this room checked for bugs recently. They didn't find any." He reaches out and grabs me by my belt loop to pull me closer to him and I wrap my arms around him.

All the sudden I have a realization. "You know, this is the first time you called me Ana and not Ms. Steele in this room." I tell him and add. "And you let me call you Christian."

With sincerity in his eyes he looks up at me. "From here on out you will always be Anastasia to me." He reaches up and cups my face. "My Ana. And I want to always be just Christian to you."

Hearing those words from him, in the middle of the red room of pain, makes me giddy and gives me such hope that this relationship will last. That we really are building on a stronger foundation. I look around the room again and wonder if we will ever come in here again to play. I almost always enjoyed the sex, it was the inequity that bothered me about having a BDSM relationship, not the kink.

I notice movement by the open doorway and breath a little sigh of disappointment. The little bubble we just managed to create amid the madness. Taylor strolls in with Sullivan and Barney behind him. "Mr. Grey, Barney is here to do a sweep and while he is doing that, I would like to request your presence for our security briefing. We have some new information." Taylor announces.

"We will be there in five minutes, Taylor." Christian directs, using my hand to help himself up.

I look up at Christian, my brow knit in confusion. I hear the confusion in Taylors voice when he asks for clarification. "We, sir?"

"Yes, we. I think it is appropriate to have Ana sit in. She is just as impacted as I am and she deserves to know where we are in the investigation." Christian says firmly, leaving no misunderstanding or room for argument.

Taylor nods his affirmative and leaves us with Barney and Sullivan setting up the equipment so they can get started. Christian diverts his attention to the two men working. "Thank you so much for coming so quickly on your off time." he tells Barney.

Barney laugh turns into a snort. "Mr. Grey, you are very aware I have no off time, I'm salaried." he quips.

Christian laughs at Barney's attempt of a joke. "Very true. I'll let you get on with it. Please send me a report of what you find."

Turning to leave, Christian grabs for my hand. I place my hand in his and together we walk out into the hallway. I sigh in relief that my worst fear was unfounded. Eventually we will have to confront whether or not the red room will be part of our future but today just isn't the day. I need to do some serious soul searching before that time comes.

I let Christian lead me into the bedroom that only a few hours before felt like my prison. Christian faces me and wraps me in a tight embrace, burying his head into my neck. "I love you." he whispers. His soft voice muffled.

"I love you too Christian." I assure him. I reach my hand up and run my fingers through his soft locks, massaging his scalp and am rewarded with a growl. I love when I am able to make him feel good. I love that I am able to touch him more freely now. There are times where he flinches first and then relaxes but it is becoming less and less. "Don't we need to get to the security room for that meeting?"

Christian doesn't move or say anything. I glance and check the time and I think we have been in here for a few minutes already. One thing that I can say about Christian is that he is punctual. Nothing rattled him more than someone being late or being late himself. The clock jumps another minute before he sets me free and stands back up to his full height. "There is nothing more I want to do right now than make love to you but you're right, we do need to get to that meeting." Christian tells me as he reaches for my hand.

Hand in hand we walk together through the door in his bedroom that leads to the security room. I look around as he leads me past a few rooms. One has the door open and it looks like it is a hotel suite. Do they all sleep here? I wonder. The hallway opens into a large room with an equally large table that already has a number of people waiting. Christian pulls out a seat for me to sit in and then sits next to me leaving what looks like what would obviously be his chair empty. A few of the men look perplexed but go with the flow without saying a word.

Taylor comes in carrying his computer and sets up across from us. While he is busy I take the time to study the room. I count eight men and two women not counting me and Christian. In addition to Taylor, one other looks familiar. I think his name is Ryan. I didnt' know he was still here because I haven't seen him since I got here. I give Ryan a quick nod of acknowledgement before turning my attention back to Taylor who is now ready.

Taylor clears his throat before he begins to address us. "We have a couple of matters to attend to this evening, the first being the case against Elena Lincoln. Ms. Lincoln was brought to the King County Adult Detention Center. She has a bail hearing scheduled for 09:30 tomorrow. My sources informed me that she will likely be given a $500,000-1 million dollar bail so we do expect her to be a high threat risk beginning as soon at 11:00pm tomorrow. The case against her is strong so with any luck, her last taste of freedom will be short."

I groan inwardly. I was really hoping we had seen the last of her. If she is a high threat risk, I wonder what steps they are going to take to ensure Christian's safety. Knowing Elena like I do, she isn't just going to to tiptoe out of our lives. She will be after revenge and that makes me very nervous.

I look towards Christian and he looks like he just sucked a lemon. "You have my approval to assign two people per shift to her. I don't want someone losing her because they have to go take a piss." Christian spits out.

Taylor nods his understanding and continues. "Ms. Williams has been dropped off at the hotel and was escorted to her room. Patterson is assigned to her and in light of the website she brought our attention to today he is monitoring her device usage. We considered using a wi-fi blocker but decided against it. She may bring us a wealth of information if she keeps access. The blocker is on stand-by in case we need to shut her down." he explains.

"I concur." Christian says slowly. "But my question is why didn't we know about that website before today? From what I have seen it has been in use for years Taylor."

The man sitting to Taylors right leans forward as he turns his tablet so we can see it. I lean in to take a close look at it as he gives a long-winded speech about the dark web and how difficult it can be to navigate if you don't know exactly what you're looking for. This time I notice that Christian's last name is spelt Gray instead of Grey. It looks as if they are a fairly active group and someone has been active as recently as an hour ago. I was purposely left out of the "club" and I am really annoyed that it bothers me. It isn't really something I want to belong to but none the less, not being invited makes me feel inferior. As he continues to flip through some of the pages, highlighting some of the concerns I study the pictures of all the women who have had a relationship with in the past and I feel a stab of jealousy hit me in my heart. They are all so beautiful.

I hear the door open and look to see who has come to join us. Barney comes through the door looking dejected. The chatter in the room stops as we all stare at him waiting to hear about what he has found.

Barney doesn't take a seat, instead he paces in obvious frustration. "There are no bugs. At least, nothing my equipment could find." he announces. "This equipment is top of the line. I am sure if the room was bugged, it would have picked it up."

Out of the corner of my eye I can see the clenching and unclenching of Christian's hands. I reach for one in an effort to sooth him. He entwines his fingers with mine and I smile when it brings me the familiar jolt of electricity. Even with all the crap going on around us, our connection is still there.

"How confident are you that there isn't still a bug in that room, Barney? What is the chance that she bugged it with a device that is too advanced for your equipment?" Christian demands, obviously still not satisfied that nothing was found.

Barney stares at his boss with a look of disbelief crossed with annoyance. Through gritted teeth he says, "None, sir. As I said before, this equipment is the best of the best. I went over every square inch of that room. It is clean."

I purse my lips waiting for Christian to explode and when he doesn't I am shocked. I never would have thought he would allow one of his employees to talk to him in the tone Barney did just now. I was expecting World War III to take place. I turn to look at Christian, perplexed.

"He is an expert in his field, baby. That is one reason I hired him. The other reason I hired him is because I trust him. If he is sure the room is clean, I believe him." Christian whispers to me, clearing up my confusion. He was loud enough that Barney could hear him and I smirk when I see him light up at his bosses compliments.

Taylor stands up to shake Barney's hand. "It sure would have been easier if you had found something. Thank you for rushing over." We silently watch Barney leave, each of us lost in thought. If the obvious didn't pan out, how did they get all those videos to put on the sub club site? I stiffle a yawn, it has been an eventful day.

Christian suddenly sits up. "Unless you have something else Taylor, I think I am going to take my lady to bed. I really think we might just need to consider having a Sub Club reunion. Surely we can get one of them to talk." He spits out the last part. I don't relish the idea of a sub club reunion. From what I read, I am a person non grata. and just the idea of Christian with all the women from his past in one room makes my blood run cold.

"Sir, I think we can regroup and meet in the morning. Fresh eyes will probably go a long way." Taylor confirms and Christian is the first to stand, pulling me up with him. I notice that once Christian stands, the others in attendance feel free to stand and stretch as well. Without saying anything, we head back to the bedroom. I am honestly too tired to think much more about the sub club, Leila, Elena, or much else for that matter.

Christian shuts the door to his bedroom with his foot and immediately starts shedding his clothes. I stop in my tracks to watch the floor show. He is playful and starts to really put on a show once he knows he has my attention. First he very slowly starts to lift his undershirt showing his rock hard toned abs before dropping it down again. When he gets to his socks, he removes one and swings it over his head before tossing it into his hamper causing me to giggle. He wiggles his eyebrows at me as he slowly pulls down his underwear revealing his well endowed manhood. It doesn't matter that I am tired, I am now wet, needy, and frustrated. Once he is fully naked he saunters over to me.

"You are too dressed Ana." His breath tickling my ear. He runs his hand under my shirt causing goosebumps to pop out on my arms. "Would you like some help with your problem?" He asked as a hand goes into my panties and he starts rubbing my clit, emitting a soft groan. "You are so wet for me baby. That makes me so happy." he rasps. I can barely stand up on my own, he has turned me into putty in his arms. I feel like I am on the verge of release when he stops his minstrations and starts to undress me. I assist him in stripping me of my garmets, still tired but eager to continue our games in a bed. He lays down, his full erection sticking up and it is light a beacon calling me. Slowly, I take him into my mouth, his loud moans egging me on as I reach a rhythm. I taste his precum as it oozes into my mouth the more excited he becomes. Just when I think he is about to release, he stops me and pulls me up on top of him. We stare in each others eyes for a long minute, even as I buck against him trying to get some friction. He swats me on my ass softly as he shakes his head no in an effort to try to stop me. He doesn't understand how badly I need a release.

"Please!" I beg. "Please give me your cock!" I nearly yell when my first plea was ignored.

Christians eyes nearly pop out of his head. "God woman, I love you. Tell me what you want!" he encourages me.

"I need your cock. I need you to fuck me hard." I pant. "I want to ride you hard and come all over you." I add when I see the fire start to burn behind his eyes. He is getting more and more turned on and it seems like it is paining him to deny me.

He slams his lips to mine hard and reaches between us to hold himself steady while I mount him. "Get it baby." he urges as he watches me take control of my own orgasm. I am so needy I don't care about anything as I chase my release, the volumn of my moans increasing the closer I get until I explode around him. I hear him grunting and panting with me and I keep riding him through both our orgasms, slowly rolling over once we both start coming down off our euphoric highs.

Laying on our sides facing one another we slowly pepper each other with small kisses and sweet nothings. Tommorow is going to be the same shit, different day but for now I feel satisfied and loved.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: I am sorry for any typos I missed. I stink at editing myself. I have a new keyboard and it has been a difficult adjustment. I hope you enjoy it. It would be what you call a filler chapter to get us back to where we need to be. Answers will start coming in the next one.**

Chapter 22

It has been almost a week since we found out about the Sub Club and I have watched Christian and Taylor almost go to blows a few times over the best way forward but today is the day that will bring all of Christian's submissives back to the penthouse. Since learning about the elusive gathering place, Taylor and Barney has been monitoring the site 24/7. They were both pretty angry with themselves for not finding it themselves over the years it has been active and they don't want to drop the ball again. It's both a little cute and a little sad how hard they have been fighting to get back into Christian's good graces again.

I decided that I want to be nowhere near the little reunion. I have gotten over myself being hurt for not being invited over the last few days. In fact, it has made things so much easier for me that I wasn't a part of that so I am grateful I didn't know a thing about it. Instead, Christian organized a surprise for me and says I am really going to like it. After the fact, I am going to go to the security brief so I can hear what they learned and help formulate a plan based on that.

"Anastasia, babe, I need you to wake up." Christian sits on the edge of the bed and rubs my back.

I open my eyes and the light shining through the windows blind me. I reach for a pillow to cover my head. I am ready to get this day over with already but I really don't want to start it either. I groan at him.

He reaches for my ass and grabs a handful, kneeding it and working out my muscles. It feels so good and it makes me want to stay in this little bubble. "Come on, we have a busy day ahead of us."

Reluctantly I turn over. "I don't want to get up." But I feel myself reach the point of awakeness that there is no turning back from. "I'm nervous." I admit. "I am worried that one of them will hurt you."

Christian sighs. "We have been over this. We reviewed the security plans together and Taylor will ensure my safety," he tells me seriously.

And we have. We have been painstakingly going over each and every possible scenario for days now. But right now that knowledge is not helping my nerves at all. "You can't hurt them either." I tell him pointedly.

He chuckles. "Oh trust me baby, I won't." he tells me. "They would enjoy that too much."

I roll my eyes and bring myself to get out of bed. We had a night of love making so I am standing in front of him completely naked and he doesn't miss a chance to ogle my body. "I'm going to shower and get dressed. How much longer do I have before Sullivan is ready?" I ask completely ignoring his comment.

"Sullivan will be ready as soon as you are, that is his job. But you have a little over an hour before I need you to be on your way if you don't want to be here." Christian answers me.

I just nod in response and head to the shower. I am beginning to doubt my decision to not stay close by. At the time it was an easy decision. I really wish this meeting would have taken place somewhere else but security shot that down. They felt that the penthouse was the best place from a security standpoint. They said it provided them more control. I hope they are right.

Warm water cascades down my body and I close my eyes for a minute trying to wash away my nerves. A quick flash of cold suddenly invades my serenity and I open my eyes to see Christian sliding in behind me. He envelops me in his arms and lightly nips at my neck causing a small moan to escape my lips.

"I couldn't let you shower alone." he confesses as he places a dollop of shampoo in his hand and starts massaging it into my scalp. The sensations send goosebumps down my body and I lean back into him. "I would be remiss if I let the opportunity to show you how much I love you, how much I cherish you, go by."

"I love you too Christian." I whisper back. I try to turn around to return the favor but he doesn't let me.

"This is for you. I know how hard this must be for you. I don't like it either." He lathers up a sponge before pressing it onto my sex. I jump because the sensations are heavenly and it isn't long before he replaces the sponge with his fingers. He starts with light pressure slowly building up to a more frantic pace and he feels me start to swell. My legs start to shake and I feel weak but so good at the same time. I reach for the shower walls for balance. I feel him tighten his grip around me, supporting me. "That's it my girl, give it to me." Christian rasps in my ear before nipping along my ear and down my neck. I feel my impending climax as I give into him, moaning loudly. I buck my hips into his hand as the waves of my orgasm wash over me.

Once I find my legs again I turn to him. The water is flowing over his strapping body, his full erection and his gorgeous face and it turns me into a wanton woman. I can hardly control myself as I reach out and take him in my hand. He lets me stroke him a few times before stopping me.

Confused and feeling a little rejected, I pout. "Was I doing it wrong?" He has never complained before but maybe I haven't been doing it the way he likes it done. Come to think of it, jacking him off isn't something that we have done. Maybe that's the reason.

Seeming to read my mind he shakes his head as he gaffaws. "No baby, you were doing it just right. I told you, that this was for you, not for me."

For me? Isn't he the one about to go meet with a bunch of women he has been extremely intimate with? "Do you really think it is such a good idea to go into a room of woman you found attractive enough to fuck horny?" I counter him pointedly.

He sighs, "Ana. Since discovering making love and real vanilla, I only want you. And if being horny is the reminder of the end game all the better."

"End game?"

"The faster I get the information we need, the faster I can get back to you. You know, keeping my eye on the prize." He winks at me before taking me into a bear hug. "Don't worry, They could be Ms. Universe for all I care, none of them could hold a candle to you. Don't let your imagination get ahead of you. I promise you my fidelity." he tries to reassure me. I feel my muscles slowly relaxing as I let his promise calm down my fears. "If it makes you feel better, when I see you later this afternoon you can jack me off."

I laugh. "It's a deal and I am holding you to it." I try to step back so we can shake on it but he won't release me from his tight grip.

"I wouldn't have gotten to where I am in business if I didn't keep my word. It's a deal. No handshake needed but if you want we could seal it with a kiss." He lowers his lips to mine and we spend the next few minutes lost in each other.

After our hot shower, we both get dressed in silence. I know he needs to visualize how he wants this meeting to go and I keep letting my mind wander on where he could possibly be sending me for my surprise. I imagine he is probably sending me to his parents house but for what?

Gail already has breakfast ready when we come out. Christian told me to dress comfortably so I am just wearing a pair of jeans with a pullover sweater and it feels strange sitting next to Christian as he is all business on a Saturday. The huevos rancheros are delicious though and I gobble them up in record time. It might be my new favorite breakfast. As I finish, Sullivan comes around the corner. "Ready?" he asks casually.

I take one last good look at Christian and he is fighting a grin. He gives me a quick kiss before patting me lightly on my behind. "Go. I love you. Enjoy your surprise. Have fun and I will see you later." He waves me off.

"And you be safe. I love you." I remind him. Yes, please be safe I pray up to the God in heaven. I turn to follow Sullivan into the elevator and am perplexed when he presses the button only a few floors down.

I don't say anything on our fast trip down four floors but when I look at Sullivan he just taps his nose at me. Of couse he isn't going to tell me anything because if he does, his job would be in peril. The doors open and he holds his hand out for me to go first which only annoys me. Why on Earth would I want to go first when I don't know where I am going in the first place but I step out anyway and wait.

"To the right Ana." Sullivan gives the first instruction so I head in that direction until I reach the door at the end of the hallway and can't go any further. Sullivan reaches down into his pocket and produces a key and hands it to me. "Open the door."

At that moment, I understand. This is the apartment Christian promised me last week. He kept his word. All the sudden I feel the conflicting emotions of surprise, excitement, and disappointment. My hand shakes a little as I fiddle with the key. I can't wait to see the place but now that it is a reality, I am a little disappointed I won't have a built in reason to sleep next to him every night. I remind myself that having space apart will be good for the both of us.

As soon as I unlock the door, I push it open to find Kate standing in the entry way with a stack of boxes behind her. Leaving the key in the door I rush to her throwing my arms around her as we both shriek. Seeing her standing here makes me realize just how much I have missed my best friend. "I talked to you last night and you didn't say a word!" I accuse her as I wipe my eyes from the tears of joys.

"Steele, I was sworn to secrecy by the big guy upstairs." Kate informs me putting her hands up and stepping back. "But really, you have to see this place, the views are gorgeous. It is so much nicer than our apartment back in New Orleans." she gushes.

It is much smaller than Christian's penthouse upstairs but the details are just as amazing. Kate informs me that it was already furnished, has three bedrooms and three bathrooms. "Christian said I get the master though." She says smugly as she opens the door revealing a room that is bigger than some houses. An office, huge closets, a sitting room and a smaller version of Christians bathroom was hiding behind the door.

I cross my arms, "Oh really?" I am just kidding, I don't mind. The other bedrooms share a bathroom but there shouldn't be anyone staying with us so it would practically be mine anyhow.

"Yep." Kate tells me popping the "p". "I don't think your man wants you to be too comfortable down here. I think he wants you to have a reason to visit him upstairs."

I laugh. She is probably right.

We finish the tour and I am not surprised when I find Gail in the kitchen stocking the refrigerator. "Good morning ladies, I hope you don't mind that I did a little shopping for you." she says cheerfully before introducing herself to Kate, "I am Gail Taylor, Mr. Grey's housekeeper. You must be Ms. Kavanaugh."

Kate's eyes just about bug out of her head. "Kate, please. Lovely meeting you Ms. Taylor. Thank you for shopping for us."

"Yes, thank you Gail." I remember my manners. "Kate, Gail is a lifesaver in more ways than one. She gives great advice too." I add, smiling shyly at Gail.

Kate sticks her tongue out at me before addressing Gail. "Great, I know who to call when Ana here is giving sucky advice. We are going to sit in the living room and catch up. Let me know if you need anything."

Once we are settled in and comfortable Kate turns to me, "Soooo?"

In that one word there are so many questions that I don't know where to start. "Christian?"

Kate rolls her eyes at me. "Well that is one place to start. How about we roll that all the way back to the beginning. I have a lot of questions as you might imagine." I watch her hug her knees and take a deep breath.

"Elena introduced us." I start.

She interupts me. "Elena Lincoln? From the salon? That Elena?"

I nod and take in Kate's reaction.

"Welp, you never know who is connected in this world but I would have never guessed she would be the one. Hasn't she been brought up on charges of pedophilia recently?"

One thing about Kate is that she is sharp. She doesn't miss much. "Yes, she has. She is currently on house arrest." I confirm.

"Christian?" Kate voices her suspicion and that is what I was most afraid of.

"It is his story to tell." I know that answer all but confirms what she is thinking but I don't want to lie to her either. I have done that enough in the past when I was under contract and it has eaten at me ever since.

I am stunned when she doesn't press me further. Kate can be like a dog with a bone when she is after information but thankfully she let this one go for now. "So Elena Lincoln, the salon owner introduces you and then what. You agree to go up to his room of horror every weekend?" she states bitterly.

It stings. I know I have been an awful friend and probably don't deserve to have best friend status anymore and it is because of my own choices. I am surprised she hadn't confronted at the time. "Not exactly. But close." I admit.

"So now that we are both alert and face to face, explain." she says simply.

"Okay, so Elena introduced us and we were compatable enough that he asked me to enter into a BDSM contract with him. I thought about it and decided what the hell. If I didn't like it then I would back out. The problem with the contract in hindsight was that I had to sign a NDA before I ever saw it and that I couldn't get too attached. The NDA is the reason I hid it from you. While it wouldn't serve him well to take me to court to honor my BDSM contract, I knew he would sure as hell take me to court over the NDA." The words come tumbling out of my mouth and I can't believe how relieved it feels to finally be telling someone the truth behind our relationship. "So every weekend and sometimes on Wednesday I would go to his penthouse and cook dinner and then we would go upstairs to the room that he has just to practice BDSM and do a scene, sometimes more than one. On the weekends I slept in a different bedroom and mostly it was just a power exchange. He wanted me to follow his orders and if I did, and I rarely didn't, it was all pleasure."

Kate's eyes are wide open in shock. "And if you didn't?"

I take a deep breath. "And if I didn't, he would punish me. Usually he would get me really worked up and then deny me. Sometime he would hit me with one of his instruments but that was rare and with permission. I could stop him if I wanted to." I try my best to reassure her and not paint the picture that Christian is a monster.

"You said he never beat you Ana and he did!" Kate throws her hands up into the air.

I know I need to fix this. She hasn't even met him yet, and she already hates him. "He didn't beat me. First, I liked it Kate. Like really really liked it. Second, I wanted him to do it. Third, he never left a mark on my body that didn't go away within an hour or so. It may be hard for you to believe but I can be a kinky bitch sometimes my damn self." I rant.

As we sit next to each other, me trying to calm myself down and Kate trying to make heads or tails of this new information, I can't help but to wonder what is going on upstairs. I really hope that Christian and his team gets everything he needs so we can rise past this. There is also a gnawing sensation in my gut that I am going to have to go through this at least twice more with each of my parents.

Finally Kate scoots closer to me and puts her head on my shoulder. "For what it's worth Steele, I can be a freak between the sheets too."

I laugh. Kate is back and our friendship is still intact. I finish telling her the story and she tells me what she has been up to the last couple of weeks. As Christian promised, the time has flown by and it is five o'clock already. I hug Kate good-bye and agree to spend the night in the new apartment tomorrow. Right now there is information to gather and a deal to cash in on.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

The doors of the elevator open and I practically prance out. I need to see Christian with my own eyes. Please, let this all be over, I plead silently. I scan the rooms I can see and no one is around. I don't know what I was expecting exactly but silence definately wasn't on my list.

"Where is he?" I bark at Sullivan. My anxiety is quickly rising, I can practically hear the blood coursing through my body, the sound of my heartbeat is deafening. I just want to know that everything is alright. Sullivan looks taken aback that he was spoken to that way by me but I don't care.

"Mr. Grey is in his office." He answers looking down at his cell phone. "He is with his team debriefing. You can go in."

I can go in. That's funny. As if I wasn't going to anyway but I guess it is nice that I have permission. I walk as fast as I can without running. I need to know how it went. Kate was a nice distraction so I wasn't on pins and needles all day but now I am impatient.

I don't knock on the door and instead just swing it open. There are no more barriers between me and finding out what is going on. I am met with six pairs of eyes staring at me but I don't care. I am relieved when I see that Christian is fairly relaxed considering the events that took place today.

Christian stands up and meets me halfway, taking me in a strong bear hug. It is a little awkward knowing that there are people watching us. I can feel the eyeballs burning a hole in my back, I am sure they are ready to get back to the meeting I interupted.

"Let's take a ten minute break." Christian announces to the waiting audience. "I don't want to continue without catching Ana up. Gail left some refreshments on the breakfast bar. Help yourself." Christian takes me by the hand and leads me towards the bedroom.

Once we are alone I start asking him questions. "So how did it go? Did you find anything out?" I take a seat in his lounge chair leaving him the ottoman to sit on.

He crinkles his eyebrows, as if deep in thought. It annoys me because this should be an easy question and one he should have been expecting. Finally he answers me. "Yes... and no."

I wait for him to expand on that but he doesn't. "and..." I prompt.

That seems to snap him out of whatever he was thinking about. "Yes, as we thought, Elena set up the site. They seemed surprised that I didn't approve of it. Elena is quite a storyteller. The videos is where we hit a road block. They claim they didn't put them up themselves. They thought I did and it egged them on thinking that there would be a possibility of repeat contracts. That when a new video was posted that it was me reminiscing about them. Their comments back that up. So in that aspect, we are no closer to figuring out how video was obtained in the first place. Barney wants to hack into her computer but the police currently have it as evidence in the child endangerment case. I have asked him not to but it has to be her." Christian concludes.

"So where are we in the meeting?" I ask him after glancing at the clock and seeing we only have five minutes left. "And who is in there, I didn't look."

Christian stands up and stretches. "Taylor, Ros, my dad, Judy Goldman from PR, Barney, and a lawyer from GEH named Bob Stehley." he lists out for me. "We are deciding the next steps that will protect me personally and in regards to GEH."

"Does PR still want to take this public. It seems to have died down in the media." I haven't seen much news so I hope that is true. I haven't heard them talking about the news reports anymore so I hope they moved on to something more interesting than us.

"The short answer is yes. Mostly to try to regain some business trust that was lost but we don't see eye to eye on that. I think that putting it back in the public eye will just satisfy the curious gawkers. Judy is worried that we are linked together and once we are seen in public together the story will just reignite on its own and we won't be able to control it so she wants ahead of it." he tells me matter-of-factly before he starts to smirk. "Evidently I can't keep you hidden up here forever."

I shake my head. No, he certainly can't. Satisfied that I can at least hold my own for the duration of the meeting, I get up ready to follow him back to his office. He leans over and kisses my cheek. "I know you need to know more specifics about how the meeting went and I will tell you as soon as they leave. Just know that I love you, no one holds a candle to you and there were a bunch of disappointed women leaving this penthouse earlier this afternoon." He tries to reassure me.

I just nod and follow him back to his office. He read my mind, I needed to hear that. I want to hear all the finer details but I knew ten minutes wouldn't be enough time so I didn't bother asking yet.

This meeting just keeps droning on. So far, there has been no real concensus on the best way to procede. Judy keeps harping on outing our relationship and seems to think that if I do an interview, this will all be water under the bridge in a few weeks. Carrick wants to sue each of the submissives for violating the NDA. The GEH lawyer doesn't want a court case linked to GEH over its owners sex life. Barney keeps tapping on his keyboard with Taylor looking over his shoulder. Ros seems frustrated but is staying mum. Gail has brought dinner in and cleaned up already. Out of the blue Barney and Taylor start getting excited, pointing at the screen and seemingly having a private hushed conversation.

"What do you have Barney?" Ros asks hopefully. I get the feeling that she is as ready as I am to be done with this meeting.

Barney turns the computer screen towards all of us. The screen is showing a paused image from the CCTV footage taken from the meeting earlier. Christian is standing in front of the fireplace and the submissives are all sitting around the room. "If you see here, it appears that they are all wearing the same necklace." he points out.

I get up and kneel in front of the small screen to take a closer look. They are each wearing a necklace with a small birthstone and a gold box. I go cold. I know that necklace well, I have one. Elena gave it to me as a gift once Christian and I entered into a contract. I wore it once but then Christian gave me a necklace with a rose pendant and I put it away. It should still be in my jewelry box. I look back at Christian who is staring at me, "Did my belongings get brought to Seattle with Kate's?"

Christian gives a slight nod. "They did. The boxes are downstairs." he affirms.

"I need my jewelry box. I have one of those necklaces." I confirm.

Taylor air pumps but Christian looks horrified. "Where did you get the necklace Anastasia?" he scorns.

Anastasia? I don't know what in the hell he is getting all pissy with me for. I might have just found the answers they were searching for and he is Anastasiaing me. I ignore him for the time being and talk to Taylor instead. At least he understands that this might be groundbreaking intel. "Do you think Sullivan would be able to go down there and find it or should I go?"

Taylor considers the options. "I'm going to call Ms. Kavanaugh and tell her to expect Sullivan. Does she know what your jewelry box looks like?" he questions.

"She better, it was a gift from her. It isn't small, it is almost like a piece of furniture. The necklace would be in one of the small drawers near the bottom it's original case. I barely ever wore it." I tell him.

With the logistics taken care of I turn back towards Christian. "Elena gave it to me." I snap at him and opt to take the seat Taylor vacated. From here, I can see Barney's screen and he is replaying the video footage from earlier. I can't hear anything but at least I can see what happened. Besides, Christian's mood is plummeting fast and I would rather not sit next to him.

It takes about a half hour before Sullivan returns carrying the navy blue case containing the necklace. All eyes watch Barney slowly examine it and when he looks up, he is smiling. "Bingo."

Part of me feels like a hero but a larger part feels violated as Barney explains how the camera was placed cleverly to avoid casual detection. He deducted that it either recorded everything or was activated by a sensor located somewhere in the apartment. With that information, the meeting was quickly terminated. It is late and honestly, aside from linking Elena further and finally learning how she was able to obtain private footage, nothing else was getting done. Maybe fresh eyes will help in the morning. I wish everyone a good night and head to the bedroom.

As I wash my face, tears start to pool in my eyes. For the life of me, I just can't understand Christian's reaction to my having a necklace. It is just a necklace. I mean, it ended up being more than a necklace but I couldn't have known that before tonight. Considering his attention to detail, I am shocked he never noticed that every sub he ever had wore the same necklace. Before I know it, I am in full out sobs. I try to calm myself but then stop when I realize this is probably just a cathartic cry, finally releasing all the tension that has built up over the past few weeks. I sink to the floor and allow myself to cry it out, holding my head in my hands.

"Shhhh, baby, don't cry." I hear Christian's concerned voice and it makes me wail louder. Where was the concern earlier? He doesn't get to go from an asshole to concerned boyfriend without an explaination.

He tries to pick me up but instead I ground myself like a toddler. I don't want him to touch me right now. "Go away!" I push him away from me. I need to be left alone. I know I am going to be fine eventually but everything just caught up with me and I need this.

Suddenly I remember I am not stuck here. I have somewhere to go just a few floors down. I focus on calming myself down enough that I can make it downstairs without scaring any unsuspected person I might come across. Or worse, deal with the Kate inquisition which will be too obtrusive to deal with. Christian isn't helping matters. He has brought a chair and placed it a few feet away to keep an eye on me. Every now and then he whispers something in his effort to calm me down.

When the tears finally stop, I pull myself to standing and walk past him and out the door into the main apartment. Christian is hot on my tail.

"Ana, where are you going?" he pleads.

I stop and look him in the eye. "I am going downstairs. I need my space tonight." I tell him almost robotically.

I can see him shattering in front of me. "I'm so sorry Ana. Please stay." he begs.

I shake my head. I am really not up for sex tonight and honestly, I need some time away from this penthouse and him and his erractic moods. I am angry about the way he spoke to me and acted tonight, but this is about more than just that.

"I'm sorry about the way I treated you about the necklace. It's just that it was a shock. It was like you were one of those woman and I couldn't handle it." he tries to explain but instead he is making it worse. Doesn't he remember that I am one of his submissives? I don't answer him and I press the elevator call button. I am not at all surprised when Sullivan is at my side.

"I'm just going to sleep downstairs tonight." I tell Sullivan as I continue to ignore Christian completely, not emotionally capable of dealing with him.

Christian pleades with me. "Ana, please don't do this."

I step into the elevator and finally turn towards Christian and acknowledge him. "I am just like the women that you met with earlier. You need to decide if you can handle that. Good night Christian."

I crumple into myself as the elevators doors close, spent and exhausted. Thankfully Kate was already asleep as I slid into our apartment. I slide in between my sheets and hug a pillow close and I cry until I fall asleep.

 **A/N: Tomorrow will be another day for our favorite couple and Christian just learned an important lesson. He might be regretting getting Ana her own apartment about now. But at least there was one answer to the puzzle. See you next time.**


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

It takes me a few minutes to figure out where I am when I wake up. When I remember what happened last night, I feel foolish. I let my emotions get the best of me. I had a feeling something like this would happen, its my modus operandi. I have a tendency to hold everything in and then something minor happens and it turns into a complete cry fest and I become so bitchy I don't even recognize myself. Still, it is no excuse to treat Christian like that. He must be so upset, I exploited his weakness and just left. It isn't like yesterday was a walk in the park for him either.

I check my phone and see that Christian hasn't called or texted. That either means he is giving me space or I'm in for his wrath. I need to get upstairs, there is no need to prospone the inevitable. One way or another, I need to fix this.

It is Sunday so I hope that Kate is sleeping in. She should be dealing with jet lag so I hope that works in my favor. I climb out of bed and stretch before getting dressed and putting on my shoes. I quietly exit my room and I don't hear any noise so I tip toe out taking great pains to ensure the door doesn't make any sounds.

Sullivan isn't stationed outside and it unnerves me. It is amazing how easy it was for me to get used to always having a side kick anytime I left the confines of the penthouse. I hop in the elevator and punch in the code to get to the penthouse level. Nothing happens. I try again and nothing happens. Tears fill my eyes as I realize he has changed the code. I drop my head down in shame. Ana, what have you done? I chastise myself.

I do the walk of shame back to the apartment and realize I don't have a key. I ring the bell knowing full well that it won't wake Kate up. She sleeps with ear plugs and an eye mask. I feel myself start to panic. I can't get upstairs and I can't get into my apartment. I'm hungry and dejected so I head back to the elevator, this time to go to breakfast.

Pressing the lobby button, the elevator descends as fast as my mood. The doors open and I walk out of the Escala lobby completely alone for the first time in years. I walk for several blocks, taking in the shops and noting that there is a cozy bookstore called Seattle Independent. After I get something in my stomach, that will be the next stop. I find a charming cafe and sit down only to realize that I don't have any money. I didn't bring my wallet downstairs with me last night. The bookstore doesn't open for a few hours yet so I get up and head back to Escala. Hopefully Kate will be up by now.

Feeling forelorn I promise myself that if Christian and I are able to repair this, I will never storm out like that again. It was childish and selfish, not to mention how Christian is probably feeling. I check my phone again and still no text and no phone call.

The doorman opens the door to Escala with a cheery "Good Morning!" and I do my best attempt at returning it though it sounded phony even to my ears. When I reach the apartment, the door is open and I run smack into a very flustered Sullivan. He looks positively livid.

"Where in the hell have you been?" both Sullivan and Kate shout at me. I know Kate is upset because she very obviously hadn't been ready to give up on her beauty sleep. She looks like death worn over.

"I went to find something to eat but realized I didn't have my wallet." I admit.

Sullivan's hands are clenched and his face is red. "Alone?!" he roars.

I am taken aback. "Yes." I admit hesitantly. "I couldn't get upstairs. The code wouldn't work. I was locked out of the apartment and you were nowhere to be found." I do my best to defend myself.

"Coffee, Ms. Steele. I went to get a cup of coffee and you sneak out. I had no idea you weren't in there until Taylor called a few minutes ago asking me to confirm your whereabouts because we expected you to be up and about by now. Of course the code was changed last night. We change it often and especially when the penthouse is used for hosting a group of people. It's too much a security risk not to." he rants.

I get it, I really do. He could easily get fired for losing me. "I just thought the worst... I behaved badly last night and I figured Christian washed his hands of me when you weren't there and he hadn't called or texted. I'm sorry." I plead forgiveness. I glance at Kate who is leaning on the breakfast bar drinking her coffee watching this play out.

Sullivan gets on his phone. "Taylor, Sullivan. I've got Ms. Steele." he says gruffly hanging up and then addressing me. "His phone is currently in pieces. A new one will be delivered this morning. Now if you don't mind coming upstairs with me, I believe someone would like to make sure you really are in one peice."

I nod but first I walk over to Kate. I owe her an explaination. "I had one of my classic meltdowns last night. I came down here to sleep. I'm so sorry you had this drama first thing in the morning."

She shoots me a knowing look. She knows how I can be. "You owe me one Steele. Perhaps we should plan a girls night for later this week, I doubt Mr. Mogul will let you out of your sight tonight."

I agree with her wholeheartedly. "I'll let you know. Let me see if I can organize dinner upstairs for tonight instead." I offer as a compromise.

Of course she agrees. I know she is anxious to finally meet Christian. With that settled I follow Sullivan upstairs with my tail between my legs. Yesterday seems so long ago but there is so much unresolved. I arrive to find Barney and his team of IT guys combing the apartment with a fine tooth comb. Taylor and Gail are the ones to greet me. Gail placing a mug of coffee in my hand. Taylor looking stern.

"Ana, you must know that you can never have another little adventure like that again. You could have been hurt, kidnapped, or worse, killed. Might I remind you that several of Christian's former subs have posted death threats against you and they are all still in town." He tells me in a serious tone.

My blood runs cold. I haven't taken the death threats seriously because they were based on misinformation but then again, do any of them know the information Elena fed them was completely bogus. I doubt it. "Yes, sir. I really didn't mean to evade Sullivan. I just thought Christian was done with me and shut me out. I didn't think I had a CPO anymore." I tell him dejected.

He laughs at me. "That man loves you. I don't think he is going to cut you out of his life without trying to work things out first."

I don't know why but that little bit of reassurance from Taylor of all people means the world to me. It fills my heart. "Where is he?" I ask.

"He is still in bed. He was up most of the night." Taylor tells me pointing towards the bedroom and I feel bad. I cried myself to sleep pretty quickly but then slept like a baby. Evidently Christian didn't have a peaceful night if his phone is in tatters and he is still sleeping.

I quietly enter the bedroom and I didn't need Taylor to tell me it was a rough night. There is a tumbler half filled with bourbon on the night stand, he is still dressed in the same clothes from last night, and he looks like he had a fight with his bedsheets. I rush to him and find a place to cuddle against him. He reeks of stale alcohol but that doesn't matter right now. Being close to him, trying to reassure him that I haven't left him is what is important to me.

I lay in the same spot for over an hour before he stirs. When he opens his eyes, he shuts them quickly. He is definately hung over as he squints and groans. "Good morning Ana," he croaks.

"It's actually good afternoon. I sit up and grab the pain reliever and juice Gail must have dropped off earlier this morning. She is always so thoughtful. I hand him the two tablets and then the juice after he sits up, holding his head.

"Ugh, my head. It is pounding."

I imagine so. I don't know how much he drank but judging on smell alone, it was a lot. I go into the bathroom and start a bath. A nice warm bubble bath will do him good. I addd some lavender and peppermint oil to try to help his hangover before returning to him to help him up. "Come on, a bath will do you good," I coo softly at him. He stands and I unbutton and unzip his pants pulling them down to his ankles. "Step out," I direct. When he is finally naked, I lead him to the tub and help him step in.

He lays his head back and I take a seat by the vanity to keep an eye on him. He might actually still be a little intoxicated. Heaven forbid he drowns or something on my watch. I can see the headlines now... Despite a houseful of security, billionaire Christian Grey dies by drowning in his own bathtub. What a nightmare that would be.

"Are you just going to sit there?" he asks me, reaching an arm out in my direction, trying to grab me but he can't reach so he is just grabbing air. It would be comical if he wasn't so pitiful.

"Yes, I need to keep an eye on you." I tell him in my best no nonsense voice.

He pats the water playfully. "You could keep a much better eye on me in here. Come on Ana, the water is so nice."

I have to admit, it does look inviting and I do need a bath. I stand up and remove my clothes as Christian whistles and comments on how much he likes seeing my body. It is pure flattery. I don't know if he is being super sweet because he forgot what happened last night or in spite of it.

I step into the tub and he is right, the water is at the perfect temperature and it feels lovely against my aching muscles. Christian grabs my hips and pulls be back against him. He places his chin against my shoulder and sighs. "Please don't leave like that again Ana." he pleads.

I try to turn to somewhat face him but he has me in a tight hold so I relax against him. "I'm sorry about that. I can't promise that there won't be times where I need my space but I can promise that I will talk to you first and explain so you won't be blindsided." I tell him earnestly. "You know, when I couldn't get back up to the penthouse this morning I thought you were done with me and I was cut out of your life again."

Christian stiffens, "I have to admit I thought about it. There was so much pain, I couldn't handle it and I wondered if love was worth it. It was easier to be attachment free. My heart wasn't roaming outside my body with a mind of its own."

His admission hurts me. He thought about what I feared the most. But he didn't go through with it Ana, I try to self talk the pain away. "Is that why the code was changed? So you could decide if I am worth it?" I ask, unable to keep the hurt out of my voice.

"No." he answers plainly. "The code gets changed everytime anyone host someone that we don't want to have open access to the penthouse. Yesterday was a prime example. We also change it on a regular basis anyhow from just a security perspective."

That is what Taylor said so it must be true. I figure he hasn't heard of my little adventure this morning so I don't say anything else about it. I run my hands through the water and close my eyes, just trying to enjoy the closeness.

"Ana?"

"Hmmmm?"

"What did I do that made you so upset last night?" Christian speaks up.

How do I explain it to him? Will he even understand, I wonder. "I know I acted ridiculous last night." I admit. "A large part of it was just all the life changes came crashing down all at once. I had been holding a lot of that in and the wall just burst. I just had to let go of my old life that I had in New Orleans. Seeing Kate was wonderful but it also brought the reality of our move into the forefront. The straw that broke the camels back was when you got really cold all the sudden after I admitted that Elena gave me a necklace. I had no idea there was a camera in there. But I do have a question. How did you not notice that all of had the same necklace?"

Christian moves me to where I am now sitting across from him, looking me in the eye. "About the necklaces, I don't know. I have asked myself the same thing. I mean, they all had different birthstones in different cuts. I really thought the gold box was a trend or something, I never imagined they were spy cameras filming me at my worst

Thinking back, I never wore a necklace in the playroom. He forbid them. How did they get theirs in the playroom? "Do you think they knew they were cameras? Is that why they brought them into the playroom?" I ask. I really am curious about this.

He reaches up and pulls on his hair. I know this conversation is stressful but it is one we need to have. "I don't think they knew they were cameras. I don't think they wanted to have scenes filmed for casual viewing by Elena. Especially since they seemed to really believe that I was the one posting them." he starts slowly before looking really uncomfortable. "It feels weird talking to you about having sex with other woman." he confesses.

"I know." I say simply. It is odd but these women aren't news to me. I've always known of their existence which is a blessing right now.

"Most of them enjoyed pain a lot more than you did. They would purposely break a little rule that would indicate they wanted a rougher session that night. I would take the necklace off and place it on the chest which would have been the perfect angle for filming most of the time since I am peculiar about placing jewelry neatly. Elena banked on that."

Well that makes sense. It explains why only some of them had videos online and it explains why sometimes the camera angles were a bit off.

He takes my hands in his and kisses them. "I love you." I whisper softly.

He kisses me on my nose. "I love you too. To answer your earlier question. I got upset because yesterday was all about the worst of me. I really wish I had never gotten into BDSM. I wish I never met Elena. I don't want to be that cold shell anymore and when you had a necklace it brought it all to the forefront for me. I was my very worst to you and I love you so very much and I really wish that was the case. Hearing you had a necklace reminded me that I fell head over heals with you but didn't have the balls to tell you. That Elena still was manipulating me at the time. Just everything I hate about myself. You are the best thing to come out of those years. I am so sorry I made you feel bad. I couldn't see the forest for the trees. I didn't mean to take my self-loathing out on you."

His admission fills me with relief and peace. The bubbles are long gone and I eye his member surrounded by a copper tuft of hair and I want him. I take him in my hand and look at him, silently asking permission. He gives me a slight nod so I begin to pump him, slowly at first and faster the more worked up he gets. He groans and thrashes his body in the water.

"I am about to cum for you baby! I'm so close." he pants out. I watch his eyes roll back as he lets out a roar. I feel powerful, I just brought this beautiful man to orgasm using nothing but my hand. I climb onto his legs and straddle him, rocking my hips over his spent organ as I hold him against me. He reaches up and flicks my nipples with his thumbs. I am so turned on that I easily orgasm suprising even myself.

After drying off and getting dressed Christian gets a text from Taylor telling him Barney found something interesting. We walk out of the bedroom hand in hand, ready to face the world.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Sorry to leave you hanging for so long without an update. I could give you a long list of excuses but I won't. I am just glad that I am back in a place where writing can be a priority again. Until next time, which won't be so long again.**

Chapter 25

I immediately leave Christian's side and take my usual seat in the security office while Christian stops to have a word with Taylor. I can't help but hope that seeing Barney looking mighty proud of himself means we will be getting some answers and that we will finally be able to put this nasty ordeal behind us.

A few minutes later, Christian takes a seat in the unoccupied chair beside me and grabs hold of my hand. Turning to look at him, he gives me a little smirk and winks at me. No doubt he has gotten a quick preview of what this meeting is about and whatever it is, it should be some good news. Finally.

Barney clears his throat in an effort to get everyone's attention. The side conversations slowly come to a halt and Barney dramatically holds up my necklace. "Thank you, Ana. Without this little baby here, we never would have been able to crack this mystery." He tells me directly before looking at everyone else. "So, it took some doing but I was able to figure out that the camera was wirelessly sending video feed to another computer in a remote location. With some prying, I was able to figure out it was sending the footage directly to Elena's desktop computer at Esclava. Thankfully, the police hadn't yet confiscated it and I was able to get my hands on the actual computer and it still had all the files taken through the years. Now I can't promise you that she didn't save the files onto a flash drive and that they don't exist somewhere else as well, but this is the jackpot none the less." He states proudly pointing at the desktop sitting on the desk. "I will assume you want this to be released to the police at some point, so I haven't corrupted any documents, nor have I hacked into the camera to have the feed sent elsewhere. This is a legal seize since you own the salons and thus any of the equipment to run them are also considered yours." He directs at Christian.

Christian nods his head in understanding. "Continue, please."

Barney connects the desktop to the screen and dims the lights. He pulls up one file and it seems to be someone cooking dinner in their kitchen. "There are hours of footage just like this. The wearer seems to have no idea they are being recorded and often the footage starts and stops around the kitchen. That got me to thinking, what is often in the kitchen that would set off this camera. It would have to be common and unassuming." Barney pauses for dramatic effect and I roll my eyes. He should consider taking up theatre. He seems to be in his element. He types into the laptop and brings up a camera that is currently not feeding into the system. The screen goes gray with "no signal" in the corner. He walks across the room and retrieves a simple refrigerator magnet. He holds it up for everyone to see before swiping it over my necklace. Sure enough, the camera comes to life showing us the screen in the security room. "And that is the reason that security never picked this up. It didn't take anything other than the run of the mill magnet to turn on and that isn't what the sweeper is looking for. It registered as normal background noise if you will. So, I had my guys go back to your playroom with a simple paperclip and the necklace to locate the turn on spot and sure enough, in the door jam, painted to look like it belonged there was this magnet. There was hours and hours of footage taken from the playroom of the necklace in a pocket or hanging on a rail by the mirror. I found a few emails from Elena…" Barney stops and eyes me. "I am sorry Ana. If this is too much, tell me." He pleads before addressing Christian. "telling them that you get bored if they are too compliant and have mentioned that you were considering cancelling their contracts. She suggested they spice things up a bit by defying you by keeping on all their jewelry."

Christian cradles his head in his hands. "That manipulative bitch!" he shouts, and I jump a little bit. I don't blame him a bit for being angry. He squeezes my hand and looks at Taylor. "Get someone to come dismantle the playroom as soon as possible."

"No, don't do that." I interject suddenly, my mouth moving before my mind fully processed what my mouth was saying, surprising even myself.

"Anastasia?" Christian turns to me, looking me deeply in my eyes before returning to back to Taylor. "Go ahead and bid it out and let me know the cost. It seems Ana and I need to talk before it is actually dismantled."

I can feel the heat all over my body as the embarrassment of my interruption fully hits me. I know we haven't discussed it beyond he doesn't want to participate in the lifestyle anymore and truly, I know I don't want to go back to how our relationship was before I moved away but I did enjoy a lot of what we did, and I wouldn't mind bringing some of that back into our sex life. Not that I wanted all the people in this room to know that. I hear the discussion going on around me, but I am locked in thought and not participating. If I miss something important, Christian will fill me in later. Right now, I need to figure out exactly what it is that I am wanting and why I don't want the playroom to be removed.

I think back to when we spent time in the playroom. Sometimes it was terrifying, not knowing what he was going to do but most of the time I experienced nothing by pleasure. Am I not enjoying vanilla? No, I quickly tell myself. Vanilla has been supremely satisfying. I love vanilla. But is it wrong to sometimes enjoy other flavors also? I know that right now, Christian is coming to terms with what has been done to him as a young teenager as well how it extended into his adulthood but once he does, won't he miss the feeling off sometimes dominating during sex? Enjoying kink isn't something you just turn off. At least, I don't think it is and if I am being authentic to myself, I enjoy sometimes being spanked, blindfolded, and fucked thoroughly. Loving one another would probably take it to another level and the trust I have in him has only intensified.

On the other hand, his playroom has been his place of reprieve and it no longer holds the feeling of a safe sanctuary for him. Besides, do I really want to keep the room where he has been with all those other women with the video to prove it? No, I can't say that I do. I admit is has lost the appeal to me when I think of it in those terms. So maybe it does need to go. Christian is right when he says we need to have a discussion and hash these feelings out, for both of us. We need to be on the same page. I just don't want him to regret making a rash decision later.

I feel Christian's arm wrap around my shoulder and a light kiss on my cheek bringing me back to the here and now. "Are you ready for lunch? Gail just texted me that she made club sandwiches and they are ready." He asks me gently.

"Yes, I could eat something. I am famished." I admit.

Christian stands up. "Thank you for your excellent work. I would like for you to meet with the detectives with our lawyers to give them this latest information. I will arrange a meeting with Public Relations later today and get that ball rolling. I feel better releasing a statement now that we know what happened. Given this information Taylor, see if we can get Elena's bail revoked. That bitch belongs in jail, not roaming the streets waiting on trial." He grits his teeth, obviously holding back his anger. "And if you want to meet with the others to tell them what we discovered and then send them home that would be good. I don't need to meet with any of them again. Just remind them of their NDA's." he adds.

I feel tension release that I didn't know I was holding onto. Hearing him say he isn't going to meet with the other women is music to my ears. Hand in hand we go in search of lunch.

Gail places two plates filled with sandwiches and chips in front of us and bids a good afternoon. She tells us she is going shopping, so she won't be around. I wouldn't be surprised if Taylor texted her to get out of dodge as we are likely going to have a conversation that she doesn't want to be privy to. Then I remember that I would ask if Kate could come up for dinner tonight.

"Hold on a second, Gail." I tell her. She turns around and waits expectantly. I turn my attention back to Christian. "Is it okay if Kate comes up for dinner tonight?"

"You would like Kate to come to dinner?" he repeats my question back at me.

"Yes please. I have missed her, and I would love to show her around a bit." I tell him honestly.

"Gail, cook enough to feed a crowd. Perhaps for six. It might not be that many, but I would rather have more than enough than not enough. Will that be too much trouble?" He asks her.

"No sir, I would be delighted to." She confirms and leaves us in peace.

"Six?" I ask him. "Who else do you have in mind."

"I thought my brother might like to come to dinner and then I am going to see if PR can come meet with us after lunch so if Judith is still here, I should probably offer her a meal and then Ros will probably want a say in any statement we make on behalf of GEH, so I thought I would include her." He lists off pulling out his phone and typing quickly.

I pick at one of my sandwiches as I try to decide whether to bring up my outburst earlier.

"Eat Ana. We will talk about the playroom later tonight. It's okay. Right now, we need to focus on PR. I think we need to do an interview and we need to decide together what we are open to disclosing and what we aren't. I was also thinking that I want it to be an exclusive. I don't want everyone thinking that once I talk, I am open to talking with everyone. I want to say it once and have it been in the past. I was thinking the perfect person to do it would be Kate."

That got my attention. Kate would be thrilled. She is about to go work for her father as a budding journalist and this could be her big break. I don't think her father sees her as a serious journalist but that has been her dream as long as I have known her. She liked the advertising slant fine but it wasn't her dream. She just knew it would pay her bills since her father wanted her to work on her own before taking her back under his wing. I can imagine his delight if she shows up her first day with the exclusive rights to the story of Christian Grey and his first public statement post scandal.

"I think you are right, Christian. I am sure Kate would love to do it if we ask her." I admit. "What made you think of her?"

"Well, she is your best friend so whatever she writes will minimize the damage to you for one. And you are my priority here. The damage to me has already been done." He tells me softly, taking my hand and kissing my palm.

"Is it okay if I call her now?" I request fully aware it is considered rude to make a call during a meal.

He nods as his mouth is full of Gail's club sandwich. He puts one finger up in the air at me telling me he needs to tell me something. I fish my phone out of my pocket as he finishes chewing. "Ask her if she can be here in an hour. I'd like for her to sit in on the PR meeting. I am going to call my dad and Elliot and see if they can come too."

I raise my eyebrow at him. I don't know why he is so hell bent on Elliot coming but it isn't like I mind a bit. It is just curious.

Answering my unanswered question, "I just miss my brother," Christian states simply.

I dial Kate and she answers on the second ring. "Steele, what's up?"

"A couple things actually." I tell her honestly, taking a deep breath. First, Christian and I would like to invite you to dinner."

I cringe a little as she shrieks. "Yes! I am dying to meet the mogul! What should I bring?" I smile at her excitement.

"Your laptop and your recorder." I answer and I take advantage of her stunned silence. "Do you think you could come up in about an hour?" I ask, not wanting to tell her about the possibility of an interview since nothing is locked in stone quite yet.

"I meant wine or dessert Ana. Why would I need my laptop and recorder?" I hear her putting the pieces of the puzzle together in her mind. "Steele, is this personal or is this business?" she asks.

I laugh, "It is definitely personal and there might be some business." I offer.

"I will be there. Wait, how do I get up there? What should I wear?" She asks.

Now that is a good question. How do I get her up here? I don't think Christian would want me giving her the code, not yet anyhow. I get Christian's attention from the conversation he is having. "How does Kate get up here?" I ask him.

He looks conflicted for a minute. "I'll send security down when she is ready. Just have her call up when she wants them." I nod at him. I am pretty sure he was about to tell me to give her the code but had second thoughts. I can't say I blame him, he hasn't met her yet but that is encouraging that one day he probably won't mind giving her access.

I return my attention back to my phone call. "We will send security down to bring you up as soon as you call saying you are ready. We are dressed casually dress comfortably." I tell her looking at what I am wearing. I have no intention on changing today.

"Got it. I will be ready in exactly an hour. Just go ahead and send security down then. That Sullivan guy is pretty hot, send him." She tells me, hinting not so subtly.

We conclude our conversation about the same time Christian finishes talking to his brother. "She will be here in an hour." I inform him.

"My brother will be here around 4:00. Judith will be here in about half an hour give or take. She is coming from Grey House so traffic depending. Ros has a meeting with a company asking us to take them over so she will come when that finishes." He updates me on his conversations.

Sounds like a penthouse full and a busy afternoon. Hopefully we can get the business out of the way and enjoy a relaxing evening. "What are you thinking about as far as the PR statement?" I ask. I need to be prepared for whatever he has planned so far. I don't want to be surprised and not look like we are in agreement. Whatever it is, I prefer to hash it now in private.

"I was thinking that I want to come clean and go ahead and make our relationship public." He tells me simply, shrugging his shoulders.

I slump in my seat. "I am fine with making our relationship public. I am not fine coming clean about being one of your submissives. My parents are going to read whatever is put out and we will be fighting an uphill battle as far as receiving their blessings. I really don't want to compound that." I say forcefully, my eyes wide open.

Christian shakes his head at me. "I meant come clean about my abuse Ana. Our sex life is none of their business. I was going to leave it as we met before as friends. That the public outing brought us together and then we kindled into a relationship. That is pretty much true. I thought of you as a friend when we spent time together before and now you are my girlfriend and my lover." He answers back.

I immediately relax. The mental picture I created of my shocked parents reading about my sordid sex life before leaving my mind. It is a gray area but I can live with that.

Taylor enters the room to announce that Judith and Carrick have arrived so I pick up our lunch plates and bring them into the kitchen. I take the time to rinse them off and place them in the dishwasher as Christian takes charge of meeting them and setting up the meeting. I can still hear them so I believe they are staying in the living room and when I come out of the kitchen I am not surprised to see everyone sitting comfortably on the couches. Normally Gail would offer some refreshment so I go ahead and pull out a pitcher of fruit infused water and some glasses and place them on a tray and bring them with me.

I settle on the couch next to Christian and he takes my hand like he usually does. I see Carrick trying to suppress a grin but I know he is pleased to see his son acting normally with a woman. Judith on the other hand is busy pulling things out of her briefcase while Christian waits patiently. Once she is ready, Christian starts the meeting.

"As I said, thank you for being agreeable to meet on such short notice. I will let you know that we will be having a young, fresh reporter coming in about a half hour and she will also sit for the remainder of the meeting. I expect this to run late so Dad, I understand if you need to cut out at some point and Judith, if you need to make any arrangements, feel free to do that now." He directs and I marvel at how well he morphs from boyfriend to business man.

"A reporter?" Judith replies while simultaneously typing on her phone.

Christian squares his shoulders as he prepares for pushback. "Yes, I would like to get this over with as soon as possible and also as painlessly as possible for Ana so I have asked her to call her friend Kate Kavanaugh over so we can give her the exclusive. I feel that I need to come as clean as possible so that the impact will be as short as possible and we can all get on with our lives and go back to doing what we do." He answers her.

Judith looks at him incredulously. "Kate Kavanaugh, any relationship to Eamon Kavanaugh?"

"Yes, she is his daughter." I answer proudly. I like Eamon, he has been nothing but nice to me and I count him as another father figure in my life.

The look on Judith's face says she doesn't have the same warm fuzzy feelings about him that I do but I don't care. She sighs. "Okay. Why Kate Kavanaugh? I haven't heard of her before. And while we are at it, why now Mr. Grey? I have been fighting at the bit to have you do this for weeks now."

"Well, for starters, I finally know how private footage was gathered, how it got released and I am hopping mad about it but at the same time, I believe it will help nail Elena Lincolns coffin in trial. But Kate is Ana's best friend so I know that she is going to be respectful to her which is very important to me. In addition, if Ana trusts her then so do I."

Christian looks down at me and smiles and I snuggle into him a little further. My feelings of love for this man beside me threaten to overtake my whole being.

Carrick speaks up, "Son, you have new information? Can you fill me in?" he asks. I listen as Christian fills in both his father and Judith on the cameras and how they worked and where the footage went. I watch Carrick as he takes it all in and saying the man was pissed off would be an understatement. All the sudden Carrick freezes.

"What's the matter Dad?" Christian asks when he notices it too.

"Elena gave your mother a necklace for her birthday a few years ago. You remember the one, it had all your birthstones on it and a silver box with all of your initials on it. You don't think that had a camera in it too, do you? She wore it all the time for about a year and then I got her necklace for Christmas and she stopped wearing it. Did Barney find any footage of us on that computer?"

Holy crap. From his description, it kind of fits and I wouldn't put it past her to spy on her best friend. Christian seems to be thinking the same thing because he is already on his phone and barking questions at Barney. "Have you found footage from anyone else in any of the files? Particularly of my parents?" He asks. I can hear Barney speaking but I can't make out what he is saying. After a minute Christian asks him to look and see what he can find out.

"Barney said there are so many files that he hasn't looked at them all yet. He is going to run a scan with facial recognition to see if he can find anything and will let me know in an hour or so. Sooner if the scan finds something on the quick side." Christian assures his father. "He is still in the security room with Taylor and the team."

"Thank you son." Carrick says genuinely though still rattled. "First off, as a lawyer, I am going to tell you that since Elena hasn't been convicted you will have to tread lightly on any accusations you make towards her. Should she get off scott free she could sue you for libel. That said, you can talk in the general sense. Tell the story but not name her. If the media figures it out, and likely they will when her case goes to trial, that won't be on you." He advises.

"Noted." Christian agrees with him.

"From GEH standpoint, it would be better for the company if we separate Christian Grey the person from Mr. Grey the CEO." Judith states and I look at her as if she has two heads. They are the same person lady, I think sarcastically.

Taylor escorts Ros in. "What did I miss?"

"Mr. Grey has a reporter in mind and would like to do an exclusive. A tell all if you will." Judith answers her.

Everyone just looks at Judith with their mouths ajar. Even I know it is her job to protect GEH the company and not Christian Grey the man but it is clear she is not all that happy about the idea. She is probably thinking ahead to all the work that will be rolling her way when she is finished with this.

Ros is amused. "So a sordid tell all. Fascinating. Who is the lucky reporter?" she directs at Christian.

Before he can answer, Kate walks in and Christian and Carrick both stand to meet her. "You must be Kate. It is a pleasure to meet you." He says graciously. "I am Christian and this is my father Carrick." He introduces her. "This is Judith, my PR director and my right hand woman at work, Rosalyn. Of course you already know Ana."

Kate comes in and a seat in the chair closest to me. I am sure she is nervous as hell but she is coming across as a poised and confident woman. All the training through the years of dealing with powerful people have come in handy for her even though she confessed that she didn't always like it when we had a girls night over wine one night shortly after we moved to New Orleans.

Christian immediately gets to the point. "Kate, I know you and I have just met but I know that you and Ana have been as close as sisters over the years. For this reason, I am looking to go ahead a release a public statement about what has happened and why as I finally understand myself how those pictures were released. I know that you will be careful in considering what to say in regards to Ana and that is what is of upmost importance to me. I would really like to minimize the impact to her. She is the love of my life and when she hurts, I hurt. I would like to offer you the exclusive rights to the interview." He states.

Kate looks stunned. "Mr. Grey, I would love that." She says politely despite probably wanting to jump up and down and scream in excitement. "Before sending anything in, I would ask that you read it and sign off on it first." She asks.

"Well, that is a given." Judith interjects.

Christian turns to her. "That is uncalled for Judith. She might be young but I have seen her work in the University newspaper and it was top of the line. I have no doubts in Ms. Kavanaugh's capability and her professionalism. Kate, thank you. I would appreciate getting a first read." He answers.

Judith tucks her tail in between her legs and the meeting drones on and on. The smells coming from the kitchen as Gail works on dinner are enticing. I listen as they discuss what can be said, what can't. The parameters of the interview and having photographs done. I am relieved when Elliot comes in, obviously straight from the job site. "Well hello my people. I heard something about dinner." He booms.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

"Elliot! I'm so glad you are here!" Christian stands up to greet his brother and pulls him into a big brotherly hug much to Elliot's astonishment. Elliot is facing me and looking at me wide-eyed and in shock. He keeps his arms out, not sure what to do with them so I get up and carefully pull them down so they are touching his brothers back. Elliot's body starts shaking as he lets out a sob and my heart breaks for him knowing just how big a deal this is for the both of them.

Through his tears, Elliot manages a "Me too," which causes Christian to let out a deep chuckle.

I scan the room and see that Ros is also in tears, Judith's mouth is agape. Even Kate seems to be touched by this expression of affection between the two brothers. I am just so excited that Christian is able to take such big steps in his recovery on his own. I have no doubt that this isn't the first time he has wanted to hug his brother and I feel like I am about to explode with pride.

Once Christian is sure that his brother can support himself, Christian takes a step back. Elliot wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his blue plaid flannel shirt and eyes in on Kate. "Who is this lovely lady and why have we never met before?" he says effectively breaking the ice. I have been told that Elliot has been known for playing the field.

Kate holds her hand out to him and introduces herself. "Katherine Kavanaugh. You may call me Kate. Pleasure to make your acquaintance." I raise my eyebrow as it is obvious to me that she is smitten. If Kate becomes all formal with a man, she likes them but wants to make them work for her. When she is all flirty and casual, the best a guy has hope for is a brief fling.

Elliot takes her hand and kisses it. "Elliot Grey, Christian's better at everything, older brother." He introduces himself and then takes a seat next to her on the oversized armchair effectively squeezing himself next to her.

Christian reclaims his seat next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders. "Gail just texted that dinner will be served in five minutes." He tells the room before turning back to Judith, "I really don't understand why you feel that my doing a human interest piece would harm GEH. Had details of my private life not been disclosed, we wouldn't be talking about this at all but my image could have used some softening before all of this and now it definitely needs to be softened." Christian argues his point.

Judith sits up and leans in towards Christian before sighing. "Mr. Grey, my only concern is that you have chosen an unknown, unproven journalist to write it." Kates mouth opens to defend herself but Judith puts her hand up to stop her. "I admit, all well known and established journalist were all once unknown and unproven and if you believe in Kate then all of us in your PR department will back you on this. I would just like to get her to agree to some parameters before the interview so that we don't get the short end of the stick. This is a big deal and she has nothing to lose and everything to gain with such a powerful father, no less. I have been burned before with a budding reporter so I admit I am coming into this already jaded but I would love nothing more than for her to prove me wrong." Judith finishes and leans back into her seat satisfied that she finally unloaded everything that was weighing heavy on her mind.

Kate immediately pipes up. "Judith, I promise you that I will prove you wrong. I will write a piece that will make not only you, but Christian, Ana, his family, and my family proud. I am willing to give you forty-eight hour lead time for all the questions I intend on asking as well as a read ahead of the article with possible line edits prior to my submission to the agency." I give Kate an approving look as I watch my best friend negotiate the terms of interviewing Christian.

Christian squeezes my hand, "I would like to be able to have final approval of the finished article as I said before. I would like to get this done as soon as possible." He inserts himself into the negotiating process. I smirk, I knew there was no way he would allow himself to be left out of a negotiation.

Judith, Kate, and Christian finally all agree to the terms just as Gail comes in to announce dinner. "Elliot! I heard you were coming for dinner so tonight we have prime rib with horseradish sauce, loaded baked potatoes, Caesar salad, and fresh bread rolls."

Elliot gets up and gives Gail a very dramatic hug. "You DO love me. You cooked all of my favorites!" which elicits a small giggle from her.

Gail then turns to Christian, "Sir, did you want to select the wine for tonight or shall I?"

"You may select the wine tonight Gail, thank you for asking." Christian surprises her. When it comes to wine, he likes to be the one in control. He puts his arm around me and pulls me close before planting a light kiss on my temple. It always amazes me just how good he manages to make me feel with just small gestures like that. Even in a room full of people he manages to make me feel so loved and so safe.

We all retire to the dining room and I notice that Elliot makes sure to maneuver himself so that he would be sitting beside Kate. Kate is doing her best to look indifferent but I have visions of her doing her happy dance and it makes me chuckle out loud.

"What?" Christian asks me with the cutest smile. When he sees what I am looking at he turns back and gives me a knowing look before wiggling his eyebrows at me. I will not be surprised if they end up leaving together later.

Dinner was delicious and the conversation flowed easily. Even Judith was delightful despite being a sour grape earlier. Ros was the first to admit defeat. She threw her napkin over her plate and pushed herself away from the table. "Please Grey, tell me that Gail did not make dessert."

"I certainly did. I have banana pudding ready and the coffee is on. Decaf since it is after dinner but I can have some regular ready if anyone wants some." Gail answers as she comes in to clear the table.

Kate immediately perks up. "I don't want to put you out Gail but I would love some regular coffee. I have a feeling I am going to have a late night tonight." I snap my head at her and she gives me a smirk and a wink. I did notice Elliot whispering in her ear throughout dinner. I am going to have to call her tomorrow to get the details.

"Nonsense. You aren't putting me out a bit, dear. I love when I get to take care of a crowd. I haven't had many opportunities to do that here, but something tells me things are about to change on that front." Gail tells her while staring at Christian like a proud mother.

As after dinner conversations start winding down, I can't help but start to feel a bit nervous. Christian said that we would talk about the Red Room later and later is fast approaching. I don't really know why I am nervous, it isn't like we haven't talked about sex before. I guess it is because I don't exactly know what I want. If Christian says he is only open to vanilla, I will accept that but I also know that deep down I will be a little disappointed.

"Ana, Christian said that you are staying in Seattle for good now, how do you feel about that?" Ros asks, bringing me out of my head. Christian brings his hand and places it on my thigh, distracting me a bit.

"It has been a whirlwind and I really did enjoy my time in New Orleans. The job was fantastic and I am glad I went and had those experiences because now I won't wonder "what if I do wish that I would have been able to leave on my terms but all in all, I am pretty happy. Christian here is worth it." I tell her honestly.

Ros nods in understanding. "I'll bet. Well, I am happy you are here because Christian has been so much easier to deal with. The firing rate around GEH has been on a sharp decline since you have arrived and on behalf of all the employees at GEH, we are sincerely grateful for the Anastasia Effect." She says cheekily, sticking her tongue out at Christian.

"Ros, you're fired." Christian responds dryly.

Ros gets up from the table. "I must get home, I promised Gwen I would be home in time to watch NCIS with her. Grey, I will see you bright and early tomorrow morning at the office." I admire Ros and how unaffected she is by my man. Everyone else shakes in their boots but not her.

Everyone else takes that as their cue to leave and it doesn't take long before we finished saying our goodbyes in the foyer. The last to leave were Elliot and Kate and it seems Elliot is taking Kate out dancing tonight. We told them to have fun and I about doubled over in laughter when I saw Christian sneak condoms into Elliot's pocket.

Christian pulls me against him and in the distance we can hear Gail cleaning up from dinner in the kitchen. "Ana, do you want to talk in the bedroom or out on the balcony?" he asks me.

Where do I want to talk? It is a little chilly outside but if we talk in the bedroom we may be more comfortable but we may also end up making love instead of talking. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised at all if he plans on delaying the conversation completely using his sexpertise.

"Let's take it out on the balcony. We probably should grab a blanket though." I suggest.

"Good idea. You go get the blanket and I will refresh our wine. I'll meet you out there." Christian tells me as he lets me go.

Quickly finding two of the warmest throws I can find I open the balcony door to find Christian leaning against the railing, staring off over the city. I take a seat in one of the loungers and pull the other one closer beside me. Christian hears the commotion and turns and looks at me like he is searching my soul.

"Come join me," I rasp putting the lounge chair beside me with one hand while holding a throw out for him.

Wordlessly he nods and comes over, taking the blanket and sitting beside me. I can tell he is having an internal battle inside of himself and I instinctively know that he is as torn about this as I am.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask him even though I already know.

He grasps my hand but doesn't look at me. "Us. The future."

"What do you see?" I ask him timidly.

"You know, when you said not to tear down the red room, you shocked me. You left me because you didn't want to be a submissive for the rest of your life but when I said to get rid of it, you stopped me. Why Anastasia? I don't understand." He pleads with me. I can hear the fear in his voice and it hits me that he thinks this conversation is going to end with him either winning or losing me. I need to fix this.

I sit up completely and take both of his hands in mine. "I know that it confuses you. Hell, it confuses me. But there is one thing that we need to get out into the open right now. No matter what happens, no matter how this conversation goes I am not leaving you. I am so sorry for last night. I know I just ran off on you and it was wrong for me to do that. I was wrong and I promise to never leave you like that again with a few exception. The first exception, you cheat on me. The second exception, you threaten to hurt me or you hit me outside of playing. I think those are fair exceptions, don't you." I plead with him to hear me and take comfort in what I am telling him.

"Yes, those are fair exceptions."

"This is just a conversation between two lovers about sex; what turns them on and what turns them off. What each other needs. There is nothing you can say that will change the fact that I love you and I am not going anywhere." I continue.

When Christian turns to me I can see the pain in his eyes. I could kick myself for my tantrum last night. I really need to grow up and stop all that. Between thinking he got rid of me this morning to seeing the very real pain he is feeling right now I think I have learned my lesson. "Are you sure?" he chokes out.

"I am positive Christian." I try to reassure him. "Why do you want the Red Room torn down?"

"Because of her. The Red Room was all her idea. Shit, she even assisted me with picking out the paint colors and getting me in touch with the furniture builders." He spits. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that he is talking about Elena Lincoln. I had no idea she was a dungeon designer in her spare time.

"Well, now that you put it that way, we have to tear it down." I agree with him. I don't want Elena hanging over his head anymore than she already does. "Would you consider designing another playroom, with me?" I ask him shyly. "One that maybe isn't so harsh." I quickly add. I never did like all the canes and the more painful implements of the lifestyle hung in prominence on the wall when the fun stuff was all hidden away. It made the room so much more intimidating than it needed to be.

Christian shrugs. "I really don't want to be reminded of her. Yes, I enjoy taking control of our love making. Leading you towards your climax but I really don't want to dominate you. I don't want all those rules." He visibly shivers. "She told me that I was unlovable. That was number one rule. I couldn't be loved and I believed her."

I get up and move to sit next to him on his lounger. This conversation is going to be so much harder than I envisioned it. His eyes glisten in the moonlight with his tears. "Baby, you are so lovable and I for one love you so very much. But I am not the only person who loves you." I try to sooth him. "I don't want what we had before. I just want to play sometimes and to be honest, I really miss the feeling of your hand swatting my behind."

He gives me a half grin. "Oh you do, do you? What is to say I don't want your hand swatting my behind?" He answers before we are looking each other, wide-eyed. Both of us realizing what he just said at the same time. Does he actually mean that?

"You want me to spank you?" I ask. I have to admit that the idea really turns me on, but only if he actually wants me to and in that moment I come to the full understanding of what Christian was preaching when he would talk about trust and consent. There is no way I would touch him like that without him wanting me to and giving me permission. That permission would come with trust and there is no way I would want to break that trust. It all comes full circle and clear as crystal.

He sighs. "Yes. And no. Ana, BDSM is the only kind of sex I have known before we started having vanilla. I was told that vanilla was boring and so convinced that it was below me only to find out that vanilla is the best flavor because what it is really, is making love. There is nothing better than making love to you and right now that is what I need. At the same time, I am in so much pain." He sobs out. "The only way I know to deal with this pain is to have pain inflicted onto me. So yes, I want you to whip this fucking pain away . Please make it stop Anastasia." He begs.

I hold him close to me as he sobs so hard I am concerned that he isn't breathing properly. I hum to him and whisper how much I love him as I rub his back. As he starts to calm down I rub his face and lightly kiss him. It doesn't take him long before he starts kissing me back and we are looked in a passionate kiss where are tongues fight for dominance. Finally we break away, both of us needing to catch our breath. When I look back at him he is looking at me with fire behind his gray eyes.

Without a word he picks me up off his lap and drags me inside only stopping to retrieve the key to the Red Room. He marches up the stair and I follow him to the room at the end of the hall. He makes quick work of the lock and he flicks on the lights. I look around as he unlocks the chest of drawers and turns on the music, jazz from the sounds of it. I eye him warily as he walks along the row of canes and whips. Finally he settles on a particularly brutal instrument, a barbed wire style flogger. He places it in my hand as he slowly strips off all his clothing, looking me directly in the eye the entire time. I am completely unnerved and completely out of my element. Once he is naked, he walks over to the whipping bench and leans over it wrapping his arms around and grabbing hold of the handles.

Looking back towards me he summons, "Come on Anastasia, whip me."

 **A/N: Hmmm, will she or won't she?**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Thank for to those who let me know that the last chapter uploaded funny. I have spent the better part of the last two days working on this. I hope you like it.**

Chapter 27

I look down at the implement in my hand and then at the fully naked man splayed out in front of me. I admire what a beautiful specimen he really is. His muscles are well defined and his ass his delectable and mine for the taking. I am so turned on right now looking at him submitting himself to me. I look back down at the flogger in my hand. This thing looks absolutely brutal. He is so brave giving it to me seeing as how I have never flogged anyone before. I swing it a few times and it whistles as it flies through the air.

"Anastasia, what are you doing? I said to whip me." Christian orders me through gripped teeth. I don't know what he thinks he is doing, I am the Domme here.

"Ah, so you think you can top from the bottom." I scold him like the many times he has scolded me in the past. "If you trust me to be your Domme then you will be my good boy and be patient. I will take care of you but on my time." I taunt him lightly, slowly walking towards him like an animal would stalk its prey. When I finally reach him, I rub my fingertips up and down his spine while I make a cracking sound with the flogger in the air. Immediately all of his muscles tense. His face squints up as he anticipates the incoming pain that never does.

To have so much power given to me is intoxicating. Especially when that power comes from a man who never heeds his power to anyone. At least not anymore. I go to the chest where I know he keeps the blindfolds. I had no idea blindfolds came in so many different styles, he has them in so many different shapes and colors. I decide on a black one that you would describe as a sleep mask.

"I think you have seen enough, don't you?" I ask him as I slide the elastic carefully over his head so not to hurt him.

"Yes, I have seen enough Miss Anastasia." He agrees breathily. Despite the fear, he is turned on and he does have a lot to fear. He put a barbed wire flogger in my hand. Of all the things he could have chosen he picked the most vicious tool in his arsenal for me to use. I have never used a whip, cane, or flogger before in my life. I am untrained but I suspect, even to the trained Dom or Domme this particular doozy would be extreme. I swings it through the air a few more times, close enough that he can feel the air move around it but not close enough to hit him. Curious, I hit the bed with it. The barbs catch on the beautiful burgundy silk sheets and shreds the material.

I carefully place the flogger down and go back to the chest to retrieve a pair of handcuffs. If we are going to do this, I need to make sure he can't go anywhere. I need him to stay right where he is. I can't have him deciding he has had enough or try to take matters into his own hands. Not tonight. BDSM is built on trust and I need him to trust me like I trust him.

He doesn't resist me as I snap the handcuffs on each of his wrists and then attach them to the whipping bench. I take a few seconds to admire his beauty before I speak into his ear softly. "Relax."

Taking my bare hand I smack his bottom. Not softly but not too hard either. I smile because I am finally realizing something that I have fantasized about for quite a while now. While I rub his chiseled ass I lean across his back and softly kiss the side of his face and his neck. "I don't know what you are thinking Christian. There is absolutely zero chance of me using that barbaric flogger on your beautiful body. Is this a game to you? Don't answer that. When we had a contract we both had drawing blood as a hard limit. Contract in effect or not, bleeding is still a hard limit." I tell him a bit more forcefully. "I love you Christian Grey. With every fiber of my being. Since you signed yourself up for this little lesson I am going to give it to you. You are going to feel my love. You are going to accept my love and you are going to love yourself." I rub my hands all over his body, massaging his tight muscles. "When I think you have learned your lesson, I will free you from the bench."

I make yet another trip to the chest of drawers and rummage through them. Back when I was first his submissive he gave me a lesson in what most of these things were for and I know exactly what I am looking for. I pull out a feather, a vibrating magic wand, massage oil, and the wartenberg wheel. All of them are some of my favorite playthings so I hope he enjoys them too. Finally I select a much more tame, and much more my speed, soft leather flogger. I don't know that I will use it but I better keep it handy just in case.

A shiver runs through me and I come to the realization that I am nervous. Yes, I wanted this but I never actually thought that it would happen in a million years yet here I am. There is no way that I am going to waste this opportunity. He scared me when he asked me to whip him with something that would cause so much damage. What in the hell was that thing even doing in here to begin with. I file it away with other questions I want to ask him later.

Returning to Christians side, I place everything on a table that is close by. I wonder what is going on in his mind right now. If he is relaxed knowing that I won't hurt him or disappointed. I pour some lavender scented massage oil in my hands and rub them together to warm it up a little. I start at his shoulders and begin to massage him all over. If I can reach it, I intend on massaging it. All I knead him I whisper "You are worthy of my love." over and over. I am going to tell him until he believes it. His toes start to uncurl and it makes me happy to see him start to calm down.

Once I am satisfied that he is relaxed I grab the wartenberg wheel and lightly trail it from his back to his calves and back up. He lets out a deep moan. "Pleasure or pain Christian?" I demand realizing that I completely forgot to establish safe words. I kick myself for forgetting that considering how important they are. I know that at the slightest bit of unease I would stop but does he know that? I hope he does. Shoot, he knows how important safe words are. It concerns me that he would hand me something that would be cruel to use and demand I use them without making sure he had a way to stop me. Tomorrow I am definitely going to insist that he set up a session with Dr. Flynn.

"Pleasure Mistress." He groans.

I smack his bottom. "Do. Not. Call. Me. Mistress. You will call me Anastasia." I command. There is no way I want him to call me the same thing he called Elena. Just thinking about that bitch turns me off.

"Yes Anastasia." He says chastised.

"Safe words. What are yours Christian."

"Yellow and Red," he recites, a little too apathetic for my taste.

I repeat his words back to him and remind him to use them if he needs me to stop for any reason as I run the wheel down the other side of his back. This time he doesn't make any noise and it saddens me a little bit. I take my time as I run the wheel softly over his body and I can tell it is affecting him as he shifts slightly to make his hardening cock a little more comfortable against the wood of the whipping bench.

Tiring of the wheel I stretch to pick up the feather. Now that he is sensitive, I think that this will drive him a little crazy. It is going to leave him craving more which is just where I want him. Craving me. Craving love. One thing that I know about Christian is that when he wants something, he will move mountains to try to get it and I am banking on him doing just that. As I move the feather over his body he lets out some frustrated groans which pleases me immensely. "You are doing so well." I praise. "Can you feel how much I love you?"

"Yes Anastasia." He says with such reverence in his voice that it makes my eyes water with unshed tears. Maybe I am getting through to him.

Growing tired of the feather myself and realizing that I need to better position him to have access to the front of his body I bend down to remove the handcuffs. I don't think he is going to do anything crazy anymore so I don't think they are necessary. Like he used to do with me, I massage his wrists before helping him up and maneuvering over so that he is lying on the bed facing up. His cock is throbbing, begging for attention that I so desperately want to give it but don't. Not quite yet, but soon I promise myself. I grab the magic wand and run it over his body before running it under his balls. He shudders and moans. "Ah, you like that." I say in the most seductive voice I can manage and do it all over again at a slightly high speed. This time I also run it up the length of his cock that is now oozing precum. Looking back at the table I eye the flogger.

I climb off the bed to retrieve it and run it through my fingers. I love the feel and the smell of the worn leather. Crawling my way back up the bed to Christians side, I remove the blindfold and hold it up so that Christian can see it. "Do you still want to be flogged?" I question him, unsure of myself. "It is up to you but realize that I have never done this before." I tell him honestly, my Domme mask dissipating into thin air.

Christian is so turned on that his eyes are smoldering. "Please flog me Anastasia." He pants. "My safe words are yellow and red. I will stop you if I need to. I promise." He adds which allows me to retrieve my inner Domme. I straighten my back and pull by my shoulders which causes Christian to smile at me. "I love you so much." I remind him before I bring down the flogger in quick succession over his chest by flicking my wrists. Again I keep it gentle. I am not trying to hurt my man tonight, just remind him that we can still play and Elena doesn't have to have anything to do with it. We shouldn't have to refrain from activities we mutually enjoy just because of some pedophile bitch. I notice that each time the flogger lands on his nipples he screams out and his body writhes with pleasure. I will have to remember that for the future. I move down to his thighs staying away from his dick but coming close. His body is turning a shade of light pink in the places that the flogger lands and I know understand the pleasure that he got from turning my body pink. Each moan and groan he emits is further fueling my desire for him until I can no longer resist.

I drop the flogger and climb on top of him wasting no time in planting him deep inside me. I grind on top of him and adjust myself until I can find that perfect spot of sweet friction. He is panting as I am relentlessly chasing my release until I almost see stars as I cum harder than I have in a long time. As I come down I collapse on top of him fully aware that I need to recover quickly so that I can get him to his release as well. Summoning the strength I sit back up and set a slower but steady pace. Christian's eyes roll back at he pants and groans. "Baby, you need to cum?" I ask him no longer trying to be his Domme. He nods, too breathless to answer me with his words. "Then cum sweetheart. Fill me up with your seed." I do my best to encourage him. It doesn't take too many more strokes before he roars out his orgasm. As he calms back down I lean over and kiss him, trying to relay just how much I love him before rolling off of him to get some arnica cream and a cool washcloth.

Being the recipient of aftercare are some of my favorite memories from the time we were together before. It just felt so intimate. More than any of the stuff we had done together in a scene. I hope to make him feel just as safe, loved, and taken care of as he made me feel when he was the one providing care. Slowly I clean off our combined juices off of his dick and then rub arnica cream over his chest and thighs. The entire time, Christian doesn't take his eyes off of me. He is worn out, emotionally spent so now really isn't a good time to talk about what just happened. Tomorrow. Tomorrow we will talk. I just hope that he has enough energy left to walk back downstairs to his bedroom because I don't think sleeping in here is a good idea.

After retrieving the bathrobes out of the wardrobe, I reach out to Christian to help him sit up and I am thankful that he doesn't need much assistance in putting on his robe. Once we get downstairs, I pull back the sheets on the bed and guide him to his side of the bed. He hasn't spoken a word yet and I would be concerned had I not experienced the same thing so many times before. I know that he is lost in his head right now. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing is yet to be determined but sleep is what he needs. I kiss him on the cheek and pull the covers over him before heading into the en suite to take a quick shower.

As the water careens over me I reflect on what just happened. I hope I did the right thing in there. I am afraid I got a little carried away and I have deep concerns about Christian and his current mental state. If he won't call Dr. Flynn, then I will. It is a real life back and forth between elation and a deep sense of dread going on in my head right now and it is draining my energy.

I dry off and climb into the bed beside Christian. He is in fetal position, facing away from me so I wrap my body around him after I give him a kiss on his cheek and drift right to sleep.

I wake up to find Christian still asleep in my arms. I yawn and stretch my heavy limbs. I could easily roll back over and fall back to sleep but instead I decide to go ahead and sit up. The time on the alarm clock reads 5:23 AM. We have a busy day, I think that Christian wanted to try to get the interview with Kate started and if I am remembering correctly, I think he wanted to actually head into his office today. He has worked from home more days than not since I have come back which has been really nice but it isn't reality. On my agenda, I need to call my boss and turn in my resignation as well as my notes. Now that Kate is here, any chance of my returning to New Orleans is gone. Even if things don't work out with Christian, I can't see myself leaving the area. I have missed my home and it feels so good to be back. I

do need to make time to see Ray sooner rather than later, I feel really guilty that I haven't made time to do that yet.

Sliding out of the bed, I quietly tiptoe into the closet, careful not to wake Christian up. He is sleeping so soundly I would hate to disturb him. I dress into a pair of comfortable twill slacks and a light blue tunic with a cream and brown pattern on it and slide into my brown loafers before making my way into the kitchen.

I am not surprised to find Gail and Taylor up and moving. Taylor can't hide the look of surprise on his face when he sees it is me and not the boss. He is dressed for running, but sitting casually nursing a cup of coffee at the breakfast bar. "Christian is still asleep." I confide as I dip a tea bag in the cup of hot water Gail just put in front of me. Taylor hands me the local section of the newspaper and we both sit next to each other reading, not saying anything, while Gail goes on about her morning business.

Christian decides to make an appearance at 7:00. He comes out dressed in only a pair of pajama pants. His hair is tousled just right and I can feel myself warming up just looking at him. He gives me a smirk and a wink from the kitchen as he peels his banana. "Good morning." He greets everyone. "Gail, I will take an egg white omlet when I finish with my shower. Taylor, I am thinking we will head to the office around 10:00 this morning. I have an 11:00 and a 2:00 meeting. Ana, can I have a word with you? In the bedroom."

"Sure." I get up and place my mug in the sink for Gail and follow him. I was so thankful to see him acting like his usual self this morning. Hopefully what happened last night didn't cause any damage to our relationship.

I walk straight to the bed and sit on the corner while Christian shuts the door. He stalks his way over to me before getting on his knees in front of me and taking my hands in his.

"Last night…" he starts but trails off. I can see he has a lot to say about it but he is being very guarded with his words. I want to interrupt him but I don't. I already know how I feel about it, I need to know what he feels. After seconds turn into minutes and I still don't say anything he finally finds his words. "I'm sorry for the way I behaved last night Ana, but I am not sorry that it happened." The words rush out of his mouth. "Thank you for knowing what I needed and more importantly, what I didn't need." He adds softly, almost like he is ashamed.

I lean over and kiss him on his very soft lips. "You're welcome. But I really would like it if you would set up an appointment with Dr. Flynn. I am not going to lie, you scared for a minute there. One minute you don't want anything to do with that room or the BDSM world and then next you are asking to be hit with something that looks like a medieval age torture device!" I tell him as I poke him with my finger to highlight my point. "I wasn't sure if it was a test. I didn't know what to do so I just acted out one of my fantasies instead." I confess.

Christian nods his head in agreement. "If I make an appointment with Flynn, will you come with me? I think we could both benefit from a session."

"Of course I will." I can imagine Flynn will have a field day with trying to unravel this whole thing but I would like to see him try.

Christians uses my legs for support as he stands back up. "Then I will call and see when he is available and let you know. I need to take a quick shower, do you want to join me?" he asks playfully.

I shake my head and laugh, "If I join you, the shower will be anything but quick. You go ahead, I haven't eaten yet so I will see you at breakfast."

He grabs me and pats my behind before kissing me deeply, passionately. Our tongues dance together, neither one of us in control, but both of us in control until we are both breathless and needy. "I love you so much, you know that?" he pants.

"I love you too." I assure him.

"We will need to talk about where to go from here."

"We will. Maybe tonight, okay. But you were right. Get that room dismantled as soon as possible. Okay? No more Elena leftover relics. From here on out we will be the ones in control of us." I get up on my tippy toes to kiss his nose before going back out to help Gail with breakfast.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Here is the next chapter with a little Dr. Flynn. Enjoy. Sorry for any errors in advance, I really can't edit myself until much later because I read what I intended on typing but I don't want to keep you waiting.**

Chapter 28

After spending the morning penning my letter of resignation to Borgne Publishing I am feeling a bit queasy. This position was the one I dreamed of all throughout my high school and college years. I loved working there and giving this up isn't easy but giving up Christian again would be even harder. I take a deep breath and reach for my phone. I need to call Ms. Stewart to give her a heads up on the incoming letter. She has been an exceptionally good boss and mentor and I don't want her to be blindsided.

She answers on the second ring. "Borgne Publishing, Heather Stewart speaking." She answers in her usual upbeat manner.

"Good afternoon Ms. Stewart, this is Anastasia Steele." I start and take a deep breath. Rip it off like a band-aid Ana, I repeat my mantra silently over and over. "I am calling to let you know that I will be sending my letter of resignation effective immediately and to thank you for the amazing opportunity." I grab a tendril of my hair and twirl it around my finger.

"Ana! I can't say that I am surprised but I wouldn't be honest if I told you I wasn't disappointed. You have been a tremendous asset to all of us here. I do understand though and if you will allow me to be nosey for just a moment, this wouldn't have anything to do with a certain very handsome young man now would it?" The curiosity was oozing out of her.

I giggle a little, I can't help it. I don't want to confirm anything though just yet. I can almost hear Taylor and Welsh's warning from last week; be careful what you say and to whom, you never know who will be willing to sell the story to the highest bidder. "I just didn't realize how much I missed being in the Northeast. It is close to my family and friends." I reply coyly. It is true but the guilt of not contacting  
Ray creeps up as it occurs to me that I haven't contacted him in weeks. I have to rectify this now.

I talk to Ms. Stewart for another five minutes and she wishes me luck. As I end the call I send the email containing my resignation when the sudden feeling of peace drapes over me and I smile knowing I did the right thing.

Now to call Ray. I pull up his number on my phone and place the call. Before I know it, I hear his voice. "Annie!" He sounds so happy to hear from me.

"Daddy Ray!" I mimic him back. "How are you?"

"I'm good. Same as always. It is you that I am worried about. How are you?" He asks me right back.

I pause. I need to tread carefully through this minefield for Christian's sake. I wouldn't put it past Ray to pay him a visit with his shot gun if he thinks for a minute that I am going to be hurt. "I am really good. I have decided to move back to Seattle. Kate and I have an apartment already and I am going to apply to a couple of places here. I would like to come see you soon, maybe go fishing on the lake."

Ray is quiet and that is his way to keep me talking. I thought suggesting fishing would get him excited but he is pretty good at reading me, even over the phone. He knows that there is more and he is waiting for the other shoe to drop.

After a full minute of silence he finally relents. "I would love to go fishing with you Annie but what are you not telling me?"

I sigh. There really is no good way to do this, not with those pictures of my man in the public domain. "Well, you know that I have been staying with Christian and we have become really close. He is my boyfriend, Dad."

I hear the sound of something crashing on the other end of the phone and Ray is muttering profanity. Yep, definitely the reaction I expected but it doesn't sting any less. "Annie, is that the reason you quit your job and moved back to Seattle?" he asks me, his voice dripping in disapproval.

"Yes." I admit, hanging my head. I can't lie to Ray. "I know what you are thinking…"

"You said that was your dream job. I am concerned you are giving up the life you want for a man." He interrupts me.

"Working in publishing is my dream. There are publishing houses here in Seattle." I remind him surprised that he hasn't brought up Christian yet so I do. "I love Christian. He loves me. Going back to New Orleans for a job would be a mistake. I'm in deep Dad and I don't want to live with regret." I decide to level with him.

"I am your Dad and as uncomfortable as this may make you, I have to ask, are you in the lifestyle?" My jaw hits the floor. I know exactly what he is asking me and he is right, this is extremely uncomfortable.

"The lifestyle?" I ask him in an effort to stall this conversation and to make him clarify.

Ray pulls no punches. "The BDSM lifestyle Anastasia, are you part of that?" he asks me directly.

I twirl my hair and look and look frantically around the room as if I am going to find something, anything, to help me get out of this conversation with my father. Of course, nothing is going to save me. "Loosely?" I answer as if it is a question.

Ray chuckles and it surprises me. "That isn't an answer baby girl. either are or you aren't. Let me ask this another way. If when I come visit you in Seattle, am I going to find you at the club?"

Oh. My. God. "Daddy are you into BDSM?" I scream. Gail was entering the bedroom to collect the days laundry but when she hears me she slowly backs out of the room. Damn, I might need her to pick me up off the floor.

He sighs. "After your mother left me I did discover the pleasures of the lifestyle." He admits candidly. "Look, I know this is more than you want to know and it is more than I want to tell you however in the light of those pictures you need to know that I am here for you. I understand what the lifestyle is about and I want you to know that you don't have to be afraid to bring that boy around just because I know that he is into BDSM. That said, if he hurts your sweet heart, then he needs to watch out. I am a pretty good shot." Ray threatens and I laugh. That is the Ray I know.

"Fine Dad. You can visit all the Seattle clubs you want, you won't find me there. And answer to your question is yes and no. Right now, Christian is trying to figure things out himself. But yes, we were in a relationship a few years ago and we have rekindled it but it is not currently based on BDSM. I hope that answers your question." My words come tumbling out. This is probably the most embarrassing conversation I have ever had with Ray and that is saying a lot since he also is the one who gave me the talk about the birds and the bees and what a period is. My mother had some new fangled idea that those topics should be taught by the opposite sex parent. Since I am an only child, I think that she just didn't want to do it and pawned it off on Ray.

"When do I get to meet the fella?" Ray asks and I really hope he moved on. The last thing I want to talk about with Ray is about the finer points of BDSM implements and tools or worse, what are my favorites ones.

I do need to talk to Christian about having Ray come to Seattle or us going to visit Montesano before I can commit to anything. "Let me talk to Christian and I will get back to you on that. I would love for you to come to Seattle and you can do that anytime you want but Christian goes out of town often and his schedule can get crazy busy so I will let you know when he is available to visit. Maybe we could come see you soon." I tell him. I look at the clock and it is going on 2:00 so I do need to end this conversation and get something to eat. My stomach is growling.

"I think I will come to Seattle, it isn't that bad of a drive. I'm busy this weekend but I am free the weekend after that. I have met someone myself and I would love for you to meet her. Her name is Melissa." He confesses as he manages to shock me once again. I bite my tongue to keep from asking if she is in the lifestyle.

"That would be good Dad. I will see you then, I am going to get some lunch." I tell him and we say our good-byes.

After hanging up I sit on the corner of the bed for five minutes just trying to process what in the hell just happened. Ray is into BDSM, Ray has a girlfriend, Ray isn't mad that I am with Christian but he is mad I quit my job. Shaking my head I get up and gather the clothes for Gail. I know I put her off her schedule and it isn't a big deal to help her out.

I find Gail in the kitchen and she is already chopping vegetables for dinner. She sees me and puts down the knife and grabs the clothes from my arms. "I would have put them into the washer but I am not sure if anything needs to be dry cleaned." I confess.

"Nonsense my dear. I've got this. If you are hungry I made a pasta salad and it is in the fridge. Just help yourself." Gail tells me as she takes off with her arms full towards the laundry room.

I dish out a bowl full of Gail's bacon ranch pasta and sit at the breakfast bar to eat. Sullivan comes out of the security room and does the same taking the chair next to me. "Mr. Grey asked me to tell you to be ready to go at 3:30. He said he managed to get an appointment with Dr. Flynn at 4:00 and he will meet you there."

This pasta is incredible. How Gail hits it out of the park every single time, I will never know but I love enjoying all of her creations. "Thank you Sullivan. I will be ready. Are you taking me?" I ask him once my mouth is no longer full.

He is busy shoveling his lunch down so he just nods a yes and we finish eating in relative silence. It has been a busy day already and now I am going to meet with Dr. Flynn. I can only imagine how that is going to go but I am glad that Christian took the initiative to set up the meeting so quickly.

Gail returns and immediately resumes her chopping where she left off. I admire her technique and the fact that she doesn't have tears running down her face like I do every time I chop an onion. She smiles at me when she realizes that I am watching her. "I am sorry for overhearing your conversation." She tells me genuinely.

"I am sorry I was having that conversation at all." I reply deadpan. "I was talking to my father, Ray." I confess to her.

"Oh dear." Gail chuckles.

I laugh with her. Oh dear is exactly the right response. I can only imagine what Christian is going to say when I tell him. Now finished with my lunch, I bring the bowl to the sink to rinse it and place it in the dishwasher. Gail tries to shoo me away but there are some things I just don't think she has to do and rinsing my dishes and placing them in the dishwasher for her just isn't that big of a deal for me.

I decide to find a book to read to pass the time until it is time to go meet Christian at Dr. Flynn's office. I get comfortable on the oversized couch and immediately get lost in the land of make believe. I stayed in the living room so that Sullivan could easily find me because I knew once I got lost in a book I would no longer be worried about the time and it felt like minutes passed when Sullivan entered and cleared his throat. "Are you ready Ana?" he asked.

I stretch and slide my shoes back on my feet before standing up and following Sullivan down to the parking garage and into Christian's Audi SUV. Sullivan and I make small talk about the weather and bad drivers as he navigates around Seattle at the beginning of rush hour. Twenty minutes later he has pulled up under an overhang and lets me out. "Dr. Flynn's office is on the fourth floor. The elevator will let you out in his waiting room. I am heading back to Escala and you will ride back home with Taylor and Mr. Grey." He informs me.

"Thank you Sullivan." I am very appreciative of the detailed instructions even though I probably would have managed just fine had I been left to my own devices. The building is an average sized brick building near Seattle Mercy Hospital where Grace Grey works. I enter and it is a typical medical building that smells like disinfectant. The elevator is next to the entrance and I hop on and push the button for the fourth floor.

When the elevator doors open, I am immediately relaxed. It smells like vanilla and driftwood and the waiting room is done up in light brown walls with gorgeous paintings of various beach scenes, dark wood floors, comfortable plush light blue chairs, and low lighting. Very fitting for a psychiatrist I think to myself. I spot Christian sitting by the one window lost in his phone and Taylor is on the other side of the room with a magazine in his hand. My shoes tap across the floor and Christian looks up at me and gives me a brilliant smile as I walk towards him.

"Dr. Flynn is with a patient but they should be done shortly." he informs me as I take the seat next to him. He leans over and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. "I had to cancel a few meetings to make time to meet with Flynn today so I am sending a few emails while we wait, okay."

I watch him type frantically into his phone to pass the time and it is quite comical to watch him. His expressions are constantly changing as he types and I wonder if he realizes it. He spends so much time keeping his face passive that seeing him so unguarded is still new to me. I can picture him in his office at Grey House typing away and I stifle a giggle. He looks at me and raises an eyebrow but doesn't stop.

Ten minutes later the door to Dr. Flynn's office flies open and a middle-aged woman with red hair comes out looking forlorn. It was obvious she had been crying and it had been a rough session. I look away because looking at her feels like an invasion on her privacy. I wonder how many people walking out of Dr. Flynn's office looks like that. Will we?

Dr. Flynn appears at the doorway. "Christian, Ana. Come on in!" he booms across the room.

Hand in hand we walk into Dr. Flynn's office and take a seat on the loveseat. His office is just like the waiting area, comfortable. He smiles at us as he places two glasses of ice water on the small table in front of us and takes a seat across from us in his leather chair. "So, Christian called this morning and asked for a session. He told me that you dominated him last night and that he wanted to talk this through with me mediating the session." Dr. Flynn tells me.

I look at Christian wide eyed. I dominated him, what about him asking me to use some insane weapon on him. That isn't a fair description of the evening at all even if it is loosely true.

Dr. Flynn eyes me and addresses Christian. "Ana seems surprised by my summary of why we are having an emergency session Christian, why is that?"

Christian sighs. "Because I forced her hand. I made her dominate me and the truth is, we both liked it. Well, maybe I shouldn't talk for Ana. I liked it." He answers, almost looking ashamed.

Dr. Flynn turned towards me. "Was Christian correct Ana? Did you like it?"

Of course I liked it but this is just embarrassing. Embarrassment seems to be the word of the day. "Yes." I admit softly and I can feel my skin heat up as I blush.

Dr. Flynn looks perplexed. "If you both liked it, then why are we here?"

These men are going to make me spell it out for them. What the hell, it isn't like I am going to be more embarrassed than I already am. "Christian and I were talking about why I didn't want him to have the playroom removed last night when it came up that I wouldn't mind spanking him. He then ran off to the playroom, stripped out of his clothes, selected a barbed wire flogger and ordered me to hit him with it." I tell him as matter-of-fact as I could.

Dr. Flynn looked alarmed when I mentioned the barbed wire flogger. "Christian, would you agree with Ana's description of the event?" he asks diplomatically.

Christian nods. "Yes, that pretty much sums it up." He reaches for my hand and squeezes it.

"Well, now I am understanding why you requested an emergency session. Why didn't you mention that you ordered her to beat you with a barbed wire flogger Christian?" Dr. Flynn directs his question at Christian.

"I am embarrassed by my behavior. Last night I was so frustrated and when I asked Taylor to dismantle the room, Ana asked me not to. I thought we were on the same page. I don't want to go back to that life where everything was a secret. Elena was such a big influence on the creation of that room and what was in it and I felt like it was the last string she still had to manipulate me." Christian answers and I feel guilty. I didn't consider any of this before I asked him to keep the room as is.

I pick at invisible lent on my pants as the session goes on. "Being frustrated is understandable, Christian, but asking for someone to hit you with an implement that will cause severe harm to you is not." Dr. Flynn chastises him. "Ana, did you use that flogger on Christian?"

I look up and see Dr. Flynn patiently waiting for me to answer him. "No, I didn't." I assert as I sit up and square my shoulders at him for asking such a thing. Seriously if I would have Christian would not be able sit in here so comfortably no matter how much Arnica cream I rubbed onto his skin. The sheets were ruined with one swat.

Dr. Flynn's eyes dance almost like he is amused. "Why not?" he challenges me.

"For starters, he wasn't in the right frame of mind to decide what was best for himself. Second, when we talked about hard limits, we both agreed not to indulge in blood play. And last, if I am going to dominate him then he doesn't get to top from the bottom but in all seriousness Dr. Flynn, I didn't realize that talking about the possibility of keeping the playroom would result in Christian temporarily losing his mind!" I snap.

"You feel Christian lost his mind?" Dr. Flynn directs the question at me and I am getting frustrated. I really wanted this session to focus more on Christian and less on me.

"For a moment, yes I did. But then I realized that what he was really looking for was someone that he could trust enough so that he could lose control and give up all that power from time to time. I never considered hitting him with the flogger, in case you are wondering. I just decided to take over for a little while and show him that I could take some of that weight off his shoulders for a just a little while and that he could trust me." I say with a little more attitude than I meant.

Christian leans over and kisses me gently on my nose. "I love you so much, Ana."

I give him a shy smile. "I love you too"

Finally, Dr. Flynn gives Christian some attention. "Christian, I have treated you for years now. Please stop me at any point where you feel I am wrong and correct me. You said that you would never submit to another person, man or woman, again in your life. You also said that you didn't want to continue in the BDSM lifestyle because that would remind you of how you were victimized. Now, Ana," Flynn continues speaking to me, "Christian and I have also discussed at length that the practice of BDSM between two consenting adults is well within the realm of normal behavior so I don't want you to feel attacked here. I am merely trying to figure out where his head is at since this is going against what he previously said he was working towards. If that has changed, we will need to discuss new goals."

I am thankful for Dr. Flynn taking the time out to tell me that because I was starting to feel like I did something very wrong. That despite my best efforts I still managed to hurt Christian last night.

"I think we need to discuss new goals Flynn." Christian speaks up and Dr. Flynn raises an eyebrow at him. "I thought I needed to be out of the lifestyle so that I could be in a real relationship. When Ana left she said she wanted to be married to someone for love, not because of a contract and that she didn't want to be in a Dominant/Submissive relationship anymore. But as it turns out, that doesn't seem to be the case. I think Ana was right in that it would be nice to be able to release the reigns to someone else for a little while and Ana has proven to me that she can hold them. The only other person I have voluntarily submitted to is Elena and you know what she would have done with a barbed wire flogger? She would have whipped my ass with it. Not my Ana though." He says proudly. "She blindfolded me, handcuffed me, spanked me, and loved me and it was something I definitely want to do again."

That he said he wants to do it again makes me giddy inside. I know I want to dominate him again and I am glad he does too. I just hope he also wants to dominate me sometimes. I don't know, maybe we can be switches. But there is one question that I have that I want an answer to. "Christian, why did you even have a barbed wire flogger in the first place. Especially with blood play being your own hard limit?"

He winces a little as he thinks back. "Elena gave it to me as a birthday present."

I can tell that isn't the whole story. Dr. Flynn can also so he presses him on it. "Which birthday Christian? Ana is right, if blood play is your own hard limit then it didn't belong in your arsenal of tools. Why did you keep it?"

Christian slumps over a little bit. "She gave it to me a couple years ago, when Ana and I were contracted together. I know why she gave it to me, she wanted me to use it on Ana. I think that is when we started to get somewhere here Flynn. I was starting to open my eyes to the fact that she abused me and Ana was my longest contracted sub. Every other one had claimed to have fallen in love with me by that point and I had dismissed them but with Ana it was different. I was falling for her but she wasn't falling for me. I had stopped the weekly lunches with Elena a few months earlier and was only seeing her at society functions and occasionally at Grey House to discuss her salons and really started seeing her for the manipulative bitch she was. I think she thought Ana was responsible for the reduced access to me even though she wasn't. Ana's hard limits were canes and whips but not floggers and Elena knew that. When we first contracted blood play was not a hard limit for Ana because it never occurred to her that it was a thing people purposely engaged in so Elena wouldn't have known that we amended Ana's contract to make it her hard limit as well. Elena never really paid much mind to my hard limits. She saw me as flexible with no limits aside from touching my torso with her hands so I think she was trying to manipulate me to use it on Ana at which point Ana would have seen for the monster I was and left. I am making a lot of assumptions about Elena's motivations but she encouraged me to drop Ana quite a few times. She told me that Ana wasn't good for me and encouraged me to find someone else. I had always shut her down because I knew differently. I knew I was a better person when Ana was around and I wanted to be the man she could grow old with."

Tears are flowing from my eyes as I listen to Christian describe his feelings from so long ago. He loved me? He wants to grow old with me? I was doing everything in my power to stop myself from admitting that I loved him and he loved me all along. He was going through so much and I had no idea. "What would you have done if I told you that I loved you back then?" I have to know.

Christian stares at me for a second, thinking about it. "I honestly don't know. Inside I would have been jumping for joy but I don't know if I would have defaulted to my old ways and kicked you out immediately or if I would have gotten down on one knee and asked you to marry me. It could have gone either way." He admits. "Wait, you loved me?"

Now it is my turn to sigh. "I was doing everything I knew to do to keep it from happening but deep down, in hindsight, yes, I did love you back then also. It is why it was so easy to fall deeply, maddeningly in love with you so fast this time." I confess. "I quit my job today. And I talked to my father and he is coming to visit next weekend." I share and watch Christian quickly become alarmed. He probably hoped the day would never come to meet Ray.

Dr. Flynn chuckles. "You have had quite an eventful twenty-four hours Ana."

"Is your father going to let me live?" Christian asks me, trying to make a joke out of it but serious in the same breath.

I decide to let them both in on the horror I found out earlier. It still gives me the heebie jeebies. "You are going to live, I promise. In fact, he is probably going to want a tour of the playroom and some pointers. Turns out, he is into BDSM himself. Have no fear though, you will not be deprived of the "if you hurt my daughter" speech." I assure him as I watch him sputter. Thankfully he hasn't touched the water Dr. Flynn placed in front of him earlier because he probably would have spit it out.

Dr. Flynn is clearly amused as he lets out a deep belly laugh. "Well that is a twist. From the outside looking in, this is clearly a match made in heaven."

I just smile at the good doctor because I certainly agree. Christian's comment about dropping down on a knee and proposing to me is still at the forefront of my mind. "Do you still want to marry me Christian?" I ask him but immediately regret it. What if he says something I don't want to hear? Why do I ask questions that I might not want to know the answer to?

Thankfully, Christian puts me out of my misery relatively quickly. "One day Anastasia. Right now I think we need to focus on our relationship and making sure we are on a solid foundation before we sign on the dotted line." He smirks, obviously thinking of the first time I signed on the dotted line.

Dr. Flynn leans forward, "I think we made some progress today. Christian, if it is okay with you I would like to schedule you in before you do that interview you were telling me about earlier. I just want to make sure you coming from a good place and that you understand and are prepared for any potential fallout. I would also suggest couples counseling since you two seem to be considering a more serious union. Please send my regards to your parents, Christian. Anastasia."

Relief floods through me as we stand and bid our farewells to Flynn. As we exit, Taylor puts the magazine down and stretches ready to escort us home. Christian grabs my hand as we head down to the SUV together.

"We need to arrange the interview time with Kate. I was thinking that we should see if she is available Saturday. My mother requested our presence for a dinner party tomorrow. It is Elliot's birthday. You should see if Kate is available for that too. They seemed to hit it off pretty well yesterday." Christian lists off all the little messages he has for me before leaning into me and taking my mouth with his. Slowly he kisses me, dominating me as his tongue wrestles with mine.

I love this man with every part of my being. He makes me feel so safe and cared for. He pulls apart from me and smiles. "What was that for?" I flirt with him.

"Just for being you. I love you so damn much Anastasia." He smiles at me.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: I didn't mean to have you wait this long for another chapter. I went on vacation for a week and when we got back my husband became so ill he spent the last week in the hospital. Thankfully he is on the mend. I was supposed to go out of town next week but I need to keep an eye on my husband so you should get another chapter soon.**

Chapter 29

The door to Christian's childhood home opens and Grace welcomes us with open arms. "Christian, Ana! I am so glad you are here. Elliot and Mia are already swimming." She gushes warmly as she gives us both a big hug. She stops when she reaches Kate who has come with us. "Hello dear, I am Grace."

Kate puts out her hand and I rush to make the introduction. "Grace, this is Kate Kavanaugh. She is my best friend." I say proudly. Kate is rarely shy but meeting Elliot has really rocked her world. They have hit it off and have spent a lot of time together over the past few days.

Grace is ever polite and pulls her in for a quick hug. "Kate, Elliot was just telling me about you. He said you were busy today and was so disappointed you wouldn't be able to make it. You are about to make his entire day." She says with a huge smile.

I notice Kate noticeably relax with the positive introduction as Grace leads us to the party. Elliot's party is a small affair, just a few friends and his family. The outside pool deck is tastefully decorated with lights and a few well placed blue balloons. Carrick is manning the grill and whatever he is cooking smells delicious.

Christian, Kate, and I all walk over to the loungers and take off our cover-ups revealing our bathing suits underneath. I decided to wear a one-piece aqua suit for a couple of reasons. I figured it would be respectful to Christian's parents and not knowing any of Elliot's friends, it would be easier on Christian and therefore me if I didn't wear a bikini. No that this little number isn't a beauty. When I found amongst the other bathing suits I was immediately drawn to it. It is a classic with a single strap around the neck and the top ruffles around the bustline while the bottom is tight. Kate on the other hand went the itty bitty bikini route and is strutting her stuff on Elliot's behalf. I notice that he can't keep her eyes off of her and it is ruining his water volleyball game. He has missed several easy shots since we got here.

Christian was first to dive into the pool but I prefer to ease into the water. It is a little chilly so I start by sitting on the side of the pool with just my ankle in the water. Kate comes and sits beside me and together we just watch the boys play.

"So, this interview." Kate starts, "are you both sure I am the right person?" she asks nervously which is so unlike her.

"Christian is absolutely sure, he wouldn't have asked you if he wasn't." I try to reassure her but to be honest, I am not sure. It isn't because of her inexperience. I have seen her work through college and it is very good. What makes me nervous is that she will see me differently. I am not sure I can live with that.

Kate stares at me with a hard expression for a few seconds. "But you aren't sure, are you Steele?"

She knows me well. "I am just worried about it to be honest. I am not worried that you aren't going to do a great job because I know you will." I immediately add to reassure her. This interview is happening tomorrow whether I want it to or not. "I am more worried that you are going to learn things about me that is going to make you not want to be associated with me anymore." I confess slowly. I can hear my own insecurities talking.

She laughs. A huge belly laugh and places an arm around my shoulders. "Not going to happen my friend, not going to happen. I promise." Turning me towards her so that she can look me, "So you are kinky. Who cares? We already talked about that, remember? Whatever secrets you have today that won't be secrets tomorrow will not change the fact that you are my best friend. But truth be told, I am nervous about it also."

"What are you nervous about?" I ask even though I already know. This can make or break her career in journalism before it even starts.

"What if I ask stupid questions? What if I cross a line that I wasn't aware of? What if talking about kink turns me on?" she lists off on her fingers but stops abruptly after the last one, surprising even herself.

I giggle. "Christian is mine. You can have Elliot."

"If he will have me. He is a playboy, Ana." She sighs. "I have heard about him for years and he just isn't the commitment kind of guy." Kate mindlessly stares at Elliot who is oblivious. He is just playing in the water with his friends like a big kid. "He is just the kind of guy who is good for a few fun hookups and while that was okay a few years ago I think I am looking for something more these days. But you gotta admit, he does make some mighty fine eye candy." She concludes, licking her lips.

"I only have eyes for Christian." I tell her scanning the water to find my man.

Kate bumps into me with her shoulder. "Geez Ana, you might be committed but you are not dead. It is okay to look, just not touch. Just admire what you like and bring it to bed with you later." She admonishes me.

She might be right but for the time being I am completely satisfied just staring at Christian. The beads of water glistening on his tight abs are enough to make me wet and clinch my thighs together. I can't wait to get him home tonight.

The sound of a bell suddenly reminds me that we are at Christian's parents house. "Dinner is ready!" Carrick calls towards all of us at the pool. I stretch and get up and everyone makes a beeline out of the pool towards their towels to dry off. Being the first to approach the deck I ask Grace if she needs any help. She directs me to go to the kitchen to see if Mia needs a hand. Before going into the house, I look back to see Elliot wrapping himself around Kate and it makes me smile. Perhaps being a playboy is getting old for him and he is ready to commit for once. For Kate's sake, I hope so.

I find Mia pulling dish after dish out of the refrigerator and placing them on the counter. When she sees me walking into the kitchen she stops what she is doing and gives me a big hug. "Hi Ana. Could you help me bring these outside?"

"That is why I'm here." I tell her happily and start uncovering the dishes to get them ready to go. There is every kind of cold salad you can imagine. Grabbing the macaroni salad and the coleslaw first I bring the first cold dishes out and place them on the table. Grace or Mia made tags along with recipe cards for each dish so I place them in the right spot and head back in to grab more passing Mia on my way.

After five more trips we are finally finished and the buffet line is open. Mia and I head to the back of the line to wait our turn. "Thank you Ana. That was really kind of you to help me." Mia tells me gratefully.

"Anytime Mia. Did you make all of those?" I enquire. There had to be at least twenty different kinds of dishes.

She nods enthusiastically. "Yes, usually my mom caters all these kinds of things but I begged her to let me do it this time. I started cooking yesterday."

Upon further inspection the girl does look exhausted. "The name cards really helped speed up the process. That was a really good idea." I heap some praise on her and she perks right up.

"Thank you. I do hope if you find a dish you really like that you will take a recipe card." She says hopefully.

Assuring her that I will, it is finally our turn at the table. I fill my plate with a little bit of nearly everything and head off to find Christian. I am really pleased when I find him with an empty seat next to him.

As soon as I reach him he stands and pulls out the chair for me. "Sorry Ana. I would have come to the back of the line with you but this isn't my first rodeo. I figured if I did we wouldn't have found a seat together and I would rather eat with you so I have been guarding your chair." He tells me earnestly after kissing me on the cheek.

I just smile at him. It didn't bother me at all that he didn't come stand with me. I enjoyed talking with Mia and was surprisingly comfortable but for some reason, seeing his display of guilt make my heart sing.

I ate so much I feel like I need to be rolled away from the table. I have happily watched Elliot claim Kate and they are so sweet together. Christian must be watching too because every time Elliot leaned over to kiss Kate, he nudged me.

Soon after everyone finished eating I notice Grace sneak off inside the house. Carrick stands up and clears his throat to get everyone's attention. The conversations slowly trail off as everyone turns to him.

"We are here today to celebrate Elliot's birthday. As is tradition, I am here talking to all of you to tell you funny and embarrassing stories about Elliot growing up." Carrick jokes. "Truth is, each year that passes makes that more and more challenging because I am forced to dig up new material. This year I am going to tell you how Elliot took to being a big brother for the first time."

I glance at Christian and he is cringing.

"When we first found Christian, he was in bad shape. The day after Grace treated him in the hospital she approached me about adopting this cute little boy but we had only just adopted Elliot. Being a dad for the first time was amazing and to be honest, I wasn't sure about having another young one so soon. Grace asked me to go to the hospital to visit him before giving her an answer. The problem was that I had already promised you Elliot, a father son day so that meant you were going to have to come along."

I look around and everyone is listening to Carrick's story on the edge of their seats. He has their complete attention. Christian grabs my hand and I know he needs support right now. He was not expecting this at all. Elliot provides a little comic relief thankfully. "I remember that Dad! I was hoping to go fishing and instead we had a lunch date at the hospital."

Carrick nods and continues. "We arrived at lunch time and Grace organized for three trays to be delivered to a room in the children's ward. We found Christian and at that time in Elliot's life he always carried around little Hot Wheels cars everywhere we went. All I told Elliot was that we were going to spend some time with a child who needed some people to care about him. Keep in mind, I hadn't yet met Christian and certainly hadn't decided to adopt him. The first thing Elliot did was climb onto Christian's bed and he pulled the cars out of his pocket and handed him one. Christian's eyes lit up and the two of them played and played until lunch was delivered. I had never experienced a child who had been food deprived before and I can honestly say Elliot hadn't either. Well let me say that spaghetti isn't the best choice." Carrick pauses as everyone laughs. "As Christian hadn't yet been introduced to a fork he ate with his hands. Elliot watched him for a minute as Christian shoveled his spaghetti with his hands and then he shrugged, dropped his fork and copied Christian. I tried to stop the madness, I really did but I didn't have any success. Now I have two boys, one four and one six covered completely in red sauce when my lovely wife comes in to see how things are going. Together we cleaned them up though it wasn't easy. As soon as the food trays were removed Christian became very upset. I am sure he thought that he wouldn't ever see another one. Elliot got just as upset because Christian was upset. When Elliot tried to hug Christian, let's just say Christian got some good licks in. A few good punches and kicks. Elliot had bruises for weeks." I squeeze Christian's hand to let him know I was still there with him. "Well, boys being boys, Elliot wasn't going to let that go with out a little payback. Elliot made a fist and punched Christian right in the nose. Now picture this, two little boys. One with bruises and the other with blood pouring out of his little nose. Grace was long gone doing her rounds. I pulled Elliot away as fast as I could so that I could tend to Christian and honestly, I was convinced that I was not cut out for this. I was prepared to tell Grace no, as much as this cute little boy might be, it wasn't the right move for our little family." I see tears forming in Elliot's eyes and look back at Christian and see he is also a little teary eyed. I thought this was supposed to be funny and embarrassing for Elliot, not make them cry. "But Elliot immediately hopped back on Christian's bed, grabbed his little face and do you remember what you said son?"

Everyone turns to look at Elliot as he answers. "Only brothers can hit each other and still love each other. You must be my lost brother."

"Yes, that is exactly what you said." Carrick confirms. "And being as I am sure that Christian remembers none of this I will tell you that he nodded his head yes. I knew in that instant that we had to adopt Christian. It might be messy, it might be incredibly frustrating at times but in the end it would be worth it. Elliot, this might not be as funny or as embarrassing as you had hoped, and Christian, I hope I didn't embarrass you in retelling this story but it was the best father sons day I have ever shared with either of you." Carrick finishes, wiping his own eyes.

Elliot and Christian both stand up and walk over to each other, not caring that everyone is watching them. Christian grabs his brother and gives him a giant hug and I can't wipe the smile off of my face. The are talking to each other but it is so low I can't hear what they are saying.

Grace appears with the cake with a candle glowing for every year and Carrick leads everyone in singing Happy Birthday to Elliot. Christian stays close to Elliot and even helps pass out the cake which is amusing to me. Mr. I hire people to do everything for me handing out cake. Finally he brings two pieces back and sits next to me again. "I never heard that story before." He confesses. And while Elliot lived it and obviously remembers it I don't think he knew just how instrumental he had been in bringing Christian into the family.

We decided to stay for a little longer and enjoy the festivities. Elliot hasn't let Kate get further than five feet away from him the entire evening. In fact, when one of his friends tried to make a move Elliot quickly squashed it and it wasn't pretty. I see that as a positive sign but I want to ask Christian about it later. I also remembered to pick up a few of Mia's recipe cards which made her very happy.

Christian puts his hand out to me, "Are you ready to call it a night?"

I yawn and nod as I take his hand. "More than ready." I agree. We quickly bid our good night and Christian confirms with Kate that she will be up to the penthouse at 10:00 tomorrow morning before heading to the car. Taylor takes the wheel and in no time we are on the highway heading back to Escala. I am exhausted after so much fun in the sun so I lean my head on Christian's shoulder. He kisses the top of my head and glides his fingers over my thigh. I shutter as goosebumps appear all over my body.

"I never knew that Elliot was the one responsible for me becoming a Grey." He whispers in disbelief.

"I don't think he knew either." I voice my suspicion out loud.

Christian doesn't answer right away. He just watches the world fly by for a bit before agreeing. "Yeah, I think it was news to him. I hope he doesn't regret it."

"No way. He doesn't regret it for a second." I reassure my self-loathing man.

As soon as we get back in the bedroom Christian's hands are all over me. He has my clothes off in no time and his mouth is all over me. He gives me little nips on my shoulders, my breasts, my stomach as he works his way down finally nesting between my legs. "My favorite flavor is you, sweet Ana." He coos.

I let out soft moans as I pant. He has me exactly where he wants me and thankfully where he wants me is where I want to be. I can feel his hard member against my leg and it turns me on. I try to rub him but I can't reach. In a heartbeat he rolls me over and smacks my ass. Hard. I feel my juices run as the sensation hurts so good. I want more. I shake my behind at him to try to get him to do it again.

"You want another one?" he asks softly.

"Please." I scream. "More." It has been a long while since he has shown me his dominant side and I love it.

His hand lands hard on my ass again and I scream out in pleasure. I am so close to having an orgasm just by him hitting me. I try not to think about it because it would be a total mind fuck but I just want more.

Christian leans over me and whispers in my ear. "Ana, baby. Your body is telling me you want more but I don't want to hurt you. Do you want me to keep spanking you until you come and then fuck you or do you just want me to fuck you?" he asks.

"Spank me, then fuck me." I manage to pant. My pussy is already convulsing, threatening to give me a hard release. He won't have to spank me to many times before he has me screaming out my orgasm.

"If you want me to stop at any point, just tell me to stop and I will." He promises as he positions my body so that he can lick me and spank me at the same time. I feel like I have died and gone to heaven. As soon as I feel his tongue teasing my opening I feel the sweet sting on his hand followed by another. By the fourth smack he has me on the edge. One more smack and my body is bucking against his face wildly as my body lets out it's release. I feel like I have died and gone to heaven, it feels so good. I am so needy for another one. He slides out from under me, his chin glistening with my juices, and rolls me over so he can enter me in one motion. He slams his lips against mine forcing me to taste myself. It is a hard fuck and I am enjoying seeing his animalistic side as he chases his release. His eyes are loving but his body is giving no mercy. I can feel the tension building towards another release and I meet him thrust for thrust. Finally he slams into me a final time and roars out his release. Feeling his cock twitching inside me as he empties himself sets me off and I orgasm around him, screaming his name.

As we come down from our orgasmic bliss, we embrace each other. Tomorrow is another day but right now, I am content.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Surprise! Another chapter. I am spoiling you but in all honestly, I have really been enjoying having the time to write. With any luck you will have another one by the end of the week but unfortunately not tomorrow. I have a busy day ahead. I hope you enjoy it.**

Chapter 30

"Relax baby. It is just Kate, your best friend. Don't think too much about this." Christian tells me while handing me a banana. "Eat something, it will help calm your nerves." He instructs in a no-nonsense way that has me peeling the banana without giving it a second thought.

It is 9:45 in the morning and Kate will be here in fifteen minutes if not sooner. I know that it is Kate and I know she won't write anything that will harm me but I am still feeling nervous about sitting down and exposing our entire life to her and ultimately to the world. I have never done anything like this before while Christian has some experience dealing with sitting down for interviews. Not as much as you might think though since he generally has liked to keep the press at arms length. Most everything you can find written about him as been written from afar, just some reporter's observations. Trying to find an actual quote that came from him is a challenge. I just don't want to say too much. Or not enough. Arggg, I am even frustrated with myself and the damn interview hasn't even started yet. I take a bite of the banana and sigh. Christian is just watching me. I am probably making him nervous. I mean he has so much more to be nervous about than I do; I am just the girlfriend.

Christian gets up and approaches me. He starts rubbing my shoulders and it feels so good. "Who cares what anyone thinks? I certainly don't. PR thought that an interview might help get this monkey off of our back and help grow the business and while I am not completely sure I agree, I figured the best way to try is with Kate at the helm. We have discussed this, remember? Now why don't you tell me why your heart is beating a million beats a second and you have sweat beading up? You aren't getting sick, are you?" he asks, genuinely concerned.

I rolls my head around in bliss as he keeps working his magic fingers on my neck. "No, I am not getting sick, I'm just nervous." I confirm in a soft voice.

"Talk to me baby. It will make you feel better."

"What if I say too much? What if I clam up or worse, say something really stupid? What if this article makes everyone as interested in me and they are in you? I am just plain jane Annie Steele. What if people wonder why you are with me? What if…" I unload my biggest fears.

"What if they love you? What if they wonder what a beautiful Goddess is doing with fucked up me? What if what you say is just perfect?" he counters me. "We can what if this to death but we won't truly know until it is over and you know what? They don't matter here. What does matter is that we love each other. Sure, what our family thinks matters but that is because they are important to us but really, they already know the worst so as far as I am concerned I have already hit rock bottom. There is nowhere else to go but up from there. Just relax and if you don't want to answer a question, you don't have to." Christian implores, kneading my neck harder as if he is adding emphasis to what he is saying.

He plants a big kiss on the back of my head as the elevator dings Kate arrival. Ten minutes early.

I close my eyes as I hear the clicks of Kate's heels on the marble floor, getting louder as she approaches us. "Hi guys!" she says cheerfully before clearing her throat. "I'm sorry, I guess I need to be more professional. Good morning Mr. Grey, Ms. Steele."

Christian chuckles a little. "You can stop with that bull shit Kate. I want this to be casual so that it is an easier pill to swallow. Why do you think I asked for you?"

Kate gives him her megawatt smile. "As you wish." She cheekily responds back to his banter. "So where do you want to do this thing?"

I look to Christian to answer her as if I had my way right now I would ask her to but her notebook and recorder away and just sit and gossip the morning away.

"I think the living room would be the most comfortable." Christian suggests. "That is unless you wanted a tour of the playroom before it is torn down tomorrow." He offers her and I about fall off the chair.

Kate's eyeballs about pop out of her face in shock but she recovers quickly. "Actually, I would love that later if you don't mind." She gushes, "for personal reasons though, not the article."

Christian just shakes his head as Kate blushes. "I really don't want to know what you do with my brother, Kate." He tells her with his hand up.

"Actually, it has nothing to do with Elliot. I have been curious about BDSM for a while now. Ever since I discovered my friend here is into it and trust me, that was a shocking revelation because I always think of myself at the wild one while Ana is the innocent one. If she is into it maybe it might be something I would want to try in the future. Again, this conversation and any we might have before we sit down in the living room is all off record." Kate concludes.

I am completely numb. Kate is pouring out her deepest desires to Christian and while I don't mind it per se, it is a lot to process.

Christian shrugs and seems resigned. "I really didn't want to corrupt another young lady to the dark side of deviant sexual behavior but you seem to know what you want. Funny though, I didn't peg you the submissive type." He muses.

"You are right about that, if anything I would be the one in complete control." She concludes.

Christian looks to me for guidance. I think he is trying to feel me out before committing to anything. I smirk at him and he smiles before turning back to Kate. "In that case, come on. I will show you and if you want anything from the room you can keep it provided it can be used safely by a novice." He offers.

The three of us walk up the stairs to the Red Room, with me taking up the rear. The room is unlocked as it has been since Christian and I last used it a few days ago. Christian swings open the door and steps aside to allow Kate to go in first to give her the full effect and then we follow her in.

"Oh. My. God." Kate simply states as she walks in slowly drinking it all up. I marvel at how she is doing the same thing I did the first time I saw this room. She is walking around as if she is at a museum, stopping here and there when something catches her eye. "This room is just… beautiful." She gasps. "I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't… this. No wonder you got into this Ana."

I find my voice. "It is a beautiful room." I agree with her. "To be honest, I am a little sad about it being torn down but it needs to be done."

"Why does it need to be torn down?" Kate questions.

Christian is quick to answer her. "That story is one for the couch downstairs. But before we go, do you have any questions that I can answer about what any of this is?"

For the next twenty minutes I watch as Christian gives Kate a full access tour of his Playroom. I really would have thought I would have found this situation embarrassing but for some reason I am finding it just the opposite. I am completely comfortable sharing this world with Kate.

Finally, after Kate has claimed a few toys for herself after being assured they had never been used, we head back downstairs and into the living room. On the couch, on record and my nerves come back. Kate pulls out her recorder and opens her notebook to the page holding her many questions, clears her throat and begins.

"You have amassed such an empire. What is the secret to your success?" she directs the first one to Christian.

"Seriously?" he asks her with one eyebrow raised, clearly unimpressed.

She giggles. "No. That was just my ice breaker question." She takes a deep breath. "For so many years it was widely speculated that you were gay. Why were you content to let everyone believe that when you clearly aren't."

Christian smiles widely and begins talking. By the time we finish he had told Kate most everything. How he was ashamed of participating in BDSM after being introduced to it by a pedophile. How he was groomed and how a family friend managed to control and manipulate him until recently. How he was adopted into the Grey family and how lucky he was to fully understand that he is loved and is lovable. He explained how he contracted with different woman with the same proclivities he had and even how the tapes were made public. He also explained that while we had a relationship previously, it had always been different from the others. I got to explain that Christian is nothing like how the media tried to make him out to be. That he was a sweet, generous, and truly a caring man and that how someone enjoys sex shouldn't define what kind of person they are.

Wrapping things up, Kate threw the last question to me. "Ana, if you had to describe your relationship right now, what would you say?"

"It is wonderful. We are trying to figure things out as we go, but we are doing that together." I conclude.

Christian smiles at me and gives me a soft kiss on the cheek. "Together." He agrees.

I let out a big sigh of relief as soon as Kate turns off the recorder and closes her notebook. While I won't be able to completely relax until I read the article myself, Christian was right. All that anxiety and the interview was a piece of cake.

Kate sits back and finally relaxes into the cushions of the couch. "Welp. I figure I should be able to get the article written and to you in the next couple of days. I do want you to pass it on to your lawyer because I don't want to include anything that might harm the case of that bitch. She needs to be put away for good!" she declares.

"I completely agree." I second while Christian gives her a thumbs up. I didn't think about any of that while we were talking earlier but she is absolutely right.

"And Christian. I am so sorry that all that happened to you. The bright side is that it looks like your future is going to be filled with happiness from here on out." Kate adds.

Christian stands up, obviously a little uncomfortable. "Thank you Kate. While I don't really like to dwell on being a victim of abuse I do appreciate it." He says sincerely and then adds, "Ana here is my future and hopefully I can provide her with as much happiness as she has given me. Now, how have things been going with my brother?"

Kate looks a little wistfully. "Right now, things are pretty good. I'm not sure it will be a long term thing though."

I frown. I know from talking with her yesterday how she is feeling and seeing her hurt like this actually hurts me.

Christian gives her a little smirk. "Elliot would probably kill me for telling you this but I am going to anyway. But if you tell him I said it I will deny it until my last breath. I have never seen him act the way he did yesterday with any other woman before. He is absolutely smitten with you. While we were playing volleyball he kept asking me if you were looking at him. I know my brother has a reputation and for the most part it was well earned about ten years ago but not so much recently. Just be patient with him Kate." He implores her as he fights to make his brothers case.

"I will do my best." Kate promises. "But if it is alright with you, I am going to get going. Elliot is waiting on me downstairs.

I get up and give her a big hug good bye. "Don't worry Steele, I got your back." She whispers softly so only I can hear her before giving Christian a brief hug.

As soon as the elevator door closes I turn around to Christian. "A tour of the Playroom, seriously?" I ask him sarcastically.

He just shrugs and smiles. "I really didn't think she would take me up on it." He pleads.

I smile back at him. "It is okay. I am not sure how Elliot is going to feel about it when she shows up baring handcuffs and feathers."

Christian picks up a soft pillow and tosses it in my direction. "Ouch! My eyes! My mind! I do not need that mental picture." He shouts.

"Next time you will think things all the way through, won't you?" I deadpan.

He nods. "Yes, I will. Would you please give me Ray's number? I want to call him and invite him over personally." He asks me seriously. "I would like to meet him and from the sounds of things, we have a lot in common."

I roll my eyes at him. "Do you want to invite him over tonight so you can give him a tour of the Playroom too?"

"Of course not!" he hisses. "But I would like you to spend some time with your family. I want to make sure that you don't get to isolated. It is easy to do up here in the clouds."

He isn't wrong. When people look like ants when you look down at the street and you have people that fulfill your every want and need it is very easy to get caught up in your very own little world. I pull out my phone and send him my dad's number.

We cuddle together on the couch and he surprises me when he picks up the remote and turns on the television. We mindlessly watch an episode of Green Acres. I used to love watching this show when I was little. This is the first time we have ever sat together and watched tv and it just feels so right. I nudge into him a little and wraps a strong arm around me. I look up at his handsome face and smile to myself. All mine.

Before another episode begins Taylor walks in with a very serious expression on his face and sits down on the loveseat. "Sir, Ana. I just received word that Elena Lincoln was seriously injured in the jail she was being housed in. She is currently at Seattle General receiving treatment for those injuries. She is expected to survive however I have sent security to watch all exits to ensure she doesn't try to slip out. I thought you would like to be informed."

"What happened?" I ask, curious. Elena is scum but still, I can't help but wonder.

"Typical jailhouse fight from what I have been told. Pedophiles aren't thought of highly. Even criminals have morals." Taylor explains gruffly.

Christian doesn't react quickly. "Well, whatever happened I hope that they managed to leave some scars." He finally says. "Thank you Taylor. Any idea how long she will be in the hospital for?"

My informant said he would estimate it to be a few days to a week. She has quite a few broken bones but none of those were major. Her wrist was shattered so they would have done surgery to set it. She needed over a hundred stitches, mostly to her face. I think she will definitely be permanently scarred." Taylor said looking impressed himself. "Couldn't have happened to a more deserving person if you asked me. I am a little sad the guards broke it up before they could finish her off."

I wrack my brain trying to think if anyone else needs to be updated but Christian is a step ahead of me.

"Does my father know?" he asks.

Taylor nods. "Sawyer is on the phone with him now updating him on the situation. Your mother will also receive protection when she is on the premises." He adds.

Christian seems satisfied with the update. "Thank you Taylor. As usual you are doing a fantastic job."

Taylor gives Christian a strange look clearly unaccustomed to receiving compliments about his job performance from his boss.

We both watch Taylor leave before resuming our positions in front of the television.

"You know, you really should praise your staff more Christian. They shouldn't look like they've just seen a ghost when you do." I lightly chastise him.

"Don't worry baby, I praise them all the time. It just usually in the form of a bonus in their checks." He explains. "I don't think they have ever complained about that."

I laugh. I bet they don't complain about finding extra money. "You could do both, you know."

"I'm trying. I promise. You have made me a better man."


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Ask and you shall receive. I didn't plan on writing out Kate's article but some of you asked me to in the reviews so I did. That said, I am not a journalist so please cut me some slack if you hate it please.**

Chapter 31

True to her word, Kate sent us her rough draft to preview first thing this morning. Christian woke me up and brought me to his office so we could read it together which was really sweet of him. I laugh when I read her email to us warning us that it was a very rough draft and everything was on the table in regards to changes. She even instructed me to do my thing which I assume means put on my editor's hat and make notes.

 **Christian Grey; The Man Behind Closed Doors**

 **By: Katherine Kavanaugh**

 **Christian Grey is a legend here in Seattle. From a distance, it looks like he has it all; good looks, a privileged upbringing, a successful company he started from the ground up, and billions of dollars in his bank account. He is a notoriously private person and despite all the measures he takes to ensure that privacy, videos of him engaging in graphic sexual behaviors were released to the press. The media has speculated that the woman in those video clips was Anastasia Steele, the only woman he has been photographed with outside of his family or close business associates. She is not the woman who was recorded in the video. I had the great privilege to sit down with both Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele to set the record straight. There was no question deemed too personal to answer, nothing was off the table.**

 **I arrived a few minutes prior to our scheduled interview time and was met with the opulence one would expect to find in a billionaires residence. The view from his penthouse can only be described as breathtaking. I found the couple to be very cheerful and upbeat, just having finished breakfast. Christian immediately offered me a tour which I accepted and I will tell you that I find his taste to be exquisite. The art pieces that adorn his walls are very beautiful and he confided that he only buys from local unknown artists in an effort to put money back into Seattle's art community.**

 **Upon completion of the tour, we made ourselves comfortable in the living room to begin the interview. My first question was probably one some of you have asked yourself recently. It is no secret that it was widely speculated that Christian Grey was a gay man so I asked him why he was content to let the public believe that when it clearly wasn't the truth. He told me to answer my question, he had to start at the beginning.**

 **While it is public information that Christian Grey was adopted by Carrick and Grace Grey at the tender age of four, the details of that adoption were previously unknown. The full story is best told using Christian Grey's own words. "My birth mother was a drug addict and a prostitute. From the records, she was a young teenager when she had me and was very ill equipped to deal with a baby. I don't have very many memories of this time of my life but the ones I do have follow me into my nightmares. She was neglectful at best but her pimp would be best described as abusive. It was as if I was a human punching bag, if he heard me he would beat me, sometimes breaking bones that were then left untreated. Sometimes he would burn me. He liked to put out his cigarettes on my back and chest. I spent most of this time in agonizing pain and associated humans with that pain. From that I developed haphephobia, the fear of being touched. When I was four, my birthmother overdosed. I will never know if it was accidental or intentional but either way, I am incredibly grateful now as an adult because it got me out of that environment. It just took four days. For four days I was left with my birth mothers cold, dead, decomposing body. We never had food in the house and I was used to being hungry. I did find a few frozen peas that must have fallen out of the bag at some point. I remember pulling a chair from another room so that I could climb into the freezer to retrieve them. I even put a few peas in her mouth thinking she would come back if she just ate something. Anyhow, on the fourth day someone made an anonymous tip to emergency services and the police and paramedics came and that is where I met my mother, Grace Grey. She was the emergency pediatrician on duty that evening. "**

 **Carrick and Grace Trevelyan Grey are well respected leaders in their field here in Seattle and also in Detroit where they previously resided. Mr. Carrick Grey is known as one of the top business attorneys in the state and Dr. Grace Trevelyan Grey is Chairwoman of Pediatrics at Seattle Grace Hospital. They were unable to conceive children of their own and are the parents of three children adopted under wildly different circumstances. Christian clearly has deep affection for his parents and siblings when he opened up about what it was like growing up as a Grey. When asked about his parents he said, "I was the one who had come to them from the most difficult circumstances and I required a lot of patience and understanding and they did their best to make me feel loved and respected. I didn't make it easy for them and in hindsight I really do regret my behavior but they are truly fantastic parents. I won't the jackpot when they agreed to adopt me." He also has an older brother, Elliot, and younger sister, Mia, who he describes as his best friends and the people that he always knows he can rely on.**

 **Christian Grey, a badly behaved adolescent? It is hard to believe when you see the very polished business man posing for pictures but he informed me that he was expelled from four different schools for fighting. He did explain his haphephobia was mostly to blame. "When anyone touched me at that point in my life, I lashed out with my fist. I was also very angry so it was easy to make me fly off the handle. I wasn't yet able to pair my emotions with my words so it was challenge for everyone involved."**

 **That challenge unfortunately made him an easy target for a pedophile. Pedophiles don't just lurk around playgrounds and shopping malls; they can often be found in the circle of close family friends. In the case of Christian Grey, that is exactly where danger was. Christian began to talk about the second time in his life where he was exploited. It is well documented that pedophiles are known to groom their subjects in advance so I asked him about that. "Grooming is a very interesting thing. When done well, you don't realize it is happening at all. In my case, she didn't groom me nearly as much as she groomed my mother. It isn't my mother's fault at all and I don't want anyone to think that it is. It isn't unusual for a friend to ask you about how your son is doing, especially when he is getting in as much trouble as I was. I had just been expelled from my fourth school and taken up drinking to numb my pain. At fifteen I was really interested in girls but I was too scared to be touched by anyone. I was in a sorry state of hormonal frustration. An easy target. So when she suggested that physical labor would be good for me, my parents agreed. It just so happened that the rocks that needed to be moved were at her house."**

 **Serving his punishment, Christian tells me that he moved rocks every day for a week without incident. Talking aloud he suspects it was because her husband was home with the flu that week. It was the second week that she served him lemonade in clothes that were several sizes too small causing her breasts to practically spill out of her top. Christian claims he did what any other fifteen year old boy would do, look. "And when I looked she slapped me across the face, hard. Before I recovered from the shock she kissed me, only touching me with her lips. She knew about my haphephobia so she told me if I came back the following day she would show me how I could have sex without being touched. I did and that is where I was introduced to the world of BDSM. She became my dominant for the six years following that and I thought I was happy. She followed through with my mother and punished me any time I got into the slightest trouble. Of course I didn't like it so I quickly straightened up and became a polite, well mannered young man who took school so seriously that I was able to get accepted into Harvard. My parents associate my behavior change with hard work so they were happy to keep letting me go to her house unaware that all the new projects she said I completed were actually done by hired hands."**

 **As the videos attest, clearly Christian Grey was not acting as a submissive so I asked him when that changed. He explained that by twenty one he was no longer satisfied being controlled and took steps into his own hands to change roles thus becoming a dominant. He claimed that the most damage wasn't done to him sexually but rather mentally. "She convinced me that I was unlovable. That my birth mother didn't love me or she would have taken better care of me and been the mother I deserved. She told me that Grace only took me in because she felt sorry for me, not because she felt actual love. She would often remind me that she gave me a choice whether to accept sexual favor from her so she was not abusing me. I have only recently learned to accept that none of this was my fault and that she was wrong."**

 **He looks very lovingly at the beautiful woman holding his hand. Anastasia Steel. I asked Anastasia about her role in Christian's healing. "Christian is a very strong man. It takes a lot to admit that you were abused, especially when the abuser has been able to convince you that she was helping you for so many years. I've known Christian for a couple of years now and I am proud of how far he has come."**

 **Anyone who has watched the videos has seen Christian standing over a woman's figure, brandishing a whip and looking very menacing. It was probably a shock to anyone who does not practice BDSM to see Seattle's Golden Boy in such a raw manner. I pressed him to explain how he managed to keep his relationships secrets. "Part of what my abuser convinced me over the many years she has been in my life, which has been up until about a month ago is that the BDSM lifestyle would not be understood by anyone outside of those who practice it. In reality, I think that everyone has parts of their private life that are kept private for a reason. There is a reason that we have sex behind closed doors and I would almost being willing to bet most people have a kink or fetish that they would be embarrassed about if others knew. In fact, my abuser was the one who found my sexual partners for me so that I didn't have to find them myself. While that might sound odd, I didn't think I could just have sex with just anyone. BDSM offered both parties a chance to set limits. And of course one of those limits for me always was no touching. I had to be the dominant so I could be in complete control of that one little thing. The other was to have them sign a nondisclosure agreement which is normal among high profile people like myself. It was pretty easy to keep that part of me hidden because I have done it for so long."**

 **Despite everything Christian did to ensure his sexual life remain private, someone somehow got their hands on some very intimate footage. I questioned Christian on whether or not he has figured out who that person was and why they did it. He confirmed that he does indeed know the answer to both of those questions. That evidence has been handed over to authorities and charges have been filed. Perhaps we will know at a later date if this person is brought to trial.**

 **So who was that woman in the video? Of course Christian declines to provide her name however they both agree it was not Anastasia Steele. When the first picture of Christian and Anastasia at the Bay Marina was released a few years ago, the internet was strained with predictions that Seattle's most eligible bachelor was off the market but GEH quickly issued a statement informing the public that they were just acquaintances. What do they have to say about that picture now? Anastasia explains that Christian took her sailing on his yacht, The Grace, to celebrate her landing her dream job in publishing in another state. She insists they were not in a relationship at that time. Christian agrees, "No, it isn't that I didn't want to be in a relationship with Anastasia but at that time in my life, I didn't know how." They have confirmed they are in a relationship now.**

 **"The irony is that the publicity those leaked tapes created brought out Christian's protective side. He knew I was being harassed by journalist at home and at work so he had me brought back to Seattle so provide a little insolation. After we talked about it we quickly realized we were falling in love." Anastasia gushes. Anastasia and Christian make a very sweet couple who are very supportive and protective of each other. But do they practice BDSM? Anastasia laughed when I asked. "I don't know how to answer that. I guess I will say that we are working on figuring each other out."**

 **Christian is a quiet philanthropist, giving away millions each year to many different causes both locally and globally. Many of the causes he supports are close to his heart. He sends ships loaded with food to areas throughout the world suffering from food shortages, he supports charities helping children born to drug addicted parents. He supports organizations that help victims of abuse. All of those can be traced back to his own experiences. While the future is bright for both Christian Grey and GEH, he always remembers the road he travelled to get to the top.**

Since I read words for a living, I am finished long before Christian is. He reads numbers so he is used to being slow and methodical and as I watch him from the side, his eyes tell me he is doing that here. There are a few changes that I would like to see made but overall I am really pleased with Kate's work. I am not in there too much which I really like but it definitely confirm our relationship. I probably should call my mother later to warn her. She really pissed me off when she spoke to the reporters that knocked on her door before she knew what was going on when the tapes initially dropped. Come to think of it, I haven't spoken to her since.

"I like it." Christian declares as soon as he is finished. "I notice she added a little bit about my family though so I need to clear it with them. She also left out Elena's name. It's probably for the best, the world will find out who she is soon enough. Hell, with a little digging any reporter worth their grain of salt will be able to deduce who she is." He says making a display of closing the lid of his laptop.

I lean over and give him a big kiss. "Should I give her a call? There were a few things I want her to change." I tell him looking down at the notes I made. Noticing his curious expression I answer his unasked question. "Nothing major. I just noticed a few errors and I think there are a couple sentences that could be reworded that would read a little better."

He nods and kisses me on my nose. "I trust you. But let's wait, she sent this at 4:30 this morning. Elliot texted me to tell me she worked on it all night. I'll text him to tell me when she is up and ready to talk." He says standing up and offering me his hand.

"Wait, Elliot is still there?" I ask, delighted for my friend. "Kate is so worried that this is just a fling. I think she really likes him." I tell him hoping I am not breaking her confidence. I mean when you are in a relationship you can voice these things with each other, right. And she did mention it to Christian yesterday I remember, relaxing a little.

As we head into the kitchen he looks back and smirks. "That is good because Elliot really likes her a lot too. He is already talking about ring shopping."

"What?" I yell making poor Gail jump a little bit. "Sorry." I tell her shrugging my shoulders before redirecting my conversation back towards Christian. "A ring? Already?" That just might be moving too fast.

He grins at me. "Well when you know you've found your woman, you know."

I sit down as Gail places a plate with pancakes and hashbrowns in front of me. I am kind of stunned. I haven't really thought about marrying Christian because we haven't been together that long but when I think of my future, it does include him and sometimes even future children. Do I know I have found my man?

"Do you want to have children?" I blurt out. Christian drops his fork and even Gail momentarily freezes before continuing loading the dishwasher. I am not naïve enough to think she doesn't listen to our conversations but if I was ever wondering, now I have confirmation.

He looks contemplative for a minute. "One day I can see having children. Not now but possibly in the future. Do you?"

I nod. "Absolutely. But like you, in the future. Maybe four or five." I tell him and his eyes bug out. "I am an only child. I was so lonely, I don't want that for my child." I explain. While I won't deny there are definitely benefits to being an only child I always longed for a sibling or two. Seeing the Greys and how close they are reminds me of that longing. When my parents die there will only be me left and that makes me sad.

"Noted." Christian states before picking his fork back up. "Just so this doesn't come as a shock later, Ray and Melissa are coming over tonight." He adds nonchalantly.

I can't explain how happy that makes me. I haven't seen Ray in a long time. I'm not sure about this Melissa lady but I will do my best not to be the spoiled brat daughter. Unlike my mother, Ray hasn't been a revolving door of relationships so this is new to me. I am actually a little nervous. At least the playroom is being torn down today so Christian can't mortify me with giving my dad a tour of the place.

Like clockwork, the men tasked with that very thing arrive and are escorted by Taylor to begin their work. Christian and I went through and removed everything we wanted to keep and brought it down to our bedroom last night. It was actually bittersweet and we reminisced about the time we had shared in there together.

Christian finishes his breakfast and gives me a kiss goodbye. Taylor stands and waits to whisk him off to work and I set off to call my mother.

Taking a deep breath, I dial her number. It is early here but since she is in Georgia it should be a decent time to catch her. On the third ring she finally picks up.

"Hi Mom." I greet her

"Anastasia dear, how nice of you to call me. I was wondering if you had fallen off the planet." She chastises me

"Of course not. I wanted to give you heads up about something before you find out about it in the media again." I tell her honestly.

I hear her sigh. "You are going to be in the news again? Is it going to embarrass me?" Par for the course. I love my mother but she has a way to make everything about her.

"Hopefully not. It might. Who knows. I am dating Christian Grey. We did an interview with Kate and he explained everything." I tell her ripping the band-aid off in one swipe.

She doesn't say anything. Radio silence. "Hello?" I ask wondering if the call got dropped or something.

"I'm here Anastasia Rose Steele." Oh, the full name treatment. "If you think for one second that I am okay with a man who is a known woman beater you have another thing coming." She hisses.

It infurates me. She, the woman who left my Daddy for husband #3 has the nerve to tell me anything about what kind of man I can be with. She is not known for her judge of character. "Number one, BDSM is practiced amongst consenting adults. Both have the power to stop anything they don't like. Number two, no one said he is beating me nor would I allow it. Number three, all you know is what you saw from a short video clip. Read the damn article and you will understand that. Better yet, come to Seattle and meet the man yourself." I yell, not being able to help myself. I want her to understand and to support me and my decisions as an adult.

"Anastasia, you know I just want what is best for you." She says in a super sweet, phony voice.

"I hope so mom but you need to let me determine that. Christian is in my life. You are making a judgement based on a few seconds of his life. Dad is coming tonight to me him." I add knowing that will drive her nuts. She left Ray but when it comes to me she sees everything as a competition of who do I love more.

"Oh really? I find it hard to believe that Ray will be supportive." My mother laughs.

"Actually he is supportive and I get to meet his girlfriend tonight too." Yeah, I am being a bitch. I know I am being a bitch but I just can't stop myself. I feel like my eleven year old self again right before I got my period for the first time.

My mother is momentarily stunned, again. "Ray has a girlfriend? What is she like?"

"Didn't I just say I was meeting her later? I don't know yet. But I am looking forward to meeting her." It is time to change the subject. I am pretty sure I just rocked my mother's world with that little bit of news. I know she still talks to Dad so he must not have dropped that little nugget. "So what have you been up to lately?"

An hour later, my ear is on fire. I've heard all about her friends at the country club where Bob likes to golf, he venture into jewelry making, and how hard it is to keep white furniture clean. Finally we hang up and I open my laptop to write a little more on my story until Christian comes home.

Despite all the knocking and banging of the Red Room getting dismantled I quickly get into my zone and before I know it, Christian comes walking in with my dad and a woman who looks to be about ten years younger than him. She looks very nervous and is biting her nails. I pray my dad isn't into 24/7 total power control but she is pretty timid and not at all what I was expecting. I am not sure what I was expecting but a petite tiny blond wasn't it. I rush over and give my dad a hug and introduce myself to Melissa before kissing my beautiful man.

"I was thinking that tonight would be a great night to go out seeing as your dad is here." Christian tells me. He must have told Gail not to cook because I don't smell anything coming out of the kitchen and at this hour that is unusual.

I agree. "That is a great idea!"

Christian walks over to the bar and offers everyone a drink. I take a glass of wine while the others opt for the harder stuff and we sit down to get acquainted.

Much to my relief, Christian and my dad immediately bond over fishing and baseball which leaves me time to get to know Melissa. Thankfully she is more relaxed after her drink and it turns out she is lovely. I really like her. She is in her late forties and met my dad while fishing with her son. They have been dating for about six months but she confides it has only been getting more serious over the past two month and she really likes him. She is quite funny and has made me laugh more than once causing the men to turn to look at us.

"I really like her, Dad." I say genuinely and he look relieved. I am sure he was just as worried about this introduction as I was.

Gail comes into the room dressed up and I whistle. She looks gorgeous tonight and while I have seen her out of her usual clothes on a few occasions it is still jarring. Not cooking dinner really agrees with her. "Date night tonight?" I ask.

"You could say that." She says giving me a big smile. "Mr. Grey invited us to come to dinner at the club tonight."

I smile at him. I really love how thoughtful Christian can be. He winks at me and doesn't miss a beat in the conversation he is having with my dad.

As soon as Taylor appears, Christian herds us all downstairs to the garage and off to the Mile High Club. I just love eating there. Everything is always so good. Christian informs us that we aren't eating in the private dining room tonight because it has already been reserved but there are two tables waiting for us. One for Gail and Taylor and the other for the rest of us.

We enter the Mile High Club and I immediately spot Kate and Elliot dining at a table for two near the window. I make a beeline for them and give Kate a huge hug. "That article was fantastic! I do have a few notes for you but that shouldn't surprise you. Nothing major." I tell her and she looks relieved.

Christian introduces his brother to my dad and Melissa and we leave them to finish their meal in peace. Kate looks very relaxed and confident so I am hoping she is feeling better about her budding relationship.

I am in the mood for steak tonight so I order what I want. Christian decides on the lobster while my dad and Melissa look a little uncomfortable. "Are you okay?" I whisper to Melissa who is sitting beside me.

"There are no prices on this menu." She whispers back.

Ah. That makes sense. My dad does okay for himself but he is more in the Outback Steakhouse budget. I nod my understanding and speak up so they both can hear. "Dinner is on us, please order whatever you like. This guy here owns the place."

My dad, ever the gentleman and very prideful looks up. "Thank you but you don't have to do that. I know you are a man of means Christian but we don't want to take advantage of you."

Christian smiles at my dad. "I appreciate that Ray but would it make you feel better if I tell you that I never get the bill. The only place I will see the hit is in my bottom line and even then, it's minimal. Truly, eat whatever you would like."

After the waiter comes and finally gets their order I smile over at Christian knowing my dad just gained even more of his respect.

My dad asks Christian about his business and while Christian normally shirks away from that conversation, Christian patiently explains what he does and how it works. Melissa and I talk about books and movies.

As dinner is being served, Carrick and Grace come by. "Hello Christian, I didn't expect to see you tonight. Lovely to see you too Ana." Grace says smiling. I am pleased to introduce them to my dad and Melissa.

With promises of talking soon they go and get seated at their table which happens to be by Taylor and Gail. Those two are so cute tonight. Taylor is so loving towards her which is so unlike the usual gruff and to the point man I know.

As our dinner plates are being taken away, Mia and a young man who I think was at the Elliot's party appear. This place is hopping with Grey's tonight. Christian calls Mia over and does the introductions. Mia recommends the cheesecake for dessert and stops by her parents table on her way to her own.

"I don't think I can do dessert." Melissa exclaims rubbing her stomach. "I can't remember the last time I have eaten so much!"

Christian looks pleased with himself. If there is one thing I know about him is that he loves it is feeding people. In his world, a full stomach is happiness. And truthfully, I love that about him.

After ordering desserts for the table, Christian stands and stretches. He picks up his wine glass and hits it lightly with a fork to catch everyone's attention. I don't know what he has to say to the entire restaurant. Of course, it quickly quiets down once they realize who it is.

I watch in shock as he comes around the table and gets down on one knee in front of me. Oh. My. God. He is actually doing this. My body immediately starts shaking as I fully grasp what is going on. I spot his grandparents in the corner and Ros, his second in command is here with her girlfriend. I even see John Flynn and Judith.

"Anastasia Rose Steele. When you find the woman you are supposed to spend eternity with you know it almost immediately. When I picture growing old, I see you by my side. I can't be who I am without you. I spend my waking hours wanting to make you happy and my sleeping hours content because you are in my arms. You make me a better man. Would you please do me the honor and marry me?" He opens a box and inside is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen. I am stunned.

With tears running down my face, I give him my left hand so he can slide the ring on my finger. "Yes, Christian. I will marry you."

He stands and gives me the biggest kiss right there in the middle of restaurant. I kiss him back with everything I have. Breaking apart he whispers to me, "I can't wait to make you a Grey."

The head waiter opens the door to the private room and inside there is champagne and desserts of all kinds ready to celebrate our engagement.

Christian stops on our way in and yells, "Hey Kate, there needs to be a technical change made to that article. Maybe even an addition."

"I'm on it." Kate hollers back.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: On with the story. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to write a review. I appreciate each and every one of them. If there are any lose ends that you feel I have forgotten to tie up, please let me know. Unfortunately, I have been reading other stories and I might have forgotten something. When I started this, I stopped reading for this reason but I missed it. There is a lot of good ones out there so thank you for reading mine. As usual, all errors are mine. I really stink at editing myself until much later. I read what I intended to write and just miss them. Then I go back and read and cringe. Maybe someday I will figure out how to correct them.**

Chapter 32

I can't stop looking down to admire the ring that sits newly adorns my left ring finger. It is simply stunning and thankfully, not huge. Christian must have exercised some serious restraint and truly thought of me. The ring is a white gold band that is twisted so that it appears each of the three diamonds is a rose. There are two smaller diamonds and then a larger one in the center. I've never seen anything like it before.

Kate comes up to me with her arms out and a knowing smile. "Congratulations," she tells me pulling me close to her. "I can't believe you are getting married!"

Truth be told, neither can I. We hadn't really talked about marriage yet, though I hoped that this would happen one day. I just didn't expect it to come so soon. Or for Christian to pull off a complete surprise. "I can't believe it either. I hope that you will be my maid of honor." I ask Kate and she beams at me.

"Of course I will. Tomorrow we can start the wedding planning. It is going to be so much fun!" she gushes.

Wedding planning. Ugh. I am definitely going to need her help. Like most little girls, I have envisioned my future wedding but now that I am older, I haven't given it much thought. I don't even know what kind of wedding Christian would want.

Seeing my face and sensing that I am overwhelmed already Kate pats me on the shoulder. "Don't worry Steele. I have your back. Should we invite Mia and Grace and maybe do brunch. At very least we can get a sense of what you want and then figure out how to make that happen?"

Christian must have overheard her because he steps to my side and answers for me. "That is a great idea. I'll ask Gail to set up for brunch tomorrow. Bring Elliot. I don't want to be the only man there." He jokes as Carrick makes his way over to us.

"Only man where?" Carrick asks looking amused as he goes in to give me a hug.

"Brunch tomorrow. Why don't you come too so that you aren't the only member of your family not at Christian's place. We are evidently going to start planning a wedding." I inform him looking horrified.

Carrick laughs at me. "I am always up for a good meal but I don't know that I am much of a wedding planner. The only part I had in my own wedding was showing up at the right place at the right time on the right day."

I believe him. "In that case, you are in good company because I am not much of a wedding planner either." I tell him sincerely. "I am going to go find Grace and Mia to invite them so please excuse me."

I leave him as he shakes Christian's hand and go off in search of Grace and Mia. I can barely take a step before someone else offers their congratulations but after many detours I finally find them talking together by the dessert table. Grace has tears in her eyes and Mia is comforting her.

"They are happy tears. Don't worry about me Mia. I just never thought I would see this day." Grace tries to reassure her daughter.

"Ana is so nice. I am glad she is going to be my sister-in-law." Mia gushes.

I feel a little uncomfortable overhearing them talking about me so I move as quickly as I can so they can see me approaching. I am glad they find this a joyous occasion though, it would be so much worse if they didn't approve.

Grace spots me and opens her arms to me as her tears turn into a full on waterworks. "Ana, my dear girl." She sobs, wetting my blouse.

I just hold her an rock her until she calms down a little which doesn't take long. I am thankful we are in a dark corner and out of the way so this isn't a huge spectacle. Mia goes to leave and I grab her arm to stop her. "Hold on a second. I have something I want to ask you both." Grace pulls away and waits for me to continue. "Tomorrow we are having a brunch at Christian's to start the wedding planning. Kate's idea. I would love it if you both would come."

Mia shrieks and jumps up and down, unable to contain her glee. Grace breaks down again. "Ana, you are such a sweet girl. Thank you for including us." She manages to get out.

Mia looks at me lost, unsure what to do with her mother. "I think someone has had too much excitement for one day but we will be there."

Before we leave the Mile High Club, we manage to talk to everyone in attendance and were showered with well wishes. Ray and Melissa were the funniest as Melissa recounts how difficult it was for my dad to sit through dinner knowing what was about to happen and not spoil it. It turns out, Christian had called Ray yesterday to ask for my hand and was told that he had his blessing but not his permission. That permission to marry me belonged to me and me alone. I smiled at that because that is so my dad.

To allow Taylor to participate in tonights festivities and have a drink, Sullivan is on chauffer duty. The six of us climbed into the SUV and Sullivan decided to put on a show. He bowed before each one of us as we got in. Mr. Taylor, Mrs. Taylor, Mr. Steele, Ms. Wesley, Mr. Grey, future Mrs. Grey. Future Mrs. Grey. As fun as tonight has been hearing that for the first time hit me like a ton of rocks. I am going to become Mrs. Grey. Christian is all smiles, of course and upon hearing that reaches over and kisses me on the cheek.

"I like the sound of that." He whispers.

Sullivan hops into the drivers seat and looks back at us. "Where are y'all folks heading tonight?" he asks and chuckles at his own joke.

Taylor growls. "Home. As fast as you can make it if you still want a job." I look back and see Taylor and Gail squished into the third row. No wonder he is a little grumpy. That and it is probably the one and only time he will ever sit there.

Sullivan had us home in record time. Once we showed my dad and Melissa to the guest room and see to it that they are comfortable, Christian and I walk hand in hand to the bedroom. He has my left hand and keeps fingering the ring he put on my finger just a few hours ago.

As soon as the door closes I jump up onto him, wrapping my legs around him. He brings his lips down onto mine and I kiss him passionately. Our tongues slowly exploring each other. As soon as we break apart I trail kisses down his face onto his neck as he moans his pleasure as his hand rubs my backside.

I put my legs back on the ground so that I can undo the buttons on his shirt and I kiss his newly exposed skin slowly sinking to my knees. I carefully undo his belt and pants and slide them down. He is fully aroused and ready for my ministrations. I take his engorged member into my mouth, stroking him with my tongue as my hand massages his balls. "Ana" he groans out. "it feels so damn good." I look up at him and he is rolling his head back, riding the waves of pleasure. I take him deeper with each pass until he his moaning with each stroke. He places his hand on my head trying to make me suck him faster but I stop.

"No, no." I tease him before putting him back into my mouth. He cries out in frustration. I take my nails and lightly scrape up and down his thighs and his entire body shakes.

"I am about to come." He warns me and I shake my head. I didn't give him permission to come. He looks down at me pleading with his eyes, but understanding that tonight, I am in control of his pleasure. I run my nails up the back of his legs all the way up to his tight, toned ass. His knees buckle a little and he screams. He is so close. I am not ready for this to be over yet so I release him and his disappointment is written all over his face. I know he needs a few seconds to compose himself.

"Go lie down on the bed, face down." I order him in my Dom voice.

He complies quickly, without question. "Good Boy." I praise as I mount myself on top of his ass. I take my time massaging his back, kneading him and caring for his tired muscles. Occasionally, I give into temptation and rock myself back and forth, giving myself the friction I desire. When I finish with his back I turn around and knead his ass, occasionally spreading his cheeks and enjoying the scent of his musk. As I massage his legs and feet he starts panting.

"Roll over." I demand, no longer being able to hold back. I climb off of him and disrobe before reaching in the drawer and pulling out the nipple clamps I rescued from the playroom. He is going to look gorgeous wearing these. He watches me carefully and I can tell by his eyes he approves.

"You may touch yourself, but you can not come yet. If you want me to stop, I will." I tell him as I kneel beside him.

"Yes Anastasia." He croaks as I take his nipples into my fingers and lightly pinch them. After I have kissed, licked, and lightly nipped them all to Christian's loud approval I take them one by one and attach the clamp. Christian hisses through it before smiling up at me with so much love I am overwhelmed. I watch him for a second as he slowly strokes his cock. He looks so beautiful with the clamps on, pleasuring himself. I start to feel wetness on the heel that I am sitting on as I get even more turned on.

Finally moving into position over him, I place him at my opening and painstaking slowing ease him into me. Christian's eyes roll back as I reach the base and start riding him. He matches me stroke for stroke and every know and again I flick his nipple clamps causing him to scream my name. As soon as I real that my own release is close I tell him that he can come when he is ready. As soon as I detonate into my own powerful orgasm I feel him start to twitch. Through my haze I reach up and unclamp his reddening nipples and he screams out his release. I lightly blow on them to ease the pain as his powerful screams become light pants.

Yearning to become closer to him I bring my mouth to his and he wraps his arms around me and holds me tightly to him as we make out like a couple of teenagers.

"I love you so damn much Ana." He whispers before kissing me again. "I can't believe you are mine forever." He tells me with as much sincerity as he can muster when we finally break apart.

"I love you. You really surprised me tonight. I had no idea you were even considering marrying me." I confess.

He looks at me with a sad look. "I should have done it a long time ago."

We fall asleep entwined in each others arms.

The next morning, I wake up early. Christian went to attend a couple of meeting at work that he didn't want to put off. He will be home in time for the brunch later this morning but he may have to go back after. Ray has always been an early riser so I actually get up and out of bed before the sun fully rises in the sky.

Gail put out a small continental breakfast and some coffee and tea to hold us over until brunch. She is busy in the kitchen making her magic happen. I offer to help and for the first time, she accepts.

"I could use a hand until your father or Melissa comes down. Then I want you to visit with your family. If you promise to do that would you mind scrambling some eggs for me?" she asks.

I smile. I love to cook and for once Gail is willing to let me. After scrambling the eggs I get to dicing green peppers and onions. Tears are running down my face and I hear the elevator ding. I see Sullivan running from the office to collect whoever it is. It is barely 7:00 in the morning and we aren't expecting anyone until 11:00.

Sullivan comes back with Mia walking behind him. "Ms. Grey is here." He announces her and she just shakes her head.

"They know who I am." She exclaims, looking at the man like he has two heads.

"Good Morning Mia. Brunch isn't until 11:00, not that you aren't welcome." I tell her.

She giggles. "I know I am early but I came so that I can help. I brought a few recipes if it isn't stepping on your toes Gail."

Gail walks over to Mia and gives her a big hug. "You two ladies are a lifesaver today. I can use all the help I can get. Usually if I have something like this to prepare, I start the day before." She confesses and immediately puts Mia to work after the two of them sort out the menu.

I hear my dad and Melissa coming down the stairs so I leave my chopping station to greet them. "I hope you slept well." I ask as Melissa blushes. All the sudden a thought runs through my mind. What if they heard us last night? We certainly weren't quiet. They were in the farthest room in the house away from us though. I noticed that when Christian led the way to their room last night.

Ray was chipper than ever though. "Morning Annie. That has to be the most comfortable bed I have ever slept in." he remarks.

I show them to the light breakfast and they help themselves to muffins and tea. I excuse myself back to the kitchen under the pretense that I needed to finish chopping the onion I was working on knowing that Mia took over as soon as I left.

Gail is stirring a pot on the stove so I go to her and as quietly as I can ask her if she has ever heard Christian and I while we were in the bedroom. I could feel my face heat up under the embarrassment but if anyone would know the answer to my question it would be her.

She looks at me amused, "Why are you asking me that, dear. You know if I ever hear anything I would be discreet, right?"

Shifting from one leg to the other, I explain. "Melissa came downstairs blushing and my father is unusually cheerful this morning."

Gail looks at me, unsure if she should say anything. "I have only heard you two once and that was when I was cleaning his office. It shares a wall with your bedroom but it wasn't very loud. I left as soon as I realized what I was hearing. Assuming you are worried your father heard you last night, I would have to say unless he was outside your bedroom, it was unlikely. Perhaps Melissa was blushing because she was worried about the same thing you are."

Picturing my father having sex is not a welcome thought but it beats thinking he heard us last night. I look at Gail absolutely mortified. "Thank you for being honest with me, Gail. I didn't consider that. Sorry that you had to hear us, I will try to be more careful in the future." I tell her honestly.

"Nonsense. You two should be yourselves. It is just one of those things that come with the job. I promise you that it doesn't bother me a bit. I appreciate that you and Mr. Grey have a healthy relationship and having sex comes along with it. It is bound to happen from time to time. I will always be discreet." She says earnestly.

Mia comes over to check on her potatoes. "What are you two whispering about?" she questions looking unsure of herself.

Realizing that she is nervous we are whispering about her, especially since she came over unplanned Gail answers for us. "Ana was worried that we wouldn't have enough food to feed security. Sullivan and Taylor get cranky when they are hungry."

Mia looks relieved. Sullivan had been chatting her up while she was busy on the other side of the kitchen so she bought Gail's explanation hook, line, and sinker. "No worries about that Ana. Between me and Gail, we will have enough food to feed a small army."

"That sure is a relief." I tell her appreciatively. "I'm going to entertain my dad and his girlfriend. If you need me holler."

After being assured they won't need me, I return to my company who were just finishing up their tea. "Anything you want to do while you are here?" I ask realizing that I don't actually know how much longer they are going to be staying.

My dad puts his mug down. "You know, Melissa has never been to Seattle so I thought I would show her the sights later this afternoon. Christian told me that the Sullivan guy that drove us last night would be able to bring us around."

I look at Melissa in shock. "You've never been to Seattle?"

She shakes her head at me. I got the job in Montesano about a year ago but have been so busy I've barely had time to get out of the city limits to explore. I am actually from Fort Worth."

That explains a lot. I learn that they are staying one more day and then heading back. Melissa's son, Miles, is fourteen and visiting with his father in Texas this week on school holiday. Christian sent his helicopter for them yesterday afternoon and he picked them up on his way home. We talked a bit about home and fishing and I agreed to come home for a visit soon.

When Melissa got up to use the restroom, Ray looked at me seriously. "Annie, I am thinking hard about marrying her. What do you think about that? Nothing is definite yet but I would love your opinion."

I ponder it for a minute before I give him my answer. Melissa is a lovely woman and I like her a lot. While she is the first woman he introduced me to, she definitely isn't the first woman he has been with since my mother and the last thing I want is for him to be alone. The decision of what to say is easy when I remember what Melissa told me he said to Christian when he asked. "I give you my blessing Daddy." I tell him with a hug.

He doesn't answer but his big grin says it all. He is pleased that I will accept the new love in his life.

Before long, all of our guest arrive and Gail and Mia have performed miracles in the kitchen. Christian is the last to arrive and I greet him with a big kiss. Gail lines up all the food buffet style and we all fill our plates and bring them into the dining room. When Gail and Taylor try to escape I stop them.

"Please join us. I would appreciate your help in this too." Taylor looks like he would rather be anywhere else but Gail is delighted to stay.

Christian looks at me amused. Seeing Taylor looking so uncomfortable he assures him that he is there for logistical planning for security. Having a real job to do, Taylor nods and relaxes and takes a seat at the table.

As soon as everyone has sat down, Kate stands up. "We have a wedding to plan."


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: My illness equals your gain. Thanks to my inability to sleep or get comfortable last night I have a few chapters that I am going to upload today. Also, while I have been happily married for over 20 years, I have never planned a wedding. We went to the courthouse. There were no pictures, no party. Just two happy people who decided they rather by a house than a party. I say that to say, if I got this wrong please remember this is fiction. Happy reading. Well it won't all be happy reading... but this chapter is pretty safe.**

Chapter 33

Kate passes the bread basket to me and asks, "What timeframe do we have to put this wedding together?"

Christian and I exchange glances with one another. That is a good question. We haven't discussed it with each other yet. After last night's festivities we were too tired.

I am thankful when Christian answers for us. "The sooner the better. Whatever Anastasia wants is fine with me. I can hardly wait to make her Mrs. Grey."

I smile widely at him before turning my attention back towards Kate. "Why don't we discuss what kind of wedding first, then we can determine how long it will take to put it together. I personally don't want anything too large. Close friends and family I think. I would love something outdoors."

I laugh as I watch Kate write down outdoor wedding in her notepad. "Okay, so venues for an outdoor wedding. Something close, maybe on the water?" she suggests.

Grace pipes up. "I would love to host your wedding Ana. We could set up the backyard and it could be lovely. Taylor is used to dealing with security issues there, so it shouldn't be too out of the ordinary, right Taylor?"

Taylor looks up, just having put a fork full of potatoes into his mouth. He holds up one finger as he finishes chewing. "No, ma'am. Security would be able to use the standard protocol already in place if the wedding took place at your home." He answers truthfully.

Everyone is looking at me for an answer, but I am looking at Christian. I want this wedding to be something he is just as happy with as I am. "What do you think, Christian?"

Put on the spot, he looks a little uncomfortable. "I am happy to have the wedding anywhere you will be."

"Good answer, son. Get used to saying that and your life with be much easier." Carrick tells him while patting him on the back.

"Well then that settles it. If you are positive it won't be too much trouble, I would love to have the wedding in your backyard. The views are stunning, and it will make a beautiful venue. It helps that most people we will invite already are familiar with the area also."

Grace clasps her hands together excitedly. "I already work with two fantastic companies that handle rentals and catering. If you like, I could set up an appointment with the caterer to work up a menu for the reception and we can tour the backyard to talk about how you would like it set up."

Well, that was easy enough to bring Grace on board, I think to myself. I was a little concerned after her reaction to the news last night. "Color schemes. I really like the idea of the bridal party wearing gray or silver. I know with our last names being Steele and Grey it might be a little cliché, but I would really like to go with that."

"Hallelujah!" Elliot shouts causing all of us to look at him. I don't think anyone expected that much of a reaction out of him over picking wedding colors.

Elliot holds his hands up in exasperation. "What? I can't be excited I don't have to wear hot pink to my brother's wedding?" I giggle at the thought of Elliot in a hot pink tuxedo and half consider adding hot pink just for him. Lucky for him, pink is not my favorite color and especially not hot pink.

Kate writes in her journal the color I have chosen. "Should we talk about the bridal party before deciding on the other color or do you still want to talk about colors?"

I think about it for a second. The bridal party is going to be hard to nail down, I think I want to stick with colors for now. "Let's stick with colors for a moment. Then we will move onto the bridal party." I decide. "What about if gray is the main color and then we do pops of other colors rather than just one. Everything goes with gray and my favorite color is blue but grey and blue just don't do it for me. I think we could do so much with that. Table décor, flowers…"

Grace and Melissa seem to approve. "I like the way you think, Ana. I think we can do some beautiful things that we wouldn't be able to do otherwise." Grace praises and I get a warm feeling all over from pleasing her.

Melissa pipes in, "I run the local florist in Montesano. I would love to do the flowers for you." She offers quietly, and Ray looks relieved that they can contribute to the wedding. I am sure he was afraid they wouldn't be able to contribute in any meaningful way.

I nod at her. "Thank you, Melissa. That would be lovely. We can talk later about the different options." I tell her happy that we will have something to bring us closer. Especially since it looks like she might be my new stepmother.

Kate, ever the task master points down at what she has written. I sigh, "I really don't want a large bridal party." I know that Christian doesn't have many people he considers to be friends so while I would have no trouble coming up with women, he will not be able to come up with men as easily. "At the moment, and it could change I think that I would like one maid of honor and one bridesmaid. I have asked Kate to be my maid of honor, but I haven't yet asked the other person I am thinking of." I say not wanting to put Mia on the spot. "What are your thoughts on this Christian?"

"I can think of my two people, but I haven't had a chance to ask them yet. I can think of a third if you have one more, but I am not fussed either way if you want to stick with just two." He answers just as cryptically as I have.

Grace looks back and forth between us. "I think three would be best, honestly if you can swing that. Two is just fine if that is what you want but for pictures, I like three for some reason. Completely up to you two. Do you think you could call them up now and ask them, so we can get the names together and start organizing fittings since time is of the essence?"

Christian stands up. "Absolutely. Ana, would you mind coming with me. I want to talk with you first privately."

I stand up and excuse myself and follow Christian into his office. Christian closes the door and immediately brings his lips to mine, kissing me deeply and leaving me breathless. When we part he pants, "I love you so fucking much, Ana. I have been wanting to do that since this whole planning session got started."

"I love you too, Christian." I could just lose myself with him, but we have a room full of people and I don't want to be gone too long. "So, I was thinking, Kate and Mia."

"Oh, Mia is going to be so excited. I am thinking Elliot for my best man. Taylor for my groomsman. If you have a third person in mind, I could ask John Flynn." He offers.

"I thought he was your therapist?" I ask. "Why don't you call him first. If he accepts, I could ask Gail."

Christian pulls out his phone and as he dials says, "He is my friend first, therapist second."

I nod and wait for him to finish his call. I can't help but listen in and I know Dr. Flynn accepted just by how Christian's eyes lit up. Not to mention his surprise when he said, "you will!" That means I will have to ask Gail. I am kind of excited about that and I hope she will say yes.

"Since everyone else is in the other room, should we go in there to ask them directly or call them?" I ask.

Christian laughs. "Let's call them." I am a little relieved because that way we aren't putting them on the spot in front of everyone else. "You first."

Mia or Gail… I ponder and decide to call Gail. I can get her to leave the room easier and ask her when she is away from the others. I dial her number and she immediately answers.

"Hi Gail, would you mind bringing me a glass of water and a Tylenol?" I ask her as sweetly as I can.

I hear the chair move against the floor as she gets up. "Of course, dear. Everything okay?" she asks sounding concerned.

"Just a slight headache." I answer and as soon as I hear the refrigerator door open I pop the question. "Gail, never mind the water. I just wanted to get you out of the room to ask you if you would be willing to be one of my bridesmaids."

Gail doesn't say anything for a moment, but I hear the refrigerator door shut so I know she is still on the line.

"Gail?" I say her name.

"I am sorry Ana. I am just speechless. I never thought in a million years. Yes. Yes, I would be happy to be one of your bridesmaids." Gail sputters.

"Thank you so much Gail. You mean so much to both of us. Without you convincing me to come back here there wouldn't be a wedding. You might want to bring the Tylenol to the table though. I'm calling Mia next." I joke.

Hanging up, I nod at Christian and dial Mia's number. She picks up on the second ring. "Ana, you are in the other room. Why are you calling me?" she demands. She probably knows what I am about to ask but is afraid to get too excited in case I don't.

"I am calling you because I don't want you to feel like you have to do what I am about to ask if you don't want to. Would you please be one of my bridesmaids?" I blurt out at the poor girl.

Mia screams so loud I we can hear her through the walls of Christian's office as well as through my phone. I hold my phone down away from my now sore ear.

Once she calms down, I put my phone on speaker. "Was that a yes, Mia?"

I hear Grace and Elliot chastising her and Gail offering up some Tylenol and I giggle.

"Yes, Yes, a thousand times yes! Kate, write my name under yours. I am going to be a bridesmaid." She announces, and I hear her being congratulated so I hang up and turn to Christian.

"Your turn. Would you like me to go out with our guest so I can see their reactions? I don't think they are going to be quite like Mia. I tease.

Christian tells me I can go sit with the others so I can be there when he makes his calls. I give him a big kiss on the cheek and practically skip out of the room back to the dining room.

When I return, everyone is all smiles. Especially Gail and Mia. Mia gets up and runs to me, throwing her arms around me. "Thank you sister! Thank you."

I hug her back and take my seat next to Kate when Taylor's phone rings. Everyone quiets down and looks at Taylor as he takes the call. "Yes Boss."

We watch as Taylor's face morphs from its usual stoic expression into a full-blown smile. "Yes sir, it would be my honor to stand by you during your wedding." He says and hangs up, suddenly very happy. I see him and Gail squeeze each other's hand.

I take a quick look at Kate's notes and under bridesmaids she has her name with MOH next to it and Mia under it. Under groomsmen she had written Taylor and Best Man. "Add John Flynn to Christian's list" I tell her, and Elliot practically deflates. I purposely didn't correct assumption that Taylor is his Best Man or to add Gail because that will make Christian's last call even more special. It is clear to me that Elliot thinks he has been looked over and I almost feel bad that he is feeling so low.

Kate decides to move on, not noticing that Christian hasn't come back yet. "So, music. Did you want a live band or a DJ?"

"Elliot, I always think live music is better. Do you think a band is better for a reception or a DJ?" I ask him for advice, trying to get him to forget his sorrow for a minute.

Elliot is moving his food around his plate pitifully. "I don't know, Ana. There is a case to be made for both." He says as his phone loudly and obnoxiously rings. Who has a loud train whistle for a ring tone? Elliot does.

"What do you want Christian?" he asks bitterly.

As Elliot starts talking I take Kate's pen and cross out Best Man from Taylor and add Elliot's name with Best Man and put Gail's name under bridesmaids. Kate watches what I was doing and smiles brilliantly at me when she reads it.

Grace is watching her son like a hawk and when tears start streaming down his face, Grace starts tearing up also. Elliot chokes up, "I thought you would never ask me, bro."

Christian must have written a whole speech because I can hear him talking but it isn't loud enough for me to make out what he is saying. Finally, through his tears, Elliot laughs.

"My speech is going to be one to remember, that is for sure." Elliot assures his brother through tears and a smile. Upon hanging up he announces to the table, "I am going to be Best Man. Kate, we have some parties to plan."

The table congratulates him and then he turns to me. "A band. Definitely a band. You knew all that time and you let me believe that he wasn't going to ask me, didn't you Ana?" He accuses me.

I nod. "It wasn't my place to tell you." I tell him smugly.

"Yeah, well when I marry Katie here, you will be the last to know if you made it into the wedding party." He scolds me, trying to pretend that he really is angry but not quite succeeding.

Kate stills next to me. "When you marry me?" she asks Elliot as Mia bounces and Grace puts her hands over her mouth. Elliot is the last person any of them expected to talk about settling down.

Elliot, realizing what he said, shrugs. "Well yes, Kate. One day, not tomorrow, but one day I do see us tying the knot." He admits.

Kate leans over and kisses him on the lips. "I had no idea you were the marrying type." She teases.

"Neither did I, Kate, neither did I." and when he realizes we are all watching him he turns back at us. "Nothing to see here folks, lets get back to planning Christian and Ana's wedding. I am not ready to start talking about my own yet."

Christian returns and his eyes are a little red rimmed himself so he must have shed a few tears himself. I reach out and hold his hand. "Band, DJ, or both?" I ask him since we were discussing music.

So, if the wedding is by my parents, I think a late afternoon wedding would be nice. We could have a quartet for the ceremony and then a live band for the first half of the reception. We could finish the night off with fireworks and a DJ." Christian suggests. Music is one of his passions and it shows as he has a definite opinion on the music.

Grace raises her hand which makes me laugh. "I was wondering if you wanted a sit-down dinner or a buffet. That would make a difference for what options the caterer will have. She said we could come as early as Friday to make selections."

"Sit down would be my preference. There is just something to be said for sitting down to eat together." I offer.

Mia goes and retrieves her bag. "I brought the catalogue Mom uses for invitations to her events. If we are going to try to do this in a hurry, invitations should be a priority. The printer will take about a week and then we must allow time for people to RSVP their dinner selection. So, we are looking at six weeks minimum. Can we at least nail down a date?" she asks, passing the catalogue for me and Christian to browse through.

Kate pulls out her calendar. "That would put us in July. Perfect. Assuming you would like a Saturday that would be the 6th, 13th, 20th, or 27th. Grace, could you ask the caterer if any of those dates will work for them?"

Grace pulls out her phone and steps to the side of the room to call. We really can't do anything until we know what the caterer can do so we all wait for her as Gail gets up and starts clearing the plates away. I stand to help her as does Mia. Christian grabs my arm in attempt to stop me but I just shoot him a dirty look. I want to help Gail and it just feels right. Thankfully he relents, seeming to understand. Melissa soon gets up to help too and between the four of us it is quick work.

Returning with smaller plates and desserts, I sit back down, and Grace gives her verdict. "Well, she is already booked for the 6th and the 27th. She has a maybe for the 20th so if we pay a deposit today she will book us but the 13th is wide open."

"Some say 13 is an unlucky number but since it is 2013, why not?" Christian says to me.

I kind of like that. July 13, 2013. 7-13-13. "Go ahead and confirm the 13th of July for us please, Grace."

Mia smiles pleased with herself that she was able to get a date. As I thumb through the invitations, one catches my eye. It is simple white cardstock with a fancy letter G in silver and then a silver border. It is simple but perfect. I hold it up for everyone to see. "What do you think of this one?" I ask for opinions.

Ray holds out his arm for the book and I hand it to him. "How many people are you looking to invite, Annie?"

Me? Not that many. Kate, Ray and Melissa, my mother and Bob. Maybe Jose and a plus one and then there is my childhood friend, Erin. Beyond that, there aren't aunts and uncles and cousins from my side. This is going to be mostly a show for the Greys. "I have 10 people in mind. The rest will be for the Grey's. How many do you think that will be?" I ask.

We start writing names down with Christian occasionally challenging people that Grace suggests. "It isn't a society event mom. It is my wedding. I would prefer anyone we invite to have a close connection to me." He reminds her.

By the time we are finished, we have come up with a guest list of just over a hundred people. Grace looked a little dejected that she couldn't invite a few of her friends but Christian relented a little and the guest list was finalized at 126.

Ray and Melissa quietly had a discussion and came to an agreement. "Annie, we would like to get the invitations taken care of for you if that is okay." Ray asked quietly.

I know he doesn't have a wedding fund for me and I know that he must be feeling inadequate. With Grace providing the venue he doesn't feel he has much to offer.. Melissa has already requested to do the flowers and those alone are pretty pricey. I am going to try to pay her because it just makes me feel better. "Okay dad, I accept." He shoots me a big smile across the table.

"So, Steele, when do you want to go dress shopping? We only have eight weeks, so we need to get started on that as soon as possible." Kate asks me.

"True. Maybe tomorrow. For the bridesmaid dresses, I would like to pick out the color and you can all choose your own dresses. If they are in the same color they can be in whatever cut. I just prefer that you feel good in them and you know what looks best on you. I hate seeing a wedding party where the dress only suits one or two of them and the rest look miserable knowing they look ridiculous." I tell them and Gail looks very grateful. All of my bridesmaids are fit and trim, but Mia is much shorter than Kate and Gail is older and would likely look silly wearing a dress that Mia or Kate would pick. This way, they all end up with a dress they are happy with and could wear again sometime if they wish.

Mia purses her lips. "What about you, Ana?"

"I'll be the girl in white." I joke. "I will go with you and try on dresses. I am hoping to find something on the rack that doesn't need too many alterations."

After we decide on a game plan for dress shopping Grace runs down the list of things we needed to accomplish today. "I think we have done everything we can do for now. I will make a checklist of everything that needs to happen between now and then and email it to you guys so we can make sure we are all on the same page. Perhaps after you finish shopping tomorrow you can come over and we can walk the lawn to decide where everything is going to go."

I agree to meet with Grace and we set an appointment to go over the menu selections so we can get the invitations printed.

"And be thinking about the cake. That is the most important thing. Also, we didn't discuss flower girls or ring bearers." Elliot points out.

"That is because we really don't have children in the family. Ana and I will discuss that later and I will let you know if we decide to have those." Christian answers and I look at Melissa. If she is going to be my stepmother, then I would like to ask my future stepbrother to be the ring bearer. But first I need to know if this is really going to be something that is going to happen in the future and I would like to meet him first.

We walk everyone out to the foyer together and as they leave Elliot looks at Christian and assures him that his bachelor party is going to be epic. Kate just glares at him knowing Elliot probably means strippers. Christian shakes his head at his brother as the elevator doors close.

I go back to the living room and corner my dad. "Can I speak to you a minute, privately?" I ask him looking at Melissa. Christian asks Melissa to come with him under the guise of a proper house tour.

"What is the matter Annie?" My dad asks gruffly. Probably wondering why I wanted to speak to him alone.

"Nothing. I just wanted to know what your time frame is for asking that woman in there to marry you." I ask him sweetly.

He examines me closely. "Did you have a change in heart?"

"No dad. I was just thinking how we don't have a ring bearer and she has a son would be my stepbrother when you marry her. It would make perfect sense to ask him but if you don't get married, it would be a little weird. Plus, I have never met him, and I would like to."

Ray looks relieved. "I was planning on asking her tonight but then I thought it would rain on your parade if we are both getting married, so I was going to wait until after your wedding." He gushes.

"Well Daddy, rain on my parade. I love her already." I tell him sincerely. "Seriously, ask her. Please." I beg him.

Looking nervous, he pulls the ring out of his pocket and shows it to me. "Do you think she will like it?" he asks for my honest opinion.

I look at the ring and it is just the usual solitaire, but I know the ring doesn't matter. Christian could have given me diamond dust and it wouldn't have mattered to me. "Dad, she will love it."

"Alright." He hugs me. "Thank you, Annie, I feel so much better that you like her."

We walk hand in hand, searching the house until we find them. Christian and Melissa were in the old playroom and Christian was telling her about all the work that was recently completed in there. I hold my breath that he isn't telling her why it was recently renovated and relieved it seems he is only telling her about the closet installation. Internally I praise her for at least looking interested. He stops once he notices that Ray and I have arrived.

Melissa turns, and I see the worry etched in her face. I feel guilty knowing that I worried her by asking to talk to my dad without her. I smile hoping that I convey that everything is just fine. Ray takes her by the waist, also smiling.

"Ana, did you want to talk about flowers now or later?" She enquires.

"Dad, why don't you talk to Christian about your plans for seeing the sights tonight. He might have some innovative ideas you haven't thought of." I direct my dad hoping that he will enlist Christian's help in pulling off the perfect proposal before answering Melissa. "I would love to talk flowers. I don't know much about them, so you might need to educate me." I confess.

Melissa and I go off to find a quiet little corner where we can discuss flower arrangements and we end up in library. Melissa must be a reader like I am because she was in awe of Christian's book collection. Before she sat down, she browsed the shelfs reaching out occasionally to tenderly touch one of their spines. It made me love her just a little bit more. We have more in common than I do with my very own mother.

"Since you don't know much about the world of flowers, we are going to play a little game that I play with my clients who aren't sure what they want. I am going to name different settings you have at a wedding and you are going to close your eyes and describe what you are envisioning. If you know the exact name of the flower, like a rose for example, use it but if you aren't positive then don't name a type of flower. Is that okay with you?" Melissa asks me as she holds one of my hands.

I nod in affirmation and she begins. "You are walking up the aisle, what flowers do you see at the alter?"

I close my eyes and I picture myself being in Grace's backyard. If I am facing the sound, I see blue water and lush green grass with a tree line off in the distance. I can picture Grace's lovely garden to the right of the chairs and her garden has lots of different flowers in it. We aren't having an alter per se, but I see a trellis. "I see a trellis wrapped in Ivy with some white roses. When I walk down the aisle I can see the chairs draped in tulle with some white roses where the fabric bunches. Maybe once for every five rows." Wow, I am going to need to draw this out when I finish to bring to Grace's tomorrow.

"Very good, so you like white roses." Melissa observes.

"Okay, so we have moved to the area where the reception is going to be held. No one is there yet. What do you see?"

This is a little harder. "I see round tables with gray table clothes. In the middle there are low flowers. Some tables have blue flowers, some have yellow, some have pink, and some are purple. They aren't all the same kind of flowers but in the center, there is a white rose where the table number placard will be." I say, getting excited because for the first time I can really envision my wedding day.

Melissa speaks in a soft tone. "When you say low, what do you mean." She asks, and I can tell she is trying to do her best to make sure she creates my vision.

"I want people to be able to see and talk to the people who are sitting across from them. I would prefer them to be wider rather than higher so that can happen. And I would like it to look like the flowers are sitting on the table rather than in a bowl or a vase. I would like the table to ideally be for six, but they may have to be for eight. I will have to ask Grace what she thinks her backyard can accommodate."

Melissa is smiling. "And you don't care so much about the specific type of flower, more about the colors. So, it they could be several types of flowers at one table as long as they fit the color scheme?" she clarifies.

"Exactly." I confirm.

"Ana, you are making this so easy. Let's move on. Do you want flowers on the cake table?"

I hadn't given much thought to the cake. We will have one, of course and ten years ago I thought that was the most important part of the wedding. I close my eyes and immediately I envision a wedding cake with flowers of all colors coming down one side from the top. I shake my head no. "I think the cake will have enough flowers on it. Do you think I could have the baker call you to find out the kinds of flowers you will be using?"

Melissa laughs. "Of course. So, no flowers on the cake table. You prefer the sweet kind there. What about the men? What do you see on their lapels?" she encourages me.

"Well, on Christian, I see a single white rose. On the groomsman, I would like them each to have a different color. Kate and Elliot could have blue, Gail and Taylor could have yellow, and Mia and John could have purple or pink because that is how they are going to be matched up." I decide quickly. "I think they are going to have white or black tuxes with gray vests and ties."

Melissa starts typing furiously into her phone. "And what about you. Would you like your bouquet to have white roses?"

Closing my eyes once again, I think about it. "No, no white roses. Well, maybe a few if it looks right, but I want all the colors. I would like a bouquet that matches the cake if that is possible."

"Okay, Ana. That was easy. When I get home, I will come up with a few options and email you pictures for you to tell me your preference. The mock ups may not be in your colors, and the flowers may not be fresh but promise me you won't panic. I am only using what I have on hand that I won't be able to sell or flowers that are for another client but in a style I think might match what you have in mind." Melissa assures me.

"Thank you so much Melissa. You made this so easy. Please make sure to send me the bill." I tell her candidly.

"Oh no sweetheart. The flowers are my wedding present to you."

I throw my arms around her. She has only just met me, and she is already so loving towards me.

We get up to go find our men. To our surprise, Ray is in a suit in the living room sharing a drink with Christian. My dad gets up and meets Melissa, kissing her on the cheek. "Christian here just landed us a reservation at Canlis. Go get dressed in something nice but comfortable because we are going to see some of the sights before dinner."

"Thank you Christian." Melissa yells as she runs up the stairs.

I smile at Christian, trying to relay my gratitude telepathically and he winks back at me. My dad is trying to wear a path in the area rug he is pacing on. His nerves really are getting the best of him.

"Daddy, I know you are nervous, but you are going to give yourself away if you keep this up." I tell him.

Christian pats him on the back. "What did you tell me last night Ray?"

Ray sighs before replying in monotone. "If my girl loves you like you believe she does, you have nothing to fret over."

Christian chuckles. "That is right. That same advice applies here. I have seen Melissa look at you and she adores you. Even if she says no, it is better to take that bullet now. If she says not yet, you have time. And if she says yes like I think she will, you will be the happiest man alive next to me."

Melissa appears at the top of the stairs looking stunning in a black cocktail dress. She put her hair up in a French twist and applied red lip stick. She almost looks like a different person. "Wow!" I tell her.

Christian gives her a kiss on the cheek. "You look beautiful. Go have fun tonight." He tells her. "Ray take care of her. Remember, Sullivan is at your beck and call tonight and we expect a call with an update, so we know when to expect you home."

Ray smirks. "Remember, I am the father." He jokes in his best Star Wars voice.

We escort them to the elevator where Sullivan is waiting for them and wave goodbye as the doors close. Turning to Christian I give him a bump in the arm, impressed. "Canlis. What an excellent choice."

Christian shrugs modestly. "I would have loved to call in a favor at the Space Needle for him, but Elliot beat him to the punch."

I raise my eyebrow, encouraging him to go on. "I started something baby. Often imitated, seldom duplicated." He says obnoxiously.

"Wait! Elliot is proposing to Kate? When?"

Christian shrugs. "I have no idea. I called in a favor, greased a few palms and gave Elliot the contact information. He did ask me if I would mind if he proposed during our engagement, so I would expect it to be sometime soon. Maybe this weekend or next. I doubt he would propose on a Tuesday night."

I eye Christian as he takes another swig of his drink. I practically drool as his muscles flex. I wiggle my eyebrows at him. "Want to have a little fun before they get back?" I propose. I really don't want the same worry I had this morning. Worrying that my dad heard me having sex nearly gave me a heart attack.

"Oh, don't worry baby. They aren't coming back tonight. I might have procured them a suite at the Fairmont for the evening." He tells me coyly. "We have all night. On the off chance they do come back I gave Sullivan instructions to give us a half hour notice."

Christian stalks towards me. I just might take you right here. I can hear Gail in the kitchen working on dinner and I squirm, uncomfortable that she is so close. Christian notices my distress and leans down to whisper in my ear. "Anastasia, you will be a good girl tonight. Once Mrs. Taylor tells us dinner is ready I am going to dismiss her and Taylor for the night and ask them not to come back into the main apartment. I have asked the cameras be turned off until midnight, so I can have you whenever and wherever I want."

He used his Dom voice and my panties are soaking wet. I lick my lips in the anticipation he is building. He walks over to the bar and pours two fingers of an amber liquid into a tumbler and hands it to me. "Here you go."

We take a seat next to each other on the couch and he wraps his arm around me. "You know you made me the happiest man on the planet when you agreed to be my wife."

"And you made me the happiest woman on the planet when you asked to be my husband. Do you really think we are going to be able to pull off a wedding in just eight weeks?" I ask him, suddenly unsure of the quick timeline.

Christian looks down at me. "With all the women sitting at that table this morning, I have no doubt that it will be perfect. So, dress shopping tomorrow, huh. I hope I get a sneak peek." He teases.

"Not on your life. It is so unlucky to see your future wife's wedding dress before she walks to the alter. You are just going to have to wait." I explain passionately. Sometimes I can be so superstitious. I think about wedding dresses and then I remember something, "Oh my goodness, I haven't told my own mother we are engaged yet. She is going to freak out and not in a good way."


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: Well this has never happened to me before. I had to split up one chapter into two because it was too long.**

"What is the matter Annie?" My dad asks gruffly. Probably wondering why I wanted to speak to him alone.

"Nothing. I just wanted to know what your time frame is for asking that woman in there to marry you." I ask him sweetly.

He examines me closely. "Did you have a change in heart?"

"No dad. I was just thinking how we don't have a ring bearer and she has a son who will be my stepbrother when you marry her. It would make perfect sense to ask him but if you don't get married, it would be a little weird. Plus, I have never met him, and I would like to."

Ray looks relieved. "I was planning on asking her tonight but then I thought it would rain on your parade if we are both getting married, so I was going to wait until after your wedding." He admits.

"Well Daddy, rain on my parade. I love her already." I tell him sincerely. "Seriously, ask her. Please." I beg him.

Looking nervous, he pulls the ring out of his pocket and shows it to me. "Do you think she will like it?" he asks for my honest opinion.

I look at the ring and it is a simple solitaire, but I know the ring doesn't matter. Christian could have given me diamond dust and it wouldn't have mattered to me. Other people would probably think it was strange but I wouldn't have cared a bit. "Dad, she will love it."

"Alright." He hugs me. "Thank you, Annie, I feel so much better that you like her."

We walk hand in hand, searching the house until we find them. Christian and Melissa were in the old playroom and Christian was telling her about all the work that was recently completed in there. I hold my breath that he isn't telling her why it was recently renovated and relieved it seems he is only telling her about the closet installation. Internally I praise her for at least looking interested. He stops once he notices that Ray and I have arrived.

Melissa turns, and I see the worry etched in her face. I feel guilty knowing that I worried her by asking to talk to my dad without her. I smile hoping that I convey that everything is just fine. Ray takes her by the waist, also smiling.

"Ana, did you want to talk about flowers now or later?" She enquires.

"Dad, why don't you talk to Christian about your plans for seeing the sights tonight. He might have some ideas you haven't thought of." I direct my dad hoping that he will enlist Christian's help in pulling off the perfect proposal before answering Melissa. "I would love to talk flowers. I don't know much about them, so you might need to educate me." I confess.

Melissa and I go off to find a quiet little corner where we can discuss flower arrangements and we end up in library. Melissa must be a reader like I am because she was in awe of Christian's book collection. Before she sat down, she browsed the shelves reaching out occasionally to tenderly touch one of their spines. It made me love her just a little bit more. We have more in common than I do with my very own mother.

"Since you don't know much about the world of flowers, we are going to play a little game that I play with my clients who aren't sure what they want. I am going to name different settings you have at a wedding and you are going to close your eyes and describe what you are envisioning. If you know the exact name of the flower, like a rose for example, use it but if you aren't positive then don't name a type of flower. Is that okay with you?" Melissa asks me as she holds one of my hands.

I nod in affirmation and she begins. "You are walking up the aisle, what flowers do you see at the alter?"

I close my eyes and I picture myself being in Grace's backyard. If I am facing the sound, I see blue water and lush green grass with a tree line off in the distance. I can picture Grace's lovely garden to the right of the chairs and her garden has lots of different flowers in it. We aren't having an alter per se, but I see a trellis. "I see a trellis wrapped in Ivy with some white roses. When I walk down the aisle I can see the chairs draped in tulle with some white roses where the fabric bunches. Maybe once for every five rows." Wow, I am going to need to draw this out when I finish to bring to Grace's tomorrow.

"Very good, so you like white roses." Melissa observes.

"Okay, so we have moved to the area where the reception is going to be held. No one is there yet. What do you see?"

This is a little harder. "I see round tables with gray table clothes. In the middle there are low flowers. Some tables have blue flowers, some have yellow, some have pink, and some are purple. They aren't all the same kind of flowers but in the center, there is a white rose where the table number placard will be." I say, getting excited because for the first time I can really envision my wedding day.

Melissa speaks in a soft tone. "When you say low, what do you mean." She asks, and I can tell she is trying to do her best to make sure she creates my vision.

"I want people to be able to see and talk to the people who are sitting across from them. I would prefer them to be wider rather than higher so that can happen. And I would like it to look like the flowers are sitting on the table rather than in a bowl or a vase. I would like the table to ideally be for six, but they may have to be for eight. I will have to ask Grace what she thinks her backyard can accommodate."

Melissa is smiling. "And you don't care so much about the specific type of flower, more about the colors. So, it they could be several types of flowers at one table as long as they fit the color scheme?" she clarifies.

"Exactly." I confirm.

"Ana, you are making this so easy. Let's move on. Do you want flowers on the cake table?"

I hadn't given much thought to the cake. We will have one, of course and ten years ago I thought that was the most important part of the wedding, much like Elliot still seems to think. I close my eyes and immediately I envision a wedding cake with flowers of all colors coming down one side from the top. I shake my head no. "I think the cake will have enough flowers on it. Do you think I could have the baker call you to find out the kinds of flowers you will be using?"

Melissa laughs. "Of course. So, no flowers on the cake table. You prefer the sweet kind there. What about the men? What do you see on their lapels?" she encourages me.

"Well, on Christian, I see a single white rose. On the groomsman, I would like them each to have a different color. Kate and Elliot could have blue, Gail and Taylor could have yellow, and Mia and John could have purple or pink because that is how they are going to be matched up." I decide quickly. "I think they are going to have white or black tuxes with gray vests and ties."

Melissa starts typing furiously into her phone. "And what about you. Would you like your bouquet to have white roses?"

Closing my eyes once again, I think about it. "No, no white roses. Well, maybe a few if it looks right, but I want all the colors. I would like a bouquet that matches the cake if that is possible."

"Okay, Ana. That was easy. When I get home, I will come up with a few options and email you pictures for you to tell me your preference. The mock ups may not be in your colors, and the flowers may not be fresh but promise me you won't panic. I am only using what I have on hand that I won't be able to sell or flowers that are for another client but in a style I think might match what you have in mind." Melissa assures me.

"Thank you so much Melissa. You made this so easy. Please make sure to send me the bill." I tell her candidly.

"Oh no sweetheart. The flowers are my wedding present to you."

I throw my arms around her. She has only just met me, and she is already so loving towards me.

We get up to go find our men. To our surprise, Ray is in a suit in the living room sharing a drink with Christian. My dad gets up and meets Melissa, kissing her on the cheek. "Christian here just landed us a reservation at Canlis. Go get dressed in something nice but comfortable because we are going to see some of the sights before dinner."

"Thank you Christian." Melissa yells as she runs up the stairs.

I smile at Christian, trying to relay my gratitude telepathically and he winks back at me. My dad is trying to wear a path in the area rug he is pacing on. His nerves really are getting the best of him.

"Daddy, I know you are nervous, but you are going to give yourself away if you keep this up." I tell him.

Christian pats him on the back. "What did you tell me last night Ray?"

Ray sighs before replying in monotone. "If my girl loves you like you believe she does, you have nothing to fret over."

Christian chuckles. "That is right. That same advice applies here. I have seen Melissa look at you and she adores you. Even if she says no, it is better to take that bullet now. If she says not yet, you have time. And if she says yes like I think she will, you will be the happiest man alive next to me."

Melissa appears at the top of the stairs looking stunning in a black cocktail dress. She put her hair up in a French twist and applied red lip stick. She almost looks like a different person. "Wow!" I tell her.

Christian gives her a kiss on the cheek. "You look beautiful. Go have fun tonight." He tells her. "Ray take care of her. Remember, Sullivan is at your beck and call tonight and we expect a call with an update, so we know when to expect you home."

Ray smirks. "Remember, I am the father." He jokes in his best Star Wars voice.

We escort them to the elevator where Sullivan is waiting for them and wave goodbye as the doors close. Turning to Christian I give him a bump in the arm, impressed. "Canlis. What an excellent choice."

Christian shrugs modestly. "I would have loved to call in a favor at the Space Needle for him, but Elliot beat him to the punch."

I raise my eyebrow, encouraging him to go on. "I started something baby. Often imitated, seldom duplicated." He says obnoxiously.

"Wait! Elliot is proposing to Kate? When?"

Christian shrugs. "I have no idea. I called in a favor, greased a few palms and gave Elliot the contact information. He did ask me if I would mind if he proposed during our engagement, so I would expect it to be sometime soon. Maybe this weekend or next. I doubt he would propose on a Tuesday night."

I eye Christian as he takes another swig of his drink. I practically drool as his muscles flex. I wiggle my eyebrows at him. "Want to have a little fun before they get back?" I propose. I really don't want the same worry I had this morning. Worrying that my dad heard me having sex nearly gave me a heart attack.

"Oh, don't worry baby. They aren't coming back tonight. I might have procured them a suite at the Fairmont for the evening." He tells me coyly. "We have all night. On the off chance they do come back I gave Sullivan instructions to give us a half hour notice."

Christian stalks towards me. I just might take you right here. I can hear Gail in the kitchen working on dinner and I squirm, uncomfortable that she is so close. Christian notices my distress and leans down to whisper in my ear. "Anastasia, you will be a good girl tonight. Once Mrs. Taylor tells us dinner is ready I am going to dismiss her and Taylor for the night and ask them not to come back into the main apartment. I have asked the cameras be turned off until midnight, so I can have you whenever and wherever I want."

He used his Dom voice and my panties are soaking wet. I lick my lips in the anticipation he is building. He walks over to the bar and pours two fingers of an amber liquid into a tumbler and hands it to me. "Here you go."

We take a seat next to each other on the couch and he wraps his arm around me. "You know you made me the happiest man on the planet when you agreed to be my wife."

"And you made me the happiest woman on the planet when you asked to be my husband. Do you really think we are going to be able to pull off a wedding in just eight weeks?" I ask him, suddenly unsure of the quick timeline.

Christian looks down at me. "With all the women sitting at that table this morning, I have no doubt that it will be perfect. So, dress shopping tomorrow, huh. I hope I get a sneak peek." He teases.

"Not on your life. It is so unlucky to see your future wife's wedding dress before she walks to the alter. You are just going to have to wait." I explain passionately. Sometimes I can be so superstitious. I think about wedding dresses and then I remember something, "Oh my goodness, I haven't told my own mother we are engaged yet. She is going to freak out and not in a good way."


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: It was going so well... Well, as they say, what goes up, must come down.**

Chapter 35

Christian looks at me shocked. "You better call her. I don't know how long the news is going to stay private. I knew everyone at Mile High yesterday but eventually someone will crack. I think Kate's article is being submitted tomorrow."

I pick up the phone and sigh. I really don't want to hear what she has to say right now. Whatever she says will put a damper on my excitement. Christian squeezes my hand in support which I desperately need right now.

When she answers, she sounds annoyed. "What do you need Anastasia."

I roll my eyes and Christian glares at me putting up one finger and I know I just earned a spanking. I usually enjoy a good spanking, but he needs to give me a break right now. This is my mother I am dealing with. "Well, I need to deliver some news." I spit.

"Let me guess, the billionaire dumped you." She starts. "That was likely going to be the outcome anyhow. Just pull up your big girl panties and deal with it."

This time, I close my eyes, so I can roll them in peace. "Um, no. Actually, we got engaged last night."

"Ana, over my dead body! I got a call from a friend of his last night. A lovely lady, we talked for almost an hour."

I open my eyes in alarm. "Mom, I am going to put you on speaker." I tell her as I put her on speaker so Christian can listen in.

"Oh, so your little sadist boyfriend can hear. Just as well. As I was saying. I think her name was Ellen. Or Elena. I can't remember. She told me what you are really like Christian. Ana, I must warn you, he is going to chew you up and spit you out. She told me how he told her that you are just a pawn, so he can get over this public image scandal and that once it blows over you are worthless to him. You are playing right into his hand." I look at Christian wide eyed as he gets up and pours himself another drink.

"So, she called you from prison?" I ask so she can clarify.

"Oh no. She called from the hospital. She told me how Christian beat her to within an inch of her life and told me to warn you so you can get out of there. Look you monster, how dare you hit a lady but what kind of wacko are you to break someones bones like that!" Carla yells.

Christian is pacing the same way Ray was earlier. I look down and see he left his phone next to me, recording the conversation I am having with Carla. "Mom, I want you to listen and listen carefully. Elena is a pedophile. Christian was the one who handed over evidence that put her in jail. Other inmates beat her up because inmates suddenly have a moral compass and despise child predators. She has a sick obsession with Christian and she doesn't like me because in her eyes, I took the power she had over Christian away." I try to reason with her.

"I don't believe that for a second. The woman I spoke to was delightful. She is only looking out for you and if I need to come to Seattle myself and drag you away from that sick demented man I will. You are the one with the sick fascination with him, not Elena."

Christian is kneeling on the floor with his hands in his hair, pulling desperately. "You will do no such thing. Daddy is here, and he adores Christian. Kate wrote an article and while the story Christian told her doesn't contain the name, when you read it, know that he is talking about your precious new friend Elena. I called you to invite you to my wedding but forget it. I don't want you there. Daddy is asking his girlfriend to marry him tonight. I've only known her a few hours and already she is motherlier towards than you are. When you get your head out of your ass, let me know but until then, I don't want you around. Good night!" I yell and end the call. I am furious. I am not sure who I am more furious with, Carla or Elena. I toss my phone down on the couch and turn off the recorder on Christian's phone before crawling over to him.

His face is red, and he is struggling to catch his breath. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Gail peek around the corner and run off. I hold Christian's face in my hands. "Baby, breathe. Breathe with me. Watch me and do what I am doing." I tell him.

He is refusing to look at me in the eye, but I can tell he is trying to get a handle on his emotions. I encourage him, "Come on baby. It is going to be okay. Calm down so we can figure out what to do with this. Come on, Breathe for me."

Taylor comes running in with his phone to his ear. "No, I don't know what happened, but he appears to be in a full-blown panic attack. Anastasia is here, trying to calm him down." I can hear him saying to the person he is speaking to. I assume it would be either Flynn or Grace.

"Sir. I'm sorry. I am administering a mild sedative under the guidance of Dr. Flynn." Taylor tells Christian as he jabs a needle into his arm.

I snap my head up to look at Taylor, alarmed. He shrugs. "After the last time he had a panic attack, Dr. Flynn prescribed three injections of a very mild sedative to keep on hand for cases like this. Mr. Grey is aware of them and gave us permission to use them as long as we consulted with Dr. Flynn or his mother first. I followed protocol, ma'am."

Christian goes limp in my arms and pins me laying back in an awkward position under his weight. His breathing resumes to normal and his face is slowly becoming less flush. I kiss his forehead as Taylor, with the help of Gail, lifts him off of me and onto the couch. I crawl over to him and keep his hand in mine, watching him like a hawk.

"What happened Ana?" Gail asks as Taylor updates Dr. Flynn.

I sigh. "My mother. We called and she evidently had a nice long conversation with Elena last night. I put it on speaker so we could record it but she said some really nasty things about Christian. About both of us actually."

Gail nods sympathetically. "I understand."

Taylor looks over at me, "Dr. Flynn's ETA is ten minutes." He updates.

"How long is this sedative supposed to last. What are the side effects?" I ask, nearly in a panic myself. This is not how I envisioned tonight going. One minute, we are on top of the world and then it all comes crashing down.

Taylor, still talking on the phone doesn't answer my question. "I said how long is this sedative supposed to last and what are the side effects?" I demand loudly.

"About half an hour. Side effects, will be groggy when he comes to. Possibly a little combative but the last time it was administered that wasn't the case. Possibly emotional. He usually loses all of his filters so he says whatever comes to mind and his speech is slurred. It is mild Ana." Taylor finally answers.

I watch Christian carefully over the next several minutes. I'm aware that Gail is watching me and Taylor is talking in hushed tones over in the corner, also watching us. Occasionally he comes over and checks Christian's pulse. I don't care about anyone else but Christian.

The elevator pings announcing Dr. Flynn's arrival. "Good evening. How is he doing." He asks jovially. A little too happy for my taste. I scowl at him while Taylor updates him on his condition.

Dr. Flynn comes and sits next to me. "Ana, Christian is going to be just fine. What I need to know is what triggered this attack. Taylor tells me that you know."

"I called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She didn't take the news well. She told me that Elena called her from the hospital last night and she believed everything Elena told her hook, line, and sinker. She believes Elena is her new best friend. Anyhow, I figured that Christian needed to hear what I was hearing and my mother called him some choice names. Said that Elena said I was just a pawn for him to get over his public relations scandal and basically a monster. Christian recorded it so you can listen to the whole thing."

I hand him Christian's phone but we both realize it is password protected and neither of us know what the password is. "Technology is fantastic until it isn't" Flynn laughs. "I believe that Grace and Carrick are on their way over as well. We can listen to it when Christian wakes up which I estimate should be in the next five to ten minutes."

"They are Saints." I comment. I admire their strong bond with their adult son. I love that they always come running whenever he needs them. I am sure they are like that with Elliot and Mia also. When I become a mother, I want to be like Grace and not like Carla.

A phone begins to ring and it isn't until Gail hands it to me that I realize that it is mine. I look and see that it is Kate so I answer.

Kate is screaming so I pull the phone away. Gail, Taylor and Flynn all look alarmed but I can read Kate's screams like a mother can understand their babies different cries. This scream is happy, excited, and joyful. Being the second person to scream in my ear today, I don't appreciate it.

"Yes Kate."

"Oh my god Steele, Elliot proposed. On top of the space needle. I am getting married! We are going to be sisters for real!" she cries. "It was so romantic."

"I am so excited for you." I gush, trying to be excited for my friend. I see Christian move his arm so I know I need to end the call. "I can't wait to hear all about it tomorrow. We can try on wedding dresses together. Ten o'clock, don't be late. Celebrate Kate."

Thankfully, she is so excited she gets off the phone easily. "See you tomorrow Steele. I love you." and then the call ends.

Christian lets out a deep groan and starts moving his head as Grace and Carrick arrive. Dr. Flynn moves closer to Christian but still out of arms reach. "Christian. John here. It is alright. I know your body feels heavy but you are okay." He reassures him.

Grace looks panicked but Carrick looks worse. He comes straight to me. "Taylor said something about Elena contacting your mom. Please tell me that someone recorded that conversation."

"We recorded the conversation of my mother recounting her conversation with Elena. I seriously doubt my mother recorded her conversation with Elena." I answer truthfully.

Carrick reaches down and picks up Christian's phone. "Ana, please come with me."

I look back at Christian, not wanting to leave him. Carrick sees my internal battle, "He is best to leave to the experts right now. Once he has his wits about him, I am sure he will come looking for us. This is important and time is of the essence."

Understanding that this is a fight on two fronts, I reluctantly follow Carrick to Christian's office. I watch as Carrick unlocks Christian phone and pulls up the recorder. "You know his password?"

Carrick smiles at me. "Yes, it is important that someone other than Christian knows how to get into his devices and accounts. He entrusted me with his passwords and codes. I am sure if you ask, he will give them to you as well."

"Why?"

Carrick stares at me, unsure if he should tell me. Resigned and deflated he answers. "Christian is a very powerful man and with that power comes risks. That is why he has security, I know you have been briefed. If something were to happen to him, I can access his information and delegate his duties and authorize payments on his behalf so people get paid and his company can continue running. It really isn't something I like to dwell on. I am sure you don't want to either."

Carrick pushes play on the recorder and we both listen to the conversation that I had with Carla. I cringe and hearing it again the second time is even worse than the first. Carrick is understandably angry also. "Well that explains why my son had a panic attack. Hearing that probably set back his recovery a bit but he is a strong boy, he will be okay. So I plan to attack this from a couple of angles. One, I am going to get your mother included on the restraining order. Two, I am going to bring this to the judge to try to get the trial moved up. The defense is trying to delay but there is no good reason for it. Three, I am going to call a few favors and try to get her back to a prison setting as soon as possible. She is stable if she can talk to your mother for an hour. I am going to give your mother a call to let her know what is happening. Would you mind staying for that."

I nod and give Carrick the number. He puts his phone next to the speaker and dials. It rings four times before Carla picks up. "Good Evening, Adams residence." She says sweetly.

I sit back and just listen but my blood is boiling, I am so angry with her right now.

"Good evening Mrs. Adams. My name is Carrick Grey, Esquire. I am calling because I have received word that you received a call from a Ms. Elena Lincoln yesterday evening."

"Yes I did. She is such a delightful woman. She had some very enlightening information about my wayward daughter and the scumbag she thinks she is going to marry."

Carrick makes a face at me, commiserating with my pain but he manages to keep his voice steady. "I see. Would you mind telling me what she said. I must let you know that I will be recording our conversation." I am sure my mother will refuse since he told her he is recording her but she surprises me.

"Absolutely. She told me that she was Christian Grey's lover until a few nights ago when he beat her so badly that she had multiple broken bones and had to be hospitalized. She said that he was using my daughter so that he could show a reformed man in public, but he has secretly been sneaking out in the evening to see her and that they planned to start a family together once he divorced Anastasia. I didn't raise my daughter to be anyone's punching bag and that monster has already put his one true love in the hospital, imagine what he is going to do my Ana." Carla says, obviously upset.

Carrick sighs. "Mrs. Adams, how old did Elena Lincoln say she was?"

"She didn't say. She sounded young though. I imagine her to be about my daughters age."

"Ms. Elena Lincoln is fifty-two years old." Carrick tells her.

"Oh I don't believe that. She was very young." Carla insists. Carrick looks at me a little panicked.

"Why do you believe that she was young. Was there any noise in the background while she was speaking to you?"

"Oh there were beeping sounds that reminded me of monitors in the hospital. Someone came in to take her blood pressure while we were talking. She was telling me the best way that I can get my Anastasia away from that sorry excuse for a man. I don't care that he is worth billions, that is my baby girl he is beating."

"Would you mind sharing how you were told you could reach Anastasia?" Carrick asks my mother and I am grateful because we will need to let security know to be on guard for one Carla Adams.

"There is a stairwell that leads to the floor below the penthouse that is accessible from the parking structure. She said that there is a ledge that goes out a little further from the building and is about six feet wide. All I have to do is get a ladder to climb onto the balcony and the doors aren't usually locked. She told me that security patrols the floor about every two hours. She suggested that when they go around the corner that I follow them in and there is a broom closet that I can hide in to wait until they leave and lock the door again." I look at Carrick like a deer in headlights. I know that ledge. I have wondered about it in the past but Christian had assured me the access was behind a locked steel door.

"Mrs. Adams, the reason I called is because Elena Lincoln is currently in the hospital as a prisoner because she was beaten up by other inmates. She is awaiting trial for a host of charges, one of which is child molestation. While she is innocent until proven guilty, I am going to be going to court to include you in an established restraining order tomorrow morning. Please do not accept any further calls from her in the future."

"Oh, she told me that she is being villainized by the entire Grey family. Is that what this is about? She is the victim here, I can't believe that she is being treated this way." Elena has really dug her claws deep into my mother. I can't believe it. She is good at her game.

"No ma'am. I am calling you requesting your cooperation in refraining from further communication with an accused pedophile. Her trial will be commenced in the next several weeks and you are welcome to follow it along with the rest of the people in Seattle. In the meantime, if she does contact you again, please take down this number." Carrick gives her the name of another lawyer in his firm and the phone number before ending the call.

Once he hangs up he puts his head in his hands. "You and Christian need to go somewhere other than here. I can't be sure that it was actually Elena that called or someone else but her description of how to get to you is dead on. There is a broom closet in the hallway leading out to that ledge. The doors from the balcony are glass so even locking them wouldn't deter someone for long that is determined. Your mother is a piece of work though."

I hang my head in embarrassment. I am the product of Carla Wilks Lambert Steel Morton Adams whether I like it or not. "I know." I say simply.

"Despite that fact, you turned out marvelously. She really has a hard time changing course if she believes in something, doesn't she?"

"You can say that again." I agree

When we rejoin the others in the living room, Christian is sitting up and talking. His speech is a little slurred but he smiles when he sees me. "Aaanaaa."

"Welcome back, Christian. You scared the hell out of me." I tell him as playfully as I can. I don't want him to think I am mad with him but he really did scare me.

"Not to be a party pooper but I am about to be. We have a real security threat that needs to be addressed. Christian, you brought up house hunting recently. I need you to get on that sooner, rather than later. In the meantime, we need to discuss alternate living arrangements until a suitable solution can be found to secure this place. Ana, I know your father and Melissa are staying here tonight but we need to find somewhere for them to stay as well. Taylor, I need to bring you up to speed."

I pipe up. "No need to worry about my father tonight. They are staying at the Fairmont."

"Good." Carrick says as he takes of with Taylor to discuss security.

Christian is slow on the uptake, the sedative showing its effects. "House hunting? Security Threat? Taylor!" He bellows.

Grace pats Christian's shoulder. "Shhh son. Taylor is with your father handling whatever it is. You sit her and relax and let the rest of us take care of you for once. Okay?"

"Take care of me." Christian agrees sitting back and covering himself with a blanket that Gail must have fetched from somewhere.

I sit down next to Christian and curl into him. He lifts the blanket over me and pats my head. "Did anyone call yet?"

Dr. Flynn asks. "Who would be calling Christian?"

"Elliot and Ana's Dad. They are both proposing tonight." Christian says a little more clearly than earlier but he is clearly not as guarded as usual.

Grace puts her hand over her heart as her eyes fill with tears. I know that her oldest son is now also engaged but it isn't my news to share and so with a lump in my throat, I lie through my teeth. "No, not yet."

Taylor comes back, looking grim. "Ana, can I talk to you?"

I nod but Christian grabs my arm. "No Ana, don't go. I can't lose you. Your mother was lying. Elena was lying. My love for you isn't a publicity stunt."

I pull his hand off of my arm. "I know that Christian. I am not leaving you. Not a chance. But this is important so please let me go hear what Taylor has to say, okay." I look him in his glassy eyes and it unnerves me. I know I have to be the strong one right now but I feel off kilter.

"Okay, but come right back. You promise?" Christian asks.

"I promise."

As I go to Taylor I can hear Dr. Flynn questioning Christian about what he meant by a publicity stunt. Once we are out of earshot, Taylor turns to me. He is obviously concerned.

"Ana, your mother detailed a very real kidnapping stunt. Every detail she provided was fact and she has never even been in this building. Carrick and I discussed it and we don't think that Elena Lincoln called your mother. She has been under guard and pretty sedated since she arrived. There isn't a phone in the ICU for her to use and there has been no visitors logged. As you know, there have been death threats directed towards you dated prior to your rekindled relationship. It is my gut feeling that the suspect plan is to befriend your mother to convince her that you are in serious danger, then be near enough when your mother comes to rescue you that she will have access to you. From the phone call she has been successful in part of the plan. I have assigned a private investigator to track down each of those woman and we will be keeping an eye on them until we can determine who called your mother. We have decided that you will spend the night at the Sr. Grey's house tonight so that you can spend time with your dad and Melissa before they leave and make your prior engagement to go dress shopping with the girls. You will have extra security. Tomorrow evening, you will be on a plane to Aspen until further arrangements for your safety can be made. Do you understand?" Taylor asks, all business.

"What about Christian?"

"When Mr. Grey is no longer under the effects of the sedative, we will debrief him and he will decide whether to go to Aspen or not. As his security, he will not be staying in Escala regardless of his decision but as his friend I will tell you that if he doesn't go to Aspen, it won't be because he doesn't want to. I am aware of several high level negotiations that he is currently involved in. He may need to stay in Seattle for business purposes. Should that be the case, Mia Grey and Gail will accompany you and I am sure there will be many trips to Aspen in my future. Please understand that the safety of both you and Mr. Grey are my primary concern Ana."

"I understand Taylor. It doesn't mean I have to like it."

Taylor smiles at me. "I don't like it either. And I know this is hard to hear but your mother may have saved your lives tonight. If someone got onto the balcony while you were sleeping, there could have been dire consequences. That ledge has kept me away on many a nights but I thought we had mitigated the danger the best we could. I have a couple guys searching through old footage looking to see if the camera's caught anyone going in there at any time aside from security. That might help us narrow down a suspect list."

"I thought you only could go back so far before the tapes were reused."

"Once a week we digitally back up the tapes so I have files upon files to go through." Taylor answers matter-of-fact. "One last thing, you are not to let your father know that anything is out of the ordinary. We don't suspect him or his girlfriend of anything however I believe you once stated that he still communicates with your mother. It is better that he thinks everything is status quo so that he doesn't slip up and give your location."

My phone goes off in Taylor's hand. "Speak of the devil." Taylor hands me my phone and I answer. "Daddy?"

"She said yes, Ana!" he tells me, his voice full of excitement.

"Oh Dad. How wonderful. Christian told me that you are staying at the Fairmont tonight. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." I tease him.

"Ana, don't put those mental pictures in my head." He chastises me.

"Can I at least talk to her?" I ask laughing.

Dad is silent for a second before answering. "She is all tied up at the moment. Can I give her a message."

Suddenly I am the one with the mental picture of my future stepmother naked and adorned in beautiful rope work. "Dad! Seriously. Just tell her I said congratulations and welcome to the family. Ask her to meet us at the dress shop in the morning."

"Will do. I will talk to you later baby girl."

Taylor is still standing in front of me trying not to laugh. "If you need anything, I am just down the hall. Yell. Be ready to leave in about an hour."

I can feel the weight of the world on my shoulders as I return back to Christian's side. The sedative seems to be working out of his system pretty quickly because he is sitting up straight again and he is only slurring a few of his words.

"Everything okay?" he asks.

"Well, my dad is getting married." I tell him with a smile. "And we get to have a slumber party by your parents tonight." I try to act excited about it.

"Um, that isn't such a good idea. I sent your family to the Fairmont for a reason and I don't think my parents want to hear your screams from what I plan to do to you tonight." Yep, still no filter. Couch, swallow me whole right now. I can feel the heat of my blush travel across my face and I look at Grace who is just as red as I am.

"And your parents don't want to hear you talk about it either Christian." Grace admonishes her son. "As a doctor I am happy that you have a healthy sex life but as your mother I want to think of you as pure as freshly fallen snow. Even if deep down I know for a fact it isn't true. Understand what I am saying."

"Oops. I forgot you were still here mom. Sorry." Christian apologizes.

"If Ana says you are sleeping by us tonight, then you are sleeping by us tonight. That is final. I will put you both in separate rooms if you can't behave though. You aren't Mr. and Mrs. Yet." She threatens.

Christian folds his arms and pouts. "Fine." He tells her and then leans over and whisper screams into my ear, "That means you are going to have to keep quiet tonight. Maybe I might need to gag you."

I jump up, completely ashamed and embarrassed. "Christian. Your mother is sitting right there. She can hear you. I am going to go pack before I make this floor open up so I can fall through it."

John Flynn is holding his stomach from laughing so hard and I storm off to the bedroom to pack my bag. I go into the closet and pull out a suitcase and garment bag. Gail comes out of the bathroom with a full toiletries bag. "Dear, leave the packing to me. You don't have to worry about it."

"I can't go back out there right now. Christian keeps talking about having sex with me in front of Grace." I tell her horrified. "How about you pack for Aspen and I will take care of the overnight bag." I bargain for a few minutes of reprieve.

Gail pulls me into a hug. "It's a deal. So no filter, huh?"

"None!" I exclaim, still flabbergasted.

Gail shakes her head. "The worst part is yet to come. When he regains his filter he is going to remember everything. He might not be able to look Grace in the eye for weeks. One time he told Taylor he was a lucky son of a bitch because I was one sexy woman. Taylor wanted to wallop him but I convinced him he was just a normal horny man without a filter but next morning the usual unshakable Mr. Grey was falling all over his words trying to apologize. He avoided me for about a month after that." Gail laughs at the memory. "Men really are just horny creatures under their normally smooth exterior, aren't they?"

I laugh. "Yes, they sure are."

We hear a soft knock on the door and Gail opens it. "Dr. Grey. Come in. Ana and I are just packing up."

I cringe when I see Grace. My embarrassment is still fresh. Gail excuses herself leaving me with her all by myself.

Grace comes over and embraces me in a motherly hug. "I love you Ana, you know that right. I am gaining another daughter. Two if I am lucky."

"You're lucky." I let slip. Where is my filter?

"She said yes?" Grace asks me excitedly.

"I can not confirm or deny." I try to weasel my way out of my slip up.

Grace studies me. "You know though."

I sigh, "I do, but it isn't my news to share."

"Fair enough. I wanted to speak to you about what just happened if that is okay." Grace asks permission to broach the subject, both of us obviously uncomfortable.

I nod. "Okay."

"From a medical standpoint, Christian is so relaxed that his usual filters are pretty much nonexistent. He has always had this side effect from the time he was young. I used to call it his truth serum. Not everyone who gets a sedative has this happen but he does. Whatever comes to his mind, he blurts out." She explains.

"I understand. Doesn't mean that I don't still wish to die rather than stand here and face you feeling this embarrassed."

She laughs. "I am just as embarrassed as you are, if you can believe that. That is why I wanted to face the elephant in the room head on. I know that you and my son share a very intimate relationship. I think that is fantastic and in a lot of ways brings me great relief. For so long, I didn't think that was going to be possible for Christian."

I shrug, not sure where she is going with this. "I am conflicted because I was raised that you didn't have sex before marriage. Now, just because I raised that way doesn't mean that I waited until my honeymoon either. Carrick and I weren't married when we first became intimate and he wasn't my first nor was I his. But back when we were engaged, we had to pretend we weren't sneaking off to lover's lane in the backseat of his Oldsmobile. But we were both barely twenty when we got engaged. We waited to graduate from University before we had a ceremony. And I know that you slept in the same room together the last time you stayed at our house. I don't know why suddenly now that you are engaged, I am feeling old fashioned. " She admits.

"You are right. Christian and I do have sex. We have for a while. It isn't something new for us. We are both young and we are passionate about each other. That being said, I understand where you are coming from. I want to be respectful to you in your home. You should be able to sleep soundly knowing your child is safe and soundly sleeping, not worrying you are going to walk into an eyeful or hear anything making you have mental pictures you don't want to have."

Grace looks relieved. "Exactly."

I sigh. "I am fine to sleep in the guest room. Or if Christian isn't willing to sleep separately, in a public room where I can make him behave."

"I have one more question." Grace tells me suddenly looking uncomfortable again.

"Shoot" I tell her as I brace myself. I have an idea what it is going to be about.

"Are you and Christian still doing that extreme stuff? I mean he talked about gagging you." Yep, I nailed it. I figured that was coming. I guess I should be happy she feel comfortable enough to ask me about it but it is still an awkward conversation to have with your future mother-in-law.

"Has Christian ever shown you his playroom?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "He offered once and I declined. Carrick went and told me about it after. His impression of it was that it was very, um, red."

I laugh. "I used to call it the Red Room of Pain. Though to be honest, it was only because it looked scary and intimidating. It really wasn't all that painful. Come on, I want to show you."

I stand up but Grace doesn't. "You asked the question. I am trying to help you understand this a little better. I promise you won't have to scrub your eyeballs with bleach after this. Trust me." I urge her and very reluctantly she follows me.

I lead her upstairs and bring her in front of the door that used to house the playroom. "Take a deep breath and close your eyes. I am going to lead you into the center of the room and when I say ready you can open them, okay."

Grace is looking very uneasy but she eventually does what I ask. Once her eyes are closed, I open the door and as I told her, I carefully guide her into the middle of the room. She is a little jumpy, afraid of hitting something but when she opens her eyes she will see it was all for nothing.

"Okay, ready." I tell her but she keeps her eyes closed as tightly as she can.

I laugh. "Grace, you are being ridiculous. Open your eyes."

She shakes her head no, her eyes still screwed shut.

"Fine, we will do it your way. If you were to look down you would see that you are standing on deep cherry stained wood floors." I grasp her elbow and lead her diagonally across the room. "If you were to look at the walk you would see that they are painted in a neutral cream color." I walk her around in a circle. You would also find that there is absolutely zero furniture in here. I lead her to the closet and open the door and tell her, "and there is absolutely nothing in this closet." I grab her hand and run it softly over one of the shelves. "In fact, the only evidence of what this room once was is the wooden beams running across the ceiling but you would have had to see it in its full glory to know that. Grace, the playroom was torn down days ago."

Grace's eyes fly open as she takes in the rather nondescript room it now is. I huff a little in frustration that she didn't trust me to begin with. "I hope this answers your question."

"He tore it down?"

"We tore it down. Well, we decided to together. Christian paid people to do the actual labor. Did you seriously think I would bring you on a tour of an actual sex dungeon?" I ask her, shocked when she nods in the affirmative.

"Grace, I am not going to lie to you. We did keep a few of our favorite things but just a few. I am pretty sure if I tore your room inside out I might find a few things of yours that trust me, I don't want to know about. But no, I was never a whip girl, or a cane girl. Or any of that barbaric stuff. What we kept isn't far from what every normal red-blooded person with a healthy sex life probably has." I try to explain, shocked that my embarrassment and modesty has completely left the building. "

"Mom, what are you doing in my Playroom?" Christian jokes as he comes in followed by Dr. Flynn.

Grace runs to him and wraps her arms around him. "My darling boy, you tore it down." She exclaims. "I am so proud of you."

Dr. Flynn looks around, impressed. "Solid room, you've got here Christian. But Grace, we have talked about this. This isn't something to be proud about or not proud about. The way Christian and Ana choose to express their sexuality isn't wrong."

"I choose to think she is proud that I severed my last link to Elena. But seriously Mom, I am sure you and Dad are into some kink that I am happy to live my life not knowing about. I am sorry that my kink made national news so that you know about it but I am not ashamed of who I am."

"We came to find you because Taylor said that it is time to go. Christian is doing much better and since he is going to your house Grace, I am content to release him to you." Dr. Flynn announces.

"I still don't understand why we have to go to your house for a sleep over." Christian grumbles as we all file out.


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: So in this chapter we are going dress shopping. Anytime I describe clothing, someone always leaves a comment that they don't like what my fictional character is fictionally wearing. I am not a clothes person. I invite you to use your own imagination if you have something else in mind. Some authors go through great lengths to describe what their characters are wearing and that bores me to death so I just gloss over it while others love it. To each their own. You can still make your comments, I left the ability for anyone to make a comment for a reason. Just know that when it comes to clothing descriptions, it is the only area where I really don't desire strive to improve. Maybe someday I will get there but I have so many other places where I know I am weak that matter more to me.**

 **Really not trying to rant, more like explain. On with the story...**

Chapter 36

"I still don't understand why you won't let me sleep next to my soon to be wife." Christian grumbles at his mother. I giggle. He is acting like a petulant child. Grace brought me to the guest room on the second floor next to Mia's room. Christian was just sent up to the third floor to his childhood bedroom but he is standing at the bottom of the stairs whining.

Grace's patience is wearing thin but I have to give her credit, she is handling her son like a trooper. Both Sullivan and the Taylor's came along and are camped out in Elliot's old room next door to Christian. Using her best don't mess with me voice Grace turns around and gives him one last warning. "Christian Trevelyan-Grey, if you don't march up those stair and go to bed right now I just might have to put you over my knee."

Christian looks at him mother wide-eyed. "Be careful with your threats Mom. I just might like that!"

Taylor had come to see if he could offer some assistance but burst out laughing instead and Grace turns bright red.

"Christian!" I admonish him. "That is your mother. You can't say things like that to her. Now go to bed. I will see you in the morning."

Taylor grabs Christian and half carries him up the stairs. "Come on big guy. Let's get some sleep now. The morning will be here soon enough."

Grace looks at me, astonished. "That boy is going to be the death of me. Good night."

"Good night." I close the door and lock it just like I promised Grace I would. I lean back against the door and sink to the floor as I allow the full weight of what is happening swallow me. Somebody out there actually wants to do me harm. All because of the big oaf upstairs. I laugh out loud. Tonight I could almost give him away. I'm really missing my strong, take-charge man.

I get up and pull the flowery bedding back and climb in the full-sized bed. Reaching over to turn off the bedside lamp, I lay on my side and drift off to sleep.

The next morning I wake up to knocking on my door. I am pretty well rested considering the night we've just had. I climb out of the bed and open the door to find a pretty cheerful Mia. "Morning." I tell her in my croaky voice and my hair tangled all over the place.

"Good Morning. Mom told me to tell you that breakfast is just about ready and she asked me to bring you these." Mia says cheerfully. It looks like the entire Grey clan is a bunch of cheerful early risers. Mia hands me my clothes and goes into her room and shuts the door.

Gail packed me a pair of khaki slacks and a purple button-down blouse. They also remembered to send up clean underwear and a bra, thank heavens. I dress myself pretty quickly but realize I don't have a brush or a toothbrush.

I follow the smell of bacon frying and find Gail in the kitchen. "Good morning Gail."

"Morning." She sing-songs as she flips the pancakes. When she glances in my direction she realizes I didn't have my hairbrush. "Sorry Ana, your toiletry bag didn't make it upstairs. It is in the sitting room on top of my suitcase. I'm sure you want to brush your teeth."

"Thank you." I tell her as I go to retrieve it. I slip into the bathroom that connects to Carrick's study. I can hear Christian yelling and I deflate. I imagine that he is getting the full run down of the events of last night.

Once I finished freshening up I go and knock on the door to the study. I want to see Christian. Taylor cracks open the door and when he see that it is me, he opens it wider to let me in. Carrick is sitting at his desk and Sullivan is sitting next to a seething Christian. "Did you know about all of this Ana?" he demands.

I look at Carrick because I don't know what he has been told and Carrick gives me a slight nod. "Yes Christian. Why do you think we are here this morning?" I ask him paying no mind to his grumpy mood.

"I want to know why I wasn't told any of this until this morning." Christian yells at no one in particular.

I walk up to him and go to sit in his lap. He pushes me off. "No Anastasia. Not right now."

I turn around and glare at him. "You were in no condition to make any sound judgement last night for starters. But before you get all down on yourself for having a panic attack understand one thing, if it weren't for that, Carrick wouldn't have come and called my mother. If he hadn't talked to my mother when he did, she might not have been so forthcoming with the valuable information that she did. Your father and Taylor and whomever else you trust with your life came together and put the puzzle together and formulated a plan. They ran their assessment and their plan by me and I happen to agree with them. So instead of losing your damn head over when you found out, how about you try to be thankful that your well-oiled machine can work even in moments when you are incapacitated for whatever reason. Good morning to you too, Christian. Gentlemen. I will be in the kitchen with Gail." I rant and storm out.

There is only so much of the spoiled brat Christian I can take at a time and I have reached my limit.

When I get back to the kitchen, my frustration hasn't dissipated, if anything it has increased ten-fold. Not much gets by Gail and her observant eye. "I take it that Mr. Grey isn't taking any of this well," She comments.

"I would say that not taking it well would be a big understatement." I confirm as I snatch a piece of bacon off the warming rack.

"Well, breakfast is ready so go ahead and fix yourself a plate. I am going to leave this for the boys and come join you, Ms. Grey, and Dr. Grey at the dining room table.

I load up my plate with breakfast. I am not going to be a bride that starves herself to fit in a wedding dress. Either it fits when I have a full stomach or it doesn't. I know I am stress eating and I will have to be mindful of it though. It is kind of funny that sometime I won't eat when I am stressed out and other times I can't eat enough.

"There you are Ana. Are you excited to go dress hunting today?" Mia asks when she sees me.

"Actually, I am." I admit. I normally hate shopping but today is different.

Grace eats her breakfast, obviously exhausted. "I wish I could go with you girls but I am due to go on shift at noon. Dr. Sanchez is leaving on vacation and I offered to take half of his today."

I appreciate her sentiment but honestly, I am a little thankful to have a little space from her today. I feel a little guilty for feeling that way. I love her but last night was intense.

"Kate should be here soon. I texted her and told her that we were all meeting here first so she said she would come over once she has had a cup of coffee and a shower." Mia tells me.

I nod as I shovel down my pancakes. Gail leans over to watch the men enter the kitchen to get their breakfast. "Where is Gretchen?" I ask Grace since she also has her own housekeeper.

"Her father is having heart surgery today so I gave her the week off to spend time with her family. If she needs more, all she has to do is ask but I had to practically force the dear girl to go for the week." Grace explains.

Taylor, Sullivan, and Carrick are first in the dining room with their plates. The chair beside me is the only one that remains. I can hear Christian getting himself a cup of coffee so I know he has at least calmed down.

When he finally shows his face, he takes the one chair next to me but doesn't acknowledge me. He announces good morning to the entire table and starts eating. One bite after another.

Gail winks at me. She told me this would happen and boy was she right. Grace watches her son eat as if she is expecting something. When he doesn't acknowledge her either, she gets angry. "Christian Grey, I know you are not happy today but if you are going to be such a dark cloud around here, why don't you go to work."

"When I finish eating I am going to go. Ana, have fun in Aspen. Keep security close by. I am sending Taylor and Gail with you. Mia, please keep her close." He instructs.

I wrinkle my brow. Have fun in Aspen? "You aren't going to come with me?" I ask him even though he is doing his best to look anywhere but at me.

"No." he gives a clipped one-word answer.

"Why not?"

"Because I have shit to do, okay. Have fun dress shopping. See you when I see you." He says going to the door with Sullivan running after him.

I also get up and follow him. "See you when I see you? What in the hell is that Christian?" I say behind gritted teeth, trying my ever loving best not to create a huge scene or slap the hell out of him.

Christian turns his back to me. "Anastasia, don't. Just please don't." as he walks out the door and climbs into the backseat of his Audi.

Taylor comes up behind me and pulls me into a quiet, seldom used room. "Sit down Ana. Let me clue you into what is happening."

I sit because I was told. I am on autopilot. My heart is breaking and it hurts so bad. Tears are streaming down my face and Taylor pulls out his phone and snaps a picture. "What the hell Taylor."

"I am sending that to John Flynn. He is going to be doing some intense therapy sessions over the next several days to weeks. He will use the picture when he feels the time is right to show him that his actions have very real consequences. The pain I can see in your eyes. The tears. That is real and he needs to face the carnage he leaves behind when he goes on these rampages so that in the future, he thinks about others and not just himself. " Taylor explains. "He decided not to go Aspen because he feels powerless to protect you. He knows you are in danger simply because you are in his life. Last night he was rendered powerless during a time where a lot of split second decisions needed to be made. I am not trying to make excuses for him. The way he just treated you was shitty but don't doubt the love he has for you either. Go dress shopping. Plan the wedding. Plan for your future. What happened this morning, this is temporary. You will be able to give him shit for it later and I expect you to. He needs to learn that it is not acceptable behavior no matter what his fears are." Taylor leans over and gives me a hug. It is a little weird coming from him.

"Okay." I tell him while tears are still streaming down my face.

"Here is the plan. I don't want you to have any communication with Christian for at least two or three days. I can't stop you, of course but I can promise you that nothing good is going to come of it. Christian is going to be an asshole because when he wants to be, he can be the King of Assholes. Communicating with him is going to exacerbate the situation. Instead, every time you have something you want to tell him, take a picture or write it down so that you can share it with him later. Tell him how mad you are, how hurt you are, how much fun you had. The whole bit so he can walk through your pain with you and Dr. Flynn."

I nod, understanding what Taylor is telling me but I am overwhelmed. "How often does this happen Taylor?"

"Thankfully, not that often. We are reasonably sure he is pushing you away in some attempt to protect you. We meaning me and Dr. Flynn. You are the first person that he appears to care enough about that it just might get through to him that this is a dangerous coping mechanism. So on his end, what will be going on is that he is going to hyperfocus on work. He is going to try to control every aspect of every single thing in the company because he feels that is something he can manipulate in his favor. He is going to shun everything he feels he can't control. For example, he won't attend the security briefings and he won't interact with you. Don't mistake that for him not caring about you. He cares a lot. He will have a daily lunch session with Dr. Flynn and every night from six until late. As long as progress is being made, Dr. Flynn will stay with him."

I close my eyes and count to ten. "I am pissed Taylor. When I agreed to marry him I didn't envision him throwing some huge hissy fit and throwing me to the side."

"Write that down Ana. Start a journal in your phone." Taylor encourages me. "You have every reason to be pissed. That is exactly what he has just done. When he comes out of this, and realizes how he made you feel, he will hate that he made you feel this way. I have worked for Christian for seven years and this is the third time this has happened. The first time was when you left. That lasted for about a week before we got him back on track. The last time was when the videos were made public and that only last for a couple of days from what I was told. Gail and I were on our honeymoon so I missed it because he was much better by the time I got back. Each time, you have been involved somehow, quite honestly. Now it is my understanding that he used to behave this way much more often when he was younger. That obviously had nothing to do with you."

Great, just great. I bring out the worst in my future husband. I know Taylor is just trying to offer me some insight into what he knows about Christian but what I want more than anything is Christian to come back and comfort me. I know it isn't too late to back out and breaking up now is cheaper than a divorce later. I am definitely going to get another job. I need my own money so I am never stuck. I decide that Taylor is right. I write everything down. I want to leave him yet, I love him too much not to fight for him but I am going to leave all my options on the table including moving the wedding back for a year.

The doorbell rings and Taylor answers it. Kate comes bounding in, looking radiant. "Oh my goodness. Steele! Why are you crying? This is supposed to be a happy day. We are going to try on wedding dresses together. Can you believe it?"

I smile through my tears. "I'm fine. Just had some disturbing news so I have to fly to Aspen later tonight with Mia. Christian can't come and I am a little sad about it but lets go find the dress." I tell her leaving out that Christian won't be coming to Aspen with me. I am not exactly sure why I am protecting him but maybe I am just protecting myself.

"Let me go get Mia and Gail and then we can get going. Who is driving?" Kate asks

Taylor raises his hand. "That would be me."

"Woah. We rate the big guns today!" Kate exclaims as she leaves in search of my two other bridesmaids.

Before I know it we are all packed into one Audi SUV heading to the Bridal Boutique. Taylor looks overjoyed to be the one to accompany us but at least this way he can have some input on Gail's dress. Silver linings, right?

As soon as I get into the shop, I am overwhelmed. A pretty blond comes right over to assist us. "So who is the lucky bride?"

Mia points at both me and Kate. "They are."

"And I am assuming you are all in the wedding party." She asks, looking at us a little strangely.

"Yes." I confirm.

"Well I will be happy to assist you. My name is Rachel and I have been running this shop for the last seven years. We have every service that any bride could want available here. Let's start with the bridesmaids. Did you have a particular color you were looking for?"

I nod but Kate answers. We are interested in see color swatches. We know we want a color that is either silver to a dark gray. We just need to settle on a specific one."

The door chimes and I look over, relieved to see Melissa coming through the door. I immediately go over to her and give her a big hug. "Congratulations. We are picking out the exact gray from the color swatches. I really want your opinion because you know what will look best with the flowers."

Rachel smiles. "Another bridesmaid?"

"No, mother of the bride." I blurt out and everyone looks at me funny including Melissa. I sigh, "Fine, have it your way, future step-mother of the bride."

She holds up her ring and everyone congratulates her. I am genuinely happy. We look over the color swatches and I am immediately drawn to one of the darker shades of grey. It isn't so dark that it looks black but it is a deep, rich gray. I point at it and look at Melissa and she nods and smiles. "This is the one. This is the color."

Rachel turns over the swatch. The is called Slate Gray though there are two designers that call it dark slate gray so we will have to be careful when we order to make sure. Ladies, the bridemaids dresses are over here. They can all be ordered in your desired color. You can browse them and try them on right over there as you wish. She spots Taylor over in the corner by the window looking miserable. "Sir, can I get you anything. I do have a few tuxedos if you wish to get fitted."

"No thank you. I am good. I have the pleasure of escorting all these lovely ladies today. I look forward to seeing them find something they like." He says diplomatically.

I pull Melissa off to the side as Kate follows Rachel to the wedding dresses in another room. "Look, I hate to put you on the spot like this but I pretty much lost my mother last night. When I told her Christian and I were engaged she lost her mind so I told her I didn't want anything to do with her right now and that she wasn't welcome to attend the wedding. I wish I could tell you more but I promise you I wasn't trying to be a spoiled brat. I really need a mother figure right now and I know you haven't been engaged to my Dad a whole 24 hours yet but could you do this for me?" I plead.

"Annie, sweetheart. What do you need from me right now?" she asks, placing her hand on my upper arm.

Tears spring to my eyes. "I need someone to give me an honest opinion about the dresses I try on. I need someone to tell me to calm down if I become a demanding brat. I just need someone to lean on." I cry.

Melissa pulls me right into a big hug and kisses me on the cheek. "I can do that. But Ana, I am not going to come between you and your mother and I am not going to speak ill of her. I am not here to take her place. I am too new into this family dynamic to understand what is going on or even form an opinion. Your mother is still your mother." She whispers to me as I sob into her shoulder.

"I can live with that." I answer. "I just never imagined she wouldn't be here to support me when I got married is all. Thank you for being here."

We walk hand in hand together into the other room and Kate is already in a dress. She looks stunning. I whistle. "You look sexy." I tell her as she examines herself in the three way mirror. It is a pretty simple sleeveless dress that hugs all her curves until it flairs out just under her behind.

"Thank you Steele but I don't know about this one." Kate says as she makes a few faces.

Melissa looks at the empty rack, "Why don't you put that one in the maybe section in the middle. You do look stunning."

"I concur." I pipe up while browsing through another rack full of dresses hoping one catches my eye. I have a pretty good idea of what I am not looking for. I know I don't want a dress that is too revealing and I know I don't want a big puffy poofy dress either.

Melissa is searching on the other side of the room. "Annie, what about this one?" She pulls out a dress that is beautiful. It has beautiful lace work along the bodice and straps and then flairs naturally down past my hips. I don't know if it will be The Dress but it is exactly what I was looking for. I take it to the dressing room and strip down before climbing into it. I have to wait for Rachel to finish helping Kate before she can button me up but it is beautiful. If it weren't for the lace, it would be a simple white sweetheart strapless dress. Nothing special. But then there is the shear layer that is cut a bit more modestly into a bateau neckline. The lacework flowers cover my cleavage and follows the strap down onto my back. I didn't notice that the flowers continue down the dress until I actually got it on and really looked at it. They are just enough and spread out that they aren't overdone.

Rachel comes in to my dressing room and immediately buttons me up. "You are much more independent, aren't you?" she teases me.

"Some people would say impatient but I prefer your description. I think I will counter them with independent from now on."

Rachel looks over me approvingly. "You know, you might have found your dress on your first try. That is quite impressive. You should still try on a couple more to be sure but I think you are going to love it.

She opens the curtain dramatically and Kate is standing in front of the mirrors in a dress that just doesn't suit her. It is huge with big puffy shoulders and long lace sleeves that end in a diamond by her middle finger. Despite all that material, her boobs still manage to be stuck out for all to see. I laugh. "I don't think so Kate."

Kate towards me to go back to take it off and stops dead in her tracks. "Ana. That is it. That is just so you. Not to mention it is practically a perfect fit." She assesses. Since there aren't any mirrors in the dressing room, I have to wait to actually see how it looks on me but just looking down at it, I am pretty happy with it.

I step up the stairs and onto the platform in front of the mirrors and Melissa gasps and runs out of the room, calling the others. When I look into the mirror for the first time I gasp. There is absolutely no need to try anything else on. This is it.

Mia comes first with two dresses in her hands. "Ana, you look so beautiful and classy." She nods approvingly.

Gail comes in with Taylor and she puts her hands up to her face and nods. Even Taylor is smiling. I laugh when I see that she is dressed in an orange creation that just looks ridiculous.

I look at my reflection one more time before turning to Rachel. "I will take it."

Rachel looks a little nervous. "Before you commit, I have to ask if you checked the price tag. This is one of the most expensive dresses I carry."

Not that it matters to me. Taylor has Christian's AMEX to pay for it but I am curious. "I didn't check. How much is it."

"It is an Ines Di Santo dress. It cost $9755." Rachel cringes as she waits for my reaction.

I sigh. That is an awful lot to spend on a dress for a single afternoon but I can't imagine another one that I would like better.

"I have some that are a similar cut to that one that are quite a bit more affordable. We could go look at them." Rachel suggests.

I just keep staring at my reflection. I love this dress. I think Christian will love seeing me in this dress and if he gets himself together, he would be mad if I didn't buy it just because I could have found a cheaper one. "I will take it."

Rachels nearly falls over her three-inch heels. "We could do a payment plan. When is the wedding?"

Kate calls out from the back, "July 13th." I roll my eyes at her.

"2014?"

I shake my head. "No, 2013. It is in eight and a half weeks."

Taylor watches the exchange until he has had his fill. He is accustomed to people knowing who he is and who he works for since he is Christian's shadow. "We will take the dress and pay in full today."

"Absolutely. If it is okay, I am going to help Kate with her next dress and then I will be in to see how the bridesmaids are doing. She sputters and rushes back to Kate.

I mouth a silent thank you to Taylor go back to the dressing room to wait for Rachel to help me take it off.

It doesn't take her long to get back to me and I am dressed in no time. "Kate, I'm going to check on the bridesmaids. Give a little shout when you come out so I can give you my opinion."

"Will do! Go help Mia and Gail."

I stop to give Melissa a hug. "You made this so easy. You are amazing." I tell her.

"Sorry I picked out such an expensive dress." Melissa apologizes.

I wave my hand at her to stop her. "Honestly, it isn't a big deal. The dress could have been twice as much and I still would have bought it. That feels really weird to say and I am not usually a big spender but it is my wedding day."

"Is it okay with you if I stay back and help Kate?" she asks looking for my approval.

"Please do. Since you have such impeccable taste, why don't you find one for her from the same rack you found mine. Did you want to look at dresses for yourself?"

Melissa shakes her head no. "Your father and I have both had our big weddings already. I think we are just going to go to the Justice of the Peace and have a backyard bbq with our family and a few close friends. Where we will spend some money is the honeymoon." She laughs.

When I step into the bridesmaid room, both Mia and Gail are in the changing room. "How is it going?" I ask Taylor.

He looks at me and shrugs. They have both come out here looking beautiful and looking ridiculous. Doesn't matter what I tell them, they go try another one on."

I laugh. That is the reason I hate shopping with Kate. It doesn't matter if the first one is perfect, she tries on the rest of the store just to make sure.

Mia steps out in the perfect dress for her. "Mia. That dress is perfect." I gush.

"You think? I keep coming back to this one but I am not sure." She turns to look at herself in the mirror again.

"I do, take it off and lets order that one."

The sounds of shrieking laughter comes from the bridal room so Mia and I follow the noise. Melissa is doubled over in her chair and Kate is stomping her foot and dancing around. Rachel is slightly red and looks a little sheepish.

"What is going on?" I ask, amused just by watching them.

Rachel speaks up. "I am very sorry Ana. I thought that you and Kate were getting married."

I crinkle my eyebrows, confused. "We are both getting married." Mia starts to giggle too.

Kate manages to get out despite her hysterics, "No Steele, she thought we were getting married to each other."

I think about it for a second and I can see where Rachel got that idea from. I shrugged. "Easy mistake, especially when my Maid of Honor here decides to most of your questions for me. How did it come up? I am just curious."

Rachel sighs, "I was nervous thinking we had eight weeks to get Kate into a dress she likes and altered in time."

I look at the dress Kate is now wearing and it suits her. "I really like that one Kate." It is a form fitting dress that shows off all her curves. Kate not only has the body to pull it off, she has the confidence.

"I do too."

I look at Rachel and explain. "We are marrying brothers and we have been best friends for years now. She is my maid of honor and I am getting married in July because my fiancé is im… independent. I don't think Kate has set a date yet."

"Don't you mean impatient, Ana. I mean I guess he is independent too but one of the first adjective I would use to describe your man is impatient." Kate blabbers.

"Rachel and I decided that independent was a better word than impatient. She knew what I meant." I say smiling at our bridal attendant. I am trying to make he feel better since she thought Kate and I were a lesbian couple and obviously embarrassed about it.

"Okay, well I know the month I am getting married in. I always wanted December wedding. I just love the Holidays and I think it would be so romantic. I just don't know if it is going to be in 2013 or 2014 yet. And you have to be my matron of honor Ana."

"Hold on. Mia, when you get married who is going to be your maid of honor."

Mia looks at me, curious why I am asking. "My best friend Lily."

Relieved I answer Kate. "Absolutely. I will absolutely be your matron of honor."

"Why did you ask me who my maid of honor was going to be?" Mia asks.

Kate answers for me, obviously she caught on. "She didn't want to leave you out. If you didn't have anyone in mind, she was going to decline so you could be my maid of honor and then she would be yours. Since you do have someone to fill the roll, we don't feel guilty about making you a just a bridesmaid."

"Exactly." I agree.

Two hours and $24,000 later the bridesmaids dresses are ordered and Kate and I walk out with our gowns. Taylor looks like a prisoner just released from jail and smelling sweet freedom again at last. For me, it means my little diversion to escape my current reality is over. Will there actually be a wedding?

While Kate and Mia are happily talking in the backseat, I sit up front with Taylor. He tells me that Grace invited Ray and Melissa over to her house for a late lunch before they head home. Then Grace and I are going to do a mock up of the yard to determine what rental supplies were going to be needed before the flight to Aspen later tonight.

"How is Christian?" I dare to ask him.

Taylor glances over at me. "Hard at work. Exactly how I told you he would be."

So day one of the great freeze is fully planned out for me. I realize that I am probably going to be kept very busy and very scheduled over the next few days in an effort to distract me from this deep pain I am feeling deep in my chest. I decide that I am going to set a time limit because there is only so much I am going to be able to take of this. Five days, including today. That is it. If he isn't back by then, I am done. I have to heal my broken heart.

"Taylor"

"Yes Ana."

"Tell Flynn he has four more days after today to work his magic. If he isn't back by then, I am out."

 **A/N: So a little angst to go with the drama. Right now, I hate Christian myself. No, I am not going to do any from Christian's POV. Maybe when this story is over I might take on a few outtakes. Don't worry, it won't take too long before they are reunited. I won't make any promises about how that is going to go because I am toying with three vastly different scenarios.**


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: I managed to find a little time to write so here is a little chapter for you. I have started on the next one already so you shouldn't have long to wait.**

Chapter 37

The flight to Aspen was very uneventful. We boarded shortly after Grace and I went over plans for a backyard wedding. It is very hard to plan for a wedding when you aren't even sure there is going to be one. Even though Grace is aware of Christian's current state, she didn't address it with me. I thought that was kind of strange, considering she was willing to ask intimate details about our sex life. But this isn't her first time seeing Christian like this so perhaps that is why she didn't bring it up. And to be honest, I prefer to keep our problems to ourselves anyhow.

Mia could barely sit still the entire flight. She was so excited. Evidently she has good friends in Aspen and already has made plans for her time there. I was exhausted and was only half-listening as she happily chatted non-stop.

Christian's Aspen home is spectacular. The use of natural wood and stonework is a stark contrast to Escala's sharp edges, metal, and white decor. Here, everything is warm, homey, and colorful and it helped me relax for the first time today.

I could tell Taylor was unsure where I should settle in but Gail noticed and brought me to the master bedroom. So now I am sitting in a warm comfortable bed just thinking. I am so tempted to text Christian and give him a piece of my mind. Mrs. Martin, the housekeeper here in Aspen started a fire for me and the flames have captivated me. I have no idea how much time has past but it is late and I should sleep, I just can't. My mind is too busy playing a game of he loves me, he loves me not.

I understand why Christian had a panic attack, I really do. Just as we thought everything was dying down, it starts right back up again. Just like this fire I am watching. What I don't understand is his reaction afterwards. I have always known that Christian is complicated. With his background, that is no surprise. But I haven't really known him to be selfish like this. At least, not when I am concerned. I guess that is why I haven't broken things off with him yet.

I just hope Dr. Flynn has some success soon because I am not going to wait forever. I set my line in the sand already. Five days and not one day longer. I meant every bit of that. I think it is more than generous. Truthfully, I should have said good bye already. I know that, but I am a love sick fool.

The pop of the firewood burning lulls me into a deep sleep. I dream of happier times ahead.

The next morning, I wake up and I can fully appreciate the view out of the window. It was dark when we arrived but I am not surprised by the beauty. The house is set high on a hill and the views of the mountain with the wild flowers are amazing.

I get up and go to the great room downstairs. Gail and Mrs. Martin are chatting up a storm and Taylor is on his phone. They all smile at me. Mia is probably still sleeping, she was so excited when we got here that it probably took her a while to settle in for the night. She was making all kinds of plans yesterday. It isn't her first time here, of course.

"How did you sleep?" Mrs. Martin asks me kindly.

I shrug, "Not bad once I got to sleep. Thank you for the fire. It was very comforting." I offer.

"I will make you another one this evening. What would you like for breakfast?"

I am not really hungry yet. I would much rather explore this house a little and maybe read a book. "Nothing, thank you."

Gail raises an eyebrow, "Christian wouldn't like that very much. You need to eat something dear."

The anger rises in me so fast I can't stop myself. "I don't care what Christian likes and doesn't like. If he wants a say so then he can get his ass here. Until then, I will eat what I want, when I want, even if it is nothing." I yell.

Gail opens and then closes her mouth as she examines me. Taylor gets up to come to Gail's defense. My entire face is burning red and my hands are balled up in a fist. My chest is rising and falling as I try to get my breathing under control. I know that none of this is Gail's fault but I can't help myself. The anger that I managed to surpress yesterday is unrelenting today. I turn around and storm out.

After I spent the morning touring the entire house, I decide it is a beautiful day to go on a hike. I change into a pair of jeans and the boots that Gail thought to pack for me. I took a bottle of water out of the fridge and walked out of the house without telling anyone. Since my outburst this morning, everyone has been giving me a wide berth. Even Mia and she wasn't there for it.

I follow the stream that I could see from the bedroom window up a hill and down a windy path into a valley. The exercise improves my mood and as I walk I envision two different scenarios. One where I leave Christian and one where he gets his shit together and we get married. If I do leave him, moving in with Kate downstairs is a good temporary option, but temporary. I could beg for my job back in New Orleans but I don't know that route. I prefer to work everything out but the longer Christian is gone, the more angry I get. I don't want to marry a baby who reverts back to a spoiled brat whenever he doesn't get his way. I love him, but he has got to fix this.

My stomach growls and I notice that it must be late in the afternoon so I turn around to head back the way I came. Since there is much more climbing involved, it is much more slow going on the return trip. The hike has been good for me, I feel much more in control now that I have had time alone to come up with a plan, at least for the near future. When I reach the stream I know I will see the house once I get to the top of the hill and it motivates me. Who I didn't expect to see when I reached the top is Christian.

Christian is standing outside on his phone, pacing back and forth. I fight the urge to run to him. While on the one hand, I am happy he is here, on the other hand I am pissed off again. He turns and spots me and immediately breaks off into a sprint towards me.

"Ana!" He says as he wraps his arms around me.

I don't wrap my arms around him and he notices. He pulls back and looks at me with hurt in his eyes. There are so many things I want to say, most aren't nice so I hold my tongue and say nothing.

"Where have you been?" he asks cautiously and when I shoot him a look to kill he adds. "Well, I mean you have been hiking, obviously. I didn't think you were into hiking."

"Yeah, well when you need to figure out a plan to leave your fiancé, hiking provides the right mix of solitude, exercise, and soul-searching." I spit out sassily.

He has the nerve to look devastated and while under normal circumstances that would pull out my heart-strings, right now it only feeds the angry beast that took residence inside me. "What did you expect when you threw me to the side yesterday? That I would be sitting here looking pretty until you wanted to pick me back up to play again? Fuck that." I walk away from him, back towards the house.

Christian doesn't follow me. Damn it, I want him to follow me. I want him to fight for me. I want to fight with him.

I leave Christian still frozen to the spot I left him in and enter the house to the smell of home cooking. I am so hungry I could eat a horse. I spot Mrs. Martin, "Mmmm, whatever you are cooking smells so good." I compliment.

"Where have you been?" Taylor bellows at me. He is so angry, veins are popping out of his neck.

I shrug and roll my eyes. "Hiking."

I steel myself for the lecture I am about to have but I could care less about anything he has to say right now. My safety, blah blah blah. It wasn't that long ago that I could walk where I wanted, when I wanted without having to tell anyone. I didn't even go that far. Yes, I know there are kidnapping threats and death threats but seriously, no one knows I am here. I didn't even leave Christian's property line.

"So did he only come because you all lost me?" I ask once Taylor finished blowing his stack.

"You have to promise me, Ana, that you will not leave again without at least telling someone where you are going." Taylor tells me in return, ignoring my question.

"I will not make promises I can not keep, now answer my question. Why is he here?" I demand.

Taylor looks behind me and I know that Christian has finally come back inside. "Because I love you." I hear softly.

I don't turn towards Christian's voice and I watch Taylor and Mrs. Martin both leave the kitchen stealthily. Mrs. Martin must think I am a first class bitch. Every time she has seen me today, after meeting me hours ago, I have been yelling. Even Gail doesn't know what to do with me. She has never seen this side. Luckily for her, I seldom blow up this spectacularly.

"Did you bring Dr. Flynn with you?" I ask, still looking at the wall.

"Are you leaving me Ana?" Christian asks, his voice heavy with emotion.

I sigh as I fight an internal battle. I want to turn around and hug him and promise everything will be okay but that would be a lie, especially if I make this easy on him. If we kiss and make up like nothing happened, he won't think twice about reverting to this the next time something happens. I can't have that. "That is yet to be determined, but it is a possibility." I admit sadly.

"I am so sorry Ana. Can we talk?" Christian begs.

I shrug. "We are talking Christian." I say, somewhat annoyed.

"Can you look at me Ana."

I can't. I can't look at him or I will lose my anger and my resolve and I need both of those right now. "Nope. You really hurt me yesterday Christian. I'm not letting you hurt me like that ever again." I say and walk out of the room, once again leaving Christian standing in place.

As I enter the great room, I see Gail, Taylor, Ms. Martin, and Dr. Flynn all talking in hushed tones. When they notice me, they immediately stop and look at me. I just give them a small smile and continue to the master bedroom. I need to change out of these clothes and take a nice warm bath before supper.

Christian's suitcase is on my bed, not yet unpacked. I shake my head and pick it up and place it outside the door before locking it. I shake my head and laugh to myself. Presumptuous, I scoff. I take my time undressing and running my bath. I pour a little lemongrass bubble bath and step in letting the warmth sooth my aching muscles. I could almost take a nap in here. If I had eaten dinner already, I am sure I would fall asleep.

I change into my pajamas before going to eat. Right now, I only care about being comfortable. I notice Christian's suitcase is no longer next to the door in the hallway where I put it. Mia is in the kitchen eating already. I want to ask where Christian is but I don't. Mrs. Martin serves up a big plate of chicken and dumplings and I thank her.

"Do you want to go to the nightclub with me Ana?" Mia asks as she texts someone.

Mrs. Martin's chicken and dumplings are to die for. Comfort food at it's best. I take another bite before answering Mia. "When? Tonight?"

She nods. "A new place just opened up last week that I want to check out. My friends Blake and Mason are picking me up in an hour."

I haven't been out dancing in a long time. The club scene really isn't my scene but why not. It better than staying here and moping. "Let me just go tell Taylor that I am going." I tell her.

She giggles. "Yeah, you better. You should have seen him when you when on your hike. He really lost his shit thinking he lost you."

"Seriously. I felt like I was suffocating. I needed to sort myself out." I explain.

"You don't have to explain anything to me. I am an expert at ditching my security." Mia laughs.

I do kind of feel guilty for not thinking to at least tell Taylor my plan and causing him all kinds of undue stress earlier. I go to try to find him but stop when I hear loud sobbing. I follow the noise to a little room off of the dining room and I see Sullivan sitting outside.

"Hi Sullivan, have you seen Taylor?" I ask as nicely as I can.

He points to inside the room. "He is in there with the boss."

I reach for the handle but Sullivan shakes his head. "He is with the Doctor. You can't go in there."

I raise an eyebrow at him as I turn the handle anyhow. The sight in front of me was heartbreaking. Christian is crying, hugging a pillow on the floor looking heartbroken.

Dr. Flynn stops midsentence and turns to glare at me. I am not sure if he is glaring because I interrupted a session or because Christian is crying because of me. "Ana."

Christian ignores the fact that I am in the room.

I spot Taylor in the corner. "I am letting you know that I am going to the club with Mia tonight."

"I don't think that is a good idea." Taylor tells me.

I huff. "I wasn't asking. I am telling you that I am going." I raise my eyebrow at him, challenging him.

Taylor lets out a deep breath. "Okay Ana, I'll send Sullivan with you."

Christian lets out a wail and I march over to stand in front of him. "Oh stop it Christian." I tell him, annoyed. "You want to fix this? You won't do it by crying."

Dr. Flynn studies me. "Sit down please Anastasia."


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: I didn't read your reviews of the previous chapter yet. I didn't want them to influence this chapter. That said, I am off to read them now even though I can probably already guess how most of you felt. Probably much the same as I do. Don't worry, Ana has an attitude adjustment.** Chapter 38

I stare Dr. Flynn down before deciding to sit for a few minutes. "I don't have long, I promised Mia I would go out with her tonight." I warn.

He smiles warmly. "I understand. I won't keep you very long." He promises.

I shift in my seat as I keep one eye on Christian. I wait for Dr. Flynn to begin but he seems content in observing us for the time being.

"Anastasia, I need to know, and I am sure Christian here does too, " Dr Flynn starts. "Is all hope of a reconciliation gone or is there something to work from here?"

I take a big breath in and let it out very slowly. "There is still hope. There is still a lot of hope." I admit softly. "It is just right now, I am so angry. I think yesterday I was in shock so I was able to go with the flow but today I just woke up angry. I can't let him think that it is okay to treat me with such disregard, especially if I am going to marry him."

Christian lifts his face out of the pillow to look at me. His eyes red, but hopeful. Dr. Flynn nods. "I can understand that you would feel angry about what happened. Before I let you go to enjoy your evening, can I ask a question?"

I nod, nervously.

Dr. Flynn looks me in the eyes. "How do you see mending your relationship? How can you both move on from this?"

I deflate and tears spring to my eyes. "Yesterday I felt so invisible, so hurt. I feel like I don't matter at all. Everything can be going great and then bam, I am worthless. Worse than the trash. I've trusted Christian to keep me safe and he made me feel loved and secure. I think I lost some of that last night."

I try to explain. "I don't know how to fix it."

"So you lost trust in Christian, am I right?" Dr. Flynn tries to clarify.

I nod my head yes as I release my anger in the form of the tears rolling down my face.

"Go ahead Anastasia and enjoy your night. Would you be willing to do a couples session tomorrow?" Dr. Flynn asks.

I fidget a little in my spot. "Yeah, I could do that."

He gives me a satisfied look before turning to Christian. "She agreed to talk tomorrow but I know you heard what she said. We will get to work on that tonight. "

Realizing I have been dismissed, I stand up and a turn to leave. I look back at Christian one more time and our eyes meet. I try to convey my love to him through my eyes. He gives me a small smile and a nod so I can only hope that he understood.

After searching through my luggage, I find nothing appropriate to go out in. I find Mia in a panic. "I have nothing appropriate to wear for a night out."

Mia looks thoughtful for a second. "We are about the same size. I probably have something you can borrow." She offers and takes me to the room she is sleeping in. She opens her closet and pulls out a slinky silver number. "Here, try this."

Knowing we don't have much time, I slip out of my pajamas and into the dress in front of Mia. She whistles. "Don't let my brother see you or you won't get to leave the house." She whispers.

I turn in front of the full length mirror and examine myself. Mia is shorter than I am so this dress is much shorter than anything I would wear in public normally. I am showing some serious side boob but other than that, all my bits are covered. I catch the shoes Mia throws me and sit on the bed to get them on. Mia's cell phone alerts her that the guys are here so I text Sullivan.

Two shots and an hour later, I am feeling really good. Mason and Blake are really nice guys. They are dating and really are made for each other. They are total opposites but so much fun to listen to. They are also really protective of Mia, which I like but Mia is not a fan. Every guy who tries to get close has been forced to go through a game of twenty questions. I am hid back in a corner booth, trying to refrain from getting noticed and with Sullivan sitting next to me, it looks like I am taken. You are taken, Ana. I remind myself. The people watching has been on point.

After the music switches to a slow song, Mia comes back leaving Blake and Mason on the dance floor, dirty dancing with each other. She takes a long sip of her long island iced tea. "So how are things going with my brother?" she screams over the loud music.

I shrug. "Could be better." I admit.

Mia stops dancing in her seat and turns towards me. "What he did to you was a jerk move. Just walking out like that and not talking to you. I told him so. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive him, Ana."

If only I could put into words all these complicated feelings I am having. Sullivan is looking absolutely miserable and when an Imagine Dragons song comes on that I want to dance to, I tell him I am going on the dance floor. I take one more big gulp of my drink before heading to the dance floor, Sullivan hot on my heels.

Mia sees me and comes to dance beside me. Sullivan is dancing behind me and that man has some moves. It was very entertaining to watch him alone. We end up dancing until they call for last call. I am kind of surprised that Christian didn't turn up here. I know clubs are generally not his scene but I just felt like he would show up at some point and I can't deny my disappointment.

Back in the car, we all laugh about how much fun we had. Mia tells me how she met Blake and Mason a few years back when she was learning to ski. They were her instructors and she had the hugest crush on Blake. Mason chimed in that he also had a huge crush on Blake but he was the winner.

Mia and I stumble into the house a little after two in the morning. Both of us giggling but trying to be quiet and not wake anyone up. Of course that meant we made all kind of racket running into things here and there.

I tell her a final good night and open my door to find Christian sitting on my bed waiting for me.

"Did you have a nice time?" He asks.

"I did. It was fun." I admit shyly.

He stands up and comes over to me. Stopping in front of me but not daring to touch me. "I really am sorry Ana." He tells me desperately.

I nod my head. "I know. But being sorry doesn't make this go away, Christian." I tell him softly.

"What does?"

I stare at him in disbelief. "Time. We can work past it, I can forgive you. Yes. But honestly, every single time something goes wrong that upsets you I will tense up, expecting you to abandon me again and again. The next time I have to make a decision in your place, I am going to question whether or not I am worthy enough to be given the task. Everything I thought I knew, everything I thought I was sure about is suddenly not so clear right now and I would do anything to reverse the clock and not call Carla but I can't do that."

The sadness in Christian's eyes are reflected in mine. "I fucked up."

I nod because he did. He did fuck up royally. But that doesn't mean it is the end. I am sure I am going to fuck up royally one day too.

"What can I do?" he breathes out his inquiry.

"Love me. Even when you are angry don't act like I don't matter to you." I cry. "Don't ever ignore me like that again. And I shouldn't have to go missing for you to come and act like you give a damn." I add.

Christian watches me carefully, "About that."

I interrupt him. "Taylor already read me the riot act."

"I know. I heard him. And in the future I would like you to let someone know when you decide to go hiking but that isn't why I came, Ana. I came here because I missed you. I love you. I know I behaved badly. I can't fix that but I can work on myself so I never leave you out like that again. No one realized you were gone until I got here. It was the scariest hour of my life until you told me you were planning on leaving me." He confesses.

I sit down on the bed. He came here on his own? Not because anyone alerted him that they couldn't find me? The feelings of guilt and confusion all leave me overwhelmed and ashamed. I have been such a bitch to everyone today, including Christian. I have some apologies to make tomorrow morning.

"Ana, baby. You have every right to be mad at me but could I please sleep in here tonight. Next to you?" He asks timidly.

Ten minutes ago I would have told him where he could get off but right now, I want to be comforted in his arms. I want everything to go back to the way it was between us. I sigh and nod once. "To sleep, yes. If you think you can get into my panties, however, the guest room is down the hall."

Christian smiles for the first time tonight. "Thank you." He says, striping into his t-shirt and boxers.

I put on my pajamas from earlier. It is strange getting into the bed with Christian wearing clothing. We normally sleep together naked, even on the nights we don't make love. I am just aware that Christian can sometimes use sex as a coping mechanism and I don't want him to think that everything is just peachy between us. We still have issues to sort out with Flynn tomorrow. One I know that will probably send him flying off the handle. But that is tomorrow and this is right now.

We climb into the bed and I snuggle into him. He wraps an arm around me and it brings me comfort. As I start to drift off, I realize that this is Christian's house and this is his bedroom. He asked me if he could stay in his own bedroom. And true to his word, he didn't try anything.

The next morning, I wake up in the bed alone. Today is the day we talk things out with Dr. Flynn. I can't help but wonder how much it cost to have him fly off to Aspen at a moments notice or come running any time, day or night, when Christian needs him. Probably a small fortune.

I find everyone in the kitchen laughing at Mia's stories from last night. Mrs. Martin is serving up breakfast buffet style. Christian turns and sees me and his face lights up. "Good morning, how did you sleep?" He asks cautiously.

"Probably better than I should have." I answer.

Gail is watching our exchange. I turn to her, "Can I speak with you privately for a minute?" I ask softly.

Gail places her coffee mug next to Taylor's. "Watch this for me." She instructs and gets up to follow me into the next room.

Face to face, I am suddenly nervous and tongue-tied. "Umm, I wanted to say. I mean I need to say." I start.

Gail gives me a small look of encouragement. "Yes dear?"

I manage to spit it out. Nowhere near as eloquent as I hoped, "I was a real bitch to you yesterday and you didn't deserve my anger. I am sorry for treating you that way."

Gail takes a deep breath before speaking. "Ana, I forgive you however you must know that I will not tolerate that kind of behavior from you in the future. You were angry and upset and I understand that but neither my husband or I will be your verbal whipping board."

I am so stunned by Gail's reprimand that I take a small step backwards. I am so used to Gail's "yes dear, whatever you want dear" attitude that her firm no-nonsense side comes as a shock. "Yes, ma'am" is all I manage to say in response.

Satisfied that she has made her point, she smugly goes back to rejoin the others.

You really made a mess of this yourself. I tell myself as I take a minute to compose myself before showing my face to the others.

When I get back, Christian has gone through the trouble to fix me a plate and a weak cup of tea. Mia is going on about her plans for today not noticing that nobody is really listening. I think Mia just likes to hear herself talk. When we finish eating, Dr. Flynn asks us if we are ready to start our session.

Well, we might as well get this over with. I stand and follow him as Christian follows me. I am filled with a sense of dread but that is because I know this is going to be hard for the both of us.

Dr. Flynn takes a seat in front of the loveseat that Christian and I sat on. "Okay you two. The past couple days have been intense. My plan is to try to get you to be able to work out your feelings of the events as they have played out, together this time." He says this with a huge smile and a jolly attitude. "Christian, let's start with your panic attack, shall we. Why don't you explain to Ana what the trigger was so she can gain some understanding."

Christian nods but I put my hand up stopping him. "Excuse me Dr. Flynn. I was understanding about his panic attack." I interject.

"I think that if you listen to what Christian has to say, you might be enlightened a little bit more. Could you please bear with me." Dr. Flynn requests.

I nod and sit back to listen to Christian's retelling of my disastrous phone call with my mother.

"When I heard her say that Elena called, it was all I could do to not lose control right then and there. Elena manipulated my parents for most of my life so to hear she had gotten to your mother was all my fears coming true. Elena had a pretty strong hold on me for many years, always threatening me with how others were going to react when they found out about my kinky sex life so to hear your mother use the same words that Elena promised they would call me brought all those fears right to the surface again. It is silly, I know. But it is your mother and I want her to like me. Or at the very least, accept me as a part of your life. Not to mention, what was she doing resurfacing again. I thought I had nailed her coffin shut already. Yes, we still have a trial to get through but the state's evidence is so good it should be an open and shut case. I lost control and then it kind of spiraled out of control until I couldn't breathe." Christian tells me with his head down, obviously ashamed of his lack of control.

I close my eyes and try to put myself in his shoes but I just can't truly imagine what it was like to be stuck in her claws for so long, like he was.

Dr. Flynn talks softly. "Ana, could you please tell Christian what it was like seeing him in the middle of a panic attack. What lead to Taylor sedating him."

I nod and start speaking. "You had fallen to your knees and you were hyperventilating. I ended the call with my mother and turned off your recorder. I didn't think you would want anyone to hear your panic attack." I tell him and he gives me a sad little smile. "I sat in front of you, begging you to breathe. I tried to get you to breathe with me. Taylor came running in and then left and came back with a syringe. He was talking to someone on the phone and then he apologized and stuck you with it. I demanded to know what it was, what the side effects were. Taylor assured me that you were aware of it and he had followed protocol."

"I was aware and he did follow protocol." Christian assured me.

I continue, "I sat with you, watched you like a hawk. It wasn't long before Dr. Flynn and your parents came. Taylor had demanded to know what the trigger was and he alerted your parents and Dr. Flynn. Your father asked me to come with him to his office and he unlocked your phone a we listened to the recording. Speaking of which, can I get your passcode?" I ask.

Christian looks at me funny. "For my phone?"

I nod. "I promise I won't invade your privacy. It is just for times like this. If your dad hadn't been around no one would have been able to hear what happened until you woke up."

Christian chuckles, "Right now, it is your birthday. I will let you know when it changes."

I laugh. I should have guessed that. "Your dad wanted to put my mother on the restraining order that is out against Elena so he called her. My mother had lost her mind. She thinks that they are best friends, anyhow, more disturbing, my mother describes how to break into Escala and pretty much plans to rescue me. She has never been in the building but according to your dad and Taylor she was dead on. Your dad tries to convince her, like I did that Elena is a pedophile but she is hearing none of it but insist she was speaking to someone much younger than Elena. Taylor tells me that Elena couldn't have called because she is under sedation so It all turned into a big mess, really quickly. Next thing I know, I am being told that we can't stay at Escala because it isn't safe. I agreed that we should go by your parents. You didn't take the news very well. You kept talking about wanting to have sex with me in front of your mother which led to a very uncomfortable talk and a tour of the room where the playroom was. That is about that. Everything was happening so fast and you were so loopy."

Christian is slightly red as I remind him about his behavior in front of his mother. Dr. Flynn nods. "Yes, that is about how that evening went as I remember it also. I left when you were leaving to go by your parents. Did anything happen there?" Flynn asks.

I shrug. "Grace asked me to sleep in a different room because we aren't married yet. I wanted to be respectful to her so I agreed but Christian wasn't happy about it at all. He even told his mother he would like it if she spanked him." I give Dr. Flynn a quick summary as Christian groans beside me.

Dr. Flynn chuckles, "I would have loved to see Grace's face at that moment. Okay, so you slept apart. Let's talk about the next morning. That is the point of discourse from my understanding. So Christian, could you describe waking up and the events of that morning for Ana."

"I woke up in my childhood bedroom confused. I forgot that we went to sleep there and I was feeling groggy. I couldn't find my phone and I knew that I had to get to work. I didn't know where you were. I was just discombobulated. I ran into Taylor and he brought me to my dad's study and they told me that someone was trying to kidnap you at best, kill you at worst. That they suspected that someone was impersonating Elena and using your own mother to get to you. All I could think about was that I couldn't protect you. I was too weak of a man to be good enough for you. All of this vital information coming in and I was just chilling out on the couch high as a kite. How was that what you deserved. I promised your father I would protect you and I couldn't even do that. I ended up on the floor like a baby with a stupid panic attack!" Christian explains, getting himself worked up all over again. "When you came in to say good morning, all I could think about was how it was because of me that you were in danger. That I had to get you as far away from me as I could so I didn't hurt you anymore."

Tears spring to me eyes as I listen to him. I thought he was just mad that the world continued to spin without him. I didn't realize that he was scared just being around me would get me killed. "It really hurt me when you pushed me away like that. You were so cold."

"I was trying to say good-bye. I thought it was in your best interest to stay far away from me. I would rather have you alive and happy away from than cold and buried near me any day of the week."

I raise my eyebrows. "So I am either alive or I'm dead?" I demand.

Christians tilts his head to the side and regards me with a look of amusement. "Well yes, Ana, life usually works that way. If you aren't alive, then you are dead." Even Dr. Flynn chuckles at my blunder.

I throw my hands up in the air. "What I meant is there were only two options for you? That the only way I could stay alive is to be away from you? Because let me tell you something, I don't want to live a life without you in it." I say emphatically.

"At the time, yes. That is how I saw it. Dr. Flynn made me realize that it didn't have to be that way so we jumped on the plane and here we are."

I really lose the last of the fight left in me. Christian is flawed. That is true, but so am I. "The way you acted made me feel worthless to you. If you would have explained how you were feeling I could have been understanding, even if I didn't like it. We don't even know for certain if this danger Is real or imagined but you face death threats all of the time. Should I just up and leave because I am scared?" I ask him.

He shakes his head, "No. I am just used to living with the threat over my head. I do everything in my power to mitigate it and move on with my life. "

"Do you think you could do the same with me? We mitigate the issue the best we can and move on with our lives, together?" I ask him

"Yes. That is what we should have done to start with."

"I agree." I take a huge breath. "But this little exercise has pointed a few things out to me that I would like to change." I prepare myself for the fight that is about to happen.

Christian looks at me warily, sensing my mood shift.

"I realized a couple things. One, I really don't like being handled. I would like more control over decision making when we are apart. I felt like I was some thing and not someone. And two, I would like to borrow $50,000 until I can pay you back."

Even Dr. Flynn adjusts himself closer to us out of curiosity.

"What do you need $50,000 for Anastasia?" Christian asks sharply.

The fact that he called me Anastasia is not lost on me. "I am too dependent on you. If I do need to leave, I don't have the means to go anywhere and that leaves me vulnerable and I don't like it. I would like $50,000 in an account with only my name on it so that I have an escape hatch should I need it. Like I said, I will give you your money back once I am employed again and can save up on my own."

Christian looks confused, "But I provide everything that you would ever need. Do you think that I wouldn't give you any money?"

I shrug. "When we are angry, we do stupid things. I don't know and I don't want to have to find out."

Christian narrows his eyes at me, "I thought you didn't want me for my money."

I gasp. "That is a low blow Christian Grey and you know it. Until recently I was completely self sufficient and doing just fine. I don't want you for your money. That is why I plan on getting a job and working and giving you that money right back." I argue.

Dr. Flynn intervenes. "Anastasia, why do you feel you need a sum of money in your name?"

I shrink a little on my side of the loveseat. "Because yesterday I had no idea when or even if I was ever going to see Christian again. All I knew for sure was that I was being handled by his staff and that it could go on indefinitely. I told Taylor I would tolerate it for five days but if it lasted longer than that, then I was going to leave. Then I realized I didn't have enough money to leave and completely restart my life. I would have to find a job and an apartment and a car and start from scratch all over again."

Dr. Flynn nods his head, "that sounds like a reasonable concern."

Christian looks at me in a panic, "How would I know you just aren't going to up and leave one day?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I guess you are just going to have to trust me."

"But that is really hard." Christian admits out loud.

I look at him in his beautiful grey eyes. "Exactly."

His eyes widen a little as the full weight of what I am trying to say sinks in. He doesn't say anything else for a while and I know he is analyzing the risks of my request. I knew it would go down like a hole in the head but if he says no, then I am going to delay the wedding. We shouldn't get married if we don't have enough trust with each other.

"I agree to give you $50,000 in your own account but I have a few terms." Christian finally says.

"Name them."

"One, you can't leave me without at least trying to reconcile. Two, you can't just slip out one day while I am at work. Three, you can't use the money if you are leaving me for someone else."

I smile, "I agree to terms one and three. I would like to add an addendum to number two please and change the wording on the original agreement."

Christian raises an eyebrow urging me to go on. "I would like to change give to loan and add unless I am being abused or mistreated."

He gasps, "You think I would abuse or mistreat you?"

"Under normal circumstances, no. Not at all. However in light of the other day, I want all my bases covered. But no, I don't think you would abuse me. I learned from the best negotiator I know though so blame yourself." I explain.

He ponders it for a second before agreeing. "Deal. I don't like it but if it makes you feel better."

I breath a sigh of relief, "It does."

We continue with Dr. Flynn until lunch time. By the end of the session I am feeling much better and I think that Christian is too. He asked about dress shopping and how the planning session went with his mother. I remind him that we were supposed to be meeting with the caterer today so he calls his mother and asks her to do it in our place. I know Grace has great tastes so I have no worries about her picking out the menu. My only request was to make sure there was a seafood, beef, chicken, and vegetarian option. Most people can find something they will eat from that. Grace promised to email me later with what she has chosen.

We even felt solid enough to send Dr. Flynn home after lunch. Well by we, I mean Christian. We spend most of the afternoon relaxing near each other. We weren't interacting much but that was okay. It was nice to have him close by.

Just before dinner he asks me to come sit next to me to look at his computer with him. He had spent the better part of the afternoon house hunting long distance. He showed me two very different style houses, both on the sound.

"Do you like either of these?" he asks as he queues the video tour of a sleek, ultra modern home.

"They are both very nice homes. Very. Very large." I tell him a little intimidated by their size.

He runs over the specs. "Both are over 10,000 square feet. Both have large lots and boat slips. This one is newer. Built four years ago by a CEO who has since passed away. His children are selling it. The other one has been on the market for a few months. Built in the 80's so would require a significant amount of renovation before moving in."

"Why are you looking at buying a house?" I ask him, perplexed.

"We are buying a home." He accentuates the we and kisses my temple. "We are buying a home because we are getting married and one day we will want to start a family. The penthouse is fine for a couple but not so kid friendly. I also think it would be safer since evidently Escala's security flaws seem to be common knowledge these days."

I point to the older house. "I really love this one. It is so charming." I tell him.

He laughs. "Of course you do."


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: So, I had this chapter mostly written and was just going through, reworking a few parts that I thought I could do better on when my computer crashed and I lost it all. As in, the files do not exist on my computer that I can find. So I quickly wrote this up and in a lot of ways I am happier for the way it turned out but there is a part that took a mind of it's own.**

Chapter 39

The past couple of days have been pretty chaotic around here. I have barely seen Christian. He has been in meeting after meeting with security as they proceed with plans to update and fortify the security around Escala. From my understanding, metal shades are being installed in front of the windows and all the glass doors are being replaced with solid ones. They have also started building two safe rooms, one upstairs and one downstairs.

Christian also bought a house. I would say site unseen but he sent his brother to look at the two prospects and they decided that the older, charming one that I liked would actually be easier to modernize and bring up to energy efficiency than the modern one. Christian made an offer that afternoon and it was accepted only hours later. Elliot already has a meeting with an architect scheduled so tomorrow they are flying here to Aspen to go over preliminary plans. I am looking forward to it.

But while Christian is busy making sure everyone is safe, I am bored out of my mind. I am kind of disappointed I have been left out of a lot of the security discussions and I am feeling quite alone. We haven't even made love, though we have been sharing a bed.

I turn the page in the book I am currently reading. Or I should say, trying to read. I think I have been staring at this same page for the last hour. I am reading the words but I am so distracted that none of it is making sense so I have to reread the same page again trying to absorb it. It is just a little fun mystery book, nothing too heavy so I shouldn't be having this problem.

After I reread the page for yet another time, I slam the book closed in frustration and stretch my legs from the balled up position I had been sitting in. My mouth is watering from the delicious smells coming from the kitchen. Mrs. Martin is in charge of a bake sale fundraiser her church is having and Gail is helping her. All I know is that I smell chocolate and I would do just about anything to get a bite of one of the brownies I saw sitting on the counter earlier.

Gail is standing over a tray of cupcakes with a piping bag in her hand turning cupcakes into little works of art. I didn't realize how talented she is when it comes to the baking department. "What do you think about take out for dinner tonight, Ana?" she asks when she sees me enter the kitchen.

I shrug my shoulders. There is a deep, gnawing sensation in my stomach that just won't go away. It has been bothering me for a couple days now. Aside from a brownie or something chocolate, I am really not interested in food. "Did you ask Christian?"

Mrs. Martin laughs, good naturedly. "I told you we wouldn't be able to get away with it. I am not asking him. I only get the opportunity to cook for any of the Grey's a few weeks a year as it is." She tells Gail going to the refrigerator and pulling out some steaks.

I notice Gail roll her eyes before turning back on her professionalism. It really doesn't sit right with me for some reason. I inwardly laugh because I suddenly can relate to Christian's aversion to the eye roll. It is rude. I purse my lips and sigh. I can only hope that when we get back to Escala, the Gail I know and love returns but for right now, I plan on biting my tongue.

I reach for a brownie but Gail pulls the plate away. "They are for Mrs. Martin's church. You need to ask her first."

I glare at Gail and Gail glares at me. When I see this behavior in men, I call it a pissing contest and I guess that is what Gail and I are doing right now. Taylor walks into the kitchen holding a box, catching Gail's attention so she looks away first and smiles at her husband. He walks up to her and kisses her cheek, stealing a brownie at the same time.

"Jason Taylor, you better put that brownie right back. Those are not for us, they are for Mrs. Martin's church!" Gail fusses. At least I am not the only one in Gail's line of fire.

Mrs. Martin turns around from the salad she was preparing. "Oh, they both can have a brownie. I am sure there are more than enough." She assures her and Gail pushes the plate back my way and fixes two glasses of milk, one for me and one for her husband with a smile on her face. I don't understand all this wishy washy stuff and it is making my head spin.

Before Taylor leaves, he hands me the box. "This just came for you. We determined it is safe to open." He assures me.

I bring the box over to the large table in the breakfast nook and open it. When I see what is inside, I light up with excitement. "The wedding invitations." I tell both Mrs. Martin and Gail who were both watching me. I pull one out and show them. When Mia gets back from her impromptu shopping trip, we can get to work addressing them. I can't wait and I finally feel like I have a task.

I want to show Christian and get his final approval. I have already reviewed it so I know all the information is correct but I don't want to send them out without knowing he likes them too. I practically skip my way to his office with an invitation in my hand.

I knock once before opening the door. Christian is sitting at his desk, looking at a computer screen. The office in Escala and the office in Aspen are identical with the exception of the views from the windows. When I entered this room for the first time, I almost did a double take but I have to admit, Christian likes what he likes and he must find it comforting to have offices that all look alike. Heaven knows he spends enough time in them.

"How can I help you Ana?" Christian asks, barely looking up.

I take a seat in the chair across from his desk and I hand him the invitation. "These came today. I was hoping to address them this evening and get them into the mail tomorrow." I tell him excitedly.

Christian takes the card from me and I watch his eyes move across the parchment before he lays it down in front of him. Sighing, he looks up sadly. "I'm really not sure we should be getting married, Anastasia." He says slowly before clenching his jaw, anticipating my response.

But I don't say anything. It is like time suddenly stopped. I feel numb all over. I just wait for him to explain instead.

"It's just… It isn't that I don't love you. I do. I love you very much. But when I get married, I am in it for the long haul and you, you aren't. How can I get married to you when you are already making plans to leave me?" He tells me passionately.

"Why do you believe that I am not in it for the long haul? Do you think I am going to leave at the first sign of trouble?" I demand, finally finding my voice.

Christian runs his hands through his hair, "You want $50,000 in an account in your name only and the whole purpose of it is so that you can leave me. The is your escape plan and do you know what mine is?"

I shrug. I have nothing to say. He is absolutely right. When I hear it said from his perspective it makes my blood run cold. No wonder why he has been avoiding me the last few days.

"I don't have one Anastasia. My plan was to do everything in my power to work at our marriage. I was willing to throw every resource I have to make it work. Just so you know, I activated your account this morning. You will find the information when you check your email. I am glad that you showed your true colors before our wedding day because I was insisting on not having a prenuptial agreement despite my father's advice."

I slump down in my chair. How could I be so stupid? Of course he would see it from a money standpoint. It wasn't my intention, but it makes sense that it came out that way. I hang my head in shame as I fight a losing battle with the tears I have holding back.

Christian, obviously frustrated by my lack of response, grits his teeth. "Are you going to say anything, Miss Steele?"

Hearing him call me Miss Steele gives me the strength I need to argue my point. Looking up at him, blue eyes to gray, "I didn't consider what it would look like from your perspective when I made that demand on you. I don't want to leave you. Not now, not ever. I completely understand why you think that it is an escape plan and that I will leave when the going gets tough since you put it like that. But it wasn't my intention."

Christian sits back and places on leg over the other. "I am listening Anastasia. What was your intention. I am only giving you a chance to explain this once because up until now, this hasn't been in your character."

I take a deep breath. I know that I am only very thin ice. "When Taylor told me that I wasn't to contact you and that you wouldn't be coming to Aspen, I felt very disposable. Very vulnerable. I have worked since I was a sophomore in high school and right now I have no job. No way to support myself if you were decide to just send me away. I had no idea when I would ever hear from you again and it was terrifying because I love you so damn much. I don't even know what I did wrong to make you send me away like that." I tell him, allowing myself to feel all the emotions I felt deep inside but had kept hidden. I glance at him to see if he is paying attention and he is looking at me confused.

"Why couldn't you contact me? I am always available for you, you know that. Andrea knows to interrupt meetings if you call, needing me."

"I don't know. Taylor told me that contacting you would be bad for your recovery and that I should journal and take pictures and notes and things to show you later, when you decided to see me again." I tell him sadly.

Christian is still confused. He picks up his phone and dials a number, watching me as he waits for the call to connect.

"Come to my office." Is all he says so I know he has just called Taylor.

It didn't take Taylor a full minute before he knocks on the door and enters, taking the seat beside me. "Sir?"

Christian looks Taylor and up and down, observing him. "Can you explain why Anastasia was told that she couldn't contact me while I was still in Seattle?"

Taylor shifts, uncomfortable by his boss's intense stare. "Yes, sir. Dr. Flynn and I discussed the different scenarios that might play out when you recovered from the mild sedative. He instructed me that if you came out in anger, as you did, then chances were you would revert back to your previous behaviors. We decided that in that case, Dr. Flynn would be there to provide intensive counseling and therapy. Dr. Flynn thought that if Anastasia contacted you during a vulnerable time, you might reject her or otherwise cause harm to your relationship. We were trying to prevent that. It was in good faith that we offered that advice, Sir."

Christian now shifts in his seat as he takes in all the new information. "Thank you, Taylor." As soon as Christian dismisses him, he immediately stands up and leaves, shutting the door behind him.

For the first time, there is a little light back in Christian's eyes and I feel a small glimmer of hope. "I didn't know that you were told you couldn't contact me. You must have felt so alone." He finally says after watching me a little while.

Just that little bit of validation causes a tsunami of emotion. The full weight of the fear and loneliness that I tried to ignore during the time suddenly washed upon and I allow myself to fully feel it for the first time. Through my flood of tears, I nod. "Uh huh." I confirm.

Christian stands and comes around his desk holding his hand out to me. I reach for his hand and he helps me to my feet before pulling me into a tight embrace. "Oh, Ana." He whispers, kissing my forehead.

I count to ten, trying to calm myself down. I try to concentrate on taking deep breaths, but I was so upset I keep shuddering. I don't want to be this blubbering girl.

Christian is the first to sit down in the seat I had been sitting in before pulling me down onto his lap and he lays his head onto my chest. "What do we do? I have hurt you and you have hurt me." He asks me softly.

"Talk it out?" I suggest, unsure of what the right answer is.

"I have a question. Where did you get the $50,000 figure from?" Christian asks, genuinely curious.

I make a silly face at him. "Well, I figured I would probably need about half that to secure reliable transportation. Then I would need to find a place to live because I couldn't live at Escala. And then I would need to eat until I found a job. Plus new clothes since most of mine, you bought. I figured that I would send back what I didn't need and then send you regular payments until I paid you back." I tell confess, shrugging.

"What is wrong with your apartment at Escala? I thought we got that so that you felt like you had a place of your own."

Has he forgotten that he paid for that apartment? "Um, again, that was your money. I guess I figured that if I was that easy to toss me to the side, then I wouldn't need to find alternate housing."

He cringes when I say toss me to the side. "You underestimate how much love I have for you. I could never just toss you to the side. I promise." He tells me while rubbing my left ring finger where our engagement ring sits.

"But I don't want the money anymore. I don't want you to feel like there is some master plot for me to leave you. I know I haven't exactly had the best example for a good strong marriage in my mother, but I have watched others and I want to be like them." I plead with him to understand.

When Christian laughs, I pull back from him, a little hurt because I just poured out my heart to him and his reaction was to laugh. "You haven't seen your banking information yet. Why don't you get on my computer and log in."

It only took a few clicks and before I am able to get into my account. As soon as I see the balance, my jaw hits the floor. There are too many zeros. I look at Christian and then look back at the screen and recount the zeros. This man just gave me an account with five million dollars. Five million dollars that I don't want. "Christian! That is way too much money to have in a single account. I do not want that much money! Take it back!" I yell.

He leans forward, "Anastasia, I am a multi-billionaire. Do you understand what marrying me means?"

I sigh. "It means that you are taking a huge risk. But really, I don't want your money. I want my own money, but not your money. I know I have given you cause to doubt me, but it doesn't make it any less true."

"I think the risk is worth it. But what I meant is as soon as you sign on that dotted line, what is mine will become also yours making you a billionaire. $50,000 is a drop in the bucket so to speak. Financially, you are secure. I want to take care of you. I want to show you the world. If you want to work, you can work. If you want to stay home, you can stay home. Do you know how many homes we have?"

I shake my head because I really don't know. "Four?" I guess, thinking about the two in Washington, the one in New York City and this one.

"Try six. There is one in Atlanta and one in London." He answers. "We will go visit each of them so you can see them."

My head is spinning. I have always been able to find happiness with the little things in life. I don't know how to react to this so I say the one thing I can think of. "So, we probably should discuss a prenup if we are going to get married."

 **A/N: For those of you that are hating Gail right now... She will get her attitude adjusted soon.**


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: Sadly, the updates will have to slow down. I have started my new job and this chapter took five days to write. If it seems a little disjointed, that is why. I wish I didn't need to sleep but sadly, I do. On with the story.**

Chapter 40

Christian sits back in his chair and clasps his hands together, his lips formed into a tight line. He studies me for a minute. I shift in my chair nervously, biting my lip. When he said he was glad he saw my true colors, it hurt. All I really want is to feel secure in our relationship, not his money. If having a prenuptial agreement in place gives him peace of mind that I won't be able to take off with everything he has, then I am for it. I watch his internal battle play out on his handsome face.

"I don't know. On one hand, it makes good business sense. On the other, I have always thought of a prenumpt as a roadmap to divorce." Christian weighs the idea out loud. "I am going to fuck up. So are you. If we have already negotiated the terms to our divorce, it will just make it easier for us to decide our relationship isn't worth fighting for. But then, you confounded me. I never thought you were about money, but then you ask for money to be put aside so that you can leave me. Isn't that the same thing?"

I take a deep breath. His logic isn't wrong. But neither is my desire to not be left out in the cold. Okay, maybe that is a bit of hyperbole, I was dropped into a lovely home in a beautiful area but the loneliness was so overpowering, I could have been left on the streets for all I cared. "Could we go to premarital counseling with someone other than Dr. Flynn?" I suggest.

Christian is taken aback. "What is wrong with Flynn?"

"He is too close to the situation. And he is Team Christian. We need someone who is neutral and has both of our best interest at heart. Dr. Flynn is loyal to you, he knows you inside and out but he is not above hurting me to protect you at all costs. I would prefer to see someone else for this. You should still see Dr. Flynn, but I don't think he is the right person to do couples counseling." I admit timidly.

Christian sighs, "Okay, I will get some recommendations and we can go to counseling together. That is probably not a bad idea. I propose we table the prenumpt talk until we have a few sessions under our belt."

I yawn. This conversation has made me exhausted. "Okay. If you want me to schedule it, just let me know. In the meantime, I am going to go find Mia and get these invitations addressed since you are working."

I stand up to leave but Christian stops me by pulling me into a deep kiss. "I love you, baby. I hope you know that."

I smile and look at him shyly through my eyelashes. "I love you too."

Christian thrusts his hips and I feel his manhood poking against me as he pulls me closer to him. I thrust back against him, trying to get some friction in the place I need it most. He dominates my mouth, his tongue slowing thrusting against mine in time to his movements. He licks my lips, causing me to emit a small moan.

"You like that?" He asks huskily as he gazes at me with hooded eyes giving away the fact that he is as aroused as I am.

I groan, "Uh huh," as he nips at my neck.

I reach around and take a handful of his fine behind and squeeze as he does the same with my breasts. I push my chest out to give him better access and he lightly bites on my nipple through my bra and shirt. The only sounds are our soft grunts and groans. He picks me up slightly and places me gently on the edge of his desk.

"Here or the bedroom?" He rasps while kneading my thighs.

I look him in the eyes and all I can see is his love for me. I smile to myself, I haven't seen him look at me like this in days. We are going to be okay. "Bedroom," I direct. I don't want anyone to come barging into the office and it is too close to where everyone else it. The last thing I want to do right now is the walk of shame from his office to his bedroom.

Christian backs away and offers me his hand. I take it and he leads me through the house to his bedroom. He closes the door and locks it, unbuttoning his shirt when he turns around. I rid myself of my clothing and stand in front of him completely naked. He gazes over my body appreciatively as he stalks his way closer.

"Do you want me to make love to you Anastasia? Or do you want me to fuck you? Dominate you?" He asks seductively. "Tell me what you need."

"Both, I need both." I admit, blushing. I slowly sink to my knees and place the palms of my hands on my thighs and look down at the patterned area rug underneath me.

He chuckles softly. "Anastasia, I will be right back."

I see his feet pass me and hear him rummaging in the closet. "I don't have much here, but I will make due. Anastasia, stand up." He directs and I immediately get up on my feet but keep my eyes on the same detail in the carpet. "You have seen enough." Christian reaches around and covers my eyes with a piece of fabric, effectively blindfolding me.

From behind he takes my breasts into his hands. "Remember, if it gets to be too much, just ask me to stop." He whispers into my ear as he pinches my nipples in between his fingers. I arch back into him and let out a deep moan. It feels so good to be touched in this way. I imagine what Christian looks likes as he plays with my hard nipples. "You may moan through your pleasure but you may not talk unless it is to tell me to stop or I ask you a question." He instructs in his hard dom voice which makes me smile.

I gasp as I feel a hard pinch on my nipple and something cold against my skin. I gasp again as he does the same thing with the other one. I stand up straight as he walks around to my front, trailing his hand around my middle as he changes position.

The next thing I feel is his fingers gliding over my clit. I thrust towards it but he immediately pulls his hand away. "Still." He orders before doing it again, occasionally pinching it. Once I am engorged he clips another metallic object onto my clit and I let out a scream as I feel the sweet bite of pain. I am right at the pain/pleasure sweet spot and goosebumps pop up all over my body. My head rolls back as I am overcome with pleasure.

Christian guides me over his knee. "I think my sweet Anastasia needs a good spanking." He pants and I know he is as turned on as I am. I clench my thighs together but it causes pain to shoot through my body so I immedediately stop. The first slap on my ass comes hard and I shoot my chest up into the air as my moan fills the air. Christian spanks me three more times in quick succession. I hear Christian start to pant. Of all the kinky thigs we do together, spankings are by far our favorite way to play. Wetness seeps out from between my legs alerting Christian to my delight. He lands several more blows onto my backside before suddenly stopping the onslaught. He runs his hand through my wet folds, groaning his approval before returning his attention back to my red, sore ass. He softly runs his fingers over my warm skin before grabbing my cheeks and massaging them. One more hard slap comes down, surprising me and causing me to gasp. I am quivering in nothing else but pure need.

Christian helps guide me back to stand in front of him. He flicks the clamp he had attached to my sweet spot before bringing his lips to my stomach. He slowly feather kisses his way down my body, from my belly button to my garden completely avoiding my genital clamp. I place my hands on his shoulders for support. My entire body quakes in utter delight at his ministrations. "My baby likes this, doesn't she?" Christian coos before placing his mouth directly on my center. My loud moans fill the room, answering his question without words. I can't see anything behind this blindfold but I imagine him eating me out. I imagine him looking up at me with pure love and adoration in his eyes.

When he stops, he helps me lay down on his bed. He places a pillow under my head before I feel him adjust positions around me. He taps his hard cock on my lips and I immediately open my mouth. I feel his knees on either side of my head as he feeds me just the head of his dick. I lick, suck, and lightly nip at him, earning loud groans of appreciation. Slowly he feeds me a little more before I feel his arms reach around my legs and his body on top of mine. The clamps on my nipples pull a little bit and press into my tits causing a little discomfort but I ignore it and concentrate on pleasuring my man as he circles his tongue around my clamped button. I suck him harder when sudden he releases the clamp and takes my clit in his mouth and sucks out an overpowering release. I scream in both pleasure and agony, his body stopping mine from rising off of the bed. His hard cock forgotten in the midst of my mind blowing orgasm. As I start to come down, he lightly blows on my strained button before kissing it softly and moving off from on top of me to give my clamped breast attention.

"You look so beautiful clamped up Anastasia." He whispers his appreciation hoarsely. He grabs them and squeezes them roughly. I arch my back and thrust my chest towards him. "Should I fuck you with them on or off?" he asks me but I am not sure if he wants me to answer so I say nothing.

Christian flicks my nipples lightly and chuckles softly as he watching me squirm under him, lost in the sensations I am feeling. I can feel his hard shaft against my thigh and it makes my anticipation reach fever pitch. I want to become one with him. As if he is reading my mind, he slowly adjusts himself to enter me. He rubs his hard cock against my entrance before thrusting himself inside in one swift motion, calling out my name loudly. He is relentless. There is no other way to describe it other than a hard fuck and I am loving it. I can't see him but I can picture his chasing his release causing mine to rise to the surface quickly. I moan loudly through it as he unclamps my first nipple and then my second, blowing on them and prolonging my orgasm. As I start to come back down, I am absolutely spent. I lazily keep my legs spread for him but they are no longer gripping him tightly.

I feel his hands on my face and I can finally see him as he finally removes my blindfold. I smile when I see him looking at me with pure love and lust. He wraps his body around mine and his thrusts become slower and more deliberate. He gazes down at me and I realize that he is now making love to me. He fucked me like I wanted and now he is taking his sweet time loving me and it makes me so happy. My body is sore and tired. I am having a hard time moving to meet his thrusts but he doesn't seem to mind.

"Baby, look at me." He demands when I close my eyes. I force my tired eyes open. "That's it baby. Watch me make love to you. Feel me deep inside of you." He coos as he slowly picks up the pace. "I am so hard for you. You do that to me. Only you baby."

He stops talking as his breaths become quicker, more shallow. I watch him as he allows himself to briefly lose all control. I feel his cock start to jerk and hear him let out a loud wail as he finally allows himself to spill his seed deep inside of me, before collapsing on top of me, spent.

It takes up both time to recover. I wrap my arms around him and close my eyes. I don't know when he got off of me but when I open my eyes again, the sun is going down and Christian is beside me with his arm across my stomach and his leg wrapped around mine. I kiss his forehead and try to untangle myself from his limbs.

I imagine it won't be too much longer before dinner so I go into the en suite and run a bath. I pour some eucalyptus bubble bath to work out the soreness from my body. The smell it emits instantly relaxes me and I sigh. For the first time in days, I finally feel we are going to be alright. This experience has taught me quite a few valuable lessons. I hope Christian learned some as well. I am so glad that he agreed to seek counseling away from Dr. Flynn. I do need to broach the subject of Gail, Taylor, and Dr. Flynn with Christian though. It hasn't escaped me that when the going gets tough, Christian is the one they quickly align with. He is their employer, but one day I will be his wife. As I pour some body wash on my wash cloth, Christian groggily comes into the bathroom.

"Ana, I am sorry. I really need to go." He tells me apologetically as he approaches the toilet and begins to relief himself. He is in my line of sight and I feel like a voyeur. We have always kept that kind of business behind closed doors before. Flushing the toilet, he turns around and looks at me shyly. "It was either that or an accident." He confesses before stepping into the tub with me. I don't know why, but watching him pee has made me feel strangely closer to him. Like I just witnessed something that no one else gets to see. I know I am being weird.

Christian positions himself behind and takes my wash cloth and scrubs my back for me. "That feels so good." I moan softly.

"I'm glad. But how are you feeling? Are you very sore?" he asks me, concerned.

I take a deep breath before admitting the truth. "I am sore but I loved every minute of it."

We take turns washing each other before he leans down and kisses me deeply. Our lips mash together as we deeply portray our love for each other in ways that words have failed us. "If we keep this up, we will never make it down to dinner."

My lady parts are too sore for another round so soon so I reluctantly get out of the tub. I reach for the two fluffy, oversized white towels that are on the towel warmer, handing one to Christian. We continue to give each other little kisses as we dress silently. I can't help it, I just need to touch to him.

"You don't think anyone heard us, do you?" I ask nervously as we leave the room in search of a hot meal.

"So what if they did? I love my hot future wife and I plan on worshipping her hot little body every single chance I get."

I roll my eyes at his defiant attitude which earns me a little love pat on my behind, causing me to squeal. "Sore, remember?"

Christian shrugs quiltily.

"There you two lovebirds are!" Mia exclaims as we enter the great room and I immediately blush. I glance at Christian and she that he has the biggest smile on his face and I groan. If there was any doubt as to what we were doing, it has been erased by the Cheshire Cat.

I sit next to Mia on the couch. "Are you ready to address the wedding invitations after dinner? I can do calligraphy. I got a set for Christmas one year when I was a kid and it became my hobby." I confess.

Christian takes a seat on the brown leather chair opposite us. "I don't know shit about calligraphy but I can stuff the envelopes." He volunteers and just that little act of offering to help has me doing the imaginary happy dance.

Mia claps her hands together. "I can't wait. Mrs. Martin just said that dinner will be ready in a couple of minutes. Just waiting on the garlic bread to come out of the oven. We can get to work as soon as we finish eating." She says excitedly.

After a delicious dinner of spaghetti and meatballs, Christian, Mia, and I retire to the great room and Taylor brings the boxes with the invitations. Mia pulls up the address list on her computer. "Judging from your invite list, we have about a hundred to do. I could use the calligraphy program and we could send the envelopes through the printer so your hand doesn't fall off." She offers.

I think about it seriously. It doesn't sound like a bad idea at all but there are a couple that I want to take the time to address myself because it just feels more special that way. I pull out the calligraphy set from the desk as I address Mia. "Let's use the printer for most of them. I would like to address the ones to the immediate family myself though but that would be great for the rest of them."

Christian nods his agreement as he looks over all of the different inserts that accompany a single wedding invitation. "So the choices for dinner are filet mignon, lamb shanks, duck, salmon, or portobello mushroom? Who is going to pick the mushroom?" He asks, seriously perplexed.

Mia laughs at her brothers reaction, "It is the vegetarian option but it is so good. Don't knock it unless you've tried it."

Christian shrugs but seems satisfied with her answer and I get to work addressing Ray's invitation. I love doing calligraphy, it relaxes me. I hear the hum of the printer and Mia already has the machine spitting out addressed envelopes. I listen to her explain how to stuff the envelopes and in what order. I am cracking up at how she is talking to him like he is five years old but he is hanging on her every word. After he finishes the first one he hands it over to Mia for her approval.

"Very good. Just like that." she assures him and he looks very proud of himself. I giggle earning myself a dirty look from the pair of them.

We are finished in no time. It always amazes me that when you work as a team, things that seem so tedious are finished with ease. I look down at the box ready to go to the post office and smile. Just the sight makes it feel just a little more real.

When I yawn, Christian is at my side. "Good night Mia, my girl is tired. We have a busy day tomorrow. Elliot and Gia Matteo are coming over to discuss the changes we are going to make to our home." He tells her before grabbing my hand and leading me back to the bedroom.

Mia jumps up and down. Her excitement at seeing her brother tomorrow is contagious. She probably also wants to see the plans herself. I am learning that Mia loves to plan things. It can be anything, parties, nights out, menus, and now home designing. If Mia is as smart as I think she is, she will find the way to make planning her full time career in the future.

I am so thankful when Christian just climbs into bed beside me and wraps an arm around me. There is no way I could possibly be up for another round of bedroom gymnastics tonight. I know he is just as tired as I am.

I must have slept like a rock. I don't even remember falling asleep but I woke up in the same position and the clock is reading 8:00 am so I must have. The shame of it is that I don't even feel that well rested. I could easily roll over and fall right back to sleep but I don't. Instead, I fuss at myself to get up and going. Christian, as usual, is already awake and on the move.

After brushing my teeth and my hair and getting dressed for the day, I go in search of breakfast. I am actually starving. I can hear them before I see them. The kitchen is a gathering spot this morning. The sounds of laughter make me smile but I am a little annoyed that Christian let me sleep instead of coming to get me.

I spy him leaning against the stone countertop casually drinking his coffee, looking sexy as always. When he spots me, he turns around and fixes my tea for me. Elliot and Kate are sitting at the breakfast bar telling everyone about the flight in this morning, evidently is was a comedy of errors and they nearly didn't make it today. I give Kate a huge hug and a knowing smile. I had no idea she was coming with Elliot but I am so grateful she did. Things between them must be moving along and that makes me very happy.

A pretty, petite woman is sitting at the kitchen table looking like she sucked a lemon. I am going to go out on a limb and assume that she is the infamous Gia Matteo. Before we fell asleep last night, Christian gave me a little bit of the history between Elliot and Gia. Knowing what I know, I am surprised that Elliot even brought Kate. I wonder if Kate is aware herself. Judging from her body language, I suspect she does know that Gia used to fuck her boyfriend. She is exuding that confident I have him and you don't aura.

Mrs. Martin put out breakfast buffet style since we have quite a crowd and I load up on the hashbrowns.

Christian raises an eyebrow at me and I shrug. "What? They are my favorite!" I defend my plate of mostly potatoes.

He smiles and shakes his head, "Remind me to never get between my girl and her beloved hashbrowns." He playfully taps my behind and kisses me on the cheek.

Gail narrows her eyes in my direction, uh oh. Here she goes again. I don't know what has crawled up her craw but today is not the day. "I didn't know you like hashbrowns, Ana. You've never asked for them before." She notes.

"I didn't know that was an option but honestly, even though I love them, I try not to eat them too often." I admit then find myself holding my breath, waiting for her reaction. I am pleasantly surprised when she doesn't say anything more about it.

As soon as breakfast is over and the table is cleared off, Gia pulls out her plans for the house. I stand on one side of her and Christian stands on the other so we can get a better look. The one we are looking at right now is just the general lay out. She explains the changes she is suggesting and how she thinks it will allow for a more natural flow around the house. I like what I am seeing but Christian is closely inspecting it. Every now and again he asks a question. Gia is both professional and patient and takes her time explaining the materials she is suggesting and why she thinks this plan is the best option. Once Christian was satisfied that he would have a view of the sound, she reveals the design of the individual rooms.

Gia starts with the master bedroom but she turns and addresses me. "Miss Steele, at the moment I have all of the fabric in white but that is because I haven't yet had a chance to talk to with you and get to know your preferences. Once we are finished, I brought swatch samples and color pallets and we can adjust those details more to your liking."

I clap my hands together. "I can't wait." I am so excited. I absolutely love this house and I am so glad that it was the one that made the most sense to buy. I am sure I could have grown to love the other one too, but this one just has a feeling about it. My only regret is that we weren't able to go normal house shopping like I always pictured. You know, walking through the different rooms and picturing how you would use them in the future.

Christian winks at me while Gia drones on about the different marble and stone features of the master bathroom. It is going to have a claw foot tub and a separate shower. I can get behind that. So far I have no complaints. I am impressed.

When Gia reveals the design for the kitchen Gail perks up. She comes and stands next to me to get a better look. I really like how warm and cozy the design is compared to how institutional the kitchen is at Escala. Don't get me wrong, the kitchen at Escala is a dream but it is all clean lines, stainless steel, and white. This is done in wood and stone tiles and it feels like the heart of the home. I couldn't love it more if I tried.

"No. This isn't going to work." Gail interrupts Gia right as she was explaining the features of the center island.

Christian raises his eyebrows in warning and Gia looks surprised. "What don't you like?" Gia asks.

Gail lists out her laundry list of complaints. Everything from the where the garbage can is to the oven vent seems to bother her. When she first spoke up, I was inclined to listen to her grievances since most of her job duties are centered around being in the kitchen but her problems are less to do with functionality and more to do with style and I take issue with that. This is going to be my home, not hers. Well, kind of hers, but not really. "Gail, I love this kitchen. If there is a minor problem that will make your job harder, I am willing to listen and see if we can fix now in the concept stage but if you are just going to bash the design then you can go." I let my frustration fly.

Gail looks as if she just ate a bug. "The kitchen is my domain and I want it how I want it." She snaps back and places her hands on her hips.

I see Taylor and Christian trying to communicate using nothing but hand gestures and I look at a very flabbergasted Gia Matteo.

I take a deep breath before speaking in a soft voice. I am aware that we have an audience and the last thing I want is a scene. I really have no idea how much say a housekeeper normally gets in the design of the kitchen but my gut says not much if any. "Gail, this is going to be my home. My kitchen, my home. My choice."

 **A/N: Christian will get involved in the next chapter, don't worry. Sorry for any errors, they are all mine.**


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: I hate to give a spoiler but I feel that it is completely necessary in this case. Trigger warning for those sensitive about pregnancy loss and infertility. Having experienced multiple losses myself, I know that there were times where this chapter would have bothered me. I understand if you choose to skip it. I will have trigger warning before it gets to the subject but the warning will be in effect for the rest of the chapter. Also, I ended it a lot awkwardly. That is because I won't have a chance to write for the next several days so it was either get it out now or who knows when. I hate leaving you in a lurch so here goes...**

Chapter 41

"I don't understand why you wouldn't want me to happy where I work?" Gail says exasperated with me.

It isn't that I don't want Gail to be happy where she works, I don't appreciate the martyr card being played. Carla is, and always has been a first class martyr and I just don't have the patience for it. If Gail doesn't get her shit together and fast, her work days are numbered. I refuse to live in a toxic home. I simply cross my arms and challenge her to a staring contest.

Christian is not happy about the turn of events. I know he was as excited as I was about seeing the plans Gia drew up today. I hate that Gail's attitude has soured the morning. He speaks up, "Mrs. Taylor, you need to leave now." He points to the other side of the house.

Gail doesn't make any attempt to leave the room but she is beet red. Whether it is from anger or the embarrassment of her employer telling her off in a room full of people, I don't know. I look around and everyone from Elliot and Kate to Mrs. Martin looks stunned.

Christian is holding on to his temper by a thread. He tries again in a low, quivering voice. "This is your final chance or you will leave me no other choice but to terminate you. I don't know what is going on, but I will not accept you speaking to Ana in that tone or your willful defiance. As Ana said, this is our home and we will be the ones to make all of the decisions in regard to it's design. You need to leave and we will discuss your attitude later."

This time, Gail spins around in a huff and leaves. Everyone takes a breath of relief now that the stand off is over and we go back to looking at the design plans to the kitchen but Christian appears troubled and Taylor is noticeably upset. Seeing Taylor upset is a first for me and it truly makes me feel a little off kilter. I have seen him angry before and I have seen him worried. The look on his face is of pure devastation.

Mrs. Martin is happily working on lunch while Gia finishes her presentation. The only other comments that came from the peanut gallery was when they really liked something. For the most part, we loved everything and only asked for a few minor changes. Gia seems very pleased with herself and pulls out a book with different fabric textures, colors, and patterns.

"Ana, why don't we sit together and go through these so I can get a feel for what you would like?" Gia proposes and it is a good idea. I take the cup of tea Mrs. Martin was fixing and join her at the table.

Christian goes over to Taylor and they have a discussion quietly. I am surprised he didn't follow Gail to make sure she was alright earlier but maybe he was too mad at her himself. When Christian is finished, he comes to the table to join us.

Gia flashes a big smile at him. "You don't have to stay and go though this with us. I already know what you like and besides, you are just going to defer to Ana. I would hate to waste your time."

Christian nods, the expression on his face is neutral. "Okay." He agrees before turning to me. "Ana, when your done here come to my office so we can meet with Mrs. Taylor. It would be best if it is both of us together."

I take in Christian's expression and it is one of concern. I wonder if Taylor gave him some insight to her recent behavior. I hope there is a good reason for it because if there isn't, I may have to push Christian to fire her. At very least reassign her. And that hurts, a lot. I have always looked at Gail as a mother figure and right now she is acting like my own mother and I can't deal with it.

As Christian and Taylor leave together and Kate, Elliot, and Mia decide to go for a hike, Gia refocuses my attention. "So, lets start with the bedroom."

"I would really like the bedroom to be more masculine but with some feminine touches. I just can't picture Christian sleeping in a bed of flowers." I giggle and Gia follows.

"Okay, no floral bedding. Got it. But really, what are your favorite colors. Where are your favorite places?"

I think for a moment. I know that Christian loves the water. I do too but not nearly as much as he does. But an ocean inspired bedroom sounds lovely. Peaceful and relaxing, like a spa. "My favorite colors and blue and red and I love fishing and being in the mountains. I know that Christian loves the sea."

Gia nods as she makes notes of everything I point out to her. "So blues, like the water. What do you think of Christian's bedroom at his penthouse. I designed that for him so I am familiar with it. Would you like something like that?"

I shake my head. "While his bedroom at Escala is lovely, it is a little to clinical for my taste. Everything is very clean lined and screams man. I think I would prefer more dark woods and a few more details. I do love the picture that is over his bed, it reminds my of the ocean. And that mattress is a dream." I tell her as I visually transport myself back to our bedroom in Seattle.

"What about flooring? Are you thinking hard floors with maybe a rug or two or would you prefer carpet?" Gia asks while reaching into her bag of tricks and pulls out a catalogue of the different flooring options.

I shrug my shoulders. "I haven't given it much thought. I can make good arguments to go either way so if you know what Christian prefers, lets go with that." And the truth is, I will be happy either way. I flip though the catalogue and point out a couple of things that catch my eye.

Gia and I spend another hour chatting about drapes, wood types, and brick colors. I am relieved when she closes her notebook and smiles at me. "I think that we are done. I have a couple of design ideas that I am going to mock up once I get back to my office. You should get them by next week and you can decide on your favorite overall style. Beyond that, you can be as hands on or off as you are comfortable being. If you want to pick out the stone slabs, cabinets, faucets, and that kind of thing we can do that or you can just tell me to surprise you."

I laugh. "I'll probably be somewhere in the middle. I don't want to micromanage you but I also want to know that I am going to love it so I don't waste your time."

We shake hands and I head off in the direction of Christian's office while Gia said she was going to find a comfortable place for a little nap. She had to get up extra early this morning to make the flight and she is exhausted.

 _ **-Trigger Warning-**_

I hear voices coming from inside so when I reach the office door, I lightly knock.

"Come in." I hear the strong voice of the man I love.

I slowly open the door and I find it was Taylor who was talking to Christian and they both look troubled.

"What's the matter?" I asked concerned.

Taylor turns towards me and I notice that his eyes are red rimmed as if he has been crying. "Ana, Gail had no business talking to you like she did today. Nothing that I am about to tell you changes that fact."

Still standing by the door, I quickly close it and sit down next to Taylor and across from Christian. He is right, she was out of line so I don't say anything. I look towards Christian and we exchange nervous glances. "Do you already know what is going on?"

Christian shakes his head no. "Taylor requested that we wait for you so he only has to say it once. Gail is napping in the guest bedroom or she would be in here. I told him that I would accept him speaking on her behalf for now so we can at least get some answers."

We both turn to Taylor. "What is it?" I ask softly. Whatever it is, I can tell that it is big and it has Taylor rattled.

He takes a deep breath. "Gail had a miscarriage just the other day. The pregnancy was completely unexpected but that baby was also completely wanted. She was nearly three months along and it has really done a number on her. She is just so angry and she isn't acting like herself at all. I mean, she puts on a good show most of the time. But when she sees me or Ana, she just becomes this bitter woman who spits nothing but venom. I am at a loss as to what to do."

Taylor looks lost and confused. He is right, Gail is not herself right now. "When did she miscarry? I thought she told me that she couldn't have children." I commented

"We don't know when she miscarried, just that she found out during the time you were on your hike. She is scheduled for a D&C but that is still a couple days away. Not to put out all of her personal business out there, but she kind of brought this on herself. She has a condition that makes getting pregnant very unlikely. I can't speak for her, but I believe she had accepted that she would never have children until she faced the very real possibility of being a mother. This has completely devastated both of us in a way that I didn't expect. I think because we both know that was probably our one shot." Taylor holds his face in his hands as he pours out his heart.

My heart hurts for them. Christian is in shock. He has sat back in his chair and has remained frozen to the spot. "Why does she still have to wait a couple days for the procedure?" Surely that can't be helping matters.

Taylor shrugs. "Because she wants Dr. Greene to be the one to do it and we should be able to be back in Seattle by then. Progress at Escala has been steady and in the next 24-48 hours, it should be secure enough to go home."

"Go today. Elliot, Kate, Mia, and Gia are flying back this afternoon. Get on the plane with them and take care of your wife. I also want you both to start grief counseling as soon as possible. I'll ask Flynn to make some recommendations." Christian instructs, finally absorbing the news enough to join the conversation.

"But Sir, your safety." Taylor protests.

"If we fire your wife, we both know that you will be right behind her through the door. Our safety be damned. I think I can speak for the both of us when I say we need her to be well. Sullivan can take care of things here and like you said, we will be back in Seattle in the next couple of days. I don't want Gail back at work until she has fully recovered."

"I completely agree with Christian. This is a time when your family comes first."

Taylor looks back and forth at both of us. "But you are also our family. At least we think of you two as family."

Christian smiles sadly, "And that is why Gail wasn't fired this morning. Let's get her well, okay. The plane leaves in about three hours. Go get packed."

I hold my hand up to stop them for a second. "Taylor, can I please go see her?"

Taylor sighs, and then nods. "She is in the room upstairs, first door on the left. Please let her sleep if she is still napping." He pleads.

I stand and stretch. "I promise I won't wake her. I will knock softly and she doesn't answer, I will try again later."

I take the staircase and realize that I haven't actually seen much up here yet. I explored on the first day but this all looks new to me. I don't remember any of this area. When I reach the first door I knock on the wood lightly just like I promised.

"Come in." I hear Gail call so I open the door and peek my head in.

"Can I come in for a quick visit?" I ask, unsure of what her reaction is going to be. At least this time I am armed with a little more information.

Gail nods and looks a little embarrassed and ashamed. This is definitely an awkward moment, but necessary for both of us. I move across the room until I am sitting on the edge of her bed. There is so much I want to say but at the same time I don't know what to say.

Thankfully, Gail starts the conversation. "He told you?" There are none of her usual inflections in her voice, her words are flat. She looks haggard. A far cry from the put together Gail that I am used to. Her mascara has run down her face, her hair is out of place, and her clothes are disheveled.

"Yes, Taylor explained what has happened. There are no words to express just how sorry I am that this has happened." I confirm in a gentle voice. I can't imagine what she is going through at all and while there really is no excuse for her recent behavior towards me, I can't help but be empathetic towards her.

Gail looks down as she picks at an invisible piece of lint on her quilt. "I'm sorry Ana," she says so softly I am not quite sure I heard her. She looks me directly in the eye. "I know that I was out of line. I was looking for something, someone to blame and I chose you and I was wrong. Logically I know this isn't your fault but it was so easy to tell myself that had it not been for your mother, we wouldn't have had to fly here. I was convinced that if we had just stayed in Seattle that everything would be fine, that this baby would be fine." Gail confesses sadly.

I point to the bed, wordlessly asking for permission to sit beside her. Gail gives me a little nod so I settle in beside her and take her hand. "I just wish you both had chosen to confide in us rather than try to keep this all to yourselves. Christian asked Taylor to take you home this afternoon. He is going to be up here soon to pack up. When I left, the guys were arranging for Dr. Greene to see you this evening."

"But, your safety!" Gail protests loudly.

"None of that." I lightly chastise her, shaking my head. "Sullivan is around here somewhere. Taylor said that the security upgrades are close to finished so we might be home as early as tomorrow evening anyhow. Not that you are to be working."

"I need to work. Staying busy will help better than just sitting around with nothing to do but think." Gail insists, using her hands for emphasis.

I give her a small smile. "You are grieving Gail. We understand that and we support you but you are not to work until we have a note from the doctor stating that it is safe and appropriate." I sigh, knowing that I have to address her blaming me for my mother's actions. "I certainly hope that you know that I don't have any control of my mother. I would be lying if I didn't say that I am a little worried that you jumped to blame me over something that I had no control over."

Gail leans back onto her pillows and closes her eyes. "Like I said, logically I know none of this is your fault. Chances are that I would have lost our baby if I never left Seattle. I didn't even think I could get pregnant at all. And truth be told, I wasn't sure that I wanted to be a mother. But Jason was over the moon about it and convinced me that we could work something out with you and Mr. Grey regarding employment so I just started to finally get excited about it and then it was over. Just like that." She tells me, snapping her fingers. I can feel her start to get angry again.

"Let me know if there is anything that we can do to help. If you want to become parents, we can see what options there are for you to persue later, when you are ready. Right now I want you to focus on getting better. Both here," I tell her pointing at her stomach, "and here." I point at her head.

I notice that her eyes light up ever so slightly. I make a mental note to talk with Christian about getting information together so that we can present it to them if they ask us for it. I reach out and squeeze her hand once more before climbing back off the bed. I think Taylor is waiting so he doesn't interrupt us and I don't want to delay their flight.

"Thank you for coming to talk to me, Ana. Again, I am sorry for the way I acted towards you the past few days."

I nod and make my way out of the room. When I reach the door I turn around one last time. "Can I ask what is so bad about that kitchen?"

I watch as many expressions pass over her face. Horror, amusement, sorrow. She finally shakes her head and answers, "Nothing, that kitchen will be to die for. I really just couldn't stop the bitch up here from being a bitch." She admits, pointing to her head.

As I suspected, Taylor was just outside the door. I nod at him as I go back downstairs. I need to find Christian. I just want to be close to him right now.

 **A/N: So now we at least have a little more insight into what was going on with Gail. Honestly, when I started planning this little arc, I didn't plan for this particular scenario however when I did a timeline, this fit a lot better. And for what it is worth, Gail is 44 and Taylor is 47.**


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: Sorry to go MIA on you. I really am. I promised you that I will finish this story and I will. Just sometimes real life gets in the way and right now that is happening in a major way. I will update as often as I can. This chapter was brought to you by pneumonia. Luckily for you and unluckily for me. I am finally on the mend but still not able to do much so writing it is.**

Chapter 42

Christian and I wave good-bye from the front porch until we can no longer see the black Escalade. I take a deep breath, relieved that aside from Mrs. Martin and Sullivan, everyone has left and now it is just us. We spent the last few hours entertaining the full house. Even Gail came down and joined in the competitive game of Pictionary. It was fun but I have been looking forward to having my man to myself for a little while. Christian leans down and plants a soft kiss on my forehead.

"The night is still young, what would you like to do?" Christian asks playfully, wiggling his brows as we go back inside.

I make a show of pretending to think, placing my index finger on my chin. "Hmmmm. I'm thinking hot tub and a bottle of wine." Tonight is perfect for that sort of the thing, the weather is beautiful.

"I like the way you think Miss Steele." He says seductively. "You should wear one of your little bitty bikinis."

I tilt my head and study him. I usually dress conservatively because I am all too aware of his possessive and jealous streak. "What if Sullivan sees me?"

He shrugs and looks slightly guilty. He is probably aware of the reason I am asking. "He is just security Ana. If he looks, I'll just fire him." He teases.

"Don't you dare." I warn him. He might be teasing but I know there is a hint of seriousness in there. "You remember that you are the one who asked for me to wear a few inches of fabric on a string. His job is to look after us and that includes looking at us. I will wear a cover up," I acquiesce before this turns into an ugly situation. I shoot him my best smile and pull out the little aqua bikini.

I feel his eyes on me as I strip out of my clothes. I have my back turned to him as I adjust the straps to my bathing suit. I don't hear any movement on his part so I assume he is watching. I make a production of sliding on my bottoms and I hear his intake of breath before feeling his arms wrapping around me.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you. How much I need you." He croaks into my necks, punctuating with little nips just under my ear causing goosebumps to appear and my nipples to harden. I groan as he caresses me. "The things I want to do you."

"You are supposed to be putting on your swim trunks, Mr. Grey." I remind him, my voice husky with need.

He steps back and I am immediately miss his presence. I adjust the straps of my top and pull on my cover up before turning around and marveling at the sight of my gorgeous man stepping out of his trousers.

I have to admit that naked Christian is a sight I could look at all night. He takes my breath away still. I don't hold a candle to him when it comes to sexiness. He quickly slides into his trunks and grabs two towels. I follow him as we make a detour into the kitchen to pick up a bottle of wine and two wine glasses.

Mrs. Martin is still cleaning up from dinner and preparing the kitchen for breakfast tomorrow. She looks up from the countertop she was wiping down. "Good evening you two, I pulled a bottle from the cellar that I think you will like. It pairs well with this cheese board I made you. I hope you don't mind but here are some plastic wine glasses that are hot tub safe. I would hate for someone to break a glass and get injured."

I watch Christians reaction to hearing the wine glasses are plastic and it was just as I expected. He couldn't hide his repulsion but her appeal to safety seemed to mollify him. Even though she doesn't often have to serve him, she definitely has a good read on her employer and his soft spots.

"Thank you, Mrs. Martin." I tell her gratefully as I pick up the glasses while Christian handles the wine and the cheese, opting to take the whole bottle with us. I follow him out to the hot tub which is already turned on and warm. It looks so inviting.

Christian turns around and eyes me with desire, his tongue licks his lower lip. I look up at him through my eyelashes, my own desire reflecting in them. I hand him the wine glasses and he deftly pours us both a glass, swirling his around before taking a small sip and then handing me mine. "It's on the sweet side, like you."

"Oh, so I am sweet?" I tease him before the reality hits me like a ton of bricks. I have been anything but sweet the past couple days. Raging bitch would be more accurate. I close my eyes and absorb my own private pain. That is not who I want to be. I want to be better than that, I need to do better than that. I take a deep breath and make a silent promise to myself that I will be a better person.

Christian senses a shift in my mood and takes me into his strong arms. "You know I love you more than I thought I could love anybody. You are my sweet girl." He tries to reassure me. "Come, the hot tub will relax you and you can tell me what's on your mind. I am dying to know." He takes my hand and leads me to the edge.

I step into the bubbling warm water and once again he is right. We set our glasses on the rim and settle in together, side by side. I melt into his body as he places his arm around my shoulder. "I want to be the woman you deserve." I confess. "Right now, I am not so sure I am. With all my wild mood swings and emotional outburst, I've been such a bitch and I am not really happy with myself."

Christian plants a soft kiss on my forehead and lets out a small chuckle. "As if I have been the picture of emotional stability. Let's be real here." He squeezes me against his side as we both sit quietly, trying to relax and take it all in. After a few minutes he breaks the silence. "It's your fear."

I turn my body so that I am facing him. "Fear? I am not scared of you."

He reaches for his wine and takes a sip before continuing. "You are scared that I am going to leave you. You can't deny that."

He is right. My love for him knows no bounds and I am terrified that one day he is going to just up and leave when he realizes that he could do so much better than me. I nod my head in agreement. There is no use arguing what is true.

He takes a piece of my hair and twirls it around his index finger. "And I fear the day you come to your senses and walk out the door, never to return." He says sadly. "I am not sure I can live without you."

"Why would you think I would do that?" I ask, affronted. Does this man not realize how much I need him to breathe? How much I love him?

He shrugs, "You've done it before. You just walked out of my life and then nothing."

"Christian Grey! That was so not the same. And if it weren't for your kinky contract we could have kept in touch. I wanted to keep in touch." I shout and throw up my hands. "I love you so damn much it hurts and I am willing to go through thick and thin with you."

He closes his eyes as he absorbs my words and when he opens them again, they are filled with love. "And the same goes for me, Anastasia. I want you to trust my love for you and I will work hard on trusting your love for me."

He looks me in the eyes, almost as if he is looking for consent as he brings his lips to mine. Slowly our lips explore each other before deepening our connection. Reassuring each other of our love and our commitment. Our lips still entwined, he picks me up and moves me so that I am straddling his lap. I rock my body against his as he moves his ministrations down to my neck.

"Oh my goodness." I pant as he concentrates on a sensitive spot just under my ear. I feel the bulge in his swim trunks grow and reach down to grasp him. He lifts us up and pulls his trunks down so that I can rub his manhood unimpeded.

He buries his head in my neck. "Oh, Ana baby. That feels so damn good." He groans as he takes my nipples in between his finger tips and softly twists them.

We are truly making love. There is no rush. Tonight is purely about expressing our love, our passion, our devotion to one another. I raise up on my knees and place his engorged dick at my entrance before slowly sliding down on to him. He throws his head back and releases a guttural cry as I slowly milk his cock.

"Baby, your killing me so good." He tells me as he throws his head from side to side. His hands are on my hips but he is still letting me take my slow pace. I take my finger nails and very lightly scratch his chest, making sure to run over his nipples. I am rewarded by a loud groan so I do it again and again all whilst riding him.

My own climax is slowly building and now when he is full inside my I circle my hips so that I can run my button over his rough pubic patch, my own sounds of pleasure joining in with his. "I love you so damn much." I groan.

I don't think we have ever taken it this slow, this long. We are both slowly building together towards our releases. I lean down and kiss him deeply, firming up our deeper, almost spiritual connection.

"I'm so close Ana, so close." He cries out softly before taking control of my hips, slamming me down onto him harder, faster. I lean my head back and let out a long moan. "That's my girl. Let it out." He encourages me, his voice filled with need.

My release is just there but I can't quite get over the ledge. I feel the sensation of fullness when I feel a finger poking into my backside. "Oh Christian, yes!" I nearly scream out as I buck wildly before I practically see stars as my much awaited climax takes over my body.

"You are so fucking sexy when you come." He growls into my ear. "I can't get enough of you." He slams me down on to his lap, finally succumbing to his own minute of pleasure. I love watching him pour his seed into me. The way his lips form a perfect little 'o' and his eyes roll back. It is a side of him that only I get to see.

Exhausted, I collapse onto him, my head resting on his shoulder and his leaning onto mine. We take a few minutes to catch our breath and to enjoy being together, not wanting to pull apart.

When I am ready, I kiss him softly and climb off of him. I take a gulp of my wine and smile sheepishly. "I really missed this. Feeling this attune to you." I clarify.

Several emotions cross his face before he settles back into his carefree self of a few minutes ago. "Me too." He regards me carefully before adding, "I know I am fifty shades of fucked up but I promise to work on it and not to shut you out again. I need to put the past into the past and just look towards our future. Together."

I nod. He is right. What is done is done. It is time to march forward and if we can do that in a healthy way, we will be all the better for it.

We spend another hour in the hot tub before we've had enough. The cheeseboard that Mrs. Martin made for us was delicious and the wine flowed until the bottle was empty but when I started yawning Christian decided it was time to move our little party for two back inside to the bedroom.

Once we were dry and cuddled warmly in bed, Christian decided to check his phone. "Everyone made it back safely. Gail is scheduled for surgery first thing in the morning." He updates.

"That's good. I think she will start to feel better sooner once the baby is removed. I can't imagine how painful that has to be." I empathize. "I certainly hope she is able to get back to being herself."

Christian takes my hand. "Me too, I really would hate to have to let her go."

Wide eyed, I turned to Christian. "You wouldn't!"

"If she thinks that she can treat my wife just anyway, I certainly would. I just hope it doesn't come to that." He says, looking me in the eye protectively.

"I am not your wife yet." I tease him.

He growls, "I am working on rectifying that. You are my whole world. Without you, everything else is meaningless to me."

I lean over and kiss him. "You mean the world to me too."


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: I disappeared for a little bit. I would apologize but I really didn't have it in me to write. I tried and tried but writers block is real ya'll. I wrote a lot of boring crap. To be honest, I am not sure that this is much better but I am at least feeling a bit more inspired. Thank you for sticking with me. I will update at least one more time before 2019. After that, things might get a little spotty again but as I promised, I will finish this story.**

Chapter 43

It has been full wedding mode since we got back in town a few days ago. Dress fittings, mailing invitations, cake tasting, and a video call with Melissa to talk flowers were all done yesterday. Tonight, we have our first session of couples counseling. I am feeling mixed emotions about it. Christian got in contact with Dr. Simmons who is supposed to be one of the best in the city and she agreed to squeeze up in this evening after her regular office hours. I am sure Christian greased her palm a little to get her to agree to that. He has a saying that nothing is a problem until money can't fix it. I guess there is a little truth to that, especially when you have more money than you know what to do with. None the less, I am nervous. The Aspen debacle could have gone so much better and truthfully, I am ashamed with myself at the way I acted. It was a life lesson and I would like to think that we have both learned and grown up a little more from it. I'm sure it is going to be the topic of discussion tonight and I don't really want to rehash it.

The door to the master en suite swings open to reveal my very handsome chiseled man wearing nothing but a fluffy white towel around his waist. He looks breathtaking, but he is completely oblivious to it. He smiles my way as he enters his closet to select his power suit of the day.

"What's on your agenda today?" He asks casually, coming out carrying a tan suit and light blue button-down shirt.

"Your mother is coming by around lunchtime. She is bringing a representative from the event rental place she uses. Kate should be here after breakfast. We are going to start working on table assignments." I tell him matter of fact. With all the wedding planning happening, I am just as busy as I was when I was working but when all this blows over, I do wonder how I am going to spend my days.

Christian makes a face at me and laughs, "Sounds like a blast. I plan to be home around five, so we can eat before we meet Dr. Simmons."

I grimace at the reminder. "Speaking of which, what would you like for dinner?" Gail arrived home from the hospital last night, but she still won't be returning to work for another six weeks or so. Christian wanted to hire someone, but I told him that I wanted to take care of the house. We compromised without fighting, which is progress. I am going to do the cooking and most of the day to day cleaning but twice a week, a housekeeping service will come in to take care of the dusting and the nooks and crannies.

"Whatever you feel like cooking, I'm not feeling picky. Besides, Gail never asks me what I want for dinner. I come home, and a plate of food is put in front of me." He tells me matter-of-fact.

"Actually, that isn't completely true. Gail always sent you a menu for approval, so you had some idea and veto power." I point out.

Christian just shrugs at me. "If you want to get dressed, I am going to meet Elliot over at the house to see how that is going before heading into the office. We can stop at a café for breakfast and see our new place together for the first time." He suggests.

"Really!" I shout, shooting out of bed. "We can go see the house?"

Christian nods his affirmative with a silly grin on his face and I happy dance my way to the closet to throw some clothes on. I've seen lots of pictures of the house and gone over the plans with Gia, but I have been anxious to visit. "I didn't want to tell you until I knew you weren't busy." He calls to me.

I throw on my clothes, a pair of blue slacks and blue and white flowered top. I slip into a pair of brown flats and rush back into the wall that is Christian. He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. "Let's go see our new home."

We find both Sullivan and Taylor waiting by the elevator for us, dutifully. We offered Taylor more time off, but he said that he preferred to work. Gail's sister is staying with them to help take care of her and I think their little apartment was getting crowded. He seems to appreciate getting a reprieve for a few hours each day.

"How is Gail doing this morning?" I enquire on our way down to the garage. I haven't been in to visit her yet, but I do know that she made her dress fitting yesterday morning before making her appointment with her psychologist.

"She seems to be getting better as each day passes. More and more like herself. I imagine she will be clamoring to get back into the main house in the next week or so." He answers in his usual stoic manner.

The drive to the house on the Sound takes about a forty-five minutes. I watch out the window as Christian takes work related calls and marvel at how beautiful the area is. We turn off the road onto a winding driveway and stop at the gate. As the house comes into view, I do a double take at its actual size. The pictures didn't do it justice.

Christian ends his call and takes my hand, kissing it. "Welcome home, baby."

As soon as the car stops, neither one of us wait for Taylor to open the door. We both hop out right away. There is a lot of activity going on. All the windows are being refitted with energy saving ones and there are several teams of people working on those. The trim on the outside of the house is being primed and the pressure washed, at least the parts where there aren't windows.

Elliot comes out of the side door to meet us and I realize that this is the first time in a while that I have seen him without Kate. He looks in his element in his work clothes and hard hat. "Good morning you two. As you can see, we are taking advantage of this nice weather to take care of exterior work. Most of the windows should be completed before we leave today. There are six that are on special order that should be in by late next week and we will install them as Mother Nature allows. Most of the interior work is on track to be finished in the next month."

"Any idea when we will be able to move in?" Christian asks seriously but I, too, am dying to hear the answer.

Elliot shakes his head. "I know you want a specific date, brother dear, but I can't give that to you just yet. It won't be too long but there are a couple of projects that will either be in and out or a bear to tackle and we won't know until we get to them. That said, your kitchen is nearly completed, you want to see it?"

I jump up and down and clap my hands. "Of course, I want to see it." I can't remember the last time I was this excited to see a kitchen but this one will be my very own.

Christian holds his hand out, "Show us the way, Elliot."

We stop at the garage where Elliot hands us both a hard hat. "You need to wear these. Don't want anything falling on those pretty heads of yours."

Donning hard hats, we follow Elliot inside and I immediately understand why hard hats were necessary. There is scaffolding everywhere. The ceilings in the foyer and living area were originally twenty feet tall but we opted to lower them to ten feet for energy efficiency. It also allowed us to create extra space on the second floor.

When we get to the kitchen, I have to laugh at Elliot's idea of nearly completed. Aside from one lone wooden cabinet, the room is pretty much empty and there are wires coming out of the walls all over the place. The floors are covered in plastic and papers, but he proudly pulls up a corner to show me the intricate stone work that had been done. My breath hitches a little. The stone work looks fantastic and will compliment the wood tones of the cabinets. When Elliot finishes all the line items that had been completed in the kitchen it made sense why he said it was almost finished. After all the work that had been done what is a few coats of paint and cabinets to install?

I take a look around on my own while Christian and Elliot continue to talk shop. This house is amazing and even though there is a lot left to do, it does feel comfortably like a home. It doesn't take me long to fall in love with the place. I look out the window onto the sound and it is peaceful. This house gives me a feeling of peace while Escala, though beautiful in a different way brings me the feeling of anxiety. This tidbit of self-reflection is jarring. Why does the penthouse make me anxious? How is it that I haven't realized that before?

"Ready?" Christian's voice booms. "I'm famished. Let's go get some breakfast."

After saying our goodbyes to Elliot we hop back into the car and head to a little café not far from the house.

"I liked it a lot." I admit, happily imagining a future built around that house.

Christian looks relieved. "I am so happy you like it. You should have had more input in the buying process. I truly am sorry that I just took over." He looks at me a little sheepishly.

"Just don't do it again. Team, you and me. Remember that from here on out and we will be good. Is that why you let me to do all the interiors with Gia?" I ask as an afterthought.

Christian looks a little guilty. "After I told my mom that I bought a house, she gave me quite a tongue lashing. I really didn't consider how important a home is to a wife. For me, it just had to tick the right boxes. Garage, office, security. I want you to be happy there and you've seen my decorating abilities"

I sigh a little. "For me, the home is a feeling of comfort. That house is somewhere I could envision the future. Our future. But I am worried that you won't like what I have chosen. It is going to look very different from Escala." I warn.

"I am very different from the time I picked out the design of the penthouse. I am sure I will like what you have chosen. You have exquisite taste, future Mrs. Grey." He tries his best to reassure me but there is still a part of me that worries a little. This house won't be stark white with clean lines.

Breakfast was delicious. The café was charming and we dined without being bothered by anyone which was really nice. I had eggs benedict while Christian had his usual egg white omelet. We didn't linger though as we both have a busy day ahead.

Pulling up at Grey house, I lean over and give Christian a kiss on his lips. "Have a nice day, dear."

"Thank you, sweetheart. Happy planning." He says before we laugh together. Taylor walks into the building with Christian and Sullivan takes over the driver's seat.

He takes a few seconds to adjust all the mirrors. "Okay Miss Ana. We should reach our destination in approximately ten minutes. It is my understanding that Miss Kate arrived two minutes ago and is helping herself to some coffee in your kitchen as I speak."

I giggle. "Thank you, Sullivan. Did you like the house?" For some reason, I can't get the house out of my mind. It is all I want to talk about. All I want to think about. It is consuming all my thoughts.

"It isn't for me to like, it is for you to like." He answers me diplomatically which frustrates me.

"I like it but the question was for you."

He laughs good naturedly. "Yes, I did like it. I think it will be easier to work with from a security perspective in a lot of ways."

As promised, we arrive at the penthouse ten minutes later. Kate was sitting at the breakfast bar nursing her coffee. "Hey bride to be. I've got the invite list and am ready to get to sorting." She greets me. "Elliot told me you visited the big house."

"We did." I confirm. It really is a pretty awesome house. I can't wait until it's finished." I gush, happy to talk about it to anyone who will listen. "Do you want to bring this to the dining room. We can spread out better there. Just let me get something to drink first."

Kate stands up and grabs her bag and cup of coffee and moves to the dining room. When I get there with my cup of tea she is organized and ready. "Let's do this Steele."

I am grateful to have Kate because she grew up in the same circles at the Greys so she knows a lot of people on the invite list that I have never met. We managed to keep the guest list to just over a hundred which is an accomplishment. The Greys have a lot of friends. Thankfully, Grace was understanding in my desire for a more intimate occasion and didn't try to pressure us to invite anyone. "Where do we start?"

"With the difficult ones first." Kate puts the pen in her mouth as she reviews the list. "Joy Snyder and Michelle Vega had a falling out after Joy accused Michelle of sleeping with her husband, Jared. It turned out that Jared had enlisted Michelle to help plan a surprise anniversary trip but their friendship soured after that. It is best that they be seated at tables far apart." She dishes.

Kate and I spent the rest of the morning sorting out the drama that is Bellvue and Seattle high society. By the time Grace arrives we were enjoying some girl time.

"Hi Grace." We get up and greet her. She introduces the rental company representative and we spend the afternoon deciding on all the options. Thanks to sorting the guest list earlier we knew exactly how many tables we would need and now I have an exact number to give Melissa for the flower arrangements. I never knew there were so many choices in silverware patterns or portable bathrooms. Grace seems satisfied that everything is moving along as it should.

I get up and stretch. It hurts to sit in the same position for so long. As I escort everyone to the elevator I glance at my watch and see that it is already approaching five. Christian will be here soon expecting dinner so I need to get to it.

"Good bye, Ana." Grace says, grabbing my face and kissing my cheek. "Tell my son to give me a call when he gets a chance. I have the information he was asking me about." She adds cryptically.

If I wasn't in such a rush to start cooking, I would have asked her what kind of information she was talking about. Kate punches me in the arm. "Later Steele."

"Have a great night, everyone." I call as the elevator doors shut.

Looking in the fridge, I realize I can make chicken alfredo pretty quickly so I pull out the whipping cream and an onion and get to chopping. By the time Christian comes home, I am nearly finished boiling the pasta and the sauce is finished.

Christian wraps his arms around me and buries his head in my neck. "I love coming home to you."

"I love you." I answer back softly, rolling my neck as I go weak in the knees. I close my eyes, the moment. I love when he is sweet like this.

Kissing the back of my head, he lets me go once he is sure I am steady on my feet. "Dinner smells delicious. Will it be ready soon?"

I check the pasta and it is ready. "As soon as I drain this we can eat. Would you please get the drinks?"

I ask and laugh at his reaction. While he is known to pour drinks, I am not sure he has ever had to as long as he has had Gail.

I dish out the meal and he carries the water to the dining room table, still a little messy with all the remnants of my day of wedding planning. As soon as I put our plates down, I move to sort it into a neat pile.

"Leave it, it's fine. Let's eat and you can tell me about it." He suggests.

"They didn't leave until after 4:00 so I didn't get a chance to come sort this out but it went fine. We got a lot done."

I spend the rest of dinner chatting about my day. When we finish, I bring the plates to rinse in the sink and Christian opens the dishwasher. Together we load the dishwasher. Seeing Christian being domestic and pitching in makes me happy. I am pretty sure that outside of Grace and Carrick's home, no one else has seen this side of him.

Christian checks his watch. "Are you ready to go? We have an appointment to get to." He reminds me.

Oh yeah, that.


End file.
